Atsushi
Atsushi awoke
He looked around to see the dark black fade into the a overwhelming blue and purple
Wouldn't it be funny if the rays shone yellow? To show hope in this orphanage?
Nakajima looked to the wall, seeing the light form a cross. He tried to press his hands together.
To pray.
To ask for forgiveness.
Chains held his arms apart. He has been separated from him and God.
To never reach forgiveness for his soul is unforgivable.
He would never attain heaven if he couldn't pray.
Why would God save a useless nobody?
Would Mother Mary care and tend to him? Or would she rush to the next child who deserved care.
Atsushi didn't need any care.
Here in the Damp and bleak orphanage Atsushi cried.
Be bled.
He drowned.
Atsushi isn't human, he had teeth meant to snap into people's lives and suck their life away just like a vampire.
His hair is all white as if he is a ghost, to never be noticed by others.
Shibusawa found him interesting
Provoked him
He never liked Shibusawa, it hurt to be around the older kid.
Shibusawa shoved
Yanked
Pulled
Hit
Whispered names into his ears saying that he is a carnivorous animal.
Atsushi hates it here.
He hated it back with his parents.
All is pain
Does anyone like him?
Why does he exist?
It hurts.
It hurts
It hurts
Why did his parents make him just to suffer.
Why can't he be like the other kids who pull at his hair and snip his hair apart. He asked for bangs, to be pretty.
Why is he tarnished?
Fyodor. Fyodor. Fyodor.
The only light on the cross. His savior.
He showed him God. God will save him.
Maybe. If he isn't so useless.
God saves people who worship yet here he is crying.
Wailing.
He wants someone to hold him.
Care for him.
It hurts.
Fyodor where are you?
“Don't cry, it only makes you weaker.”
STOP! STOP!
A figure appeared, and it's the headmaster. Yet the face is all blurred.
Morphing
Converting
Why is it changing faces
He couldn't help but cry.
The nail in his foot is back.
Sticking him, binding him. He bled.
Fyodor besides him on the wall bled from his gut
And Shibusawa from a distance held the knife.
Fyodor morphed and he held a knife
.
Did no one care about him?
Atsushi cried
Why had Fyodor left?
Fyodor was supposed to stay.
Why why why why why why why why
WHY
he wishes he could go to Fyodor he wishes
He wished
He wishes
Fyodor.
Fyodor. Fyodor. Fyodor.
Come back
Come back
‘Save me save me’
Like a mantra
Repetitive
Repetition
Please.
Come save him.
No one comes.
No one will ever come to save him.
Atsushi closed his eyes. His eyes are all crusty from crying and his eyelashes are moist with tears. He looks up to the wall where the cross shunned again.
His arms are apart and his foot is bleeding
He looks up to the cross.
God please forgive him.
If Atsushi was anyone else, he wouldn't forgive himself either.
The figures around him are whispering, telling him that he is worthless and useless.
They form into familiar figures, the kids of the orphanage.
They look at him
Stare
They do nothing.
Fyodor is there in the crowd too, doing nothing but reading.
Atsushi wants to join Fyodor and read.
He wants to read too.
Atsushi saw the strange man enter the orphanage
Atsushi saw him approach Fyodor and pull him to the side.
Fyodor came back to his spot looking more pale and trembling slightly. His hands pressed together on his cross mumbling
Praying
He stayed that way for the rest of the day
Week.
At the chapel.
Praying
Atsushi wishes that he could pray too like him.
Fyodor never finished the book.
Fyodor left a couple weeks later without a word.
That man is to blame.
He hates him
Hates
Hates
Hates
Hates him.
Atsushi wants the man to never exist. He took away what was his.
Was Fyodor ever his?
Was Fyodor ever his?
No.
Fyodor was part of the crowd watching.
Never doing anything.
He tells Atsushi to stop crying.
To stop wailing.
He prays with Atsushi
Helps Atsushi find the light.
He is the light in Atsushi's eyes. He needs Fyodor.
He needs him. Why did he leave?
Why did Fyodor leave him?
Fyodor's figure twisted up, his bones breaking in different angles. Blood sprouted from his mouth, joints, and eyes.
He convulsed on the floor. Blood seeping everywhere on the floor.
Purple-red eyes popping out of his socket.
He fingernails snapping off.
His neck bent at an unnatural angle with his mouth wide open as a river of crimson came.
Fyodor is dead.
Fyodor is dead.
He died.
The world is dark.
Atsushi looks at the wall. The cross is gone.
The light is gone.
It's only darkness that envelopes him.
Atsushi wants to cry. There is no light.
He can't see God anymore
He can't see Fyodor. Only his corpse remains.
The crown that he left on Fyodor turns to thorns.
It's all Atsushi's fault.
Atsushi is the man that killed Fyodor. His savior..
Atsushi is a sin.
He is sinful. His parents never loved him. Called him a sin.
His mother hit him.
His mother… …
Did a lot…
He doesn't want to remember.
It hurts to remember.
It hurts.
It hurts.
His dad left the picture. His dad didn't love him either. His dad also hit him.
His mum called his dad a witch. And called him one too.
Witches are bad
Evil
Like Atsushi.
Atsushi is the reason why Shibusawa left.
Atsushi is the reason why Fyodor left.
He's dead.
He's dead.
God. He can't see God.
There is no light.
He can't see the path ahead of him.
His stomach rumbles. He is hungry.
Does he even deserve to?
Atsushi wants food. But he doesn't want to touch things that aren't his.
Kids are starving elsewhere. Atsushi can't waste the food on him.
Headmaster.
Headmaster.
Please let him out.
He wants to touch the sun. He wants to be yellow. A day dandelion. A flower that shines yellow.
To be happy.
He wants to prove he isn't all Worthless.
That he isn't just a witch.
That he may be deserving of life.
But the light is gone.
The nail is still on his foot.
The world is clammy and bleak.
It hurts.
It hurts
It hurts.
Atsushi tries to cry
No tears came out.
He's dehydrated.
Atsushi doesn't want to deal with tomorrow.
Atsushi doesn't want to be hurt anymore.
The headmaster figure is covering him like a vulture ready to come in for the kill. Ready to hurt him. Prepared to drive another nail.
To drown him.
To hit him.
Electrocute him.
It's nothing.
It's nothing compared to what his parents did.
It's nothing.
Atsushi should be used to it.
But it hurts
It hurts
It hurts.
It
All
Hurts
So
Much.
Atsushi hates himself.
He wishes his parents never made him just to suffer.
Atsushi doesn't want to remember.
Atsushi wants to forget.
Pressure behind his eyes, Atsushi wants to cry again.
But his body is at its limit
Yet he cries anyway.
He wants his light back.
He wants his hope.