All we are (is skin and bones)

James’ heart broke a little more when he heard Regulus’ sobs through the door.

He softly knocked on the door, which made the younger Black brother’s sobs stop for a second, before he heard some shuffling and the door opened.

‘Evan, I told you to piss- oh.’

Regulus looked devastating like this. His hair was wild and frizzy, eyes red and puffy and silent sobs were making him shake every now and then. James thought he looked beautiful regardless of it all.

Who was he kidding by thinking that he’d ever get over Regulus?

‘Listen, James. Can you come back to put more on my plate in a few days? I have a lot going on right now,’ Regulus said, sighing deeply as if he had already given up on something James deemed important.

‘What? No, no Reg I’m not here to talk. I’m here because you’re feeling like shit and I want to take care of you,’ James explained, which made Regulus’ eyes narrow. It looked kind of funny, because his face was puffy and red and narrowed eyes didn’t quite suit it, but James thought it wise to not say that to Regulus.

‘I’m not some lost fucking puppy you can just take care of to make you feel better about yourself. And how did you even know? Did that fucking scumbag tell you?’ Regulus hissed, pushing past James to storm into the living room and, presumably, look for Evan, who was nowhere in sight.

‘He’s not here, Regulus. And I don’t think you’re a lost puppy. I care about you and I hate to see you hurting. So I’m here to bring some comfort. Cry out your heart if you want, talk to me if you want. Act as if I’m not here if you want. It doesn’t need to be weird. I promised you I’d alway be there for you if you needed me, and that didn’t change when you broke up with me,’ James said solemnly, which seemed to surprise Regulus.

He stared at James with an open mouth, and James had the feeling Regulus would be blushing if Regulus didn’t already have red cheeks from crying.

‘I-’ Regulus stopped himself, still staring at James in shock. Before James knew it, the boy had launched himself into James’ arms so hard that both of them stumbled a little before James’ back came in contact with the wall and he laughed softly. ‘Careful there, it’s almost an attempted murder,’ James muttered, which made Regulus bury his head in James’ chest.

‘Shut up,’ Regulus muttered into the fabric of James’ t-shirt.

James did as told, and he slowly moved one of his hands through Regulus’ hair to calm him. The other one was around Regulus’ back to keep him close. Regulus softly sobbed for maybe a minute or maybe an hour, before he decided he was done and he wanted to sit down, so he dragged James into the living room to sit on the couch and watch tv.

While Regulus was gone to grab snacks from the kitchen, James couldn’t help but think about the last time he was on this couch. With Evan. They were halfway to getting naked together when they got interrupted. What if they never got interrupted?

‘I didn’t know if you wanted chips or candy, so I grabbed both,’ Regulus muttered before looking at the screen of Evan’s Disney+. ‘He watched Tangled without me?’ Regulus asked, motioning with his head to the movie, which had only the end credits left, but was still in Evan’s watchlist.

‘He, uh… I guess he did,’ James said, trying to be simple, but painfully failing. ‘What? Don’t tell me-’ Regulus stopped for a second, glared at the screen. Then at James. ‘You watched it with him?’

And this must’ve been how someone who was claustrophobic felt constantly.

‘I uh, no. I didn’t. I just knew that he had watched it,’ James said, trying to steer Regulus away from the argument waiting to happen. ‘Let’s just watch something else, okay? What do you want to watch?’ James asked, while Regulus scrolled through Evan’s watchlist.

‘He’s been watching WandaVision again?’ Regulus asked, when he found the series in Evan’s watchlist. ‘There was a time where you could hear the stupid tunes everywhere, because he kept on watching it over and over. But then he suddenly stopped,’ Regulus explained. James blinked at him and smiled innocently.

‘Okay, so that may have been my doing. Or well me and your brother’s doing,’ James added hurriedly, scared of Regulus’ darkening eyes. ‘What?’

‘Okay, so we may have caught wind of Evan watching it and because we knew you hated jingles that repeated over and over again, we thought it would be funny to install little radios everywhere. And play it. Over and over again,’ James said, still an innocent smile on his face. ‘So you’re telling me that we’d been getting mad at Evan for watching the series when he maybe only watched it once or twice?’ Regulus asked.

James was getting worried for his own wellbeing, because Regulus was speaking in that calm, low voice Lily always used the moment before she exploded into Sirius and James’ faces.

‘Maybe,’ James said in a high pitched voice, his smile slowly fading. Regulus’ eyes narrowed, but then he raised an eyebrow. ‘You’re going to get hell for that when we’re back at school, Potter,’ Regulus said, before snapping his head back towards the television and picking out a movie, Beauty and the beast, which started playing.

The movie played on, and slowly but surely, Regulus had shuffled so close to James that their legs were touching. Regulus was looking at the screen with big eyes, mouth slightly parted in focus. His hands were playing with his rings, and James could feel himself slowly going insane. He really had something with hands. Regulus’ hands especially.

James felt himself reaching out to grab Regulus’ hand. He gently grabbed it and smiled at Regulus, who looked at him with confused, big eyes. ‘I like your rings. Did you get a new one?’ James asked, staring at it. ‘Yeah, Barty got it for me,’ Regulus said, smiling at his hand and turning back to the screen again.

Barty.

James got a bile taste in his mouth at the mention of the brown haired boy. It was so casual. Almost too casual.

Of course Crouch got Regulus a ring he wore every day.

Regulus replaced James’ ring with his new ring.

Was Regulus replacing James with Barty?

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Evan woke up by something heavy falling from his bed on the floor.

He frowned and looked at the spilled basket. It was a small, wooden basket with red envelopes in them and a few loose trinkets. A red scarf, a chain with a small locket and a key. Evan grabbed it from the floor and opened it. One picture of Evan and Barty and a piece of paper that read ‘I’ll wait for you’.

Evan frowned and grabbed the basket. He put everything back in it and only then noticed the one white envelope. He grabbed it and opened it.

I listened.

You said I don’t really know you, or care to know you, but I do.

I care about you and to prove that I do, I made you something. In every envelope, you’ll find my thought out opinion on every song on RED (Taylor’s version) and how that song makes me think of you. Because every song makes me think of you. I can’t really stop thinking about you.

I made the scarf myself, when I couldn’t sleep because I was up thinking about what I did wrong to lose you, and I listened to the album over and over again while I was knitting. The locket I did buy, but I put in that photo of us because it’s one of my favourites, and the small paper is a reference to one of the songs, if you know which one I mean.

I love you, Evan, and I’m going to prove it to you. No matter what it takes.

Bee.

Evan was shocked.

He didn’t know what to think or do at all. Should he open them all up now? Should he wait?

He felt like crying, screaming, laughing. He wanted to kiss him. He wanted to run through fucking entire France and kiss Barty senseless.

When did he make this?

How did he make this?

Evan grabbed the first envelope and read the name of the song on it.

Treacherous.

Of course.

I think that this song is one of the best on the album, to be honest. It’s really underrated though.

This song is straight up poetry about cheating, but being happy about it, and I think I know how this could apply to us, though the lyrics out of context are too relatable to not name.

‘Put your lips close to mine as long as they don’t touch. Out of focus, eyes to eye, till the gravity’s too much’

The song starts slow and simple, almost as a dare which slowly becomes more. It's a secret, it’s erratic. It’s you and me almost kissing even though you’re with James.

‘And I’ll do anything you say, if you say it with your hands. And I’d be smart to walk away, but you’re quicksand’

It’s getting more and more. It’s you, falling for me a little more every time we spoke in the beginning. It’s you, being better off not being friends with me, but choosing to be, because you’re already stuck and can’t let me go anymore.

‘This slope is treacherous, this path is reckless, this slope is treacherous, and I, I, I like it’

The chorus. The repeat. It’s us repeating things we know will end badly. It’s me, coming to France for no reason, other than me wanting to be closer to you. It’s me realising that I want you all to myself. It’s me kissing you because I don’t care if someone else gets hurt as long as I have you.

‘I can’t decide if it’s a choice, getting swept away. I hear the sound of my own voice, asking you to stay’

It’s never a choice, getting swept away. This is you, getting swept away by me without me realising. It’s you, asking me to stay because you’re scared that I’ll leave again. It’s you, always with the softening in your looks even though you’re angry at me, because you can’t really help going soft on me.

‘All we are is skin and bones, trained to get along. Forever going with the flow, but you’re friction’

My favourite lyrics of the song, these are. I love how it tells us that after all, we’re just human. It’s okay to make mistakes, it’s okay to find routine in your life, but there will be someone who throws your balance out. You have two choices after the balance loss. Going with the flow, or exploring the new road.

‘Two headlights shine through the sleepless night, and I will get you, and get you alone’

The bridge is arguably the best part of this song. It’s dramatic, it’s loud, it’s the arguments that follow when you’re trying to pull yourself out of this treachery. But it’s also two headlights shining together when you can’t sleep. It’s being together when you woke up from a nightmare and I listened to you until I got you and you fell back asleep. It’s you, always waiting until you have me alone to talk to me, but it’s also me not realising shit (bc I’m stupid, I know) and never giving you too much when we’re alone.

‘Your name has echoed through my mind, and I just think you should, think you should know’

It’s me, not being able to stop thinking about you after I realised I loved you. It’s my every waking hour and every thought being occupied by you, because you’re really the only thing I care about.

‘That nothing safe is worth the drive, and I would follow you, follow you home. I'll follow you, follow you home’

Nothing safe is ever worth the drive. You and James are safe, but it’s not really worth the loss of your friends, is it? Me and Regulus is safe, but it’s not worth coming to France because I miss him. It’s safe, but it’s not love. But I’d come to France for you, I did. I’d lose all of my friends for you if that meant I could have you. I’d follow you into a fire, I’d follow you into death and I’d follow you into heaven or hell.

I must admit, this is like my third song analysis, but this is most likely one of the most relatable ones. And one I cried while writing. Maybe. I love you Ev.

Forever yours,

Bee.

Yeah, okay, maybe Evan was crying. So what? No one has ever done something so kind for him. No one has ever taken so much time to make something for him.

The fact that every last bit of it was accurate, hurt. And Evan felt like Barty finally saw him. Everything about him. Not just the parts that Evan showed, but everything down to the fixed up nose and his deepest insecurities.

Evan cleaned everything up and looked at the basket one last time, before he fell back asleep to catch a few more hours of sleep.

He didn’t really know what to do now, so he did nothing.

How could he ever recover from something like this?

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Evan Really thought Barty was trying to do better this time.

Guess he was wrong.

Barty left somewhere in the night. No note, no bye, no nothing. His phone was gone, but when Evan called him, he went straight to voicemail. He looked around in frustration, but found no clues in Barty’s room as to where he was. Maybe he was just out to the shop, and would return soon?

Evan was worrying too much. He knocked on Regulus’ door, who opened it with a frown on his face. ‘Yes?’ Regulus asked, not entirely kind. ‘Have you seen Barty? He’s gone and I want to talk to him,’ Evan said, motioning towards Barty’s room and the lack of the boy inside of it. ‘He’s not back?! He went to the night shop to get new cigarettes because he couldn’t sleep. He woke me up with his loud as fuck footsteps, so I asked him to bring sweets along for me,’ Regulus said, hurrying away from the door and throwing his closet open.

‘You… What? What time was it when he went?’ Evan asked, his eyes growing wider every second. ‘Around three AM,’ Regulus said grimly, before walking into the bathroom and moving his hands through his curls.

Evan raised an eyebrow at him through the mirror.

‘What?’ Regulus snapped at him.

‘Just surprised you care about your hair when one of your best friends could be dying on the street for all we know,’ Evan said sarcastically, which made Regulus roll his eyes. ‘Let’s go then. Lead the way, mister messy.’

‘Don’t call me that.’

‘It’s just an observation of your current look.’

‘Oh piss off.’

They went to the cigarette shop first, but found no trace of Barty.

They were now on their way to the beach, in hopes of finding him there.

‘So…’

Evan frowned at Regulus. ‘So?’ Regulus heaved a deep sigh and shook his head. ‘What is wrong with you? What happened before we found out Barty was gone?’ Regulus asked him. ‘I uh… He gave me one of the most thoughtful and special presents someone could ever give. I thought it meant something, but if he left on his own accord…’ Evan trailed off, hands starting to shake.

‘He didn’t leave of his own choice, that’s for sure Evan.’ Regulus gave him a look and extended one of his hands. Evan frowned and looked at it. ‘I’m not waiting all day. Grab it or leave it, but do it now,’ Regulus hissed, raising an eyebrow.

Evan grabbed his hand and smiled at him.

‘Can’t believe I’m holding Regulus Black’s hand.’

‘Yeah yeah, fuck you.’

‘Is that your way of saying sorry? Because you’ve been saying it a lot lately, and you really ought to say sorry someday.’

Regulus shot him an icy glare. ‘Why would I say that again? I apologised for my behaviour.’ He turned his eyes back in front of him, to look anywhere else than Evan. ‘No, you didn’t. We just breezed right over it and got back into our usual routine, but I want to be different. I want to be myself, and to me it’s important that you say sorry. And mean it,’ Evan said, which made Regulus groan and sigh deeply.

He stopped walking and turned to face Evan.

For a moment Evan thought he was going to do it.

For a moment Regulus must’ve thought so too.

‘I… I’m…’ He closed his eyes and groaned in irritation. ‘I can’t fucking do it on commando! Give me some time,’ Regulus hissed at Evan, before letting go of his hand and walking away from Evan.

‘I never said you had to do it now. Why are you walking away? Regulus? Hey, wait up!’

Evan bolted after him, onto the sand. He kicked out his shoes and bolted further on his socks. No time to take those off too.

The stupid thing was that Regulus wasn’t even running. He just was so fast that Evan couldn’t keep up.

‘Regulus!’ Regulus stopped and turned around. He raised an eyebrow that Evan could see, even though there was still quite a distance between them.

‘You gotta stop running away, dude. I’m not in shape for this much running,’ he huffed, heaving deep breaths. ‘Sounds like a you problem,’ Regulus retaliated. Evan gave him a look before sighing and shaking his head. ‘You don’t have to say it now. Just someday, I want to hear it from you. While you mean it,’ Evan said. ‘Understood?’

Regulus rolled his eyes. ‘I’m not a-’‘Understood?’

Regulus nodded once, and then the two fell in silence for a while.

One day, Evan would get the smallest ever sorry from Regulus and Evan would throw a party to celebrate it.

One day.