Chapter 5
Evan’s life went on.
That sounds like nothing changed, but in fact everything changed for Evan.
James’ favourite things to do were sending him silly pictures of him doing stupid things, calling Evan every day in the afternoon (when Evan woke up) to tell him good morning and stalking Evan to find him whenever he left his house.
Evan loved it.
He liked hearing James’ voice the moment he woke up, most times actually being woken up by James calling. He liked seeing what James was doing and he loved it when James suddenly showed up behind him, hugging him and asking him 'guess who?' as if Evan didn’t recognise his voice everywhere he went.
Evan felt guilty a lot though.
He knew what he was doing was wrong against Regulus. He knew Regulus still liked James, but the moment he started this he realised he couldn’t turn back around anymore. He was too far gone now.
He finally understood what Regulus meant with his poetic shit about loving James.
It did feel like swimming in the ocean. One moment being calm and having fun, the next being soaked from top to bottom because you got dragged in, unable to get out again.
Evan knew James felt him holding back sometimes. When James reached out to gently kiss his forehead a few days ago, Evan stiffened. It was only slightly and Evan wasn’t really sure if James had noticed, but he knew it was bad. They hadn’t kissed again yet. A week has passed since Evan and James first kissed and Evan didn’t dare to kiss him again. He was scared he’d lose everything if he did again.
Regulus and Barty had been scaringly quiet too. Evan hoped they were just mad and didn’t want to text him specifically. He didn’t want to think about something bad happening to them. It made him sick to his stomach to think about that.
He was walking home from the store now, checking his phone for what felt like the thousandth time he did today. He just wanted to hear something from Regulus and Barty. It was easier when he was the one ignoring them.
When he walked back into his home, the first thing he did was call James. James answered immediately and Evan felt himself smile a little. 'Hello Evy, how was the store?' James asked as Evan’s smile widened. 'Awfully boring, I’d rather be on the beach with you,' Evan said, putting his phone on speaker and starting to clean up his groceries. 'Yeah? In that case it must be good that I’m on your doorstep with a beach ball under my arm and a bag, with sunscreen, under my other arm,' James said.
Evan frowned. 'No you’re not. I literally just entered my house,' Evan said, cleaning up the last of his groceries. 'No I am. Open the door Evy, please?' James asked as Evan snickered softly. 'I swear if you’re not on my doorstep now I’m going to-' Evan opened the door and, not fully surprisingly, found James standing there.
He smiled cheekily at Evan. 'You’re going to what? I want to know,' James said as Evan stared at him, shocked. 'You don’t wanna know. Hi, what are you doing here?' Evan asked as he stepped aside so James could come in. 'I’m taking you to the beach,' James said as Evan frowned.
'It’s five pm,' Evan said, sitting down on the couch and patting the place beside him for James to sit down on. James did. He kicked off his shoes, Evan didn’t even bother doing that, and looked at Evan with a big smile on his face. 'I know. We’re eating on the beach,' James said enthusiastically, but Evan shook his head. 'Absolutely not, I am not eating on the beach with sand in my food, that’s disgusting,' Evan said which made James laugh. 'No silly, we’re eating in the beach pavilion. They have really good food there,' James said as Evan blinked.
'Oh.. Okay,' Evan muttered, standing up and walking towards his room. James frowned and followed him. 'Where are you going?' he asked, cluelessly. Evan thought he looked so adorable like this. Almost like a little puppy, who wants to be cuddled for hours on end.
'I’m going to put on my swimming trunks? Why, you wanna see?' Evan said, grinning. James’ cheeks reddened and he shook his head. 'No! Uh, I mean, yes, but not- that’s not what I meant- I’m… really fucking this up,' James said, hitting himself softly and muttering something in a foreign language Evan didn’t understand, though it made Evan laugh softly.
'Hey, don’t hit yourself. I’d be all red cheeks if you’d ask me the same sweetheart,' Evan said, grabbing James’ hands.
James stared at him a bit shocked before Evan grinned again and walked away, leaving a flushed James behind alone.
He quickly changed, grabbed chewing gum from his nightstand so his breath wouldn’t be as terrible as it was and combed his hair through with his fingers. When he walked back out, James was still standing in the same spot. His blush had lessened, but it was still visible.
'Oh, you’re back. Hi,' James said, smiling at him. 'Hi,' Evan said, grabbing his hand and pulling him towards the living room where James had dropped his bag.
'Let’s go,' Evan said, pulling James again who muttered 'woah, okay,' and snickered softly.
'Why such a sudden hurry?' James asked Evan who quickly put his shoes on and grabbed his bag still on the floor from his trip to the grocery store. Evan shrugged and grabbed his scooter keys. 'I’m driving,' he said while James stared at the dangling keychains and cleared his throat.
'No you’re not, I don’t trust you with that,' James muttered as Evan frowned. 'Why not? I’m almost sixteen!' Evan said as James frowned. 'You still haven’t told me when your birthday is,' James said, grabbing for the keys but missing them by mere centimetres. 'Nah, I don’t like a big fuss about my birthday,' he said, putting his keys in the scooter and starting it.
'Now, get on or you’re walking,' Evan said, motioning for James to sit down behind him. James gave in with a big sigh and settled behind Evan, hugging his waist tightly. Evan started off when James had put his bag safely between his legs.
'Tell me when your birthday is, please. I won’t make a big fuss, but I want to do something,' James muttered in Evan’s ear so Evan could hear him. Evan’s cheeks turned red and he moved his head away from James. 'I’m not telling you!' Evan yelled back, loud enough for James to hear. James frowned and moved closer to Evan’s ear again to whisper a response. Evan could feel James’ warm breath on his cheeks which seemed to burn even worse.
'Please? I really want to know Evy,' James said. Evan closed his eyes for a second, before he realised he was still driving and opened them again. 'No,' he muttered back. He barely stood a chance against James when he was being like this, but Evan tried to hold it up for as long as possible.
'Why not?' James asked him, still speaking in his ear.
'God, James. Why do you want to know so badly?' Evan asked, trying to hide his blush, but failing and only drawing James’ attention towards it. 'Because… You’re blushing?' James asked as Evan groaned. 'No I’m not, you’re hallucinating,' he answered, taking a sharp turn. 'Sure I am. Didn’t know I had such an effect on you Evy,' James said, smiling smugly.
'I told you like, ten minutes ago you had,' Evan said, frowning and slowing down to a stop. 'You did? Must’ve missed that,' James muttered. 'Okay, get off, we’re here,' Evan said, trying to draw James’ attention away from his blushy cheeks.
'That was quick,' James said while grabbing his bag and getting off of Evan’s scooter. 'Mhm. It’s close. My house to the beach I mean,' Evan said frowning. 'Wait, that makes no sense, I meant that the beach-' 'I get it, don’t worry Evy,' James said, smiling kindly at Evan.
Evan felt the urge to kiss him again.
He pushed it down.
'Okay,' he responded lamely, grabbing his own bag and starting to walk towards the beach.
When they found themselves on the beach, it was still surprisingly busy. A few people were clearing up to go away, but the beach wasn’t as empty as Evan had hoped it would be.
The two of them found a spot to sit down and they both laid their beach towels out beside each other. 'So what now?' Evan asked as James sat down beside Evan. 'What now? I don’t know, just relax?' James asked as Evan raised his eyebrow. 'That’s so boring,' he said.
'Well we could go for a swim?' James proposed. Evan laughed at him. 'No, absolutely not. I hate it when my hair gets wet, especially when it’s looking as good as it is right now,' Evan said, grabbing his bag. 'Well I don’t know what you want to do Ev. What do you do when you’re on the beach?' James asked him. 'I silently judge people, I read and I sleep,' Evan said, yawning at the mention of sleep.
He barely got any last night. He was up all night texting Regulus and Barty, hoping for an answer.
'Are you tired? You can sleep if you want to, I’ll entertain myself,' James said, smiling sweetly at him. Evan smiled back. 'Nah, I don’t want to sleep if I can be with you. Think of something we can do together,' Evan said which made James frown.
'We could go for an early dinner and think of something to do while we’re getting dinner?' James proposed. Evan nodded. 'Sounds like a solid plan. Pack up Jamie,' Evan said while grabbing his own stuff again and standing up.
They ended up in a cosy pavilion with fireplaces and round couches. They ordered all kinds of small bites to share together and were now in a heavy argument about why Percy Jackson and Annabeth Chase were the best couple in the Percy Jackson universe.
'Okay Ev, I get where you’re coming from and all, but Nico and Will are so cute,' James said which made Evan scoff. 'Yes they’re cute, but that doesn’t make them a better couple than Annabeth and Percy. They’re the OGs. They went through tartarus together!' Evan exclaimed.
'They did, yeah,' James said, thinking of another statement. Their food got delivered minutes after and they started to talk about that. 'They should’ve used truffle mayonnaise on this,' James muttered while he offered Evan a bite. Evan carefully grabbed it from James and bit into it. 'Hmm.. Yeah they should’ve. It’s good, but it needs something more intricate, something to make it special,' Evan said as he grabbed another bite.
'Oh this one’s delicious James. Here,' Evan said, offering the bite. James lowered his head and ate it straight out of Evan’s fingers instead of taking it himself. Evan’s cheeks turned bright pink and he coughed. 'Oh it is good, yeah,' James muttered, ignoring Evan’s flusteredness.
Evan tried to push down the urge to grab his face and kiss him again.
It was proving really hard to do.
Especially when James leaned over him and grabbed a bite from the other side of the table. He took half of it, offered the other half to Evan and hummed softly. 'I think this one may be my favourite yet,' he muttered, holding it up to Evan. Evan glanced at the bite and smiled carefully.
'James I don’t eat fish,' Evan said while he grabbed the bite and put it back down on the table. 'Oh. You don’t? Why?' James asked as he frowned. 'Well I think it’s really bad how fish are treated, only to end up on our plates,' Evan explained, holding in a small smile.
'Oh. Are you a vegetarian too?' James asked, looking at him earnestly. That’s when Evan started laughing.
'God, no. I’m joking James. I don’t eat fish because I don’t like the taste of fish. And I think it looks absolutely disgusting. I don’t eat food if it looks disgusting,' Evan said, still chuckling softly. James nodded in understanding. 'That makes sense yeah, I get it.'
James sat back in his chair. 'Hey Ev? Can I ask something that may sound weird?' James asked him. Evan looked over at him and saw him looking… nervous. It looked like he was nervous to Evan at least. 'Yeah, of course you can,' Evan said, dreading whatever James would say next. 'You know that you can kiss me if you want right? I mean, we kissed already. So why does it seem like you push the urge to do so back down?' James asked, looking at him honestly.
'I- uh… how’d you know I pushed the urge to kiss you down?' Evan asked, looking away from James. 'Because you get this vibe over you or something. Your feelings are pretty readable in your face,' James said. Evan frowned. 'They are? Oh..'
Evan didn’t know what else to say. He didn’t think his feelings were readable from his face. He was told he kept too much of his emotions to himself almost daily, but this. This was a whole new thing.
James wanted to kiss him.
'I feel… guilty. I don’t know why, I just do. It feels like I can’t give you everything you deserve and I’m keeping you from finding someone or something better,' Evan said. It was only half of the reason why he kept backing away, but it didn’t seem to satisfy James much.
'Evan, I don’t want more if I can have you,' James said. His eyes were honest and he was looking at Evan as if he was something very precious. 'But you deserve the entire universe, more even,' Evan muttered, looking away from him. 'I don’t care. I would throw my entire world away for you if that’s what it takes,' James said, grabbing Evan’s hands.
'That’s.. James, you shouldn’t,' Evan whispered back, instinctively leaning closer. 'I will if you want me to, I won’t if I can have you in it,' James murmured back, moving one of his hands towards Evan’s cheek, carefully playing with one loose curl framing Evan’s face.
Evan kissed him.
It was just as wonderful as the first time. It was careful and breakable. Both boys were careful, but there was no love lacking the kiss. It was soft, some might say only a whisper of a kiss, but to Evan it was so much more than just a careful kiss.
It was electric and beautiful. He felt nauseous from the kiss, but it was that good kind of nauseous he always gets when he looks at someone he likes.
He always got it when he was with Barty.
Evan shook his thoughts away and focused on the kiss.
When the two boys broke apart, Evan was blushing furiously. 'Can we kiss again?' Evan asked James, who took a sip of water and nodded, smiling at him. 'Only if you want Evy,' James said softly, carefully reaching out to grab Evan’s hand.
'Yes, I really want to.'
So that’s what they did.
As the sun went under and sunk below the horizon, colouring the sky a gorgeous purple and blue gradient, Evan kissed James with a love he hadn’t been able to grasp in his life before.
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Regulus was throwing up.
Turns out he didn’t quite like sitting in a plane for six hours with Barty beside him.
They were waiting on their next plane now, sitting at the airport at some overpriced restaurant. Barty was hungry, and Regulus needed to use the bathroom. Yes, obviously he threw up in the bathroom and not in the aeroplane. That's gross.
‘Reggie? You okay in there?’ Barty’s voice sounded from the other side of the door. Regulus rolled his eyes and looked up for a second. ‘Obviously I’m not, you fucking idiot. I forgot my flying sickness pills,’ he said, before hanging back over the toilet and throwing up again.
‘Well, I have bad news for you… Our plane is boarding in half an hour,’ Barty said, which got a string of curses as reaction from Regulus. ‘Fucking fine, I’m coming,’ he sneered, more to himself than to Barty before he flushed the toilet and opened the door. He looked at Barty who gave him a shocked look. ‘Regulus, you look terrible. I didn’t even know you could become more pale, but uh-’ ‘oh fuck off. Get me something to drink, please. I’ll be out in a minute,’ he said, turning towards the sink and washing his face while Barty went to get a drink.
He brushed through his curls and rubbed his hands over his cheeks to get some colour in them. ‘I’m back Reggie,’ Barty said, right when Regulus wanted to walk out of the bathroom. ‘For fucks sake Barty. If you call me that one more time, I will make sure your head gets stuck between two walls and doesn’t get out of it,’ he said in a low voice. Barty raised his eyebrow unimpressed. ‘If that’s your biggest threat, I think I’ll stick to calling you Reggie.’
Regulus rolled his eyes and started walking towards their boarding hall. His phone vibrated with another message from Evan. It was the fifteenth in half an hour, and that was a lot for Evan to text.
2.31 PM
Regulus?
Reg, please talk to me
Did you know Sirius was here too?
Reggie
Reg please react
Regulus??
Did somtehung happen?
somtehing*
something*
Regulusss
Mon dieu, why are you so annoying
At least just read the texts so I know taht your okay
that*
you’re*
I’m sorry, okay?
Regulus sighed deeply and rolled his eyes, clicking his phone off again. ‘What’s wrong Reggie?’ Barty asked. Regulus gave him a scathing look. ‘Ev keeps texting me. I think he’s seriously afraid something bad happened to us,’ he muttered, right before Barty bumped into him.
‘Fucking idiot. If you ask me something, you should listen to me. Not look at, what are you even looking at?’ he asked, following Barty’s line of sight. He frowned and asked again. ‘That’s Remus Lupin, right? Your brother’s best friend?’ Barty said, right before Regulus found him sitting in the boarding hall with a book in front of his face. Fucking hell, it was him.
‘Don’t tell me he’s coming too.’ Regulus’ eyes scanned the other people waiting for the plane, but there wasn’t anyone else familiar there. ‘Let's just tell him our plan and get him in on it. He’s smart, he won’t get in our way,’ Regulus murmured. Barty hummed shortly in agreement and walked up to the stranger. The sandy blonde haired teenager didn’t notice Barty sitting down beside him, Regulus on the other side of Barty. ‘That’s a good book you’re reading Lupin. But kind of old, you know? It’s kind of a grandpa book,’ Barty declared, earning a harsh glare from Regulus. Remus looked up in confusion. ‘How do you know-Barty? Regulus?’ Remus interrupted himself, his frown deepening. ‘What are you doing here?’ he asked, his brown eyes contrasting Barty’s bright blue ones.
‘Making sure Evan doesn’t kill himself. Or others for that matter,’ Regulus muttered while he looked out of the window to the various planes. ‘Uh… okay? You do know that James and Sirius are in France too, right?’ Remus questioned, still frowning. ‘Yes, I know. I’m hoping to not cross my brother, but crossing James has been made impossible by Evan.’
‘Impossible? How? What did they do?’ Remus asked, his eyes quickly scanning Barty who was clenching his jaw, before looking back to Regulus. ‘Evan decided it was a smart plan to try and date my boyfriend,’ Regulus grumbled. ‘Ex boyfriend,’ Barty chimed in, a small grin on his face. ‘Whatever. Evan knew our story wasn’t done yet and he still went in and fell for him,’ Regulus said through gritted teeth. Remus wanted to ask more, but decided to leave it seeing as Regulus was getting more irritated by the second.
‘What seat are you in Remus?’ Barty asked, looking over to Remus’ plane ticket which sufficed as his bookmark. ‘32 C, how about you?’ Remus asked, Barty’s grin growing bigger. ‘The window seat, lucky you. I might just have to sit on your lap to look out of the window in that case.’ Barty’s comment received an eye roll from Regulus and red cheeks from Remus. ‘Uh.. what? Why didn’t you just get a window seat yourself? And… you’re probably not even close to me?’ Remus was so confused.
‘Nah, I’m right beside you Remus hunny. 32 B is my seat,’ Barty hummed, his eyes trained on Remus’ loose curls. ‘Let’s not… Call me hunny, okay?’ Remus said carefully, which made Barty frown at him. ‘You don’t like it?’ he asked, a little hurt.
‘No, it’s not that, I just.. My life’s been a whirlwind already and I’m just going to France for some rest from everything,’ Remus said, earning a frown from Barty. ‘But isn’t Sirius like, eighty percent the reason for the whirlwind? And you’re staying with him and James?’ Barty asked. Remus shook his head. ‘Yes, I’ll see Sirius and James a lot, but that’s just how it is,’ he muttered.
A silence followed after that. The three boys fell into their respectable peace, Regulus reading on his phone, Remus in his book and Barty playing a game on his phone. Distracted by his own thoughts rather than his book, Remus picked up his phone. There was always a message waiting on him from Sirius there. He opened it and smiled
2.23 PM
Hi there stranger, almost on the plane?
2.43 PM
In the boarding hall rn, they’re boarding first class atm
2.44 PM
Youre not flying first class
I couldve payed for you ya know
2.46 PM
It’s paid Sirius, and no, it’s okay. I’d rather pay for my own plane ticket
‘I thought you were getting a rest from whirlwind Sirius?’ Barty said nonchalantly, looking the other way. ‘Stop reading along, that’s private,’ Remus said, shutting his phone and glaring at Barty. ‘It’s a real shame that he’s called ‘Sirius’, like no fun names at all. I mean, Regulus is called ‘daddy Reggie’ on my phone.’
‘I’m sorry, I’m called what?!’ Regulus exclaimed, his eyes sharp. ‘Daddy Reggie? I mean, I always call you Reggie and I think you’re kinda daddy so…’ Barty trailed off. Regulus hit him harder than necessary in Barty’s opinion and grabbed his phone.
‘Hey, what are you doing?’ Barty said, trying to grab his phone back, but missing it. ‘Changing my bullshit name,’ he said, unlocking Barty’s phone.
‘Alrighty. I’ll change it back in a second anyways,’ Barty teased, earning the thousandth glare of Regulus that day.
‘No you won’t.’
‘Nah, I’m sure I will.’
‘I despise you.’
‘Nah, you love me, I’m sure of it.’
‘Both of you are fucked in the head, Jesus.’