remus is lucky he has a welsh accent and sexy scars
That was some really good coffee, Spidey’s got good taste James thought as he discarded Spiderman’s coffee cup in a bin outside his flat.
Wait. Wait. Waaaaiiiit. Holy shit.
He immediately spun around and beelined towards the bin, sticking his hand in and fishing around (“fishing” quite literally, because James thought that was what he got on his arm) for the coffee cup.
After an embarrassingly long time, James pulled out the right coffee cup and brandished it up in the air, his face turning from proud to slightly disgusted as he watched a (used) condom fall back in, “glued” to the bottom of the cup. How 𝓯𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴𝔂 were the people he lived next to? (And where could he join?) (He’s kidding, once again.) (He really needed to stop making infidelity jokes.)
He started rotating the coffee cup with the tips of his fingers, looking for a name.
Was this ethical? Of course not. But did James really care? A bit, actually. But was this the worst thing he’s done? Nah.
Besides, if he found out Spider-Man’s name and felt bad enough, he would easily offer up “James Fleamont Potter” in return. He just hoped Spiderman’s name wasn’t something weird like “Peter Parker”.
Nothing. Absolutely nothing on the cup.
He rotated it once again, this time a bit more frantically.
Dude, what?
He cleaned his glasses on the bottom of his shirt and lifted the cup back up, closer to his eyes. That’s when he noticed a star scrawled higher up on the cup, precariously close to being shrouded by the cafe logo: the Coffee Bean Cafe. Sounded familiar, actually.
But who the fuck only has a scribbled on star on their coffee cups? Did he take off a sticker that had his name on it? Or did he work there, so he didn’t need to write his name on the cup? What if h-
“Oi, James!” A voice called out from down the hall.
“Pads?”
“Yeah, you wanker, come in already,”
“It’s my flat,” he grumbled, throwing the cup back in the bin and trudging down to his flat.
He closed the door behind him and hugged Sirius, discreetly wiping his arm on the back of his shirt.
“How did you even get in?”
“You left the door unlocked, Prongs.”
Oh. That’s what he forgot.
“Ohh, oopsies.”
“Uh huh, being a cars salesman is so riveting that you forgot to lock the door.”
James’ cheeks tinged pink (well, as pink as they could get underneath his beautiful, bodacious, luscious, moisturised, succulent, delectable, ravishing, gorgeous, sensuous, fanciful, opulent, lush, godly authentic Indian skin), but not for the reason Sirius would think.
James’ cover for his superheroing was his job as a cars salesman (in which he cheated the system by clocking in, but leaving work to do his superheroing, then came back and clocked back out. It was really more confusing than that, but James just kinda does what he does and it works out well most of the time) with their friend, Marlene, who had around ten other jobs. The time where she didn’t see him at work she assumed he was off selling cars or whatever. He wasn’t entirely sure if she cared, really.
Remus walked out of the bedroom, looking entirely domestic and as if he and Sirius didn’t practically break into his flat (not like he really gave a fuck, but it’s the principle).
“Oh, hey Prongs,”
“Dude?” James watched as Remus sat on the couch, pulling a book out of his back pocket and started reading.
A flush came from the bathroom and Peter walked out, jumping over the back of one of the chairs and grabbing the remote and turning the TV on.
“Pete?” James walked over to the chair Peter was sitting on, and sitting on the armrest.
“Oh, hey James,” Peter regarded him with barely a nod of the head.
James sighed, defeated. “Hi Wormy.”
Sirius grabbed the remote off Peter and turned the TV off, following groans from both James and Peter.
“Shh,” he sat down next to Remus, who was still reading his book, looking unbothered as ever. “Now, children, your mother and I have something very important we need to tell you.”
James interrupted with a head cocked to the side. “But I thought I was the mum of the group?”
“You are.” They all responded in sync as Sirius continued.
“So, as you know, Remus and I have been on the hunt for a new flat, and yesterday, we found the perfect one, probably five minutes drive away from here. So James, you can tell Effie and Monty that we’ll be out of their hair, mainly because if they asked me if I could stay longer we would lose the lease on the house because I would stay too long.”
James nodded solemnly, for he had a duty to carry out: breaking the news to his parents that their second son would be moving out for good.
“Wait,” Peter started. “Does this mean…”
“Yes it does, good sir,” Sirius grinned while Remus huffed and rolled his eyes, still reading the book.
“SUPER AWESOME AWE-INSPIRING OUTSTANDING COOL MIRACULOUS HOUSE WARMING PARTY!” They all exclaimed, except for Remus, who was mockingly mouthing the words while they yelled it.
“Moons has requested a smaller party, though,” Sirius added.
“Wait, you’re making me sound like the bad guy, the truth is that the flat probably can’t hold as many people as our common room when we were 15 did.”
James sighed and shook his head. “You’re lucky you have a Welsh accent and have really sexy scars, Moony.”
So they started planning the party, just like soccer mums, complete with multiple Pinterest boards and a solid twenty lists of snacks and guests.
🏎️ 🏎️ 🏎️ 🏎️ 🏎️ 🏎️ 🏎️ 🏎️ 🏎️
“Okay, I’m gonna read the list out,” Peter shook out the crinkled piece of paper and started reading off of it. “The full list of guests are:
Me,
Sirius,
Remus,
James,
Lily,
Mary,
Marlene,
Dorcas,
Regulus, who has his friends, which consists of
Barty,
Evan, and
Pandora.
After lengthy trials and tribulations, the Marauders have decided to bring out the whole gang, consisting of:
Emmeline,
Hestia,
Benjy,
Gideon,
Fabian,
Caradoc,
Emma, and
Edgar.”
“Hoooly fuckin’ shit,” Remus blew out a breath and leaned back in his chair. “That is not a house party, that’s a whole ass house festival.”
“Are you rejecting the list?” Sirius asked.
“Fuck no, I’m still a Marauder.”
Sirius slammed down his phone on the table, leaning forward in his chair and lacing his fingers all business-like.
“Now, sirs, as most of you know, this housewarming party is the first time all of you have seen Regulus, my baby brother.”
“We knew him in high school,” James added.
“I saw him at the pub the other day.” Peter agreed.
“I literally went to drop you off at the coffee shop to see him the other day.” Remus remarked.
“Shut. Up. That’s besides the point, you guys haven’t actually talked to him in years. So the whole reason why I’ve brought this conversation up-”
“You said, like, five words in relation to this topic, no conversation was brought up.”
“Did I not just hear myself telling you guys to shut up? Yeah, that’s what I thought. I must warn you guys, the Black family genes, although resulting in terrible people, makes incredibly hot, beautiful and attractive people. And Reggie has, I will admit, gone through puberty since you’ve last seen him properly, so I suppose it’s my duty as a big brother-”
“You guys have a year age difference,”
“Go fuck yourself. I’m still his big brother. Anyways, I had to tell you guys, hands off. He is only a baby, and probably still a raging virgin.”
“I really doubt that,”
“I’m just not going to talk anymore, actually.”
That lasted a proper five seconds.
“No flirting, touching, pining and keep talking suggestively to a minimum and absolutely no kissing.”
He eyed James knowingly.
“What?”
“It’s just, you have a type Prongs,” Peter explained as Sirius nodded fervently.
“Pfft, no I don’t,”
If they could, Peter, Sirius and Remus would have stared into a camera The Office style for a consecutive three minutes.
“Okay, fine, maybe I have a preference, but I promise Sirius, there will be absolutely no feelings exchanged between Regulus and I except friendly, which I can keep to a minimum if you insist.”
He actually wouldn’t be able to keep it to a minimum, James was a very friendly person naturally, one of his most flattering and attractive traits, if he did say so himself.
Sirius nodded assuredly, and they went back to “planning”, which consisted mostly of them trying to do blind karaoke, where Peter guessed every single song they played was “California Gurls” (which resulted in him singing “sex on the beach, we don’t mind sand in our stilettos, we freak in my Jeep” to the instrumental music of “Before He Cheats”).
Don’t get him wrong, James was and always will be involved to the max when he sings karaoke with his very best friends, but holy fuck did he want to see who was under that mask.
Spidey really wasn’t wrong, because James would go Patrick Bateman insane to get one (1) chance with him. (To all the detectives, police and government officials, James didn’t mean that and it was just a stupid little joke because James is just a silly little goober 🤭)