What I Am
It seems everyone has chosen a specialty they like. Dorcas has been in love with cardio since the moment she stepped into this hospital. Barty wants plastics. It’s a money-train for him. Evan probably would’ve settled on peds. And Regulus.
Regulus has no fucking clue what he’s doing.
The incessant calls from his mother are not helping. He’s not answered in a long time, which is sort of freeing in a way.
When he’s having a good day, not even she brings it down to ruin it.
Late at night, Regulus tosses and turns, shaking off James’ t-shirt when he feels too hot.
James is a light sleeper, he yawns and moves his hand until he finds Regulus in the dark. “You’re up?”
“I can’t sleep.” Regulus says, throwing the covers back.
The clock reads 2:52 AM.
He puts tennis shoes on, stepping outside. James almost scared him half to death. He runs up behind him, a coat in his hand.
“You’re going to get sick out here.”
Regulus takes it, “I didn’t mean to wake you.”
James shrugs, “I don’t mind.” He makes sure Regulus isn’t cold at all. He even stuffs a red beanie over his head.
They can see the Seattle skyline view from James’ land. He stares out into the distance, mind racing.
James speaks, distracting him from his own thoughts, “Do you want to talk about it?”
“Talk about what?” He slides closer, their arms touching.
“Whatever has you so on edge you can’t sleep.” James sticks his hand in Regulus’ coat pocket, an attempt to comfort him. “I’m just saying, whatever it is, I’m here for you.”
There’s a small pause, unsure if he wants to admit to James something as stupid as this.
“I haven’t picked a specialty.”
“That’s okay, you don’t need to yet.”
“I will eventually, in case you forgot.” He snaps. He’s cranky when he’s tired. Clearly, he hasn’t been sleeping well. “Barty’s got plastics, Mulciber wants ortho, Dorcas already owns cardio.”
James holds on, “Reg, you don’t have to be certain just because everyone else already has an idea.”
“Yes, but-”
“Regulus.” He interrupts, “You are okay. Take it one day at a time. When the moment comes to declare a specialty, you will know what to do, I promise you that.”
It’s easy for James to say, he’s been naturally talented at neuro since he started as an intern. It’s part of the reason he’s worked up the hierarchy to attending so quickly.
He tries not to snap at him.
〚*〛
Sirius spent three hours sitting in the locker room before he concluded Remus had somehow disappeared.
It wasn’t until a few days later that he figured out why.
It was amidst a Dumbledore rant, actually.
“I’ve got a cardio on leave, plastics on leave, and now you’re telling me that you want to take a leave!”
Lily Evans is facing the brunt of it.
“Chief, I need some time off. There are other things in my life that come before my job.”
He thinks she’s being absolutely ridiculous, “Your job of saving sick babies and mothers? What is more important than that?”
Lily didn’t want to do this in front of half the attendings, but it happened. “My mental health, for one. There are plenty of other talented surgeons who can fill in for me. It is well within my rights to ask for a leave, Albus.”
“Go.” He says, and Lily gracefully exits.
Sirius goes to Mary Macdonald, who has a knack at knowing everything that’s going on.
“Where is Remus?” He blurts out.
“On leave, didn’t you hear?” She snarks back. “He’s your friend, pick up the phone and call him.”
“I’ve tried that.” Sirius groans, “I know you know. The Chief tells you things. You’re Mary.”
“And you’re seriously getting on my nerves.”
He gives her a half-smile, “Good one. Please, Mary, I will owe you a favor, just tell me where he is.”
She relents, “I’m only going to tell you this because you’re going to piss me off if you hang around all day wondering where he is.” She folds her arms, “And as for the favor, I need your vote with the Chief when he asks for recommendations on filling the position of General Surgery Attending.”
He automatically agrees, “Done.”
“He went home to take care of his mother. Apparently she’s sick.” Mary tells him.
Sirius takes that in for a moment, “Oh.”
“Yeah.” She nods.
“Well. . . thank you for telling me.” He says, stepping away slowly, “And for the record, Mary, you would have had my support for attending either way. You’re more than capable and more than talented.”
He turns away.
〚*〛
Marlene is holding out the timer to Dorcas, who is trying to make herself some coffee.
“Time me.” She demands.
Dorcas takes the stopwatch and sets it on the counter, “I’ve been timing you.”
Marlene shakes her head, “My last time was off by six seconds.”
Dorcas pulls out her thermos, “It’s not about speed, Marls, it’s about accuracy. Your sutures are fine.”
“My sutures are textbook,” she corrects. “The edges are perfectly aligned.”
“Exactly,” Dorcas smiles, “you are ready.”
“No, I need more chickens.”
“No more chickens.” Dorcas decides. “I’m not dating a chicken-surgeon. Stop second-guessing. It’s not like you. Be the Marlene McKinnon I know and love.”
She steps down the suture equipment, “What if I’m not that Marlene, anymore?”
Dorcas avoids the question altogether, “Your hand is fine and James is going to clear you for surgery because you are Marlene McKinnon.”
“What if that’s not enough anymore?” Marlene sits down, leaning her head up to the ceiling.
Dorcas grabs her hand, slowly letting it venture to her girlfriend's waist. Her mouth snaps down, kissing her just once.
She doesn’t speak, not a single word. Marlene isn’t sure if it’s because she knows that it’s true.
That she really is about to lose everything.
〚*〛
Remus sips on tea, his father drinking a coffee, angrily turning the pages of the newspaper.
He’s angry that Remus has offered to pay for the funeral.
Because if he wanted to help out so bad, he should’ve been here sooner.
But he didn’t know. Well, he did. But his father had said she was ill. Never specified that the illness was terminal. That she had weeks left, the last time they talked.
It’s unfair. The guilt crawls into his veins and flows through his body.
Remus tries not to hold a grudge against the same person who just lost his wife.
In another week, he’ll fulfill the good son duty and race back to Seattle, everything will be normal again.
Remus can go back to being the quiet, talented plastics surgeon. He can go get drunk at the bar, be with his friends, and see his dog.
He offered to make breakfast, but Lyall declined. Stiffing him with a, “I’m not hungry.”
Remus disappears into the kitchen as quickly as he can. He’s starving. Some people lose their appetite when grief strikes but for some reason, Remus has an even greater one now.
His hip is still bothering him. An achy, constant pain that never seems to fully dull.
The pills ran out last night, after a particularly bad episode. Remus is stuck on empty for the time being.
He takes out his phone, ignoring the four missed calls from Sirius Black.
〚*〛
Regulus pulls out some Tylenol, letting it slide down his throat before rounds. Macdonald has them walking before long.
Barty’s the first to notice, “You look pale.” He points out, asking Dorcas if she notices it too.
“He’s always pale.” Dorcas quips.
“You're paler than pale this morning.” Barty decides, “What’s going on?”
Regulus hates feeling sick. It’s probably one of his least favorite things in the world. He stands in the back, listening to Mulciber talk about their first patient.
“Shawn Sullivan, sixty-two.” He hands the chart to his superior, also known as Mary Macdonald, “Had minimally invasive bypass surgery two days ago to remove a blockage from his-”
“I’m all better now, thanks!” He smiles, assuring the doctors. “What do ya think, Mary, can I stop being a burden to you good people and go home?”
His wife taps his arm, “Just listen to the doctors, Shawn.”
Regulus thinks he might be sick.
Shawn is now reasoning with them, “I need to get back to the dealership. They’re going to can me if I’m out too long.”
She thinks that’s preposterous. “They won’t can you, you’re the best salesman they’ve got.”
“I sell cars,” he clarifies.
“And you will continue to do so when your oxygen levels are up, alright, Mr. Sullivan?”
“Right, yes.” He concedes.
Mary isn’t done, however, “And I want your word; nothing fried, no alcohol, and no cigarettes.”
He’s agreeable.
Once they’re out in the hall, Mulciber with his patient still in the room, Mary turns to her intern and watches. “Are you alright, Dr. Black?”
“Yes, Dr. Macdonald, I’m fine.”
He feels so nauseous that he braces himself with a hand on the wall. She looks him up and down, about to speak when Dr. Potter enters.
“I’m clipping a basilar tip aneurysm, Dr. Macdonald, I need an intern.” James nods, hoping that she will offer up Regulus, who James is already staring at.
Regulus is half-crouched over, looking sick.
Dorcas shoots her hand up at the same time Mulciber walks out to ask Macdonald a question.
She looks at the charts in Mulciber’s hands before her eyes catch on the idiot with a lighter.
He’s trying to light a cigarette with an oxygen line under his nose.
Regulus throws up half of his stomach on the floor and Mr. Sullivan’s face goes up in flames.
James runs for the fire extinguisher, Barty calling a code red while Regulus walks away, feeling like he might be sick again.
〚*〛
Sirius has Crouch on his service, who is desperately trying to get ahold of Dr. Lupin. He’s got the situation mostly under control, “Make sure he’s got an airway.” He demands, “Sir, can you hear me?”
Mary’s helping, holding the ambu bag. “He’s out. Hit his head. Small hematoma in the occipital region.”
“Get him to the burn unit until he’s stabilized, and then Crouch, go get a C.T., okay?”
Barty looks at Sirius, “I thought you wanted me on phone duty?”
“Give me the phone and do what I said.” He grabs the cell, holding it up to his ear.
〚*〛
James hands Regulus a glass of water, “You're burning up.”
“I’m fine.” Regulus takes a sip.
“You don’t look fine,” he says, a hand on the small of his back, “I mean, you look beautiful but you don’t look fine.”
“Go clip an aneurysm.” Regulus snarks, “I’m going to go brush my teeth. My mouth tastes like vomit.”
〚*〛
Remus hears the news and is secretly glad for the excuse to leave.
“I’m really sorry, Dad, but I’ve got to go. The hospital needs me. There’s a-”
His dad cuts him off prematurely, “I don’t care, Remus, you’re never here anyways.”
As upsetting as it is to hear, he’s right. Remus doesn’t have anything else to say, turning and speeding to his car in an attempt to make it to the hospital as quickly as he can.
〚*〛
Regulus is sick a third time when Barty checks up on him, in between getting labs for his burn patient.
Barty sees him laying against the lockers, half-dead it seems.
“Are you sick?” He asks, standing feet away.
“I don’t know.” Regulus whines, “I have abdominal pain, fever, and non stop vomiting.”
“Come on,” Barty offers him a hand up, “let me runs some tests on you.”
“Sirius will kill you for ignoring your other patient.”
Barty scoffs, “For helping Baby Black? I think he’ll understand.”
“Don’t call me Baby Black.”
〚*〛
James is stretching out Marlene’s hand, politely asking how she and Dorcas are in between questions about her recovery.
“I love her,” Marlene tells him, “and also, there’s no pain, no numbness, nothing.”
“That’s great.” James grins, “For both things.”
“So, what does that mean?”
He looks at the charts, distractedly checking his phone for updates on Regulus. Barty said he was going to run a quick set of labs. “Oh, you have a fantastic range of motion, Marlene, I can clear you for surgery.”
“Really? You’re sure?” She asks.
“Absolutely.” James nods, skimming her chart, “Unless you're having any problems. Are you having any problems?”
Like she had transported there, Dorcas shuts the door, “No. . . I’ve been doing physical therapy with her every night. She’s perfect. She’s Mckinnon.”
Any other patient James would make sure. But he can trust Marlene. She’s his friend. If something were wrong, she’d tell him.
“Yes.” Marlene agrees.
Dorcas looks back at the neurosurgeon, “Dr. Macdonald wanted to know if you still needed an intern for the aneurysm?”
“No, I’m fine.” James shakes his head, “I’ve got it covered. How’s, uh, Dr. Black?”
“Labs were inconclusive, they’re continuing work.” Dorcas says, stepping out so she isn’t pulled into any more non-professional talk, especially not with James, who finds every topic interesting in its own way, and Marlene, who has been acting so oddly that lately, it makes Dorcas have trouble keeping up a conversation.
〚*〛
Sybil grins when she sees Evan Rosier walk into her bar. She greets him joyfully, commenting on how long it’s been.
She asks if he wants a drink.
Evan declines, “I’m meeting somebody.”
After fifteen minutes of Evan waiting in a corner booth, an older man walks in. “Are you Dr. Rosier?”
Evan stands up, offering to shake his hand, “Hi. You must be Mr. Duquette.”
“Please. . . call me Denny.”
He feels his heart shift a little bit in his chest. “Denny?”
“We named her after me.” He explains, “Please, sit.”
Evan is drinking an iced tea when Mr. Duquette—Denny, orders a gin.
“You’re different than I thought you’d be. Deni never went for pretty guys.” He says, grabbing his drink and thanking the bartender, “I mean, more rugged was her thing. But obviously you’re smart, a doctor.”
Evan shakes his head, “I’m not really a doctor anymore.”
Denny nods, “That’s right, Chief Dumbledore said you’d quit.”
He wasn’t expecting that at all, “You. . . uh, you talked to Dr. Webber?”
“Uh, yes, and he said that, well, if I wanted to hear the whole story, I should talk to you.” He gestures, “So, if you don’t mind, Dr. Rosier-”
“Evan.”
“Evan,” he corrects himself. “If you don’t mind, I need to hear the whole story.”
His jaw tightens, he wasn’t expecting this coming here today. He should’ve but he didn’t.
〚*〛
Mulciber steps in to see Dr. Lupin back.
“Are you my intern for the day?” He asks, working with his patient’s face.
Mulciber nods, “Yes, I’m your intern.”
“Go get me a bone dry cappuccino, make it a double.” Lupin says. “Page Potter and tell him I need a neuro consult before I do anything else.”
〚*〛
“You’re a good friend,” Regulus reaches his hand out to Barty, grinning like an idiot.
Barty scrolls on his phone, “You’re so high right now, Black.”
“Actually, you’re my best friend in the whole entire world.” Regulus tells him.
He makes a face, “Now, I just feel sorry for you.”
“Why?” Regulus tilts his head, “Because I could die today.”
“This is why I hate being around stoned people,” he groans, adding, “especially if I’m not also stoned.”
Regulus isn’t done yet, “And if I did die today, I’d be remembered as the slutty intern who dated Dr. Potter.”
“Well, if it makes you feel better, Dorcas is also dating an attending.” Barty has his feet up on Regulus’ mattress, standing up quickly when Macdonald approaches the door.
She looks him up and down, turning to the patient. “Dr. Black. . .” she sighs, “you’ve got a fever, high white count, and tenderness over McBurney’s point, which suggests. . .”
Barty answers, “Appendicitis.”
And then Regulus feels the need to shout out like he knew the answer the entire time, “Appendicitis!”
“Dr. Crouch, prep Dr. Black for surgery, you’re scrubbing in.”
“I am, on Regulus’ appendectomy?” He blinks, surprised.
“Can you not handle assisting an appendectomy?” She asks him.
Barty throws his hands up, “I can, I can.”
“Wonderful.” She turns and steps out of the room. “Prep him Crouch.”
Barty tips his head down, Regulus shouting his name. “What, Reg?”
“Can you get me some ice chips?”
He groans and brings them back immediately after.
〚*〛
Dorcas finds Marlene in the attending lounge. “Hey! Congratulations, I heard Potter cleared you.”
“Yeah.” She says, quietly.
“What?”
Marlene’s shaking her head, whispering, “I shouldn’t have been cleared.”
“Marls, you’re back. You’re back and you’re fine.”
Marlene tries to walk away, Dorcas calling after her.
“What, Dorcas?”
“He just. . . shouldn’t have cleared me.” Marlene says, actually disappearing.
〚*〛
James enters in Regulus’ room, brushing some of his hair out of his face, “Your complexion is flushed. . . abdominal wall is tender.”
While James is feeling around his abdomen, Regulus stares at him, stars in his eyes. “You look like an angel.”
“You’re sweet when you’re high. Aren’t you glad your boyfriend works in a hospital?” James smiles, hard.
Regulus giggles—something James has never seen him do in the entirety of knowing him—before he tells him, “You. . . are just one of a couple men in this hospital I’ve slept with.”
“Regulus,” James tilts his head, “that is not funny.”
“Are you jealous?” Regulus blinks.
“What’s Potter jealous of?” Barty enters the room.
“Now all my boys are here!” Regulus laughs. “Barty, James is such a good kisser. Have I told you that yet?”
Barty wishes he was the one about to be cut open now, the way James is smirking, proud of himself. “You might have mentioned it, yes.”
“They doped him up high.” James notes, which Barty nods.
“I know that, Potter, I did the doping.”
“Right.”
Sirius breaks the tension, also walking in to ask, “What the fuck is going on?” He goes over to Regulus’ bedside, looking at him.
“Does mother know you’re here?” He asks Sirius, which is nowhere near as fun as the conversation before, “She’d kill me if she knew.”
“Is he high?” Sirius looks back momentarily, “Why is he talking like that?”
“He’s high.” Barty nods, “As a kite.”
“Oh,” Sirius says. “Who’s giving the appendectomy?”
“Macdonald.”
“Right, right.”
Like clockwork, she enters too.
“Why are all of you here? This man is being prepped for surgery which means you all need to leave.”
“Gladly,” Barty turns around.
“Not you, Crouch!” She yells.
Sirius and James stare at each other for a half-second, saying goodbyes to Regulus before they’re kicked out.
In the hall, James and Sirius are heading to go check on Mr. Sullivan.
That’s when they see the tall, beautiful man in his navy scrubs.
Remus Lupin is so back.
When Sirius notices, he pulls James back behind the wall, freaking out internally and externally.
"What do I do?" He freaks.
James thinks he's making a big deal out of nothing. "Act normal."
The groan he earns in response means that that is the worst advice Sirius has ever heard. "Act normal? What does that even mean?"
"The opposite of whatever you are doing right now." James looks him up and down, "Are you still planning to ask him out?"
"Yes."
"When?"
"Well, not when he's dissecting skin, that's not the most romantic thing in the world."
James rolls his eyes, "Coming from the guy who gave someone a fish for Valentine's day."
"Okay, you can just fuck off because you told me it was a good idea!"
"For the last time, Sirius, I said that while I was laughing. I was clearly joking." James says, smile bright and big.
〚*〛
Marlene is in the morgue, about to open up a cadaver.
Dorcas is tired of this, “You’re not in med school, you don’t need to practice procedures on a corpse.”
“Better than on a patient.” She stiffs.
“Your hand is fine.”
“Right.”
“Are you. . . mad at me?” She scoffs, “You’re mad at me?”
Marlene stares at her, looking as if she wants to say something but doesn’t. “Forget it.”
“I’m on call for the pit and Sirius is too worried about Regulus to notice. I’m not leaving.”
Marlene is honestly overwhelmed by how continuously she supports her.
Any other person would have given up on her by now. But not Dorcas.
〚*〛
“She was. . . so much better. But Deni, before the surgery she was hooked up to a machine-”
“You’re not answering my question.” He interrupts.
“I’m trying.” Evan says, “I’m really trying. It-it was complicated, and his heart was—his heart-”
“I don’t give a damn about the medicine.” He tells him, “I know what killed my daughter. She had a bad heart. She had a bad heart for a long time. I get that. What I don’t get is how a boy like you goes from being my daughter’s doctor to-to her fiance on the very day she’s supposed to get a new heart. What I don’t get is why you proposed to her hours before she died.”
〚*〛
James is speaking to Mr. Sullivan and his wife while Remus just watches from beside him. “I recommend he spend a night of observation in the I.C.U. before Dr. Lupin proceeds with your surgery.”
“Is that really necessary, Dr. Potter?” He asks.
James pulls him into the hall, confused. “Is there a problem, Remus?” It’s very unlike him to call James out in front of a patient and his family.
“The longer we wait, the higher the risk of infection.”
“I think it’s important to tend to the head injury, too.”
“Please, I’m sure it’s complicated.” Mrs. Sullivan says, “But he’s a salesman. That’s who he is. So could you please just fix his face?”
“We will,” they both say, stepping away from the wife.
〚*〛
Regulus is sitting by himself when his brother sneaks back in, “Sirius, do you want to know a secret?”
“Sure, Reg.”
“I think James is the one. I really love him. I want him to be the one. But I would know if he was the one, right?”
Sirius laughs at his little brother. He hasn’t been this open since they were tiny. Before his parents got in his head and made him build walls around his heart. Now, you’ve got to get him high to talk about his feelings.
“I think you know,” Sirius says, guessing. He’s never felt that way before.
“Don’t tell mother I’m here, please.” Regulus begs. “I don’t want her to know. She’ll make me leave.”
“You’re staying here. I don’t care what our mother has to say about any of it.”
“You’ll protect me this time?”
Sirius pretends that doesn’t break his heart to hear. “Yeah, Reg, I’ll protect you this time.”
Regulus looks at him, big light blue eyes staring, “And you’re not going to leave again?”
“No, I’m not going anywhere.”
Regulus seems content with that answer, “How come we don’t talk like this all the time?”
“The only reason we are talking like this now, Regulus, is because I know you won’t remember a single word of it once the drugs wear off.”
He laughs, sadly, “You know, I don’t hate you.”
“I don’t hate you either, Regulus.”
“I wanted to.”
“You did?” Sirius asks, sitting on the edge of the bed. “Why?”
Regulus shifts uncomfortably, itching at the I.V. line until Sirius pulls his hand away, not wanting it to get messed up. “I thought if I hated you I wouldn’t care that you disappeared. That it wouldn't hurt as bad.”
“I’m sorry, Reg.”
“Just. . . don’t leave again, okay?”
“I promise I won’t.”
“Don’t make promises you can’t keep.”
“I’m not leaving, Regulus.” Sirius ruffles his hair, “Never again.”
〚*〛
“Mr. Duquette, Deni and I—she was my patient for months.”
“And the minute she died, you quit your job.”
“Because I couldn’t-”
“Four years of medical school, that’s a whole lot of debt.” He points out, “How were you planning on paying that back, huh?”
Evan’s lost track of the conversation, confused.
“Did you expect Deni to pay for everything?”
“Why are you. . . what—what are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about protecting my daughter!”
Evan pushes his hair out of his face, “Where were you when she needed you then? Because I was there the whole time. I was there. I was working eighty hour weeks and I was still always there. She had so many surgeries. So many procedures. She was so scared. Where were you then? Where were you? You don’t get me. You don’t have to because I don’t get you. I don’t get how a father abandons his dying daughter.”
“Wait-”
Evan’s standing up, shoving his coat on.
“Wait.”
“What?”
“Is that what Deni told you?” Mr. Duquette asks, “That her mother and I abandoned her?”
Evan’s quiet.
“She was lying to you.”
〚*〛
Marlene’s hand is shaking. Dorcas watches painfully.
It takes five seconds to realize why Marlene has been acting this way.
She has a tremor.
The woman with the stillest surgical hands now has a tremor. That’s why she thought James shouldn’t have cleared her. That’s why she’s been pessimistic about recovery. Dorcas understands it all now.
“Oh, Marls, I thought you—you told me-”
Her voice is raw, “I can’t hold it still long enough to attach the graft.”
“You told me your hand was fine!”
“It’s not fine!” Marlene shouts back. “You wanted to believe I was fine. You wanted me to be fine. You wanted—I wanted, damnit. My hands. . . they are the only things I have that are of any value to me, to you.”
“Not to me.” She denies it.
“Yes, to you.” Marlene holds steady. “You want Marlene Mckinnon, the surgeon.” She holds her gloved fingers out in front of them, above the open chest cavity. “My hands. . . these are who I am. If I can’t do this, if I can’t finish this surgery, then. . .” Her voice cracks, Marlene isn’t a crier but a tear falls from her face.
“What if I hold the vessel?” Dorcas comes up with a solution. “What if I just hold the vessel for you?”
Stepping over to her side of the table, Marlene understands. “If you hold the vessel, I can attach the graft.”
“Nobody has to know.” Dorcas suggests.
〚*〛
Regulus is talking so loudly that even Barty is embarrassed for him, “On the table, you have to keep me draped. I don’t need any more people to see me naked. Got it?”
“I got it.”
They knock him out and Barty helps to take out the appendix of his very best friend.
〚*〛
Before his surgery, Remus finds Sirius, the only person he can trust enough to help him with this.
And it’s an excuse to talk to him.
“Sirius,” he grabs his wrist, “can you get me some of that medicine? My hip is bothering me.”
Sirius nods, enthusiastically. “Sit down.” Remus doesn’t, it hurts more to get up than it does to stand. He hasn’t been using the cane while he was at home because it would surely just cause more drama with Lyall, who has an opinion about literally everything.
He comes back in a few moments later.
“Here you go.” He says, handing a little cup of water along with it.
“Thank you,” Remus breathes out, “I needed something before I went in for surgery.”
“Do you need an assist?” Sirius asks.
“I’m alright.”
“Oh, gotcha. Gotcha, cool.”
“Unless you want to?”
Sirius shakes his head, “It’s alright. I should probably wait for Regulus to come out.”
“Regulus?” Remus asks, “What’s wrong with Regulus?”
“He has appendicitis.” Sirius says, “Mary is doing his surgery right now.”
“Oh.” Remus licks his lips, “He’s going to be fine, Mary’s the best.”
Sirius knows Regulus is going to be okay. He does. But the thought of having to bear the rest of his life knowing he and Regulus only got a short time together outside of their parents clutches? The thought makes him sick, truly.
〚*〛
“It was doctor after doctor. Everybody had a different opinion. Everybody has a worse opinion. Before that, Deni had never been sick a day in her life. Before that she was healthy. The thought of having to bury your own daughter? Her mother and I, we didn’t handle it very well.” Denny nods, “One day we came home and found a note.” Evan covers his mouth, heartbroken. “Saying she didn’t want to have us watch her die. She left. We thought. . . we thought she was dead all this time. We didn’t know she was alive.”
“I had no idea,” Evan wipes the tear from his face. “If I had known, if I knew, I would have never let her get away with that.”
Now, in his head, he’s wondering if Deni and his relationship was even real. Did Deni really love him? Was she using him to fill the hole for her parents? He’ll never know.
“I believe you,” Denny says.
Evan feels like he still needs to explain, “I worked my way through med school. I paid it off-”
“Look, I’m sorry about what happened before. You don’t have to-”
“I do, I do.” Evan says, “You're her father, you want to protect Deni. And I want you to know I paid off my debt. When I met Deni, I was going to be a surgeon. I didn’t need her money. I had everything I needed. I had everything I needed until. . .”
“We miss her.”
“Yeah.” Evan sighs.
From his coat pocket, Denny pulls out an envelope and hands it to Evan.
“What’s this?”
“It’s for you,” he says, “from Deni.”
〚*〛
“Tell me that’s not true,” Regulus leans his head back, “Barty, please tell me you're playing some kind of sick joke and I did not say all those things out loud.”
“I should’ve taken a video,” he reminisces, “documented it for safekeeping.”
“Oh my fucking God, I did do it, didn’t I?” He panics.
〚*〛
In the envelope is an eight million dollar check, made out to Evan Rosier.
〚*〛
James helps Regulus inside, getting him into bed before stripping his shirt and pants off. James gets too hot when he sleeps so he only wears his boxers.
Regulus has his hand on the waistband, trying to get James to come closer to him.
“How are you feeling?”
“I love you,” Regulus whispers into the darkness, “I know I probably don’t say it enough but I do.”
“I love you, Regulus. More than anything.”
James sits up, careful to not put any pressure on his surgical wound. He leans his mouth down, connecting it to Regulus’, hand on his jaw.
“I don’t think I deserve you,” he blurts out once James has resumed laying next to him.
James squeezes his hand, “You deserve the entire world.”
It’s James who deserves everything.
Anything.
More.