Chapter 2
James-
The Gryffindor common room was filled with people from every house. Half of the older students were drunk while the second and third years watched them with envy in their eyes. James laughed when he watched a third year Ravenclaw girl steal a cup from a seventh year, take a sip, and spit out the fire whiskey all over her friend. Sirius, of course, made it his mission to get as drunk as possible. James looked over to one of the couches to see Sirius cuddled up against a blushing Remus. He wondered when Remus would work up the courage to confess to Sirius. It would probably take another two years for either of them to even consider that maybe how they felt towards each other isn’t platonic.
James leaned against the wall, taking everything in. He was in his fourth year at Hogwarts, but he already felt like the time was passing by too fast. He remembers being eleven, sitting alone on the train, when Sirius came stumbling in, long, curly black hair covering half of his face. He knew at that moment, Sirius was his best friend.
More often than not, when James thought about Sirius, he thought about Regulus. He couldn’t help it. James knew what happened to both of them at that house. He knew the genuine torture they endured when their parents decided they weren’t acting right. He didn’t understand how Regulus was still living in that house, all alone. He hoped the abuse was less severe, but he knew it was the opposite.
Part of him wished he could talk to Regulus and convince him to leave and stay with him. There was more than enough room in his house for another person. He wished he knew Regulus like he knew Sirius.
James’ eyes scanned the room, and he realized Regulus was nowhere to be found. That wasn’t abnormal by any means, but something about his lack of appearance made James' stomach sink. At that moment, for no explainable reason, James decided he needed to find Regulus. Intense gut feelings didn’t happen to him very often, so he needed to trust himself.
James left without saying anything to anyone. If Sirius knew where he was going, he would try to stop him. James thought long and hard about where Regulus could be. His best bet was the Slytherin dungeon.
When he arrived at the dungeon entrance, a student James recognized as Evan Rosier was leaning against the wall. He eyed James up and door for a moment, before opening his mouth to speak.
“What do you want?”
“Have you seen Regulus?”
Evan bursted into laughter. James just stared at him.
“Why do you want to know where he is? You think he wants to talk to you?”
James frowned. “So you have seen him?”
“Obviously? He’s at the Astronomy Tower, like always.”
“The Astronomy Tower?” James repeated, and Evans face went white.
“I didn’t say that.” Evan shook his head.
James smiled. “I think you did.”
“Don’t you dare, Potter.” Evan spat, standing up straight.
“You won’t regret this, Evan,” James said. He ran off before Evan could say anything.
-
James had only been to the Astronomy Tower once in his four years at Hogwarts. It wasn’t an unpleasant location, but James preferred places that were more… populated. Being left alone with his thoughts made him extremely uncomfortable.
James realized it was raining as he walked up the stairs. He could hear the raindrops hitting the roof and the ground below them. Rain was one of James’ favorite smells. He wondered why Regulus spent so much time up there. He thought maybe it’s because their whole family was named after constellations, and the sky was something familiar to him. Maybe it reminded him of a calmer version of his family, which is why he was always up there. He planned on asking him when he saw him.
What James didn’t expect to see, however, is Regulus slipping. Regulus was slipping. Regulus leaned forward. No, he was falling. His hands let go of the railing. Regulus Black was falling. Regulus Black was falling off the Astronomy Tower. James ran, he ran faster than he’s ever ran before. He forced himself over the edge, half of his body over the railing, facing the ground beneath him. His heart stopped. Regulus’ head snapped up, and he looked horrified. He reached out as far as his arms would physically let him, and grabbed on. He grabbed Regulus’ left arm with both of his. His feet slipped on the ground. He held onto Regulus with a grip he knew hurt. His hands were turning white as he pulled. James planted his feet hard on the ground and pulled with all of the strength he could gather. Weightlifting at practice needed to pay off. He pulled until they flew across the floor, Regulus landing on top of him as they fell to the ground.
James snapped back into reality. He was on the ground, a heavy weight on top of him. His head was throbbing, and his arms burned. He sat up slowly so as to not hurt Regulus more than he already did. When he sat up, he realized Regulus wasn’t breathing.
“Fuck,” James whispered, breathing heavily. He couldn’t move his legs without touching Regulus. He didn’t want to touch Regulus. He was scared that if he touched the boy in front of him, he would break. James took a long look at Regulus. His face was ghostly white, his curly black hair matted down and stuck to his forehead. His nose was bleeding. James’ eyes moved down his body. He was wearing a black sweater. It looked so big on him but James thinks it can’t be bigger than a size small. He gently moved over and picked up his hand. His fingers were all veins and bone. James slowly pulled back his sleeve to reveal more bone. He wrapped his hand around his wrist, and his fingers almost touched the base of his thumb.
“What the fuck, Regulus?” James asked.
The size of his arm wasn’t the only concerning thing he sees. There were scars. Some were faded, but the ones that were faded were covered with fresh ones. Some of them were raised, and James could feel them as he ran his hand along his arm. He was careful to not touch any of the ones that still shone red. James felt sick to his stomach. Sirius told him about things like that. He told him about being so miserable with his life that he tried to end it. Sirius had scars too, but not nearly as many as his younger brother.
James pulled his hand away and tugged Regulus' sleeve back down. He didn’t know what to do. If he screamed for help there was a good chance nobody would hear him. He decided he needed to carry Regulus. Hopefully Evan would still be loitering around so he could get Regulus the help he needed.
James carefully placed an arm under Regulus’ head and lifted. He shook uncontrollably but forced himself to continue. He managed to successfully pick Regulus up in a bridal style. He expected Regulus to weigh at least a hundred pounds, like most people do, but he couldn’t weigh more than ninety. James' heart sank. He ignored the throbbing in the back of his head. He needed to save Regulus.
“What are you doing to yourself, Regulus?” James asked, even though he knew he wouldn’t get a response. He took a deep breath and descended the stairs as quickly as possible, praying that someone would see him as soon as he got back into the hallway.
When he walked past the Slytherin dorm, no one was there. He cursed under his breath and continues on toward the hospital wing. Dried drops of rain covered his glasses, and his vision started to blur. His head would not stop pounding. He needed to get to Madame Pomfrey before someone found them both unconscious.
-
Madame Pomfrey yelped in shock when she saw a soaking wet James Potter holding the unconscious body of Regulus Black in his arms. She rushed James to lay Regulus down on one of the beds, and she pushed James into one himself, ordering him to stay put.
James’ head was screaming at him, and when he groaned in pain, Madame Pomfrey snapped her head away from Regulus. She had been mostly silent as she paced around Regulus, only whispering to herself.
“James Potter,” she started, her voice firm but kind. “What happened to you two?”
James swallowed heavily. “Will he be in trouble if I tell you?”
“Of course not, dear,” she says. Her face softened when she saw the worry in James’ face.
James sat up in the hospital bed, holding a hand up to his head when it throbbed once again. Madame Pomfrey sighed and walked away for a moment, but James was too focused on Regulus lying in the bed next to him to notice her absence. There was a large tear in the left arm of his black sweater. James saw more scars. He wondered how far up those scars went, if they were in other places besides his arms. It made James nauseous just thinking about it.
Madame Pomfrey returned with pills and a glass of water and forced James to take them. He obliged, ready to do just about anything to get rid of the pain in his head. She gently sat down on the bed beside James.
“What happened, James?” She asked, looking at him. Her voice was soft and calming. James had his fair share of Quidditch injuries, so he grew quite close with her due to his frequent visits. She’s one of the kindest people James had the fortune of knowing.
“I was at the party, having a great time, you know? Nothing was out of the ordinary. He wasn’t there, but that wasn’t a shocking thing. Regulus never goes to parties. I guess something in me knew something was wrong, so I left to find him. I saw his friend, Evan, standing outside the dungeon and I asked him if he knew where he was. He told me about the Astronomy Tower so I went up there. I didn’t think that he would be trying to k-“ James couldn’t bring himself to finish his sentence. “I didn’t know what was happening. When I saw him he was already falling. I ran as fast as I could to save him and I just barely caught him before it was too late.”
A tear rolled down James’ face and he didn’t stop it. He couldn’t stop staring at Regulus. “He looked so scared when he saw me, like he finally realized what he was doing. I pulled us both up, maybe a little too hard. I think he hit his head when we fell.”
Madame Pomfrey just nodded in understanding. She said nothing, just rested a comforting hand on his shoulder.
“If I didn’t leave when I did, he would’ve died. I would’ve been at that stupid party and he would’ve been dead on the pavement and I-“
“If he died, James, it would not have been your fault,” she said firmly. “This is out of your control. His life is out of your control. You were simply at the right place at the right time.”
James was full on sobbing now. His entire body was shaking and his head throbbed and he felt like vomiting and all he could think about was Regulus and his face when he saw James and he couldn’t tell if he was crying or if it was rain or both and he hurt Regulus he hurt him and he was already hurting and he made it worse and-
James woke up with the sun shining directly into his eyes. His head wasn’t throbbing anymore but he could feel a dull pain from when he hit his head. His glasses were nowhere to be seen and he could tell he was in different clothes than he was last night. Suddenly he remembered that Regulus is in the bed next to him and he turned his head to look at him.
There he is, Regulus Black. He was asleep, but conscious. His mouth was slightly open and there was a decent sized bruise forming on his nose and cheek. James winced at the memory of how he got it. Regulus was in different clothes as well, a black hooded sweatshirt and black sweatpants. The blanket was bunched up at his feet at the end of his bed, and James found himself smiling when he noticed.
Madame Pomfrey came rushing in, and when she saw James awake, she hurried over to his bed.
“How are you feeling, my dear?” She asked, placing her warm hand to his forehead and cheeks, checking his temperature.
“Not great.” He admitted. Usually he made a sarcastic comment in response to people asking him if he’s okay, but he couldn’t bring himself to crack a joke.
“Better than last night?” She asked, handing him a glass of water.
He nodded and sat up slowly, taking the cup, and downed it in one go. When did he get so thirsty?
“How is he?” James asked, looking back to Regulus. He wasn’t as pale anymore, but he was still incredibly white. That’s just the way he looks, James thought. That’s how Sirius was, too.
“He’s running a fever,” Madame Pomfrey began. “Other than that and a lot of trauma, he’s alright.”
“That’s good, I guess.” James responded. He didn’t know how he was supposed to act when he stopped someone from killing themselves.
“I’ve canceled your classes for the rest of the week and informed McGonagall of the…” she paused, looking for the right word. “incident. I’ve done the same for Regulus as well. I advise you to head back to your dorm and get your rest there. Regulus must stay for a while longer.”
“I don’t want to leave him,” James frowned.
She sighed and gave him a sad smile. She reached into the pocket of her dress and pulled out his glasses, clear of any scratches or marks. He put them back on and blinked a few times to adjust his eyes.
“James, with people who intend on taking their own life, they’re often angry at those who try to stop them,” she told him softly. “While I and everyone who knows about this situation are incredibly thankful you were there to save him, he might feel the opposite. I’m trying to save you from being mauled by this thirteen year old. Plenty of people have been sent here because of him, I don’t want you to be next.”
James didn’t respond, he just stared at Regulus. Knowing how Regulus acted around people he didn’t like, he wouldn’t spare James a passing glance, even after everything that happened. He let Madam Pomfrey escort him out, nodding as she demanded he return to her if he has any troubles with his head.
-
For the rest of the week, James didn’t leave his dorm. Remus brought him food and Sirius let him cry in his arms for hours. He found out from Madame Pomfrey that the only people who know about what happened are James' parents, McGonagall, and Dumbledore. He can’t even tell his own best friend what happened to his baby brother.
If Sirius knew what happened, it would destroy him. James used to be dead set on protecting Sirius with everything in him. He would fight anybody who tried to mess with Sirius. Now, he felt that same protective, possessive feeling for his brother. He needed to keep them both safe, even if it destroyed him in the process.