Chapter 1
Regulus -
There was a chill in the air as Regulus made his way up to the Astronomy Tower. It was a chilly October night, and everyone was distracted by the party the Gryffindors were throwing to celebrate yet another Quidditch victory. This was the first time Regulus was grateful for a party. No one was surprised that he wasn’t at the party, no one was ever surprised to not see him. Nobody expected anything from him.
Regulus made his decision a long time ago. When his brother ran away at thirteen, and left barely-twelve year old him alone at that house, his life crumbled. He wasn’t ever happy before Sirius left, but when he did, all hope he had of leaving his life behind and starting over was gone. With Sirius disowned, no longer part of the Black legacy, everything was put on Regulus, and he couldn’t handle it. Every expectation to be the perfect example of the Black name was now on him, not Sirius. He truly had no way of escaping that torturous life, not without his brother.
Deciding to take his life was the easiest decision he had ever made. In facing death, he would ensure that no innocent child would be thrown into the twisted, cruel world that was being a Black. Unfortunately for Regulus, there was nothing he could do to make his family disown him. Any proof of Sirius’ existence had been wiped from the Black family’s memories. Their perfect heir was gone, a distant memory, and Regulus took his place. His parents already carried the shame of one disappointing child, they would never let their remaining son tarnish their legacy completely. Even if Regulus shouted from the rooftop how badly he wanted to marry a man, his parents would pretend to be deaf. They would force him to marry a woman he hated and have children he hated because they reminded him of the life he can never live. In Regulus’ mind, that was a fate worse than death.
There were no letters to write, no one to hug goodbye, no i love you’s to say. He was born into a terrifying family, which meant everyone was terrified of him, no matter how hard he tried to come off as different from his relatives. The only time anyone dared to mutter his name was when someone caused trouble and all of the blame fell onto him. His brother was applauded for acting out, envied and loved by the school, while he couldn’t step foot in public without a whisper of his “next crime.” Regulus had never done any of the things people said he did, but it was easier to let people believe whatever they wanted instead of fighting to make them believe otherwise.
Regulus took a step closer to the railing. His hands gripped the cold, slippery metal and looked down at the pavement below him, swallowing heavily. He dragged his eyes up to the rainy sky, naming every constellation decorating the dark void. He was anxious for a distraction from the massive descent into darkness that awaited him a mere foot away. Just because he was doing this doesn’t mean he wanted to. That was the way his entire life went, squeezing himself into a box he didn’t fit into, forcing himself into becoming someone he didn’t recognize when he looked in the mirror.
He inhaled deeply before carefully lifting a leg up over the railing, climbing to the other side. There wasn’t much of anything to stand on. Half of his feet dangled over the edge, the only thing keeping him from falling were his and the painful grip he had on the rain-slicked railing. He stood with his back against the metal, staring out into the world ahead of him. He couldn’t look down. Regulus looked up at the sky once more, and right above him, looking down on him, was the Sirius constellation. Ironic how the one time his brother showed up for him was right before he was going to lose him forever. Regulus’ hands burned white, shaking with the intensity of his grip. His eyes stayed glued onto the stars above him.
Maybe it’s a sign I shouldn’t do this, he thought for a moment. That thought quickly faded when he remembered the way Sirius looked at him in the halls. His expression was always angry, but his eyes glittered with an unreadable emotion. Sirius didn’t need him, he had James now. James became his brother. James Potter. The disgustingly kind and charming fourteen year old he had the misfortune of seeing every single day. Always attached to Sirius at the hip, talking and laughing every hour of the day. He wondered if Sirius told James what happened at their house when they laughed too loud or spoke their mind. He knew Sirius did. He knew that James knew a lot more about Regulus than he let on.
Regulus let himself get lost in his mind. He conjured up old memories of him and Sirius when they were younger. Some nights, when their parents were especially cruel to Sirius, he would gently knock on Regulus’ door, crawl into his bed, and fall asleep with their foreheads pressed together. At first, Sirius would run his hands through Regulus’ dark hair and promise him that they would get out together. They would leave that house and leave that family for good and never look back. As they got older, Sirius stopped promising. He just climbed into Regulus’ bed silently and stared at the ceiling, only moving when Regulus eventually curled into his chest and fell asleep. Regulus could never tell what his brother was thinking.
Even as his grip loosened and his body leaned forward, Regulus wondered was his brother was thinking about. His time had come, and he stopped trying to hold on. As he began to fall, he looked up at his brother.
I’m sorry, Sirius.