The Accidental Death Eater: A (Le)Strange Survival Guide

Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
M/M
G
The Accidental Death Eater: A (Le)Strange Survival Guide
Summary
Rabastan Lestrange didn’t ask for this—or at least, the person unceremoniously dropped into his body didn’t. With only a faint idea of how the Harry Potter universe works, no memories, and absolutely zero Death Eater skills, surviving as Rabastan should be impossible.Somehow, against all odds, Rabastan becomes the Dark Lord’s favorite, which mostly involves dramatic rescues, being targeted by a homicidal Bellatrix, and dealing with a vampire who thinks brooding is a love language.
Note
Ya'll are just getting spammed with all the crap I was working on while ill but too, I don't know, not ready to publish? Who knows, I was in a weird space even after I was feeling better.I'm playing around with something a bit different, here! Instead of a lot of world building and slow-building, descriptive plot, I'm going for smaller, drabbly-but-connected chapters designed to delight that come out very often. Like little cupcakes. Let me know what you think!I made Rabastan's internal thoughts bold because they're such a big part of his personality. If it's driving you crazy pls tell me, as I said I'm playing around with this one!
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Ministry Mishap

Rabastan stood in front of the towering Ministry building, heart pounding as he glanced nervously at the other Death Eaters gathered around him. Okay, no pressure. Just infiltrating the Ministry with a group of highly skilled wizards who actually know what they’re doing. I’m definitely not going to mess this up.

Rodolphus was beside him, as stoic and intense, while Bellatrix practically vibrated with excitement at the prospect of causing destruction. The plan was simple. Break into a high-security Ministry vault, retrieve important magical artifacts, and get out without being caught.

Simple for them. A complete disaster waiting to happen for Rabastan.

“Remember the plan,” Rodolphus said, his voice low and commanding. “No mistakes, Rabastan.”

Rabastan nodded, swallowing hard. No mistakes. Got it. Just one small problem. I have no idea what the plan is.

The group moved into action, casting Disillusionment Charms on themselves as they approached the entrance. Rabastan fumbled with his wand, managing to cast the spell successfully (by pure luck), and followed the others into the building.

The Ministry was eerily quiet, the corridors empty and dimly lit. Rabastan trailed behind the group, trying not to trip over his own feet as they made their way deeper into the building.

“We’re nearing the vaults,” Bellatrix hissed, her eyes gleaming with anticipation.

Rabastan’s stomach churned. Vaults. Artifacts. Right. The goal is starting to take shape.

As they reached the entrance to the vaults, Rodolphus and Bellatrix began casting intricate spells to break through the wards. Rabastan stood to the side, trying to look useful while mentally freaking out.

Okay, just stay quiet and don’t touch anything. How bad could it be?

Without warning, the door to the vault exploded open with a deafening boom, sending shards of metal and stone flying in every direction. Rabastan stumbled backward, shielding his face as the shockwave knocked him off his feet.

“What the -?!” Bellatrix screeched, scrambling to her feet. “What just happened?!”

Rabastan blinked in confusion, his ears ringing. Before anyone could react further, a loud, blaring alarm echoed through the corridors, and the sound of footsteps filled the air. Ministry Aurors were on their way.

Rodolphus cursed under his breath, his wand raised as he prepared for a fight. “We need to move, now!”

Panic surged through Rabastan as he scrambled to his feet. Oh no. Oh no, why does chaos follow me wherever I go?

“Get the artifacts and get out!” Rodolphus barked, shoving Rabastan toward the now-open vault.

Rabastan stumbled inside, his heart racing as he looked around at the shelves of magical objects. What am I even looking for? How do I know what’s important?!

His eyes landed on a small, glowing orb sitting on one of the shelves. It looked important. Or dangerous. Or both.

Okay, that looks...artifact-y.

Without thinking, Rabastan grabbed the orb, tucking it under his arm as he turned to leave. But as soon as he touched it, the orb began to pulse with a strange, magical energy.

“Oh no,” Rabastan muttered, backing away from the shelf. “Oh no, no, no -”

The orb suddenly shot out of his hands, spinning wildly in the air before exploding into a burst of bright light. The entire vault shook as magical energy crackled through the air, knocking over shelves and sending objects flying.

Rabastan ducked, covering his head as the chaos unfolded around him. This is bad. This is so bad.

The sound of shouting filled the air as the Aurors arrived, but before they could get close, the magical energy from the orb surged toward the entrance of the vault, forming a shimmering barrier that blocked their path.

Rodolphus and Bellatrix stared in disbelief, their wands raised as they looked between the Aurors and the chaotic energy swirling around the room.

“What did you do?!” Bellatrix shrieked, her eyes wide with fury.

“Er -”

The barrier pulsed again, sending a shockwave through the corridor that knocked the Aurors off their feet. The vault trembled, and for a brief, terrifying moment, Rabastan thought the entire building was going to collapse.

But then, as quickly as it had started, the chaos subsided. The barrier shimmered one last time before disappearing, leaving the vault eerily quiet.

Rabastan blinked, dazed and confused. What just happened?

Rodolphus grabbed Rabastan by the arm, dragging him toward the exit. “We need to go. Now.”

As they fled the Ministry, Rabastan’s mind raced. Did I just save us? Or did I make things worse?

Back at the Death Eater headquarters, Rabastan sat in stunned silence as the others debriefed Voldemort on the mission. He was certain he was about to be executed for the disaster he had caused.

But instead, Voldemort listened quietly, his red eyes gleaming with approval as Rodolphus described how Rabastan had "single-handedly" taken control of the magical barrier and defeated the Aurors.

"Rabastan," Voldemort said softly, his voice carrying a note of admiration. "Once again, your unpredictability has served us well."

Rabastan blinked, completely baffled. Wait, what?

Voldemort’s gaze settled on him, and Rabastan felt a chill run down his spine. "You continue to surprise me, Rabastan. Your power is formidable."

Rabastan forced a shaky smile. "Uh, thank you, my Lord." Formidable? I almost blew us up!

Voldemort nodded slowly. "You’ve proven yourself time and time again. I trust you will continue to serve me well."

Rabastan’s heart sank. Serve him? Oh no. Oh no, no, no.

"Yes, my Lord," he muttered, trying not to sound like he was about to pass out. I’m never going to survive this.

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