Chapter 1
Remus wasn't entirely sure what had led up to this moment.
It had been years since everything yet suddenly over the last few months it spiralled dragging him under it all like some manic whirlpool.
Maybe it was just in his blood. Maybe he was destined to end up here the same way his father did. But then what had led to that? From the few remaining memories of Lyall Lupin that Remus still had he couldn't find any signs pointing to the fact that he was unhappy.
His Father was a giant of a man. A politician a man of his community. He had a slight temper but he scarcely ever raised his voice at Hope or rarely at Remus for that matter.
He was quiet and kind, not exactly a "force of life", but even still. It was hard to comprehend how he could go from a constant presence in their home, taking Remus and Hope out for ice cream on weekends or walks after school, to be completely gone.< br//>
As if he never existed. Remus grew used to never bringing him up to his mother. Even other people skirted around the topic of his father to him as if they would be held responsible for his death if they dared breathe his name.
Remus didn't even know how his father had died until he was 14. Seven years after he had actually passed.
It was rather unceremonious how he found out actually. He was at school when it happened.
"My mum said she was sick and she's in a better place now. That's why rabbits run away, you know, so they can find somewhere nice and peaceful rest. " Masie Bingham said solemnly.
The Bingham twins lived near Remus and he was often forced into playdates with them as a child at his mother's insistence.
Her brother Mason scoffed beside her.
"Bollocks," He said. The pair couldn't be more different. Masie was sweet if a little simple.
Her brother fancied himself a cool kid and would try to include a plethora of swear words in every sentence he spoke.
Masie whipped her head around to him eyes wide.
"Excuse me?" She said horrified
"It was a boy rabbit. You called him Pinky and made him wear a fucking bow, the poor bastard ran away in a suicide attempt." Mason said indignantly.
Masie gasped suddenly looking at Remus as though he was a ghost. She turned to her brother and gave him a dig.
"Don't say that word around Remus, Mason you know what mum said." she said under her breath to her brother. But not quietly enough.
Mason rolled his eyes incredulously "I'm sure he knows by now" he hissed back at his sister.
Mason turned to Remus.
"You know you're dad lobbed himself don't you?" Mason said trying to prove his point to his sister.
A cold surge of water had flooded his insides.
Remus felt like he was plummeting in place.
Like he was in a broken elevator hurling towards the ground.
Suicide
He knew that boys at school had always treated him differently.
Like he was a pansy or something. That's why the girls looked at him pityingly and would whisperto each other when he went by.
Pieces started to fall into place.
That's why other children would give him funny looks. Be kind but not friendly to him. Offering him a pitiful smile or a nod but never really talking to him. He thought it was because they felt sorry for him only having his mum. But this was different. They think he's crazy. Just like his dad. Sane people don't kill themselves.
His only "friends" to speak of only talked to him out of obligation and even they had never told him. Did everyone but him know how his father died?
Remus ran.
He pushed through the narrow school corridors.
He stumbled into confused students as he pounded his way down the linoleum-floored halls.
His chest felt like it had pins in it.
Piercing him with every breath.
He kept going feeling like he wanted to scream and cry at once.
He saw the door to the supply closet up ahead and ran until he reached it.
..............
It wasn't a very poetic way to go.
He hadn't written a note that just seemed cruel.
He'd rather not leave his mother to agonise over a piece of paper for the rest of her life.
He hoped that Margaret, the housekeeper, would find him or even Devo,n, his mother's new husband. Anyone but Hope.
Remus stared at the pills he had gotten from a boy on the East end.
Fentanyl.
The boy who sold them claimed to have made them himself. Before handing him the tattered baggie with lint and the pills inside. Remus wouldn't even consider taking them for any recreational
purpose but he supposed that it didn't really matter if he had a bad trip now, before he died.
Remus had entertained the thought of this very moment for so long that it didn't feel real to be in it.
Though,
Nothing felt real anymore.
Before he could second guess himself he swallowed the pills.