Have Some Tea or go to Bed!
“Good Godric, Mione!” Theo almost fell off his broom laughing as she bobbed up and down, the horrible broom sputtering and dipping beneath her as she trailed him towards the Forbidden Forest, so low to the ground her toes almost dragged through the grass.
Hermione scowled gritting her teeth. She hadn’t ridden a broom by herself since she’d suffered through her last Hogwarts flying lessons. And she wasn’t about to admit to Theo that this might be the best flying she’d ever managed.
They skirted the Whomping Willow and Hermione shakily climbed off her broom before she flew right into a tree or worse. The familiar sound of low moaning and little hiccupped sobs reached them through the trees.
“That’ll be Moaning Myrtle,” Hermione grimaced. “I didn’t know she left the castle.”
“I didn’t know she left the bathrooms.” Theo charged ahead.
As they skirted a patch of belladonna and zig-zagged through some bushes, a glow lit up the dark night ahead. A light muttering of conversation and then Theo broke through the trees and froze ahead of Hermione, his swallow audible.
Hermione pushed past and saw why. Luna sat at the table, surrounded by fairy light and butterflies, and ghosts, holding a cracked teacup and saucer. She was dressed in a long, purple, leather robe with horrible scratches all over—as though she’d been mauled by a Manticore. Her Spectrespecs were propped up on her forehead. And a large butterfly net lay propped against her legs.
“Oh! Hello, Luna, Myrtle” Hermione smiled, “pleasant evening.” She nodded at the other ghosts. The Grey Lady ignored them, and merely pinched her lips and folded one hand across the other, showing off the rings on her thin fingers. The Fat Friar ‘hmphed’ angrily and yanked a rabbit from his teacup so violently, Theo’s hand clasped his wand.
“Bed! Bed! Children should be abed!” Moaning Myrtle screeched and giggled circling the tea table.
“Hello, Hermione, Theodore,” Luna smiled looking into the middle distance between them with that unhurried way she always had about her.
“Do you mind if we join you?” Hermione asked brightly.
“This is our tea party,” Moaning Myrtle hissed, and then turned demurely to Theo. “But I suppose you can join us. You can sit by me.” Myrtle flew forward, her face right next to Theo’s as she smiled flirtatiously.
“Pleasure,” Theo choked out.
Pleased, Myrtle flew back to her tree stump and pet a chair next to her. Her finger dragged in a slow circle. “You can sit,” she purred, “right. Here.” She tip-toed her fingers across the chair.
Theo was down to one bottle of Champagne, and after a long stare at Luna, took such an equally long drink that he polished off the second.
“Thirsty?” Luna asked.
“Evanesco” Theo muttered, and the bottle blinked away. He stalked over to the chair Myrtle kept molesting.
“Scourgify,” Theo blasted the filthy chair.
Myrtle shrieked and clasped her hands together.
“Yes.” Hermione smiled.
“Pity, the tea isn’t very good,” Luna said.
Hermione sat down between The Fat Friar and The Grey Lady. Dirt covered the spread of tea things: a moldy pile of scones, the liquid remains of fruit with flies crawling everywhere, and a spider-webbed tea setting.
“I wouldn’t drink it if I were you,” Luna hummed pleasantly, “I have spider webs in mine.” She plucked at invisible strings on her pale pink lips.
Theo shuddered.
“Yes, thank you, Luna.” Hermione watched a beetle circle inside her cup. “You didn’t by chance, invite us here?” Hermione asked hesitantly. She had been so sure Luna couldn’t have been the author of the scavenger hunt before, but now sitting at the gritty table in the creepy forest, Hermione wondered.
“I don’t think so,” Luna replied. “The Grey Lady invited me. I thought after tea I might go survey the Mooncalfs,” Luna’s voice fluted across the over-crowded tabletop.
Theo shivered at the sound, scowling at the sly smile spreading across Hermione’s impish face.
“Would you like to join me, Theodore?” Luna asked.
Theo’s eyes flared wide. He breathed in sharply through his nostrils. At last, he choked out, “I’m . . . helping Hermione.”
“That’s kind of you.” Luna tipped her Spectrespecs back down onto her nose. “You’ve got a lovely crowd of Wrackspurts zooming around you, Theodore.”
Theo combed his fingers through his hair.
“Scones?” Moaning Myrtle interrupted. Then demanded, “SCONES?”
“Oh, yes,” Hermione brandished her wand picking up the only suspiciously fresh scone on the table. Breaking it open she shook out the parchment and a heavy skeletal key. Hermione quickly pocketed the key and turned to the scroll.
“Oh, a surprise.” Luna smiled.
“Nobody ever leaves surprises for me!” Myrtle let out a hateful pout. “All anyone ever wants to do is cry in my bathroom.”
Hermione cleared her throat and read:
“By Hogsmeade you’ll tread.
Where roads, like fingers, spread.
Among the vines and orange hue,
a final riddle I gift to you.”
“Well, that will be the pumpkin patch.” Hermione cleared her throat.
“Right.” Theo scooted sideways as Myrtle’s hand crept closer to his thigh.
“If you’d like to go with Luna, I can find the pumpkin patch easily enough,” Hermione offered.
Theo gave her a murderous look.
“By the way.” Hermione smirked, turning back to Luna, “Did you happen to see who left this scone?”
“I did!” Moaning Myrtle hiccupped. “I see lots of things.” She smiled and wiggled on her stump, glancing towards Theo.
“Who?” Hermione leaned forward, eagerly.
“Wouldn’t you like to know?” Moaning Myrtle simpered at Theo.
“Ask her, Theo.” Hermione rolled her eyes.
“Uh, who left the scone, Myrtle?” Theo asked obediently. Then crossed his legs one-cheeking his chair as Moaning Myrtle crawled towards him.
“They were very sneaky about it.” Myrtle jumped up, and ran across the table to the pile of scones. “I arrived to tea early, and was sleeping in the teapot. It was a lovely nap.” She growled, “And they woke me! I heard them Apparate, you see. BANG!” She screamed in Hermione’s face.
“But nobody can Apparate around Hogwarts,” Hermione protested.
“Yes, they can.” Theo frowned. “My house-elf can.”
“Smart and handsome,” Myrtle laughed with a gasp.
Hermione scowled at the riddle. She supposed anyone from school could have asked one of Hogwarts’s house-elves for assistance.
“Did you see which house-elf it was?” Hermione asked.
Moaning Myrtle hmphed drifting back towards Theo.
Hermione glared at Theo.
“Myrtle? Could you please answer Hermione’s questions?” Theo asked.
“I’d like to know as well,” Luna popped in. “I’ll bring the house-elf a better scone. These don’t seem very nice.”
Theo smiled nervously at Luna, “Do you like scones then? I know a wonderful shop. My mother,” Theo paused and swallowed hard. “My mother used to take me out to tea.”
“Oh! My mother also liked a full tea,” Luna smiled serenely. “Though we had tea in her garden. Sometimes, if we left out some sandwiches, the Gnome’s would leave Mother’s plants alone.”
Hermione had never thought about how both their mothers had passed away around the same time.
“Nobody asked you!” Myrtle popped out of the table to hiss in Luna’s face.
“I asked her.” Theo glared at Myrtle.
Myrtle promptly burst into tears. “I know, I know exactly which house-elf it was, and I’m not going to tell. I’m not going to tell any of you anything ever! You’re a nasty, mean boy, Theodore Nott!” Moaning Myrtle shrieked and fled beneath the table screaming.
Hermione sighed, “I don’t suppose any of you saw the house-elf?” Hermione turned to The Grey Lady and The Fat Friar. Neither replied.
“I’m not sorry,” Theo muttered.
“Thank you, Theodore,” Hermione growled sarcastically.
“What does it even matter, Hermione?” Theo sighed leaning back in his chair.
“Because—,” Hermione blushed and pinched her lips, “just because.”
Luna peered closer at Hermione through her glasses. “I’m sure the Wackspurts are making it difficult for you to finish that thought. You should get a pair of Spectrespecs, they seem to help me.”
Theo snickered softly.
****
“Riddle me this, Mione.” Theo gasped and leaned into the broom. Hermione’s death grip creaked his ribs. “How is it, you can ride a dragon out of Gringotts bank, and you haven’t learned not to fear a broom.”
After ten failed attempts to coach Hermione’s broom higher than the treetops of the Forbidden Forest, Theo gave up. Clearly, they’d be out all night at this rate. So, Theo flew them both, cutting across the Forbidden Forest to an Apparition zone.
“I don’t know, Nott. Why can’t you go on one date with Luna like a normal person with a crush.”
“I’m still working on plan Lovegood.”
Hermione snickered into his back. “Oh, my, Godric. Theodore!”
“Hermione.” Theo warned and swerved the broom.
Hermione screamed but sank her teeth into the topic. “She asked you to go on a Mooncalf survey, alone, under the moon, and you turned her down to sort through pumpkins with your coworker.”
“Piss off, Hermione.”
“You complete nutter, Theo.”
“And how were you going to get to the pumpkin patch, hmm, Hermione?” Theo landed them just outside the school grounds and tugged at his rumpled jacket, annoyed.
“Go back and ask her out,” Hermione ordered, sighing hugely now that her feet were back on grass.
“I don’t want to survey Mooncalfs.”
“Salazar, are you even a Slytherin? You’re going to survey Lovegood surveying Mooncalfs.”
Theo flushed and rolled his eyes.
Hermione smirked.
“Fine, what about you?” Theo narrowed his eyes at her.
“Me?” Hermione shrugged smiling. “What about me?”
Theo swallowed glancing away. “If you need me, send an otter.”
“Bet you’d like to hear Luna say she needs you,” Hermione snickered.
Theo sighed heavily and dragged her into a hug, kissing her forehead. “Be wicked, be sly, and don’t you dare cry.” He muttered into the top of her head and jumped back on his broom, streaking into the sky at a much faster pace than he’d flown with Hermione.
Hermione watched him go, keeping her smile fixed. Then she turned on her heel, Apparating away.