Chapter 18
Regulus was bent over, clutching his stomach and laughing so hard he had to lean against the railing of the Themse they were looking at.
"And then," James continued, "Remus, of all people, gets up on the Griffindor table and starts belting Christmas songs, and you want to know the weirdest part? It worked! It bloody worked. And we snuck a half transformed, half naked, human-dog creature across the hall without anyone noticing!"
"That," Regulus weezed, "is a terrible terrible story."
James bristled, "no it's not! It's a story of great ingenuity and friendship. It even features singing!"
Regulus straightened back up, still grinning. He looked half amused, half stunned, "Jesus I haven't laughed like that in ages."
Everything in and around James's heart went all warm and mushy. He chose to ignore the creeping sadness as he thought about the implications of these words. Of all the the pranks and the laughter, the joy and the friendship Regulus had missed.
Hell, maybe they had missed part of them too.
He smiled gently at Regulus. "Anytime Sweetheart. Anytime."
James could see the way Regulus's breathing spead up. Their eyes locked, and Regulus's darted towards his lips. He swayed closer, leaned into James, only a hairsbreath away.
So it was still there. That magnetic force that had pulled Regulus close in the first place. That living, flickering thing between them that felt so much like warmth and hope he wanted to grab it and never let it go. But it was frail, he knew. If he grabbed it, he might crush it.
He slowly lifted his hand, gave Regulus an out, and when he didn't take it James brushed a black curl out of his eyes. The tips of his fingers tracing the cool, slightly marred skin of Regulus's cheeks.
He leaned even closer, let their lips almost brush. Felt warm breath on his parted lips.
Then he cupped Regulus's face. "You're going to have, such a good life Reggie," he whispered, "you are going to see all the things you never got to see. Taste all the things you never got to taste, hear all the goddamn music you've ever wanted-"
"Stop."
It wasn't even so much the word that made him go quiet but the tremor in Regulus's voice. There was a sheen of tears over Regulus's eyes and before James knew what to do his hands fell away uselessly, Regulus turning away, his shoulders over his ears, and quickly walking into the night.
James was too stunned, too shocked and confused to even try to speak, let alone follow.
He stared after Regulus for what felt like hours, only blinking awake when a drop of rain hit him.
He sat on the sidewalk whit a heavy sigh. Now, this'll be fun to tell Sirius about. He thought miserably and buried his face in his hands.
~~~
James had no idea how long he sat there, the rain growing heavier and heavier, the orange light of the lamp across the street becoming more and more distorted. He was soaked at this point and when his phone rang he was astonished the speakers didn't just gurgle.
By Sirius's cheerful voice he assumed Regulus hadn't yet told him about this recent disaster, and by Sirius's question about 'how's the rekindling going' he also assumed he hadn't even spoken to Regulus. At all. Which meant Regulus hadn't gone home.
That had to mean something right? He just wanted to understand what he'd done wrong. Too fast with the kiss? Too sappy with the promises, too strong with the cologne?? He just needed to know.
James got up and stepped along the path he'd seen Regulus disappear along, his fingers gracing the wand in his pocket. "Appare Vestigium," he whispered. Gold spilled from his pocket and hurried looking footsteps in front of him began to glow.
He'd done this countless times for the order. Somehow this still felt more important than any mission ever gone on.
He splashed through the streets, his shoes squelching with every step and nearly missed it when the footsteps suddenly turned into a small cobblestone road.
Every piece of fabric on his body was soaked and just as he thought about a protective spell, or even just an umbrella, he saw something move in the alleyway in front of him.
Golden, fading footprints lead to a figure huddled on the floor and James forgot the umbrella in an instant.
Regulus's back was leaned against a wall and his head was bent in a strange imitation of how James had just found himself on sitting on the road not to long ago. He knelt down beside him and gently rested a hand on Regulus's arm.
"Reggie, hey."
Regulus lifted his head slowly, his usually buoyant curls clung to his face and even though it was hard to tell in the rain, James was pretty sure he'd been crying.
"I'm sorry Reg," he said and gathered him in his arms. Tried to stroke away the hiccuping sobs on Regulus's back.
Slowly, very slowly, he rose. Pulling Regulus with him and cursing himself a little for not being better at silent charms because Regulus was clearly freezing.
"I'll hex you warm okay? Let me just-" but as he extracted his arm from him Regulus suddenly jerked away.
"Tell me why you're doing this," his voice was even rougher now, his eyes red rimmed and pleading. He grabbed onto James arms, halted him in his movements and all of a sudden Regulus's eyes cleared up.
Just a little, just a fraction but enough for James to stop reaching for his wand. To take in the severity of the moment.
"Tell me," Regulus said again. "Please tell me."
James swallowed. Licked his lips. He had to know, right? Regulus had to know already. So it didn't matter. It was all or nothing but he wasn't really risking anything because after everything that had happened and all the things they'd done and what they'd already been through, Regulus had to already know. Right?
"Because ... I love you. Because I didn't even really know it but I waited for you all these years, because-" Regulus let go of his arms. His face was horribly pale, his eyes now wide with shock.
He was mumbling something under his breath and James leant forward, trying to catch it. "Reggie what-"
"You can't. You can't. No no no no no James. No! You can't!" James blinked. Of all the reactions he was expecting this was ... well, very low on the list at least. Regulus was still muttering, had started to pace.
Suddenly he turned again, holding a finger against James's chest. He looked absolutely furious. "You take that back! Take it back. You can't, you can't, you can't, you-" his voice broke off at the last word and his mask of anger slipped and James saw the raw despair underneath.
He took Regulus's shaking hand into his own. "Okay. Okay Reg. I take it back, I- can I take you home? Please? Can I get you out of this rain?"
"Home?"
"To my home. You don't have to stay. We'll just ... get you warm. Talk without the rain maybe. Please Reg. I don't understand what I did wrong ... I- everything was going so well and-" James broke off when Regulus ducked his face.
"Home?" He asked again and Regulus nodded his head, still not lifting his head.
James gripped him tighter and apparated in front of his apartment.
Everything would be fine. He just had to sort this out. Understand what had happened. Maybe get some warm soup into the both of them.
Then everything would be fine.