Prologue
Sunday Morning
James wasn’t there.
* * *
Thursday, 8 October 1981
“As you know, there is a traitor amongst our ranks. And, as you may have guessed, we have reason to believe that Remus Lupin is that traitor. I should’ve been more careful asking him to infiltrate Greyback’s ranks, but there’s nothing to do now except confirm our suspicions.”
The Auror’s voice rang out through the mirror as James, Lily, and Sirius sat on the couch in the cottage in Godric’s Hallow. Sirius had appeared at the door minutes before saying that Moody had something important to talk to them about and had asked for his mirror and told him to come here immediately, no questions asked. None of them wanted to believe that this was the conversation they were truly having.
“Moody, this is insane. Remus would never do anything to hurt us and, more than that, he’d never do anything to hurt Harry.”
“Lily, a few months ago I’d be the first to agree with you, but you have to admit this makes sense.”
“No, Sirius, I don’t have to admit that. You of all people should shy away from jumping to such a conclusion.”
“Please, both of you, shut up.” James snapped, clearly at his wits’ end. After a pause and a few purposeful breaths, he turned his head to the auror, “Moody, what do you need us to do?”
“I need you all to understand that we are functioning so far outside of the law.”
They couldn’t help but laugh, “Moody, trust me when I tell you that it would be harder for us to fathom functioning inside the law.”
“Great point Mr. Black, I seem to have forgotten who I was speaking with.”
The two Marauders shook with laughter for only a second before they each got smacked upside the head, neither chanced a look but they were almost certain if they had, they’d have seen Lily biting her lip to stop the smile from spreading across her face as she chided, “pay attention you gits, this is clearly important”
“How you put up with these prats, I’ll never understand,” Moody sighed, shaking his head with poorly hidden amusement, “the reason I mention that we are functioning outside of the law is that I’m going to ask you to do something I know would end with you in Azkaban were you caught.”
“Oh good, so just our average Thursday then,” Sirius chirped.
“Right you are, Mr. Black,” Moody responded before turning his head to James, “Mr. Potter, I understand that you might spend a few hours a month with a distinct lack of feet and maybe a couple more antlers than we’d normally see you with?”
“Fuck.”
“And you, Mr. Black, might have paws?”
“Double fuck.”
“Who else knows?”
“Minerva told me that her beloved Gryffindor boys might still have a couple tricks up their sleeves, as far as I know it’s only she and I.”
The pair shared a look before James smiled and said, “I knew Minnie loved us more than she was putting on.”
After shaking his head and trying not to laugh, Moody quickly set his expression before turning back to James and saying, “I need you to find Lupin and watch the pack before and after the moon. You cannot stay in the forest during the moon. Lupin will more than certainly recognize your scent while in wolf form and there’s nothing we can do to ensure your safety were that to happen.”
“Where do I start?”
“You will leave tomorrow morning, apparate to the safehouse outside Ipswich, I’ll meet you there and direct you to the pack’s last known location. You’ll then apparate to the edge of the forest, take your second form, and observe from there. On Tuesday afternoon, you’ll return to the edge of the forest and apparate to the safehouse outside Norwich where you’ll stay through the moon and then return to the pack to continue observing. I’m not sure when you’ll be able to return home, but I hope it will be before November’s full moon. I’d suggest you use a glamor or disillusionment charm while in your human form.”
“And what do you want me to do?”
“Mr. Black, you are the Potters’ secret keeper, we cannot risk your life. I know that you would truly die before giving up their location, but if you were to die, the fidelius charm would be broken anyways and Harry’s location would be uncovered.”
“I understand, what do you want me to do?”
“I do not believe that you joining Mr. Potter on this mission would be a good idea, a stag is not out of place in a forest but a grim might throw the pack for a loop.”
“Well, I can’t necessarily argue with that.”
“I’d like for you to remain with Harry and Lily, but your location is not protected by the fidelius charm, if you were to remain with them, it’d be best if you three discussed choosing a new secret keeper.”
“Alright, we can do that.” James said, pausing before adding, “I’ll see you in the morning Moody.”
As the connection between the two mirrors faded, James, Sirius, and Lily sat in silence. After a minute, Lily spoke, “well, that was cheery.”
Despite themselves, the trio broke down laughing. The laughter faded once again to silence, which ended abruptly as James posed, “who do we ask?”
“Peter,” Sirius responded, immediately. “No one will think of him, he hasn’t been an overly public member of the Order, as far as most know, he’s a ministry employee who happens to dislike Voldemort.”
James thought for a second before asking, “are you sure?”
After a moment of thought, Lily took action. “Sirius, go find Peter, bring him here tonight. We’ll have dinner as a group, transfer the charm, and then James and Peter will leave in the morning.”
With that, Sirius took a long look at his brother before turning to Lily, kissing her head, and walking out the door.
“Are you sure Peter is the best choice? We could always ask Dumbledore again.”
“Despite the circumstances, now is not the time to stop trusting our friends. Sirius is right, he isn’t an obvious choice to outsiders, but he should be an obvious choice to us.”
After a moment, James sighed, “you’re right Lils. You’re right. I just can’t believe that Moony is the traitor, he’d never hurt us. He’d never hurt Harry. He’d never hurt Sirius.”
“I honestly think that Moody agrees with you otherwise he’d find another way to keep eyes on Remus, sending you feels like him saying he doesn’t believe it either.”
“I’m afraid to leave you guys alone. I don’t like the idea of disappearing. We’ve all been out of our minds worried about Moony since he left to infiltrate Greyback’s ranks, I don’t want you all worrying about me too.”
“Of course we’ll worry, we all love you, but if this is a way to prove that Remus isn’t the leak and, in turn, lead us to figuring out who the real traitor is, you have to do it. You have to do it for Remus, and you have to do it for Harry. He’s only in more danger every day we go on with an enemy amongst the Order.”
“I know … I know,” he breathes, “I know, love. I’m just going to go sit with him until Sirius and Peter get back. I don’t know how long I’ll be gone.” After getting up, James leans over the back of the couch to wrap his arms around Lily, burying his nose in her hair for a minute before kissing the top of her head and walking upstairs to the familiar, yellow-painted walls and the sweet baby with jet black hair and bright green eyes playing with his stuffed dog beneath a wooden mobile of suns, stars, and crescent moons. In that room, looking down at his son, James can almost forget the war raging on outside, he can push away the fear that someone he knows and trusts is about to turn their world upside down, he can take a deep breath and smile at his little boy and run his fingers through that Potter hair and trust that they’re doing the right thing; he can believe for a moment that everything they’ve lost will mean something.
With silent tears running down his cheeks, James picks up his son and holds him close to his chest, he tucks his nose into the crook of Harry’s neck and soaks in the sweet sound of the boy’s laugh as he wriggles around in the safety his dad’s strong arms before settling down, at peace with his head propped on James’ shoulder. James hears the familiar sounds of Lily’s footsteps travelling down the hallway and turns to smile as she enters their son’s room. There, for just a minute, they can pretend that they’re a normal family. Pretend that there isn’t some mysterious, half-baked prophecy looming like a scythe over their sweet son. For just a moment, they’re just young parents with a babbling 14-month-old baby, enjoying each other’s company before their friends come over for dinner.
All too soon, they feel the familiar ripple in the wards signaling Sirius’ arrival. James takes one more second to soak in the peace of simply existing as a family before handing his son to the love of his life and walking downstairs to let his brother and his childhood best friend inside.
James does his best to put on that winning James Potter Smile as he opens the door to let Sirius and Peter into the house. Sirius tries his best to smile back, but the expression doesn’t quite meet his eyes. James can’t quite interpret Peter’s look. It’s the familiar mixture of fear, sadness, and exhaustion that he’s come used to seeing on his friend’s faces, but there’s something else beneath it. For a second, James thinks it might be guilt, but the thought leaves his mind as quickly as it had entered as Peter jumps forward to envelop his oldest friend into a hug. Since the Potters had gone into hiding, the friends had only seen each other through the mirrors. After spending their entire lives never going more than a week without each other, the change had been hard, but James didn’t realize how hard it had truly been until he was finally able to reach out touch his friend and see his face in three dimensions.
It'd be a while before James let himself think about that moment again; awhile before he let himself wonder what might be different if he’d only held onto that fleeting thought for a second longer. Who might still be here, who might be free if he’d asked himself what that flicker of guilt in Peter’s eyes might have meant.