Sirius and Remus
“God, whose dick do I have to suck around here to get a chocolate fucking biscuit?” Sirius grumbled as he scrolled through the seventy emails he’d received in the past hour.
A knock came at the door and he looked up guiltily as he asked them to come in. Remus’ smiling face appeared around the door. “Hello, sir. Mid-morning sustenance?”
“You’re an absolute dream, Remus!” Sirius noted the blush rising in Remus’ cheeks as he set the coffee mug and plate of chocolate biscuits on his desk. “Do you have a moment?” He gestured at the chair “I’ve been feeling a little uncomfortable with us working in such close proximity and feeling like I know nothing about you.” He paused, “It seems… elitist, and wrong.”
Remus raised an eyebrow. “I see. What is it that you want to know? My life isn’t particularly exciting I’m afraid.”
“Where do you live?” Sirius leaned back in his chair, telling himself that this wasn’t inappropriate to ask at all.
"Surely you could have looked that up in my personnel file." He shot Sirius a lopsided grin.
"I could have I suppose, yes. That would be terribly boring though, wouldn't it? Plus, this way, you have the pleasure of my company for a few more minutes before you scoot off to make the chancellor his skinny latte, and I get to procrastinate thinking about the impending visit from President Greyback at the same time."
“Wandsworth. The dodgy end.” Remus said, not seeming particularly bothered by this.
“Oh, my brother and nephew live in Wandsworth!” His face lit up, “Which end is the dodgy end?”
“Right at the end of the high street, Harris Street. Near the Queen’s Head.” Remus shrugged, frowning slightly.
“Oh shit, that is dodgy.” Sirius grimaced. “And you live there with your... wife? Husband? Three loving partners and seven children?”
Remus laughed, “No wife anymore. No husband… as of yet. It’s just me and my son.”
“You have a son?” Sirius did his best to keep his face neutral. No husband yet. A son? An ex-wife, oh shit, perhaps a late wife?
“Yeah, Teddy. Edward. He’s five.” The look that appeared on Remus’ face was so serene when he spoke about his son that Sirius had to focus incredibly hard on what Remus was saying lest he get lost in his sparkling green eyes. “He’s such a good kid.”
“I don’t doubt that, I’m sure you bribe him with chocolate biscuits,” Sirius said with a grin, which only widened as Remus laughed again.
“Oh no, you’ve discovered my secret.”
It was Sirius’ turn to laugh, “So, you and Teddy’s mum…? Sorry, that's personal. Forget I asked.”
“No, it's ok. Divorced. Fairly recently, actually.” Remus’ face fell slightly. “She ran off last Christmas with a coworker and I haven’t seen her since apart from when video called Teddy until May. Haven’t heard from her since.”
Sirius’ mouth had dropped open and he closed it quickly. “She just left you and your kid?” Remus nodded sadly. “I see. Well, Remus, as prime minister, I could arrange to have her… taken care of.”
Remus snorted, “Tempting as that is, Prime Minister, I don’t think Teddy would ever forgive me if I orchestrated a hit on his mum.”
“Please, call me Sirius when we’re alone. Prime Minister and Sir sound so…” He shook his head and said, “And yes I suppose that’s fair enough. What about framing her for a crime? I’m sure I could get that done very easily. Nice bit of fraud? Embezzling funds?”
“Not necessary, Sirius.” Fuck. His name sounded wonderful in Remus’ accent. “I’m managing fine these days, it’s just Teddy who I’m angry for. Poor kid asked if she’s going to come to his Christmas Show, he’s a fucking lobster, sorry, no he’s the first fucking lobster.”
“Oh god forbid the press get wind of that. ‘Local primary school replaces nativity play with woke crustacean scene’!” He grinned, taking in Remus’ melodic laugh again. “What did you tell him, when he asked?”
“Oh, shit. Don’t laugh. I told him she’s working for Santa and probably can’t get time off.” He dragged a hand down his face. “So fucking stupid.”
Sirius found himself taken aback slightly. “That’s rather sweet, actually.”
“Perhaps. I’ve no idea how and when I’m meant to tell him she’s probably never coming back…” He frowned, then his cheeks flushed again and he got to his feet. “Sorry, Sirius, I shouldn’t unload all my family issues on you. You have much more pressing shit to deal with.”
“I asked.” Sirius shrugged. As Remus nodded and turned to go he added, “Remember, Remus. Highly trained military assassins are only a phone call away!”
Remus laughed as he opened the door, stifling it suddenly as he saw Amelia about to knock. She simply looked from Sirius to Remus then closed the door with a frown at Sirius, and followed Remus down the hallway.
“Did you ever have this problem?” Sirius asked the massive and utterly terrifying portrait of Margaret Thatcher on the wall. “No, I imagine not…” He shuddered and picked up a chocolate biscuit, noting that there were four on the plate today.
He turned back to the document with the itinerary for US President Fenrir Greyback's visit which started the following day and groaned. This was not sensible at all.