Love, Probably.

December 2023

Tonks sat in her office, spinning on her desk chair, round and round, then back the other way. She took a sip of her can of Monster and sighed. She was just about to shove her laptop into her bag and leave to meet Remus when Charlie poked his head through the door and grinned at her.

“Sorry, Dora. I got caught up talking to Emmeline.” He said, leaning on the doorway. “Thought I might have missed you.”

“I told him I’m running late. I have a few minutes.” She smiled at him. “Please give me strength for this afternoon. Christmas shopping with Captain Thoughtful is always an ordeal.”

“Is there going to be anything under your tree for me?” He asked. “I think Santa would agree that I’ve been very good this year.”

Tonks laughed, “Santa would say no such thing. What kind of thing does the illustrious Charlie Weasley hope to find under the tree, then?”

Charlie grinned lasciviously, “If not something... fun to unwrap. Something sparkly.”

“Oh, you’re definitely on the naughty list!” She groaned as her phone started to ring. “Hi, love… yes I’m just leaving now. Sorry, something came up at the last minute. I’m on my way though, I promise… Ok, I’ll meet you outside The Entertainer in ten minutes. Fancy grabbing me a coffee? Alright, thanks love. Bye… yeah, love you too. Bye.” She rolled her eyes at Charlie as she hung up. “Christmas shopping waits for no one. I’ll see you at the Christmas Party tomorrow night?”

“You will. I’ll be hanging out under the mistletoe, hoping for a Christmas miracle.” Their eyes met, sparks flying between them. “Enjoy your shopping.”

🌙✨🎄✨🌙

After a gruelling trip to The Entertainer which ended with Teddy’s Christmas looking like it would be incredible, they split off to buy presents for each other.

Remus headed to Selfridges. He’d already got her main present, a special edition Jimi Hendrix 1967 Gibson SG. She’d been talking about wanting a new guitar, and he’d stumbled across this particular custom one which was perfect for her. It was quite a bit more than he’d usually spend, but he’d had a decent bonus at work in November and he wanted Tonks and Teddy to have the best Christmas. So he planned to get her a variety of self-care bits and bobs and he’d put them together in a hamper, and it would be so much more personal than any of those pre-made self-care kits.

He was particularly proud of himself this year. He’d been planning since September to make this special. The three of them, and his mam, had plans to go to the Winter Wonderland in Hyde Park that weekend. Teddy was just starting to get into Christmas this year and it warmed Remus’ heart to see him so excited by Santa and snow and all the sparkle of the season.

As he was paying at the Yves St Laurent counter, he spotted the familiar flash of pink hair heading towards the jewellery section, pausing at the Hatton Labs counter. He smiled to himself as he headed towards the cafe. He’d never been given jewellery as a gift before unless you counted his wedding ring, and the thought of it made his heart glow. He couldn’t wait to wear whatever it was proudly.

Tonks, looking over her shoulder nervously, didn’t spot Remus before he slipped away. She turned back to the counter where an old man with a long beard and half-moon spectacles smiled at her.

“Good afternoon, are you looking for anything in particular this afternoon?” His eyes twinkled as he spoke to her.

Tonks looked over the jewellery in the case. “I’m looking for something… sparkly.” She thought of the collection of bracelets Charlie wore on his left wrist. Knowing that one of them would be a representation of whatever it was that was blossoming between them made her feel giddy. “A bracelet.”

“Of course. You’re in the right place, dear.” He nodded, “So, we have tennis bracelets, simple chains, and we just got in these lovely beaded beauties.” He gestured at a small selection of beaded bracelets.

One caught her eye immediately, the beads the shades of blue and green of the ocean. “This one. This is the one.”

“Ah, very good choice.” He pulled the bracelet from the case. “Can I interest you in some festive gift wrapping?”

She looked over her shoulder as he rang her up, “Uh, yes, I suppose that would be nice.”

He set the bracelet down on the counter and pulled out a small red box, putting the bracelet inside, and rearranging it slightly before putting the lid on the box.

“Right, thanks.” She said, reaching for it.

“Oh, no. Not done yet.” He smiled at her and reached for a small selection of ribbons. “Gold, white or silver?”

She looked over her shoulder again. “Does it matter?” When she looked back at him, his face told her that it actually did very much matter. “Fine. Gold, please.”

“An excellent choice.” He nodded sagely as he cut a length of the gold ribbon, wrapping it around the box and tying it with a flourish. Just as Tonks was about to reach for the box again, he pulled out some scissors and started curling the ends of the ribbon expertly.

“Ok, that’s perfect, thank you.” She said, gritting her teeth slightly, and looking over her shoulder again.

The man turned and pulled a clear cellophane bag out of a drawer.

“I don’t need a bag, I’ll just put it in this bag,” Tonks said, holding up one of the bags of Teddy's presents.

“This isn’t just a bag, my dear.” The old man’s eyes twinkled again.

“It isn’t?”

“Oh, no. This is so much more than a bag.” He opened the bag, then opened another drawer, took some dried roses and dropped them into the bag, then did the same with some lavender.

Tonks checked the time and grimaced. “That’s lovely, really lovely, I just- I really must be going. Can you make this quick?”

“Of course, madam. Prontissimo!”

He reached over and opened yet another drawer as he twisted the top of the bag. He wrapped more gold ribbon around a—

“What is that?” Tonks asked, exasperated.

“It’s a cinnamon stick. Very seasonal.”

“I don’t need a bloody cinnamon stick, I just need to leave.” She looked over her shoulder again, expecting Remus to pop up at any second.

He finished tying the cinnamon stick onto the bag. “Very well, we shall just pop it in a Christmas box and then we’re done.”

“I don’t need a Christmas box!” She snapped. “I just need the bloody bracelet!”

“But you said you wanted it gift-wrapped.” The man looked a little affronted at her tone. He placed the bag in a red box, then proceeded to wrap another length of gold ribbon around it, curl the ends of the ribbon and just when Tonks thought she was good to leave, he reached for another drawer.

“What now? What else could you possibly do to it? Are you planning to cover it in chocolate and deep fry it too?”

“Just a sprig of holly.” He said with a wry smile.

“No. That’s enough. No Holly.” She grabbed the box from him and turned around and found Remus watching from the railing near the escalators. Shit.

She made her way over to him, “Alright, Rem?” She pressed a kiss to his cheek. “They take gift wrapping bloody seriously here, don’t they?”

He ruffled her hair affectionately, pressed a kiss to the top of her head and laughed, “They certainly do, babe. Are you ready to go?”

🌙✨🎄✨🌙

Remus wasn’t a fan of work Christmas parties at the best of times, but at every Christmas party hosted by Tonks’ workplace,e he felt like an outsider, lurking on the sidelines while Tonks appeared to be a completely different person. He’d brought it up the first year, but she told him that was just how she was at work. To cope in a male-dominated corporate environment she’d had to build a strong persona, and that had to carry on for the party.

He understood, but he still didn’t like it.

So when he saw Tonks spending an awful lot of time talking to a very attractive man with long red hair and a lot of tattoos he tried not to think too much of it. He sipped his mulled wine and winced at the acidity.

“How about a dance with the boss?” Charlie whispered into Tonks’ ear.

She looked over at Remus, who, predictably, was scrolling on his phone. “Yeah, ok. Yes. Yes, of course. As long as your girlfriend won’t mind.” She looked at him, challenging him. She’d seen him show up with a pretty girl with long blonde hair.

“Not my girlfriend. Sister-in-Law. Bill will be here later, but she wanted to come and look at the art.” Charlie shrugged, leading her by the hand to the dance floor.

“You look lovely tonight. You scrub up well, you know?” Tonks said as Charlie pulled her closer and started to sway gently.

“Well, don’t tell anyone, but I’m trying to impress someone.” He said quietly. “And… I think it’s working.”

She laughed against his chest. “Quite possibly.”

Remus, texting Benjy and Mary, looked over at them fairly frequently. He supposed that as the boss, she felt duty-bound to dance if a coworker asked her, but they were closer than he’d have thought she’d be comfortable with. He told himself it was just Work Tonks and went back to sending cat gifs to annoy Benjy.

🌙✨🎄✨🌙

Before they went to Winter Wonderland, they decided to let Teddy open one present early and then decided that they wanted to do the same.

As Teddy was racing around the room with a lightsaber, Remus picked up a red box with his name on it.
“I think I want to open this one.” He said with a smile.

“Oh, I think you’re going to like that.” Tonks smiled. “This is my gift to you! You’ll see that I listen sometimes.”

Remus raised an eyebrow. “Well, now I have to know.”

He opened the box slowly and then unwrapped the item within, grinning in anticipation and pulled out… two Joni Mitchell Blu-rays.

“Oh… wow! Oh, this is a surprise!” He schooled his face into a warm smile. “Joni Mitchell!”

“You mentioned that you wish you could have seen her live a few weeks ago, so I thought this would be the next best thing.” She smiled at him. “Happy Christmas, baby.”

“Thank you.” He smiled but could feel his eye twitch. “I just need to nip upstairs before we go. I don’t think I’ll be warm enough in this. Make sure Teddy’s ready to go?”

She nodded, and Remus headed upstairs to their bedroom and sat on the edge of the bed. The aching dread that he’d been feeling in his chest for months crashed down all at once and he found himself reaching for his phone and putting on the song that had got him through so many hard times.

Moons and Junes and Ferris wheels
The dizzy dancing way that you feel
As every fairy tale comes real
I've looked at love that way

He looked over at the photo of the three of them on his bedside table and reached over to place it face down. Not wanting to see her smiling face looking at him.

But now it's just another show
And you leave 'em laughing when you go
And if you care, don't let them know
Don't give yourself away

He already knew exactly who it was. The man from the party. The man she had conveniently failed to introduce him to.

I've looked at love from both sides now
From give and take and still somehow
It's love's illusions that I recall
I really don't know love
I really don't know love at all

He pulled a navy jumper out of the wardrobe and pulled it over his head, wiping the single tear that had escaped from his eyes away and rubbing his eyes furiously. He turned off the song, took a deep breath and headed back downstairs.

“Alright then! Who’s ready for some Winter Wonderland?” He laughed as Teddy launched himself into his arms.

“Meeeee!” He shouted.

“Alrighty then. Let’s go and meet Mam-Gu. I think she really wants a hot chocolate, so we should get one too, right?” Remus smiled a little sadly as Teddy nodded vigorously.

🌙✨🎄✨🌙

As Hope and Teddy disappeared into the funhouse, the smile dropped from Remus’ face as he turned to his wife.

“Tell me, what would you do in my position?” He asked quietly.

“What position is that, baby?” She smiled up at him.

“Imagine your wife bought a lovely £200 bracelet, made a fuss about it, and then gave it to someone else.” He said, watching her face fall.

“Remus…”

“Would you stick around to find out if it was just a bracelet?” He looked up as Teddy and Hope appeared on a balcony and waved at them, “Hi Teddy! Careful, love!” Once they disappeared, he turned back to her, “Would you wait and see if it was just a bracelet, or sex and a bracelet? Or if even worse, it was a bracelet and love?”

“Rem, please…”

“Would you stay? Knowing life would always be a little bit worse? Carrying the resentment that the nicest thing your wife has done in years was for somebody else? Or would you cut and run?” He asked, holding her gaze. "I'm genuinely asking you. What would you do?"

“Oh… No, Remus. I’ve really fucked up, haven’t I. God I’m such a fool.” She covered her face and groaned.

“Yes. You have. But you’ve also made a fool out of me.” He paused and took a shaky breath, “And you’ve made the life I live foolish too.”

Before Tonks could respond, Teddy came bursting out of the Fun House exit, a slightly flustered-looking Hope in tow.

“Teddy bach!” He crouched down as his son flung his arms around him. “Was that fun?”

“Yeah! The floor kept moving and then there were mirrors but they were weird, they made my head big, and then really tall and it made Mam-Gu look like an alien!” He laughed. “Can we have hot chocolate now?”

“Yes, of course.” He stood up and took Teddy’s tiny hand in his before muttering.”I think we all need it.”

🌙✨🎄✨🌙

Tonks tried to talk to Remus several times during the following week, but he couldn’t bear to hear her excuses. He put on a brave face for Christmas Day, although Hope could definitely tell that her son was struggling and made sure to give him extra roast potatoes, trusting that he’d talk to her about it when he felt able to.

The day after Boxing Day, she was gone. She left a long letter explaining that she had quit her job and was moving to Liverpool with Charlie. Attached was a D8 form that needed his signature, an application for a divorce.

Hope took Teddy that night and Remus drank more than he could ever remember drinking and fell asleep curled over the toilet bowl with Mary and Benjy stroking his back.