Sober to death
October 25th 1975 Saturday. 5th year
“So are any of ye actually going to dress up for the Halloween party or is it just not gonna be a costume thing?” Marlene asked as herself, James and Remus were making their way to ancient ruins.
“Sirius wants to do some group costume but considering he says that every year and it never does happen most likely not, what do you ask Marls?” James says looking over his shoulder at Marlene who was slightly behind him due to how small the corridor is.
“Just wondering is all since I think Mary said something about dressing up as something but I don’t remember what it was exactly” Marlene exclaims starting to fidget with a loose string on the sleeve of her jumper.
“What class are we even going to?” James asks after they had been walking in silence for a few minutes the corridors now long deserted.
“Huh we have class right now? Genuinely thought lessons were over and we were just walking around” Marlene says now looking slightly confused.
“Honestly you two are idiots, we're supposed to be in transfiguration right now” Remus says with an unamused look on his face.
“Feck” Marlene whispers under her breath before saying. “So I know I’m not normally religious definitely no where near my family but God if you're listening to me please don’t let McGonagall kill me before this Halloween party and I will go to mass every Sunday I promise” Marlene says as she stops walking, looking up at the sky putting her hands together while Remus and James start laughing.
“I don’t know who this God person is who you are talking to but honestly I am here for it” James says as they start walking again.
“Muggle version of Merlin” Remus says, looking at Marlene slightly confused and then turning to James laughing slightly.
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“Right, what are we getting for this party on Sunday?” James asked as he sat down on the couch by the fire where the Marauders and the three girls have been sitting since their first year.
“Fire whiskey and butter beer obviously” Sirius says flopping down beside Remus on a small armchair so really he was more on top of him but neither boy minded.
“Probably some food from the kitchens and we can get stuff at honey dukes” Peter suggests not looking up from some homework he was doing probably Potions knowing Peter.
“Okay what about music?” James asks, taking out a page and writing down everything on it.
“Oh we could do what we did on my birthday where we brought down his record player and put Moony in charge of the music considering he has the most knowledge of muggle music and stuff” Sirius suggests sitting up almost instantly, earning himself an elbow in the ribs from Remus.
“Right well Moony are you alright with that” James asks looking over at his friend slightly amused.
“Yeah sure I don’t mind,” Remus says looking up from his book for a few seconds before going back to reading.
“McKinnon any special requests for food and or drinks?” James asks, looking over at Marlene who seemed slightly out of it.
“Hm.. uh I don't know witches brew maybe and oh you should probably get pumpkin juice for the people who won’t drink and to make sure no one gets too drunk” Marlene says quickly shaking her head before answering.
“Yeah ok smart idea actually with the pumpkin juice” James says writing down on the page.
“I know,” Marlene says, looking at James smiling widely.
“Right well we are heading to bed have a good night except you McKinnon you can go rot in hell” Sirius says standing up and dragging Remus with him.
“I’ll make sure to see you there Black don’t you worry” Marlene calls after him laughing.
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A few hours later Marlene was curled up on the couch staring at the fire, which was slowly burning down, the common room was long deserted. Eventually she hears someone from the boys dormitories start walking downstairs. When she looks up she sees James looking slightly distressed, when he looks up to see if he's by himself Marlene can see him physically freeze.
“I don’t bite you know” Marlene says, chuckling a little to try and show him that he’s okay to be himself with her.
He doesn’t say anything, instead he just walks over to her and lies down on the couch beside her his head in her lap while his feet dangle off the end of the couch. Marlene doesn’t say anything, instead she starts running her hand through James’ hair trying to comfort him.
“What's up?” she asks after a few minutes of them sitting in silence, looking down at James slightly concerned.
He doesn’t say anything for a minute before responding. “What would you say if I said I don’t think I like Lily anymore and haven’t for a while?” James asks his voice, sounding vulnerable Marlene had never seen him like this beforehand honestly it kind of scared her.
“Honestly I’d say it's about time you gave up on her but I can tell that that really isn’t the answer you need right now so I’m gonna ask you to elaborate here” Marlene says looking at James waiting for him to speak.
She can hear the gears turning in his head while he thinks all the while she keeps playing with his hair hoping it’s helping to keep him grounded. After what feels like an eternity James sighs before finally talking.
“What would you say if I told you I think I like a guy but me liking him will never work out because he hates my guts and someone who we know will be mad if I were to go out with him and I don’t know what to do at this point and honestly it feels like the whole world is against me right now?” James says rather quickly, not pausing to take a breath.
“Well, do you really like this guy?”
“Yes” He responds almost instantly.
“Okay can you tell me who it is?” Marlene asks, holding her breath hoping it wasn’t too insensitive.
“Regulus” James whispers his voice being just about heard. He looked anxious which made Marlene want to cry because she had never seen him look this sad and weak.
“Oh hon you’re fucked if Sirius finds out, but if it makes you feel better I think you have it wrong when you say he hates you I think he’s just afraid to show how he truly feels” Marlene exclaims looking at James feeling bad for him.
“I don’t know,” James says truthfully, tears in his eyes.
“Are you excited for the Halloween party on Sunday?” Marlene asks, trying to cheer James up.
James doesn’t say anything, instead he wraps his arm around Marlene and hugs her tightly. Marlene can feel her heart breaking in her chest for James, the boy who gives so much to everyone around him but never has enough left for himself.