Cruel Summer (With You)

The first thing Sirius does after Remus leaves the bar is find Danny again. He wasn’t going to. He really wasn’t, because kissing Danny felt about the same as kissing a soggy piece of cardboard would- no offense to Danny’s kissing skills, it’s just that he’s not Remus, and Sirius is certain that everybody else simply just pales in comparison.

But Remus left him here. And Remus let somebody else dance with Sirius. And Sirius never knows what the everloving fuck is going on in Remus Lupin’s brain, and he’s never figured out how to figure it out. And kissing Danny was easy enough, so Sirius slides up next to him at the bar, giving him a little nudge.

Danny turns with a little grin, tipping his head to the side. “Impatient, huh? Told you I was just gonna get us drinks.”

Sirius lifts a shoulder in a shrug, reaching up to tuck a piece of hair behind his ear. “And if I told you that I don’t want a drink?” It’s a stupid thing to say, but it works, somehow.

“What else did you have in mind?”

They end up pressed back against a wall again, and Sirius is trying. He’s closing his eyes and he’s kissing Danny again and it’s fine, it’s fine, it’s fine, Danny’s actually quite good at it, really, and if he focuses hard enough, Sirius almost feels like it feels like something.

It’s a little different than earlier. Earlier, it was a bit more shy, punctuated with, “I’m Danny, by the way.” “Sirius.” “Like the star?” “Exactly.” They’re not shy about it, now. Danny’s hand comes up to cup his jaw.

Sirius focuses. He listens to his own heart beating in his ears. He’s not having a good time, but he can pretend like he is. He’s so good at pretending.

He’s not sure how long it is before Danny carefully pulls back, looking at Sirius with an oddly gentle look on his face. It makes Sirius’ skin crawl.

“What?” he snaps, already defensive.

Danny lifts a shoulder in a small shrug, offering a little smile. He is really quite beautiful. He’s just.. He’s just not-

“It just doesn’t seem like you’re enjoying this very much, Sirius.”

It’s so honest. Sirius doesn’t know what to do with that. He stares at Danny, wide-eyed. Danny’s smile grows, softens. “It’s alright. We can stop, y’know.”

Sirius blinks a few times, then looks down, a little ashamed. “I’m sorry,” he says weakly. “Look, it’s… it’s nothing personal, yeah? It’s just- I just-” he breaks off, groaning and dropping his face into his hands. And then because he’s never going to see this guy again, he lifts his head, looking at Danny hopelessly. “I’m just sort of in love with my best friend, and I’m always, like, half a step away from completely fucking everything up.”

Danny lifts an eyebrow, letting out a small laugh. “Well, shit,” he says, shifting position to lean against the wall next to Sirius. “The guy with all the scars?”

Sirius bristles a bit at that, shooting Danny a sharp look. Danny lifts his hands in surrender. “Yes. The guy with all the scars,” Sirius replies, in a poor attempt at an American accent. Danny chuckles.

“Why kiss me, then?” He asks, and Sirius groans again, shoulders slumping.

“Because I’m an idiot.”

“A little bit, it seems,” Danny nudges Sirius’ shoulder and Sirius huffs out a little sigh.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbles. “I really shouldn’t have kissed you.” Danny shrugs it off, seemingly unbothered by the whole thing.

“S’alright,” he replies. “You’re not the first stranger I’ve kissed at this place. Probably won't be the last. Might be the prettiest, though,” he says with a wink, and then shakes his head. “Sorry. Can’t help myself.”

Sirius snorts, shaking his head. “Hey - you don’t know me like this, but I’ll never shy away from a compliment,” he says with a small grin.

Danny rolls his eyes, folding his arms across his chest and eyeing Sirius curiously. “So, what are you gonna do about your friend, then?”

Sirius shrugs. “Stew in my own feelings about it?” He pauses, and then sighs haughtily. “I mean, like, he didn’t even try to stop you from dancing with me! He didn’t even care!”

Danny frowns, looking at Sirius skeptically. “Okay, well… sort of seemed like you didn’t care, either. Right? I mean, I’m an outsider to all of this, but… I mean, you gave him up pretty easily.”

You gave him up pretty easily. You gave him up. Pretty easily. Sirius’ eyes widen. “Oh, fuck.” he groans again and looks at Danny hopelessly. “This is so classic us, we never fucking talk about anything! We’re always just making mistakes, I don’t know how to…I don’t know if I can do something, or… or say something without fucking it all up again.”

Danny’s smile is soft again and he lifts a shoulder in a little shrug. “Look, Sirius, I can’t offer you that much help here, but I can tell you that if this is something that really means something you you-”

“It means everything to me!” Sirius cuts in helplessly.

“-Okay, so it means everything to you. So you have to just… you have to be brave about it. I mean, what’s life without a little risk, right?” He flashes a grin, and Sirius thinks, briefly, that in any other circumstance he could probably be friends with this person. “All I’m saying is that love is real fucking scary. But you gotta be bigger than the fear, you know? Put yourself out on the line. You might be surprised at how good the outcome is.”

Sirius sighs. “What if I ruin everything?”

Danny grins, and then leans in close, whispering in his ear. “What if you don’t?”

_______________________

The next morning, Sirius finds himself outside of James and Lily’s door, pounding on it furiously. “Wake up! Prongs! Proooongs! PRONGSIE, WAKE UP!”

The door opens suddenly, revealing a groggy Lily Evans. She scowls at him and he deflates a little bit. “You’re a fucking menace to society, Sirius Black. How are you even awake right now? Rumor has it you didn’t get back ‘til way late last night.”

Sirius blinks, wondering how she knew that. Did Remus tell her? Remus tells her everything. Sirius hasn’t seen Remus yet, this morning. He doesn’t really know what he’s going to do when he does see Remus. “I need to talk to your lover,” Sirius says, and Lily rolls his eyes.

“James,” she calls, and Sirius sees a mop of dark curls hair shift on the bed. “Your other girlfriend is here.”

“Padfoot!” James croons blearily, sitting up and fumbling for his glasses. “Come in!”

Lily snorts, shaking her head. “I’ll leave you two to it, then.”

James and Sirius end up under the blankets on the bed, pillows propping up the sheets to create a tent just like they used to do at Hogwarts. He can’t count the number of times he’s crawled into James’ bed ready to spill his secrets or shed his tears or just be. James has always been his safe space. His home. His brother.

“I’m in love with Remus.”

The words come tumbling out and Sirius doesn’t realize how nervous he’s been to tell James until it’s out in the open. He knows James’ll be cool with the whole gay thing but… well. There’s always a tiny chance, right? You never know for sure. Silence stretches between them for a moment, but it feels like ages. And then James is launching himself forward, tackling Sirius in a fierce hug and holding him tight. Sirius sinks into the embrace, head dropping onto James’ shoulder. The first time James hugged him like this, Sirius hadn’t known what to do with himself. He’d grown up in a place where soft but fierce affection like this was completely foreign. He couldn’t remember a time where his mother ever hugged him, and so he’d frozen, at first. But James had held tight. It was the first night that Sirius had confessed to just a small part of what life at home was like. He’d watched his best friend’s eyes fill with tears, and then James had hugged him. Said Sirius deserved better, said that if he ever met Walburga Black he’d deck her right in the face. It meant the world to Sirius.

And now here they are, years later. Sirius lets out a shaky breath and pulls away from James, chest squeezing at the soft look on his friend’s face.

“Sirius,” James says, and his lips quirk up a bit mischievously. “Would you like me to pretend I didn’t already know?”

Sirius blinks. Well, fuck. It’s not surprising, he guesses. James knows him inside and out. Knows his tells and his quirks and all of his secrets that he holds gently like the fragile things that they are. It only makes sense that he’d somehow, inevitably know this, too.

“Yes,” Sirius says. James grins, and then his face morphs into one of shock. He presses a hand to his chest.

“Remus?! You’re in love with Moony?! Sirius, how could I have ever, possibly seen this coming?? I mean, aside from the fact that you look at him like he’s the center of your universe and you can’t go a day with him being angry at you without turning into a pouty mess and-”

“Stop it!” Sirius cries, shoving at James’ chest. “You’re embarrassing me.”

“Good,” James says, “That’s my job.” He pauses and then pulls the covers off of their heads, hair going all frizzy in the process. He smiles at Sirius warmly. “Of course you love Moony. That’s, like, a basic fact of life. The sky is blue! Fish live in the sea! Sirius loves Remus!”

Sirius groans, flopping onto his back. “How could I not?” He asks, voice a little timid. “ I mean, he’s gorgeous.”

“Go on,” James encourages.

It’s like a dam has opened. “Well he’s, like, so smart, you know? But he’s not really a swot, or anything, he’s cool. I mean, have you seen him smoke before? Merlin, it’s so- he’s so attractive, you know? I mean, I guess you don’t know, but still. Oh- and he just… he just gets me, sort of? Sometimes I won’t even have to say anything and he just knows what sort of mood I’m in. And I like his scars, too, even if he hates them. They just add to his whole thing, and he’s really kind, James, like, he loves helping people? Like all the study groups at Hogwarts. Or how when all the girls in fourth year figured out he gave great relationship advice, he listened to them all because he’s patient, and he cares. I’ve never really met someone else like that. Oh, and his hands, Prongs, have you seen his hands? The things I’d-”

James slaps a hand across Sirius’ mouth, horrified. “Don’t, Sirius!” He says, scandalized. “That’s Moony!”

Sirius laughs, pulling away from James’ hand and giving a little shrug. “Can’t help it. Besides, it’s payback for you making me listen to you go on and on and on about Evans for five years.”

James grins back at him, reaching out to swat his arm. Then he gives Sirius a firm look, reaching out to grip his shoulders. “Thank you for telling me,” he says, “Thank you for trusting me with this.”

Sirius sighs, ducking his head for a moment, embarrassed at the wave of emotions that crash over him. “Yeah,” he says, sniffling a little bit. “Trust you with everything. Trust you with my life.”

James smiles, pulling him in for another hug and holding on tight. “Me too, Padfoot, always and forever” he murmurs. “What are you gonna do about Moony?”

Question of the hour, it seems. When Sirius finally got home last night, he hardly slept. He thought it all over, rolled the ideas and scenarios around in his mind until he couldn’t think straight. And he’d come to the conclusion that he just couldn’t do this anymore. It’s too hard, pretending like his feelings for Remus aren’t monumental, and earth-shattering, and important.

“I’m gonna-” Sirius breaks off, letting out a sharp breath, “-Oh, fuck, James, I’m gonna tell him.”

James smiles that James Potter smile- warm, open, and pure sunshine. “I’ll be here for you no matter what happens,” he says earnestly. And then he smirks. “But for the record, I think I know what’s gonna happen.”

Sirius frowns. “And that would be…”

James reaches for Sirius’ hand and squeezes. “All I’m saying, Pads, is that I’d put all my money on it going your way,” he says with a wink. “Remus isn’t nearly as subtle as he thinks he is.”

Before Sirius has a moment to dwell on what exactly that means, the door bursts open, revealing Lily standing in the doorway with her arms across her chest.

“May I have my boyfriend back now, Black?” She asks.

Sirius groans dramatically. “Share the wealth, Evans! There’s plenty of Potter to go around.”

James swats at him again and then grins at Lily. “He was just leaving.”

Sirius gets to his feet but James stops him, grabbing at his forearm. “Oi,” he says softly, smiling up at Sirius. “I love you, yeah? Forever. Always. Through everything.”

Sirius swallows, eyes pricking again. “Yeah, yeah, you big sop, I love you too.”

He spins out of James’ grasp and plants a wet kiss on Lily’s cheek. She groans and wipes it off, shaking her head. “What did I say?” She calls after him. “Menace!”

___________________________

For all of the certainty he’d felt earlier, Sirius chickens out at every opportunity throughout the day. In the kitchen, Remus is making tea. He looks up as Sirius walks in. “Want a cuppa?” He asks, and Sirius searches and searches and searches for any sort of emotion on his face, but it’s stoically blank.

“Sure,” Sirius says, flashing a smile. “Hey, Rem, about last night-”

Remus’ expression hardens a bit. “Forgot - I told Mary I’d go for a walk with her this morning,” he says, abandoning the teapot and heading back out of the kitchen.

“Remus!” Sirius calls, and Remus stops, glancing over his shoulder.

“What?”

Sirius holds his gaze. The words rise up in his throat but he swallows them, shaking his head. “Nothing,” he says, flashing a false grin. “Nothing! Nothing! Have fun with Mary!”

Remus eyes him suspiciously but turns back around and leaves Sirius alone in the kitchen.

Later, Lily proposes that they all pop by the farmer’s market happening not too far from the house. Sirius is standing in front of a booth selling flowers, contemplating whether it would be romantic or horrifically cheesy to buy some for Remus. Does Remus even like flowers?

Sirius picks out one of the sunflowers and buys it impulsively, and then realizes that he might’ve picked the least romantic flower in the whole stand. He holds it tightly as he walks away from the stand, heart pounding in his chest. What is the goal here? Give Remus this stupid flower and confess his feelings, and… and what?

He finds Remus sitting under the shade of one of the tents, sunglasses shading his eyes.

“Hi, Moons,” he starts, and Remus looks up at him, raising an eyebrow.

“Hi,” he says carefully.

“Hi, I just-” Sirius cuts himself off, the flower still clutched in his hand. Remus notices it and frowns.

“What’ve you got there?” He asks.

“Oh, this??” Sirius says with a forced laugh. “This! This is- this is for- I got this for-” he laughs again and the words stick in his chest, his throat, the back of his mouth. If only he could spit them out. “Someone gave it to me,” he lies, and if he isn’t mistaken, Remus’ expression sours.

“That’s nice,” Remus says dryly.

“Yeah, it was, it was so nice. It was super nice.”

“You’re quite popular lately, aren’t you?” Remus asks. On any other day it would just be an offhand remark, but Sirius knows Remus. And his words are bitter. Sirius doesn’t know what to make of that. He does a brief check in his head - the moon isn’t until next Tuesday. They’ve still got a couple days until Angry Moony comes out. Right now it’s time for Protective Moony, or Sad Moony, or Territorial Moony. Sirius frowns. So he’s just… in a mood, then?

“I guess,” Sirius says. Remus scowls.

“Well. Congrats on your flower,” he says, toneless.

“Thanks,” Sirius says. Remus turns away from him. Fuck.

___________________________

It’s well past dark by the time Sirius works up the courage to walk to Remus’ room. He’s failed this mission- mission Tell Moony Everything- rather miserably, and he’s decided that enough is enough. He just has to say it. Do it. Whatever it is. Sirius stands in front of the door shifting on his feet and contemplating just… turning around. Pretending this isn’t a thing. It’s just.. Why has it suddenly become so hard to pretend it isn’t a thing?

Sirius shakes his head sharply, and then reaches up, knocking twice. There’s no answer. No indication that Remus is even inside, but he must be, because Sirius watched him walk back to his room after they all had dinner together. Sirius knocks again. Twice. Three times. Lifts his hand to knock again, when-

“Remus,” Sirius chokes out as the door opens, feeling like the name has been dragged out of him, slicing along his throat like a newly sharpened knife. Remus hasn’t fallen asleep yet. Sirius can tell because the window’s open, and Remus smells of cigarette smoke, and the candle by his bed is burning, and his hair isn’t properly mussed yet. He stares at Sirius like he can’t quite work out what to say.

“Nightmare?” Remus asks, and fair, but Sirius shakes his head, heart rattling around in his chest.

“No, I-” his voice cracks. He licks his lips. Remus’ gaze flickers down to them, then back up, brows furrowing together in an infuriating frown. Remus takes a small step forward, arms folding carefully across his chest. Sirius scowls. It feels like Remus is always putting some sort of border between them, lately.

“What do you want?” He asks, and Sirius can’t tell if he’s stepped on Remus’ last nerve yet or not.

“Can I come in?”

Remus swallows, meeting Sirius’ gaze, then glancing back to his room. Sirius can almost tell he’s debating whether or not to give up his rare moment of solitude. Finally, he steps to the side, nodding for Sirius to come in.

They end up sitting on the window seat, Remus smoking, Sirius watching, thinking very, very depraved thoughts about Remus’ mouth and the things he should do with it.

“Can’t believe our trip’s almost over,” Remus muses, blowing out a slow curl of smoke. “Have to say, I like it here. Few too many sunny days for my taste, but…” he shrugs, corners of his mouth ticking up in a halfhearted smile. “I like being by the water.”

“Me too,” Sirius says, a little too quickly, thinking of Remus’ bare skin in the sunlight, sunglasses shading his eyes, lying on his stomach and reading whatever book he’s most recently got his hands on. Get a grip. Get a fucking grip. The self-chastising doesn’t work. And it’s a bit strange, really, talking to Remus like everything’s normal. Because they sort of had a fight last night. Even if Sirius doesn’t fully understand what it was about. But… well. He’s not going to pass up this opportunity.

And then, like he can read Sirius’ mind, Remus says, “You had fun last night,” and the words sound a little too careful, like it’s not really what he meant to say. Sirius closes his eyes. Thinks about Danny's hands on his waist. Thinks about how it felt like nothing. Thinks about lips on his. Thinks about wishing they were someone else’s. Thinks about love is real fucking scary. But you gotta be bigger than the fear, you know?

“Yeah,” he says, frustrated. He didn’t come here for this. “I mean. If you’re talking about Danny, that is,” Sirius says, eyes sliding over to Remus, gauging his reaction. All that happens is that Remus’ jaw goes a little tense. He’s silent. Sirius isn’t good with silence. “He had… you’re not gonna believe this,” Sirius starts. Shut up, he tells his mouth, shut the fuck up right now. “He had… er- it was a star earring? In one ear. And a moon in the other. Isn’t that a funny coincidence?” Sirius doesn’t mention that the sight of the earrings immediately made him think of Remus.

Remus shoots him a look that can only be described as withering. And then he surprises Sirius. He doesn’t ask about the earrings and he doesn’t tell Sirius to stop talking, he asks, “Was he a good kisser?” And suddenly Sirius wants to throttle him, a bit.

“He…” Sirius frowns, huffing sharply as he turns his gaze out the window. He’s quiet. Remus doesn’t press. And fuck him, honestly. Fuck him for acting jealous and not doing something about it. Fuck him for pretending none of it even happened the next day. Finally, Sirius takes in a deep breath. What does he have left to lose? Maybe it’s not the way he imagined doing this, but here they are. The moment is now. Carpe diem! And all that nonsense.

“Do you think you’re a good kisser, Remus?”

Remus snorts, looking at Sirius with a new sort of curiosity. There’s something a little hungry in his gaze. Something that reminds Sirius of the look Moony gets in his eye, sometimes. Dangerous and sharp and intoxicating. Sirius thinks Remus is going to tell him off. Maybe he’s hoping for it, a little bit. He knows what to do with that.

And then, suddenly, something shifts. Remus stands, walking to his bedside table to stub out his cigarette. And then he’s back, stepping forward until he’s crowding Sirius’ space a bit. Sirius swallows, shifting back a little bit, unintentionally, his back pressing against the window. Remus chases him there, hovering inches away from his face. He looks nervous for half a second, and then it disappears. Carefully, very, very carefully, he reaches out, hands finding purchase on Sirius’ hips. Sirius’ entire body feels like it’s on fire. He’s burning, he’s melting, he can’t breathe. It’s humiliating, what this does to him. Remus’ thumb brushes along his hip bone. His tongue flicks out, wetting his lower lip. Sirius is fucked. He’s so, so fucked. He doesn’t know what’s happening. The little, nagging voice in his mind tells him that Remus is messing with him. He’s figured out Sirius’ horrid, embarrassing feelings, and he’s teasing. He’s being mean.

And then Remus opens his mouth to speak again, answering the question that Sirius almost forgot he asked. “Do you wanna be the judge of that?”

Sirius’ stomach flips over itself, and his thoughts are a tangled web, and yes, yes, yes he does want to be the judge of-

“Yes,” he says, the word breathy and entirely untethered. Remus has the audacity to look surprised. But it doesn’t stop him, and suddenly he’s leaning in, and presses their lips together.

Sirius lets out a horrid little sound into Remus’ mouth, he can’t fucking help it, he’s fourteen again watching Remus slide into the seat across from him on the train, hair shaggy, a few more scars on his face, saying, “Alright, Padfoot?” and he’s realizing for the first time that the way he feels about Remus is so, so entirely different from how he feels about James and Peter and anyone else.

Remus bumps against his knees, and Sirius lets them fall apart, lets Remus step in between them, he’d let Remus do anything, anything, everything. Remus starts to pull away, then, and Sirius’ head is spinning and he sees a look of panic on Remus’ face, and he says “No,” and it comes out more like a whine than he’d intended, and he chases Remus’ lips, reaching up to hook a finger in the neck of his t-shirt, dragging him back down again. Remus seems to hesitate for a moment in whatever self-doubt he’s caught himself in, and then gives in, and it’s delicious and Sirius is never going to stop kissing him. Never.

Remus tastes like smoke. Sirius’ mouth waters for it.

Remus squeezes his thigh and Sirius shivers a little bit, leaning in closer, closer, reaching up to grab at Remus’ hair, feeling the soft locks slip between his fingers. He pulls back, just an inch. “You’re so-” he gasps a little bit as Remus takes the chance to press a line of kisses along his jawline, and his brain goes blank for a second. He was right- he can’t believe he ever kissed anybody else. And then it hits him that Remus is kissing him. Remus kissed him, which means- holy fuck, that means-

“I’m so what?” Remus asks, lifting his head to look at Sirius, who misses the firm press of his lips almost instantly.

“You’re so- you- you’re-” Sirius breaks off, shaking his head. Remus has the audacity to laugh at him, a gentle sort of chuckle that Sirius can feel because they’re still so close to each other. “You’re beautiful, Remus,” he says finally, and he watches Remus’ expression change, soften.

“Says-”

“No!” Sirius snaps, reaching up to clamp a hand over Remus’ mouth. “Don’t start with the self deprecating bullshit because you- because you’re-” he breaks off again, shaking his head. “Remus,” he says carefully. “Do you have any idea what you do to me?”

Remus’ eyes flick down to his lips again, and he runs a hand up along Sirius’ side, and then he’s grinning, like his entire face cracks open and the sunlight spills out and gets all over Sirius’ hands and body and Sirius is grinning too, and he reaches up to grab Remus’ face between his hands and says, “I’ve wanted to kiss you since we were fourteen.”

“Well,” Remus says, and he’s still grinning. “I’ve got you beat, Padfoot. I’ve wanted to kiss you since we were thirteen.”

Sirius grins wider. “Only you would make this into a competition.”

Remus shakes his head. And then, because Sirius can, apparently, he leans in again, tilting his head up to kiss Remus. Remus is hungrier with it this time, somehow. His tongue slips past Sirius’ lips and Sirius melts, presses closer, whines a little back into Remus’ mouth.

“Sirius,” Remus breathes, and all the stars have aligned and Sirius can breathe so easily, “Sirius, Sirius, Sirius,” Remus says, over and over again, like it’s a revelation, or a prayer, or his favorite word in the whole entire world.

“Remus,” Sirius says back, “Moony, Moons, my Moony.”

Remus pulls his head back, his gaze sharp and focused and clear. “Yes,” he says, and then he’s grinning, hungry and a little wild. “Yes, that’s right. Yours.”

“Mine?” Sirius repeats, his throat dry.

Remus leans in again and surprises Sirius by pressing a gentle, soft kiss to his forehead. Sirius closes his eyes and his breath leaves him in a stuttered sigh. “Yours,” Remus says. Something fond blooms in Sirius’ chest and eats him whole, and he’s left feeling whole and open and adored. “Always yours, always, always, always,” Remus shakes his head, reaching up to tuck a strand of hair behind Sirius’ ear. His gaze goes soft and he shakes his head. “Sirius, you’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen, and I don’t- I don’t just-” Remus sighs. “Everything about you is beautiful. Stunning. You’re the center of my whole fucking universe.”

Sirius blinks up at him, shaking his head slowly. He wants to wax poetic. He wants to kiss Remus until he forgets what his own mouth tastes like. He wants to fall asleep curled up next to him. He wants, he wants, he wants, and finally he realizes that he gets to have it. Even if it’s just for now. Even if it’s fleeting. Even if the war knocks down their door in a few months and takes everything beautiful and precious and lovely away from them, they have this. Now.

Sirius looks up at Remus, and if Sirius is the center of Remus’ universe, Remus is the universe. The stars and the galaxies and the planets and the moon. He’s everything. He’s always been everything. “I l-” but he can’t quite say it. Not yet. But it’s okay, because Remus only nods and takes his hand and pulls Sirius to his feet.

“C’mere,” he says, and Sirius follows him to the bed where they lie down next to each other and Sirius counts the smattering of freckles under Remus’ left eye and Remus twists a finger around Sirius’ hair and they exist like this, soft and gentle, the moon and the star.

When Remus finally leans in to kiss him again, Sirius is soft and pliable, like Remus could mold him into anything, and he does. He has. He’s made Sirius something better than he ever could’ve imagined. He’s made Sirius good. He’s made him special.

Remus braces an arm next to Sirius and pushes himself up, looking down at him for a long moment. “I have so many things to tell you,” he admits in a whisper. “So many-” Remus breaks off, grinning again. Sirius loves that grin. Wants to eat it, or wants it to eat him, whole and alive.

“So many moments where I wanted to tell you how I felt,” Remus leans down and kisses his cheek, moves his other hand to rest on Sirius’ hip again, playing with the waistband of his trousers. Sirius looks up at him, his body moving a little under Remus’ touch, shifting closer. “So many moments where I wanted to tell you you were pretty,” a kiss against his lips, “Or lovely,” his neck, “So many moments when you drove me mad.”

Sirius’ breath hitches as Remus’ lips press against his throat, mouth opening a bit. Sirius’ eyes flutter shut and his cheeks go hot. There’ll be a mark there tomorrow. And what a privilege that is.

“Moony,” he whispers, voice catching in his throat. Remus moves again, hand sliding underneath Sirius’ shirt, up his chest. Sirius lets out a soft noise of pleasure- Remus’ hands are warm and a little rough and Sirius has wanted to feel them, like this, for so long. “Moony,” he says again.

Remus meets his gaze. “You’re pretty,” he murmurs. “You’re lovely. You drive me mad.”

Later, there will be time for them to talk through it all. To tell each other all of the ways they’ve wanted this and for how long and how badly. Later, they will stay up until their eyes hurt from being open so long, clasping each other’s hands like they never want to let go, and they’ll be honest. And they’ll be happy.

But for now, Sirius looks at Remus. At his beautiful face, at the scar across his cheekbone, at his deep, honey-brown eyes, at his tawny hair, at his beautiful, wonderful boy, and he says, “Oh yeah?” With his lips pulled into a smirk.

Remus lifts an eyebrow as he stares at Sirius. His gaze flick to Sirius’ lips and he hums in response. “Yeah.”

Sirius’ grin breaks open across his face. “Well prove it, then, Moony.”

And Remus does.