Chapter 1
The train cabin isn’t empty when James reaches it. There is a slender, dark-haired figure sitting in one of the window seats. James feels an enormous grin spread across his face. He loves the summer holidays, but it feels good to be headed back to Hogwarts. That’s as much his home as anywhere.
“Sirius!” James giddily exclaims as he throws the door open.
Sirius nods his head ever so slightly in recognition, but his gaze remains out the window.
James lugs his trunk onto one of the shelves and plops down next to his friend.
“So, how were your holiday’s? Was that bat of a mother simply awful?” James babbles light-heartedly.
He knows Sirius’s home life isn’t great, and usually after a long break, Sirius comes back with dramatic tales of the ridiculous things his mother and father got upset over, complete with outlandish voices for his parents and sarcastic comebacks that Sirius swears he came up with on the spot. James knows Sirius is leaving bits out and smoothing over the more—er—horrifying details, but it’s a release for Sirius. He gets to rewrite the events his way. He gets to be in control this time.
Sirius would usually jump on the chance to enthrall with stories of the Blacks’ injustices, but today, he stays silent. He doesn’t move. He keeps looking out the window.
James feels something twinge in his gut.
“Sirius?” he asks tentatively, his heart starting to pound in his ears. “Are you alright? Did something happen?”
Before Sirius can reply, the compartment door bursts open again.
“James! Sirius!” Remus greets jovially, lugging a large trunk of his own.
He’s beaming with excitement as he enters the cabin, but quickly stops when he sees the look on James’s face. He drops the trunk at his feet.
“What’s going on? Is everything okay?” His demeanor instantly turns to a panicked worry as he takes in the sight of his friends. He rushes over and kneels at Sirius’s feet.
“Pads? Talk to me Pads. What’s going on?”
Remus reaches to grab Sirius’s hand, but Sirius jerks away with such a feral look of panic in his eyes that Remus backs away immediately.
Sirius’s arms are covering his head, and he’s wedged him as tightly into the corner of the compartment as he can.
James slides a bit away from him on the bench to give him room.
“Hey, hey, it’s okay!” He assures. “It’s just us, mate.”
Sirius is shaking now, his eyes finally torn away from the window. James can see tears welling up in the corners.
“S--sorry--” Sirius whispers in a faltering, barely audible voice. Something clears in his eyes and lowers his arms.
“Sorry.” He repeats tiredly.
Remus slowly reaches out for Sirius’s hand, approaching cautiously as if going to pet a stray dog.
Sirius’s fingers twitch ever so slightly, reaching back for Remus.
“Hey, what happened?” Remus asks quietly. “What’s up?”
“I don’t--I—It's okay.” Sirius stutters, averting his eyes to look back out the window.
James and Remus exchange a worried glance.
“Bad summer?” James prods.
Sirius doesn’t so much as scoff at the gross understatement. He just keeps staring out the window as the train begins to depart.
“Sirius, talk to us, would you?” Remus begs.
“Just...just let me sleep.” Sirius slurs, letting his hand fall limp in Remus’s. “Lemme sleep.”
Remus looks reluctant, but after a moment, stands up from his kneel and settles into the opposite bench, “Okay mate, we’ll let you rest, but I’m here if you need anything.”
Sirius doesn't respond. He just closes his eyes, wincing a bit as he leans into the window.