“Hello my lovely Hogwarts students. My name is Lee Jordan and today we have quite the surprise for you! Not only is the Gryffindor team on the hot seat today, they don’t have a single clue! Let’s hear what’s happening behind the scenes of our favorite and best and most amaz- Sorry Professor Mcgonagall. It has been requested that I stay non biased. You all knew where I was going though. I just winked for those who couldn’t see my handsome face!”
——————————
Meanwhile in the Gryffindor Locker Rooms
Oliver Wood would largely consider himself to be a quidditch fanatic and this wasn’t a secret either. His team, and by the next morning the rest of the student body, knew that he did in fact try to drown himself in the shower after the incident with Harry last match.
What can he say? He’s a passionate man.
So therefore, what better way to start the match than by yelling at his fellow teammates in a splendid attempt to pump them up.
“I swear to fucking god Harry- If you fall of your goddamn fucking broom I will personally escort you into the furthest corner of hell and leave you to die. Boy-Who-Lived be damned.” Okay, so maybe this speech wasn’t about to fully pump them up. Sue him.
“Fred. George. If I see you showing off and or flirting with Angelina or Katie, you're off the team. Katie. Angelina. Same thing goes for you. AND IF ANY SINGLE ONE OF YOU TELLS ME YOUR PREGNANT I WILL BUNT A FUCKING QUAFFLE AT YOUR FACE.” He really doesn’t think he can take the loss of the quidditch cup AND a god forsaken child.
“FURTHERING THAT COMMENT. NO MORE FUCKING IN THE LOCKER ROOMS. IF YOU DO, IT'S NOT THAT HARD TO LOCK THE DOOR. I see enough of your bits when you change, I don’t need to see them inserted into someone else.” Is he wrong though?
“Beaters…Uhh…You haven't done anything to piss me off lately. You're good. Just beat shit up.” Okay, maybe they could actually pull this off.
“Comments? Questions? Concerns?”
Harry falling off his broom was a surprise. Walking in on Fred, George, Angelina, and Katie practically having an orgy in the locker room was a surprise, losing the quidditch cup last year was a surprise. However, the fact that every single hand flys into the air after his last statement is not a surprise. He should have expected it. He really should have.
So therefore, his wand is out quick and his entire team's lips are pinched shut even quicker.
He doesn’t release them till they are well onto the pitch and waiting for their fellow Slytherins to tromp out beside them.
————————
Somewhere in the stands
“I’m almost positive that Harry didn’t mean to fall off the broom.”
“Not gonna lie, he looked pretty majestic when he did it though.”
“He was a fairy…”
“Too soon?”
“Maybe a little.”
“Oliver Wood is my spirit animal.”
“Lowkey, why didn’t we think of the locker rooms.”
“Ced, it’s kinda public.”
“Not if you ward the door.”
“He’s not exactly wrong.”
“Can I join?”
“Okay, but can Wood have my babies?”
“Harry looks brilliant in his uniform.”
“Right?”
“Hear me out, him in a slytherin uniform though.”
“Raw. Next question.”
———————
Back on the pitch
Harry certainly wouldn’t say that his day was going amazing after that…speech? belittlement? baseless attack against his performance quality in rainy conditions?
But it was certainly going ten times better now that he was staring at Malfoys ass in their new slytherin uniform.
In fact, he could hardly take his eyes off the fine blond haired specimen in front of him.
He feels a nudge on his shoulder and immediately starts slapping away the hand that is trying to draw him from the epitome of beauty standing on the other side of the pitch.
“Someone tell Wood we’re fucked.”
“Oh Merlin.”
“Say goodbye to the cup.”
“Screwed.”
“Yup.”
“If anyone’s got ideas, start throwing them out.”
“Can we just forfeit?”
“He can’t catch the snitch in this condition.”
Hearing that last one Harry forcefully rips his eyes away from the pale grey eyes that have just winked at him and the smirk on those pale pink lips. Oh, his teammates are right. They are royally fucked. He directs his attention to Wood who is quietly cursing under his breath.
Huh…He hasn’t heard those ones yet.
That’s impressive.
“Wood. I will walk to my death and be killed by Voldemart himself if it means Draco fucking Malfoy winks at me again.”
I don’t appreciate their disbelieving stares. I’m practically blind and even I can see how good looking the man in green is right now.
“Wood. You don’t understand. Sirius Black can have me. I don’t care. Let him come. Cause he won’t be the only one coming if Draco keeps smirking at me like that and shaking that perky ass of his.”
All of the mutterings go quiet.
Okay maybe that was a bit much.
Only the truth though.
What can he say?
———————
Back up in the stands…
“Well…There you have it folks. The games hadn’t even begun and our resident Lions are already admitting potentially defeat. Seems this match isn’t the only thing growing hard- Sorry! Understandable though, I’m not into blonds but that a- SORRY PROFESSOR!! I'M SORRY!! Wait, please don’t fail my essay, I actually worked really hard on that.”
———————
Even further into the stands
“Draco and Harry?”
“Ship.”
“What?”
“Ship. You heard me.”
“No I know, but I had my bets placed on Diggory.”
“Hmm true.”
“Three way?”
“I can’t blame Harry.”
“No you really can’t.”
“That ass?”
“It’s like two perfect bubbles.”
“Right? He can use me as a chair whenever he wants.”
“Clearly Harry is the only chair that man will sit on. As much as I want him, I will be a Drarry stan till I die.”
“Enemies to lovers?”
“But like hardcore.”
“Yeah, I'm thinking wand to the neck. Threats of the AK. Choked out during sex, Enemies to lovers.”
“Agreed.”
——————
Back to Lee
“Luckily for all of you, we have been having so much fun with the Lions that we have decided the Snakes deserve some fun too. Momentarily we will also be able to tune in to what our fellow Slytherins are talking about. If they slip plays I expect all Gryfindors to shout them out…”
“I have just been notified that my microphone rights have been revoked for this game.”
“Till next time friends.”
“Don’t miss me too- ALRIGHT IN GOING-“
———————
Slytherin side of the pitch
Draco Malfoy had pushed off from the ground and launched himself into the air no less than ten minutes ago and was already facing the struggle of his life.
Why?
Harry Potter's ass was just so perfect.
It was so perfect that it would be hard not to notice.
In fact, it would be a crime to look away.
That much he was sure of.
So therefore, Draco Malfoy decided that he wouldn’t.
Somewhere, someplace, far, far, away. He could vaguely make out someone telling him to get his head in the game and start looking for the snitch. But by this point, he could only focus on the unnatural green of his gryffindor boy.
Quite frankly, if anyone wanted this game to wrap up, they would have to start praying to Merlin and Morgana that the snitch hit one of them in the face. Even then it would be debatable whether or not these two boys would look away from each other.
“I hope you fall off your broom.”
Really Malfoy? That petty insult? Merlin, his game was slipping. How embarrassing.
Luckily for him, Harry’s cheeks decide to light up a brilliant red that matches perfectly with the color of his robes.
“Uhh…You off yours.” Huh. Guess he’s got it even worse- SNITCH
———————
Announcers Box
“This is Professor Snape speaking. The snitch is in the process of being pursued.”
———————
Back on the pitch
“Okay, Malfoy, I'll level. I want to catch the snitch but this view is so fine.” Yeah, there was no way Harry would pull himself ahead when this fat ass was just tantalizing him.
“HARRY JAMES POTTER CATCH THE FUCKING SNITCH, YOU HAVE TIME TO STARE AT SNOW WHITES ASS ANOTHER TIME.” Hi Wood. We know.
“Harry, by all means let me win. But for the record, I’ll let you stare at my ass anytime you want.” Maybe Draco deserved to be a little brazen, maybe he didn’t. Either way, neither of them had gotten action lately and two teenage boys with raging hormones? Not a good combination.
Does Harry have to think about what he does next? Nope. Not at all. He gracefully pulls ahead and delicately wraps the snitch in his hands.
Yay. Snitch.
Doesn’t matter.
Draco.
———————
In the audience
“Oh damn…Is he on his broom?”
“HE TOOK HIS DICK OUT?!”
“The fuck? Do you need your vision checked? Harry literally climbed onto Draco’s broom.”
“Oh.”
“You sound sad about that….”
“You're telling me you DON'T want a glimpse of their brooms?”
“Touché.”
“Dude, that's kinda hot.”
“Are you gay?”
“Now I am.”
“Holy Shit, is that how you french?”
“That’s a lot of tongue...”
“I bet I could use more.”
——————————
Announcer Box
“That is repulsive.”
——————————
Back on the pitch
“Locker rooms?”
“Only if we can get you out of these robes quicker.”
“Deal.”