Chapter 16
"Minister?" Remus exasperated, all signs of any tiredness vanished from his voice. He flicked his wand swiftly to turn on a light switch then tucked his wand securely into his pyjama pocket.
"Ma'am, Er- not to be rude or anything, but why're you here?" Sirius questioned, not bothering with formalities so early in the morning.
"Well, given Mr Potter's... situation, Dumbledore recommended that it should be me who personally delivers this news to you. Considering we want as few people as possible to know of Potter's whereabouts," she lowered her voice even though they were the only three awake in the flat, "We've had many reports of Death Eaters running wild again, terrorising muggle villages as of late. Some not to far from here." Bagnold's voice went back to its usual severe tone, "Besides, there's no such thing as too careful. And whilst we're on that note, that's half of the reason I'm here." she said matter of factly.
"Could this not've waited 'til the morning?" Sirius groaned, rubbing a callous-free hand over his face in a desperate attempt to keep himself from drifting asleep whilst standing up.
Bagnold scowled but ignored what he said and continued, "Well, Mr Black, it has come to my attention that you've been regularly taking Mr Potter out of your residence to go on a few excursions? Is that right?"
"Yeah?"
"And today, around, let's see..." she pulled a scroll of parchment out her bag and scanned it diligently, "Yes, that's right," she assured herself. After confirming whatever was on the parchment she rolled it back up and placed it back into the woven tote bag, "At around 9:54am today, you came in contact with a Ms Emmeline Vance. Would I be correct in stating this?"
Remus quirked an eyebrow and glanced over to Sirius, whose eyebrows were pinched close together as he bit his cheek.
"Yes, you would be correct," he said sarcastically.
"Well then, I assume that I don't need to stress to you how dangerous it is that you let him be seen by another one of our kind?"
"Nothing would've happened though, Emmeline is an old friend. And he was with me at all times. Anyway- How d'you even-"
"I understand that Mr Black," she interrupted, "But the Ministry have protocols. Whilst the boy resided with his Aunt and Uncle, we made sure that there were no witches nor wizards in his surrounding area of residence. This, you have breached."
"You're forgetting the part where when he 'resided with his Aunt and Uncle' he was grossly neglected," Sirius mumbled moodily before bringing his voice to a harsh whisper, speaking through clenched teeth, "And I don't know what you expected me to do."
The Minister raised an eyebrow in a manner that was almost, challenging. Her lips were drawn to a thin line causing her plum coloured lip stick to almost vanish and her beady eyes had grown (somehow) even more narrow as they judged the pair. It made Sirius' insides squirm, he felt as though his tongue was on fire. Words began spilling out his mouth rashly without thinking, before the woman even had the chance to answer.
"Well we weren't just going to keep himself caged up in here like some sort of animal all day, like those toffs did, were we?" Sirius raged. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. Harry was his Godson after all. Who did this hag think she was?
Regardless, Bagnold ignored his remark, "Now that I've explained that, I can get onto my next point, which slightly links to what I've just said."
Remus clenched his jaw and jutted out his chin, patience wearing thin, as this woman had the audacity to show up unannounced and uninvited in their home and then lecture Sirius, pretty much, about how terrible of a Godfather he was. The Minister was still rambling on about everything and nothing all at once, and Remus wasn't really listening. Until something caught his attention, snapping him back to reality.
"You're going to have file for custody of Mr Potter. As of right now, the Dursley family still have legal custody over him and are also legally recognised as his guardians. Now then, unfortunately, until you have filed custody, the boy must return to their care."
"You what? That's- that's preposterous," Remus spluttered, blinking harshly to try and fathom if he was even still awake.
"I agree, Mr Lupin. But, whilst I know it's within your best interests to keep the boy safe, from what I've heard you've not demonstrated this well."
"Please do tell what you've heard," Sirius spat whilst rolling his eyes.
"Well, we- the Ministry for Magic- have caught word from our undercover associates in the British government, that Mr Venon Dursley and Mrs Petunia Dursley will be filling kidnapping charges against you, Mr Black, and Mr Lupin too," she gestured to them both individually , "if you do not return him to their care soon."
"But- What...?" Remus said, raising his eyebrows and staring back towards Bagnold, feeling rather provoked if nothing else, "They were more than pleased to be getting rid of him! You should've seen–"
"And I believe that whole heartedly, Mr Lupin, however my word still stands. There is simply no convincing me otherwise. The boy must leave, at least for now, and that is final." she said sternly, her posture had straightened up and she wore a piqued, unwelcoming expression on her face.
Sirius turned with wide eyes to face Remus, who was frowning. "Harry's going to be devastated," he whispered to the brunette, dissipating the tension in the air that had risen upon Bagnold's arrival.
Remus brought a hand up to tuck a stray strand of long black hair behind the other's ear, as he so often did when Sirius needed comforting.
The brunette turned back to the Minister for Magic, "Are you sure there's no other way, Minister? Maybe he can stay here whilst we file for custody,"
"I'm afraid not, Remus. It is regrettable that this is how it must go down. But is truly within the boy's best interest," Sirius scoffed at that, "-and the only way to assure his safety from the Dark Lord." Bagnold said the last part whilst glaring at Sirius.
"Mr Black," she continued, " I don't think you understand the severity of the charges that you could have to face, should you refuse to send him back."
"What's to understand, you prat?!" he spat, revelling in the way the woman's eyes widened as he cussed her out, "That you're sending Harry back? Even though those... Those terrible people have been socking him one in the face every other day–"
"And that's terrible, so I can assure there will be measures put in place to ensure that Mr Potter remains safe whilst he's back in their care. But, should they press charges, there's no doubt it'll end up plastered all over the muggle news. Publicity is the last thing we need, and need I remind you Black, that anything of the sorts could lead You-Know-Who's remaining followers straight to Harry. You must understand the severity of this Sirius!" she began to raise her voice on the last sentence.
Tension lingered between the three as Bagnold stared with narrowed eyes. Sirius opened and closed his mouth a few times, as if about to say something but ended up deciding against it.
"May I also note that, should you make the foolish decision of keeping him here, then the Ministry themselves will have no choice but to intervene and take matters into our own hands."
"Minister, please calm down," Remus began cautiously, "Sirius wasn't trying to aggravate you, he's just disturbed that we have to take Harry back. He was just a shell of a boy when he first started living here, and he's made so much progress since. You have to appreciate we don't want him to revert back," he sighed as his face morphed into an expression of disquietness.
"I sympathise with that Remus, truly I do. But there's no avoiding this. Mr Potter must go back at once."
Sirius' glowering demeanour softened slightly before he spoke, "Can he at least stay a couple more days? Give us some time to break the news and prepare him to live there again. And.. it's my birthday soon and I was hoping that he could join to celebrate."
The Minister for Magic stared back at him for a few moments, eyes cold and stern. After the silence had became too unbearable for any of them, she rubbed her face, careful not to catch herself with the sickeningly long fingernails she'd, clearly freshly, painted green. "Fine, fine... I will inform the muggles of this arrangement. But, just to clarify, the boy must be back to the Dursley residence by the end of the day on November 3rd. If you fail to comply, whatever happens after that is out of my control."
Bagnold kept her poised posture as she began to make her way back to the fireplace, chin held high and looking down her nose bridge with pursed lips that were painted bright purple with lipstick. She took a handful of floo powder and let in lingering in her clasped palm. Instead of throwing it to the ground, she stared down at it then averted her eyes back between the pair, beginning to speak once more, "I'm on your side, Sirius, Remus–"
"Yeah right..." Sirius mumbled sarcastically under his breath.
"I don't want him there anymore than you do. Listen to me carefully; I suggest the moment you drop him back off at that house, you apply for custody immediately." she looked at both of them waiting for their nods of agreement, "Goodbye for now," and just like that she dropped the floor powder and vanished into a mass of green flames.
Remus released a shaky breath that he didn't know he'd been holding, his shoulders suddenly slumping in defeat as he brought a hand up to his face, pressing a thumb and a finger into his closed eyes. He watched as colours and patterns began to burn into the backs of his eyelids, a migraine brewing maliciously before he quickly ripped the hand away. Sirius dropped himself down onto the sofa, hunching over so his elbows lay onto his knees and his head resting in his hands. He was suddenly now more interested by the speckles of dust bobbles that had formed on the carpet, or the odd patch of dirt (probably from Harry's ditched converse) that stuck out like a sore thumb, even against the grey rug.
"What a load of bollocks," Sirius grunted, removing a hand that had been propping up his head, so it could fish around his pyjama pocket for the carton of cigarettes that he vaguely remembered (accidentally) stuffing in his pocket last night. Everything that had just happened, that whole conversation and its details, were all of a sudden becoming very fuzzy in his sleep deprived brain.
A late night fag ought to solve the trick, he reasoned internally. Though it probably wouldn't. He just needed something to distract him, take the edge off, calm him before he put his fist through a wall as he was just longing to do.
"'On our side' she says..." he repeated back to Remus, "Yeah fucking right... Ridiculous," he allowed the cigarette smoke to burn his oesophagus, as he grumbled about the interaction.
"I don't see why she had to come so early," Remus frowned, sitting himself next to Sirius on the sofa. Allowing the leather cushions to swallow him.
Sirius ignore his comment and continued his rant, "I bet it was Emmeline," he said through a clenched jaw.
"Let's not jump to conclusions, Sirius. Anyway why didn't you tell me you–"
"No, it was absolutely her. She-" Sirius sighed and pinched his nose bridge, "She asked me on a date," he mumbled, avoiding Remus' eyes as he continued (the initial guilt from the interaction still not wearing off).
When he darted his eyes back up he saw the brunette was pulling a strange face, one that he hadn't seen since they were teenagers, one that Remus used to pull often when Sirius and him had been on a break from their relationship and the ravenette spent his time flirting with every girl in Hogwarts.
"Don't give me that look, Remus."
"I'm not giving you any look..."
"Stop acting like a child," he shot back, "Obviously I said I was already seeing someone. I thought she was okay with it... She seemed unbothered enough to me. But now she's gone and snitched," Sirius gritted his teeth in frustration and mumbled, "Should've known she'd never change... Still being pissy about when I broke up with her in 5th year.."
"You dated her in 5th?" Remus quirked an eyebrow.
"Yeah, obviously after we'd broken up... I didn't cheat on you."
Oh. Remus thought. He'd never known Sirius had actually been in a relationship with Vance, he'd assumed.... well, he wasn't sure what he assumed. Don't be such a jealous toff, Remus. He scolded himself.
"Sirius, I'm sure she didn't rat on you."
"Well, I'll find out eventually. She'll fucking regret it, too."
Remus furrowed his eyebrows but didn't bother to interrupt the other's frustrated mumbles. It was clear to him that Sirius didn't really care for anything he had to say right now. He let his mind wander back to the time they were in Hogwarts.
(flashback)
"Wotcher, Remus!" James said, beaming at the brunette as he and Peter walked up to him at breakfast time, "Er– you alright mate?"
Remus had been glowering over to the Ravenclaw table since he'd sat down. He'd been trying to not make a big deal of that fact that it took Sirius less than a week to start flirting and snogging the girls again. Currently, he was sitting with his new conquest; Emmeline Vance. She was a pretty girl with dark shoulder length hair and light eyes that were a mix of blue and green. Even Remus could admit that she was very attractive. He clenched his fists under the table.
"Yeah, you seem a little... Wos the word.. Tense?" Peter added.
"Don't be a muppet, Pete," James snapped, following the brunette's eye-line, only to see him staring daggers towards the pair on Ravenclaw table.
"Ah... Sirius has a new bird then I see," he smirked slightly, only to be met with an exasperated glare from Remus, "Sorry, Moony. Y'know what he's like though... He'll come round eventually."
"Eventually isn't soon enough," he grunted, pinching his skin through his trousers.
Emmeline was sat on Sirius' lap, one of her hands stroking the skin on his cheek, the other coiling one his long black curls around a slender finger whilst one of Sirius' hands had been awkwardly planted on her waist and the second hand lingering on her thigh trailing up her skirt. She leaned in to kiss him and Remus cringed as she stuck her tongue in the other's mouth.
He would be lying if he said he wasn't hurt by their copious amounts of pda. Just the mere thought of the fact that he and Sirius could never be this public with their relationship was enough to make his heart strings tug mercilessly. Remus had lay awake at night many of times, Sirius' head on his chest and arms encapsulating each other, thinking about the fact that even when they grew older they'd probably never safely be able to show their affection towards one another in public. Even just kissing posed threat to their lives, regrettably so. It was the '70s and to be honest, he wasn't even sure if homosexuality was legal in the muggle world. That alone was enough to bring a tear to his eye.
But Remus assumed that Sirius didn't worry about those things, anyway. Which, quite frankly, pissed him off more than it should have. Why would he worry, though? Sirius had grown up purely in the wizarding world, not a mix of the two like he, Remus, had. And Sirius never used to get teased by other students for not being interested in girls or getting a girlfriend whilst growing up. Those were the things that had really 'fucked him up' as he personally always said. Back in primary school, before Hogwarts, in year 6 he remembered distinctly overhearing a conversation about him between some of his classmates;
"Remus? He's... well he's a queer. Isn't he?" said one girl who batted her eyelashes innocently, as if she wasn't saying foul things about someone else. The sentence evoked many gasps from the rest of the table.
"Is he really?! I thought that was just a rumour." said another.
"Well... Well I think so, anyway. He's a bit strange, don't you think?"
"I s'pose so, yeah." agreed a different girl.
"I always notice him staring at other boys, y'know... The way boys look at girls. My daddy says we shouldn't talk to boys like that... He says they're freaks."
"Your Da' is right. Remus is really gross, if 'e actually is a homo. And I'm sure he is. Well, at least like... AC/DC, y'know," sneered a boy, Mikey, in a taunting voice, "Me, Jack and Tommo were talking with 'im, we 'ad a magazine and were looking at some fit girls but 'e payed no mind to 'em, just sat there. Awkward as anything, mind you."
"Pretty sure he has a crush on Tommo," Jack said, a nasty expression on his face.
"Oh my God. Don't say that, I'll throw up!" Tommo laughed.
"It's true though.. The bloody queer stares at you like he wants to jump on you and snog you silly," Mikey cackled cruelly, along with the other boys and girls joining in.
Remus stood, tears in his eyes before running straight to the toilets, locking the door so he could finally let the tears fall.
Remus hadn't even known what being 'queer' entailed at that age anyway. It wasn't until 3rd year when he really started to get the feeling something about him was different to his friends. Because whilst James and Sirius raved about girls with slender legs in short skirts, he'd never taken interest in anything like that, he'd never even really felt any particular affinity of affection to any of the girls in Hogwarts, or, well, girls in general really. Not in the way James felt towards Lily, anyway. Remus didn't like the way his friends talked so lustfully about the girls because he couldn't relate to it. And that just made him feel like a freak, like he really was 'different'.
Emotions raw, he continued to watch Sirius and Emmeline snogging from across the Great Hall, rage bubbling inside him, fists clenched so tight his nails began to dig into his palms.
"I can't watch this, I think I'll fucking throw up." he finally spat as he got up from the table, stepping out the bench one leg a time.
Before he could walk away, James took a handful of Remus' robes and pulled him back to sit down.
"Oi–!"
"Sit down, you tosser. He's just having a bit of a snog, I'm sure you're still his number one," James teased, smirking as he spoke whilst simultaneously jabbing Remus in the ribs with his finger.
"Piss off, Potter."
"Remus, I'm sure Sirius doesn't mean no harm by it," Peter started, frowning as he saw the tallest still staring towards the two, "James is right. And I bet he's just doing it to be a wind up."
"That's not really helpful, Wormtail," James shot. He anxiously pushed his glasses up his nose when he saw that Remus was still pinching his skin between his nails. He swotted the hand away to stop him causing himself further pain. "Look, Remus," he lowered his voice slightly, "You mean a lot to him. Your break up has been harsh on him, so just let him do his thing. Until then, just stick it out, yeah?"
Remus moved his cold gaze from Sirius to James, now, "You- you're so fucking annoying, you know that? 'Stick it out'? You think us breaking up wasn't hard on me too? You think I wanted to?" he stood up again, abruptly, "Fucking bell end..." he mumbled as he stormed out the great hall.
Sirius shot him a sympathetic look from the Ravenclaw table, lips still stuck on Emmeline.
That was when Remus finally fully acknowledged; James would always be Sirius' best friend before his.
(flashback end)
"Godric... What are we going to do," Sirius groaned, putting out his cigarette on the ash tray then leaning his head on Remus' shoulder, curling up at his side as the brunette brought himself back to reality. "I mean, how are we going to tell Harry? Do we even listen to what Bagnold's saying? I say we keep him and see what happens,"
"That's out of the question," he sighed in response, "We can't risk losing him for good..."
"Okay... Yeah, you're right okay."
Sirius' grey eyes glanced up to meet Remus' dark brown ones, noticing the flecks of green ever so sightly. A single tear fell down his face, as he solemnly stared at his partner. Remus reached up a hand to wipe away the tears that were quickening their pace as they streamed down the cheeks of his fair skin.
Sirius looked away and started speaking again, "I've been thinking for weeks now about what would've happened if I-" his voice cracked as a lump rose in his throat, "If I stayed at Grimmauld place, maybe Reg wouldn't've died... I could've stopped him getting the dark mark. But I ran away and abandoned him. And now I'm going to abandon Harry." He exhaled a shaky breath and wiped the tears away with his fist, sitting up straight again before looking back towards the brunette and giving a weak smile, "Sorry."
"Don't be such a silly twat, Sirius. You don't have to apologise for showing your emotions every once in a while," Remus reassured before quickly pecking Sirius on the forehead then standing up, offering a hand to pull the other up, "We're not abandoning Harry. We'll get him back easy enough. He has enough scars to prove what that prat Vernon has done."
"True," he said, matter of factly.
"C'mon let's go to bed. Harry'll be waking us up soon, anyway." Remus chuckled.
The pair trudged back to bed, snuggling down together under the thick duvet covers, arms wrapped around one another.
"Are we going to tell him tomorrow or, mmph-!"
Remus pressed a kiss against Sirius' lips to prevent him from ending his sentence. Then he brought up one of his fingers and pressed it firmly to the ravenette's lips.
"We'll talk about it in the morning, m'kay?" Sirius sighed and nodded, "Good."
So that's exactly what they did. Sleep the night away (somewhat) peacefully until they were precipitously awoken by Harry jumping on their bed, after they'd slept through two alarms.
"Merlin, Harry! Couldn't you've spared us the heart attack?!" Sirius spluttered, holding a hand to his chest in a melodramatic manner.
The boy crawled between the two and giggled a tremendous amount. Remus and Sirius shared a knowing look. The latter opened his mouth as if to say something but instantly snapped it shut upon seeing the brunette's forbidding expression as he shook his head slightly.
Sirius instead just smiled and asked Harry what he wanted for breakfast.
Harry trailed after the pair as they walked into the kitchen, "Can we have pancakes today?"
"Again? That's nearly everyday this week!" Remus said amused, but nevertheless going to the fridge to pull out the carton eggs then going into the cupboards to gather the remaining ingredients.
"Yeah, well... I like the pancakes you make Moony," Harry smiled sheepishly at Remus as he looked over his shoulder from where he'd began to set up the recipe, "And I never got stuff like this at the Dursleys, so I'm making up for what I missed out on all them years!" he giggled.
Remus' smile faltered, feeling his stomach churn at the reminder of the news he or Sirius would have to eventually break to him.
"Well, so long as you're here you can have as many pancakes as you like!" a forced grin plastered across his face, feeling so fake it hurt. Remus didn't want Harry to go back, despite what Sirius might be thinking. Last night he was just trying his hardest to keep himself together in front of Bagnold. But right now the guilt, the anger too, was worse than ever. And those were two of his least emotions to feel.
Harry happily waddled over to the dining table, comfortably taking his usual seat.
The worst thing about this whole "sending Harry back' scenario, was seeing how far he'd come in just a couple months. In the first few weeks of September, especially, he would've never, and Remus meant that, sat at the table without being told to first. Or, he would've just never sat down on a chair full stop, usually just opting to sit himself next to the table.
It felt as though they weren't ever going to be able to tell Harry, despite knowing they had to.
"Shall we tell him tonight?" Sirius whispered out the corner of his mouth.
"No," Remus replied cooly, he didn't want to face it yet. Which, granted, he knew was immature but it hurt to have to send Harry back and he just needed time to accept it; prepare what he had to say.
"It was you who said we'll talk about it in the morning," Sirius raised an eyebrow.
"Well I've changed my mind," he snapped, dismissing what the other just said to pursue the dining table to lay out the cutlery.
Harry beamed up at him, "What toppings are we having today, Moony?"
"How about I surprise you?"
The boy nodded gleefully and kicked his legs under the table, waiting in anticipation.
Remus walked back into the kitchen only to be met with a more than unimpressed Sirius, his arms folded across his chest, "You can't just ignore this, Remus."
"Well you seemed more than happy to ignore it last night!" he walked past the ravenette, barely acknowledging his presence.
"I was tired."
"Okay, so was I. I wasn't thinking straight."
"You're not thinking straight right now!" Sirius raised his voice ever so slightly but only so it seemed harsher to Remus; he didn't want to worry Harry.
Remus' eyes finally flickered towards Sirius, they softened slightly as his face set into a frown, "We can't send him back there, Sirius. I wouldn't be able to live with myself."
The other sighed and unfolded him arms to then make his way towards the brunette, standing ever so slightly on his tip toes to kiss him on the lips.
"I know," Sirius grabbed the nape of Remus' neck, bringing him down so they could rest their foreheads against each other, "I know, but we're going to have face it eventually. You said it yourself, keeping him is out the question. Plus, I'd rather not end up in the chokey for kidnapping. I look horrendous in orange."
A smile cracked onto Remus' face at that. He leaned over, kissing the ravenette gently on the lips.
"C'mon," Sirius said, clasping a firm, comforting hand over Remus' shoulder to guide him back to the dining table, "I believe you have a customer awaiting the waiter to bring his meal."