Reversed Role

She woke up in a cold sweat. 

"Miss Evans? Are you all right?" The nurse, Mrs Pomfrey, asked her. 

She swallowed "I...I think so...what happened exactly?"

Pomfrey shuddered "Voldemort...you don't remember what he wanted?"

Lily closed her eyes, fighting the bile rising in her throat, "Oh God...he," Tom was Voldemort, "He...wanted to recruit me, I think...I said no and...you...no, the Headmistress arrived and..." Tom was Voldemort. 

Tom is Voldemort 

Tom is Voldemort 

"Oh fuck!" She swore and put her hands in her hair. She drank wine with him, she drank wine with Voldemort?! She lay back again, feeling the world spinning too fast. 

"Miss Evans... I know it's a lot, and I'm sorry, but we didn't call the Auror, the Headmistress ordered it..." So on Dumbledore's orders, she thought bitterly, fighting back tears, feeling that the world had abandoned her and was playing a cruel joke on her. 

Lily got to her feet, "I'm fine, more scared than hurt, thank you Mrs Pomfrey," she put her shoes on under the disapproving gaze of the Headmistress and hurried out of the infirmary, heading straight for her dormitory. 

She just wanted to bury herself in her blanket and never leave, everything was too much for her, but as she was about to jump on her bed she stopped dead in her tracks, a book was resting on her pillow, the book she had seen in Tomes & Scrolls, it let out a small whimper, like a wounded and cornered animal. 

Lily could feel the salty taste of her tears, she levitated the book and hid it in the trunk, burying herself in its cover. 

Severus' death, Potter and Black, Remus being a werewolf who killed her best friend, Narcissa Black, the ball, Lady Malfoy and Tom, Tom being Voldemort, it was all jumbled in her head. She couldn't think clearly and she felt absolutely terrified. Voldemort wanted her in his ranks. Dumbledore had tried to cover up a murder. The world was upside down. 

She fell asleep, tears not even dry on her cheeks and her heart beating madly. 

- - - ✦ - - -

"Lily, wake up," she groaned. 

"Wake up!" Lily sighed. 

"What...?" She slurred and half opened her eyes, it was still dark outside but not so dark that she didn't recognise the person waking her and everything came back to her memory "Oh for fucksake Black, I need a break, really, get out of here". 

"Evans, we don't have time! We need to talk."

Lily sat on her bed, not caring that she looked like a mess, "And we need to do that at..." She used her desire to cast a tempus "Six in the morning? It's Sunday!" 

Narcissa shot her a venomous look, "I'm getting married tomorrow, I want you to be here." 

Lily blinked several times, "What? I thought... you're not here to persuade me to join Voldemort?" 

The woman huffed, "No, I trust the Dark Lord has said all he has to say to you, I want you to be at my wedding". 

She narrowed her eyes suspiciously, "And it's also a way of convincing me to join you." 

Narcissa stood up and spoke quickly, "I give up, you are impossible, do whatever you want, it was just a wedding invitation, nobody talks about world domination at a wedding!" 

"Ahah! So you admit Voldemort wants to rule the world!" 

"Shhh! And for Morgana's sake, of course not! Only Britain!" 

Lily made a face, "Oh, just Britain? Well, that's fine then!" 

Narcissa raised her hands in surrender, "I'll go."

The redhead sighed, "Fine, I'll be here. Just...is Voldemort coming?" She realised she should have asked the question in reverse. 

Black turned on his heel and sighed, "Yes, he will be here, he is very close to Lord Malfoy and Lily, he is not so different from the one you knew". 

"I don't know him," she replied simply. Narcissa just smiled and left the dormitory happily. 

Lily looked around, Marlene and Mary's sleep seemingly undisturbed by their soft snoring. She figured she'd have to quickly write a letter to her parents telling them she wouldn't be coming home right away. She cast a tempus, saw that it was nearly seven in the morning, and decided that sleep was overrated anyway. She climbed out of bed, sat down at her desk and wrote them a short note, then dressed and brushed her hair, which was now down to her lower back. 

She sat on the floor and looked at her trunk, where the book Voldemort must have bought or stolen for her lay, and with a cautious hand she took the book and opened it carefully. 

It wasn't cursed. 

There was something written on the first page. 

You could heal the world - Tom

Bastard. 

She crossed her arms over her chest, Voldemort was toying with her, that was obvious, pressing on what hurt her most - Severus' death - and what she wanted most - revenge - but Voldemort didn't seem to know that Lily felt partly responsible for her friend's death and that had allowed her to keep some clarity of mind. 

But joining him would give her the means and skills to get her justice, and what if joining Voldemort became her penance? Severus wanted to join him, if she joined in his place... then it would be like carrying his wishes and dreams posthumously. 

The thing was, she didn't know what Severus would have wanted her to do, she had been so horrible and shallow with him...

Lily sighed and lay down on the wooden floor, the sun's rays slowly filtering through the curtains, she looked at the light reflecting off the specks of dust floating in the air. It looked like glittering gold. 

"What are you doing on the floor?" Lily closed her eyes in annoyance, it was Mary who broke her moment of peace.  

"I'm practising my impersonation of a carpet. How am I doing?" Her voice dripped with sarcasm. 

She rose to her feet and with a flick of her wrist, put all her belongings in her trunk and was ready to go home. Magic was wonderful. 

"Um..." Mary started. 

"Oh come on Mary, she's joking!" Marlene laughed at her friend who blushed. 

Lily rolled her eyes and Marlene giggled.  She went to breakfast first, she could laugh with the girls but she didn't connect with them like she used to and she didn't want to. 

It was very early, so the Great Hall was empty of people, only Narcissa was there, sipping her tea and reading the paper. She was about to sit down at her table when the bride-to-be called her across the hall. 

"Sit with me, Lily." 

She obeyed and walked over to her, sitting down and looking at the hall from her point of view, the bench seemed tiny and distant from here. "Yes?" 

"Have you seen the news?" Black took a delicate bite of her toast,

"No," she said, happily serving herself some toast, generously covered with marmalade, and taking some orange juice. 

Narcissa looked at her in surprise, "You like citrus fruits? 

She snorted, "Do I? I could die for citrus, I could eat this for the rest of my life.

The future Malfoy laughed, a real, full blown laugh. 

"What?" Lily was genuinely perplexed. 

She smiled, "It's the Dark Lord's favourite too" Suddenly her food tasted like ash in her mouth and she glared at the blonde, but took the Daily Prophet she was handed and searched for page three, then the anger she felt almost constantly in fifth year after Severus' murder returned. 

Heir James Fleamont Potter and heir Sirius Orion Black have been accepted to the prestigious Beaubaton and Durmstrang schools respectively, following the murder of Severus Snape.

Mrs Maxime, Headmistress of the French school, declined to comment, but Mr Karkaroff said he was 'extremely honoured to have the heir of such a prominent family attend his school'.

Lily wanted to scream or break something or both, but instead she clutched the paper tightly, which was beginning to tear under the pressure, how was it possible that these two who had committed murder and assault could go on with their lives, like they hadn't killed anyone, and the worst of it was that no one was as outraged as she was. It was utter madness. 

She spoke in a fake calm tone, "Congratulations on your cousin's admission to Durmstrang" 

Narcissa chuckled, "Sirius and I never got along, he was loud, obnoxious and whiney and his behaviour only brought me shame, my engagement was almost broken off because of him," she explained, cutting her egg sharply than usual. Especially for a raw egg. 

"Why are you eating a raw egg, it's disgusting," Lily said. 

The blonde woman gave her a fake smile and with a quick motion she poured the yolk into her glass, added some milk and drank it all in one gulp. "To help with fertility, darling," she said, wrinkling her nose. 

Lily looked at her blandly before speaking, her voice dripping with contempt, "I feel like I'm talking to a woman born in 738, ready to be married to the king thirty years her senior and pressured to give birth to the long awaited sacred male heir, are you going to eat a placenta next?" 

Narcissa shot her a scandalised look, "How dare you..." 

“Narcissa. Those methods you are using were also used by muggles nobility, a century ago mind you, are useless. I recommend you to buy some book about gynecology and learn more about your cycle, rather than eating raw egg” Lily explained not unkindly to a baffled Narcissa. “Plus Severus created a fertility potion, and apparently it work” 

The woman regained her composure quickly. “Is it because of Severus' potions if Lillian fell pregnant miraculously ?” 

“Yep” She took another toast but Narcissa took it before her 

“You had enough of that, tell me more about this potion” 

She looked longingly at her toast before starting her explanation to a delighted Narcissa. 

- - - ✦ - - -

Once again she felt out of place in her richly tailored outfit, this time a pale violet flowing gown adorned with a flower of a darker shade of violet that climbed all over the dress. Her earrings and necklace were amethyst, and she also wore a circle of amethyst flowers with tiny emerald leaves in her hair. Her bright green eyes stood out vividly on her face and she thought that no matter how conflicted she felt about her situation, she always felt beautiful in the dresses Narcissa and... Voldemort had gifted her. 

She huffed at herself in the mirror of her guest room at Malfoy Manor, two days ago she was saying no to Voldemort and now she was back in his general quarters. 

McGonagall had tried to interrogate her and once again Lily felt that she was more interested in what she could say about Voldemort than her general wellbeing, Dumbledore's influence, she thought. Her old Transfiguration teacher had been more caring during her first years at Hogwarts. 

As she reached the garden where the ceremony would take place, she marvelled again at the beauty of magic. They had created a spring bubble in the middle of a raging winter, thankfully even the temperature had been adjusted. The aisle was decorated with several flowers, all different shades of purple. Looking up, she could see the snow landing on an invisible ceiling and turning into a purple petal that faded before touching the heads of the guests. It was an amazing piece of magic. 

"Do you like it?" Again her moment of piece was broken, but this time it was only Lord Voldemort himself, wearing, to her dawning realisation, a costume that matched her dress only the colours were reversed, he wore mainly a different shade of sage green and had only a speck of pale purple in his embroidery. 

"It's... acceptable," she said, trying to quell the rising panic in her chest, looking for an escape or someone, anyone, even Araminta Malfoy would have made her happy right now. 

"Acceptable? I hope you didn't tell Narcissa, the poor girl could call off the wedding and change everything, and I'd rather not have to start all over again," he said innocently, if such a man could be called that. 

Lily raised an eyebrow, "You did all that?" She couldn't keep the surprise out of her tone. 

"Why so surprised?" He asked with a charming smile, she was sorely tempted to slap him but refrained, she still wanted to leave. Alive, preferably.  

"I just thought you were more, you know, Crucio, Avada..." She closed her mouth and tried to leave to save her life, for Narcissa would surely bring her back from the dead to kill her again for ruining her wedding. 

But Voldemort just laughed, "I can use a few charms, Lily, and I don't kill for pleasure, I assure you, only when necessary." His voice took on a more serious quality and Lily felt herself slowly disappear, it was a thinly veiled threat. 

"I see," she said in a small voice, "If you will excuse me, I saw Lillian out there... goodbye." She fled. 

✧ ✦ ✧

He looked at Lily walking away from him very quickly and sighed inwardly, teenage girls were so enigmatic.  

"Are you all right, Tom?" Abraxas asked with a frown on his face. 

"I've done something wrong, but I don't know what." 

"Again?" He glared at his friend who just snorted, "What? This isn't the first time you've told me this, is it about Miss Evans?"

"Indeed it is." 

"Tell me word for word the last part of the conversation," he told Abraxas, who looked at him and sighed, "She felt threatened, of course. 

Of course. "I want to recruit her ! Not kill her! Why would she feel threatened?!" He whispered angrily. 

"Because in her mind you are the big bad villain, torturer, murderer and determined to exterminate Muggle-born like her," Abraxas explained. 

Voldemort nodded, "Ah. Dumbledore's fault again, thank you Abraxas". 

The blond man pursed his lips, "You're welcome, but... please, Tom, she's sixteen, she knows almost no one here and she's convinced we're out for her blood, be... gentle, you've been obsessing over her for six months, give her a break". 

"I'm not obsessed" He snarled. 

"You've never recruited anyone yourself" 

"Leave Abraxas" 

"As you wish"

✧ ✦ ✧

The ceremony had been beautiful, with Narcissa radiant in her white gown as she exchanged vows. Now the celebrations were in full swing and Lily had been practically adopted by the Selwyns, who looked absolutely radiant and overjoyed at the prospect of a newborn. Benedict was there too, looking less tired and stressed and smiling more.

"It's such a relief to know I won't be a double lord, and to be honest I don't even want to be a lord, so I hope it's a twin," Benedict whispered in her ear, only two feet taller than her, with black hair and grey eyes hidden behind glasses. 

Lily giggled, but reassured him anyway, "Your parents are very supportive, I'm sure everything will be fine. 

He sighed, "I hope so, so are you going to join the Dark Lord?" 

"Oh for goodness sake, I don't want to talk about him, I'm here for Narcissa, that's it, no politics, no war, no side, no Voldemort". 

"You called me?" The man appeared at her side, a glass in one hand and a curious expression on his face, Benedict bit back a whimper.

Lily, who had been feeling tense and on edge since the beginning of the event, exploded, "For fuck's sake, you are worse than an infection! Can you leave me alone for twenty-four hours? I need to think! And right now I don't want to!" She breathed heavily. 

Voldemort smiled toothlessly, seemingly unaffected by her outburst, "There she is, I was afraid you had lost your little inner fire. 

The man's nerves, she huffed and walked towards Narcissa and her husband. 

"Is everything all right, dear?" 

"Wonderful, everything is wonderful Narcissa" 

Lucius arched a perfect eyebrow, "Then why the angry face?" 

"Voldemort," she said gloomily, "he's annoying." 

The blond man blinked slowly, "The Dark Lord? Annoying?" Next to him, Narcissa tried to stifle a giggle. 

Lily nodded in confirmation, "That's what I said," Narcissa was now laughing freely and Lucius looked at Lily as if she were some kind of alien. "I need time to think, that's all," she said. 

"I take it you won't be staying here for the duration of the holiday?" The new Malfoy asked kindly. 

She shook her head, "No, I need to be with my parents, see the Muggle world and distance myself from the wizarding world and finally be able to think”

Narcissa glanced at her husband who nodded and left them alone, "I... I am sorry if you feel pressured. To be honest, I didn't know what the Dark Lord saw in you and... well, I wasn't really sensitive, my role was just to observe you and bring you into contact with him and I was... angry? Jealous? He recruited himself, something he has never done for anyone, and as of now, no one really knows what he wants from you," Lily nodded her agreement, herself perplexed by Voldemort's insistence, "plus my sister Bellatrix, she was furious that her beloved master would take such an interest in a Muggleborn, and she became so unstable that our Lord had to send her on a mission to France to get him out of the way," Narcissa let out a shaky breath, "but... ..you have something that could really help our world, ideas, values, you are always moving forward and our society desperately needs that."

Lily smiled, feeling a blush creep up her cheeks, "I... you know, I keep thinking about Severus and Potter and Black... I want to hurt them so badly, maybe even kill them. I'm so angry all the time, but I don't want to be like them... And I feel so guilty, Severus warned me about the Marauders, how cruel and violent they were. I feel like I killed him myself"

"That's not true..."

"But it is! There are an absurd number of people responsible for his death, and I'm one of them, and I won't feel at peace until I atone for my mistake, and perhaps Voldemort is the solution. He wanted to meet him after school," she concluded with a sombre look on her face. 

The woman put a hand on her shoulders, "Go home Lily, take a break, but know that Severus would never hold you responsible for what has happened".

Lily did just that.