Chapter 5
The air was cold and the grass was wet and still a little frozen. Lily leaned against the tree she and Severus used to hang out near every summer, it had a hollow in it where they could hide from Petunia. Somehow, despite the hollow in the centre, the tree was still alive and Petunia never found them here.
But Severus was dead and they would never hide in it again or jump into the lake opposite the tree as they did every summer.
She sighed; it was four days after Narcissa and Lucius' wedding and, true to her promise, she had received no news of them or Voldemort. She felt like she could breathe again.
Lily realised that she was taking everything that had happened with a certain amount of humour, but the truth was that she was terrified, she didn't know what to believe, who to believe, she didn't know what she wanted anymore. Since Severus' death, her simplistic and naive view of life had been shattered, it was more than black and white, it was more like shades of grey.
Voldemort didn't seem to be an evil tyrant revealing himself in the blood of his enemies, and Dumbledore wasn't the paragon of humanity she thought he was, the latest news being that Dumbledore was still seen at the Ministry, seeking audiences with the Wizengamot to warn them about Voldemort and recruit partisans. The Longbottoms, Mckinnons, Mcdonalds, Fortescue, Potter, Shafiq, Abbott were all firmly on his side, proclaiming it all over the place, while no one really knew who was on Voldemort's side, of course the well-known Slytherin purebloods were all strongly suspected, but nothing was confirmed.
"You're thinking of Severus? Aren't you?" Her mother joined her on the floor.
"There is nothing else to think about," she said bitterly,
Her mother sighed, "That's not true, you have to think about your studies, your friends, boys or girls, it doesn't matter," Lily smiled, her mother was the kindest woman she knew.
She thought about the silent conflict in her world, "Right, but does any of this matter if a war breaks out?"
Her mother exclaimed, "Of course it does! And you know, if there really is a war, you come home straight away, lay low for a while and wait for it to pass".
Lily gave her an indignant look, "I'm not going to hide, Mum, and you know that, plus this war is literally about Muggles, no one will be safe" Then she delfated a bit "Or perhaps I am completely wrong" After all, Voldemort always talked about protecting and improving the wizarding world, not wiping out Muggles, or was that a way of manipulating her? She didn't know.
"Lily, what aren't you telling me? And that wedding you went to, you didn't even tell me who got married, because excuse me darling, but sixteen is too young to get married..."
She rolled her eyes, "Narcissa is twenty-one and she was Professor Slughorn's assistant, not one of my friends at school, we got on very well and she invited me".
"She invited a student? How odd" Lily had always been careful not to tell her mother about the prejudice she faced as a Muggle-born, and she had also never spoken about the pureblood society, only mentioning the possible war to protect them if things got bad so they could escape.
"We also went to school together for two years, she, her husband and Severus got on well"
"Oh. I see. Now tell me what's on your mind, I know you miss Severus but there's something else," Dahlia Evans, née Virden, looked a lot like her daughter Lily, where Petunia took after her father Georges, she also had a very sharp mind and was annoyingly perceptive.
"I'm being sought out to join Voldemort's side, and Dumbledore's side too, I think." McGonagall hadn't tried to speak to her after the Hogsmeade incident, but Marlene and Mary were always talking about the Order, how wonderful it was, how they were going to join as soon as possible.
It was suffocating, how in every corner of the castle there were people trying to lure them to one side or another.
"What?!" Her mother shouted, rising to her feet, "But Lily, how far are you involved in this conflict?!"
She didn't answer immediately, her eyes fixed on the sparkling waters of the lake, "A lot, I think, a year ago the choice would have been easy, but now... I... Dumbledore tried to cover up Severus' murder."
Dahlia wore a face of pure stupefaction, "I beg your pardon?"
"Yes, I had the same reaction, yes, Potter and Black were both rich and popular, and Remus, a werewolf, was an interesting recruit for Dumbledore's side, so he tried to protect them, but the Ministry understood immediately. Then Potter and Black got off with a simple expulsion and a fine, Remus was almost executed but saved by Potter, and Pettigrew is in Azkaban. So this event has really shattered my vision... of everything, really."
Her mother looked horrified, "You... but you don't intend to join this Voldemort?"
"I don't know," she knew damn well, "it's more complicated than I thought, Dumbledore has done a number on my perception of things and his propaganda has clouded my judgement, now I know the real agenda of Voldemort's side."
Her mother looked at her as if she didn't recognise her, "But Dumbledore is for Muggles, he wants to protect them, and I'm not stupid, I know you face prejudice out there, Lily, and Voldemort is the opposite of what you want".
The redhead looked at her mother intently, "And what do I want?"
"But Lily! Think of us ! Your sister !"
She stood up as well, "Oh for God's sake Mum! I am not going to start killing and torturing Muggles and becoming a racist! But let's face it, our worlds don't mix, Petunia hates me and calls me a freak all the time. Severus' father used to beat him. I know a girl in Hufflepuff whose parents exorcise her every summer. You and Dad are exceptional and I'll be forever grateful for that, but the fact is, I'm a rare case."
Her mother sighed, looking defeated, "I trust you to make the right choices. I know you're a good person, so go for it Lily, fight for what you believe in, but don't lose yourself in the process".
"I promise, Mum."
- - - ✦ - - -
Full of determination, finally feeling sure of something, Lily went back to Hogwarts to realise that she had no idea how to announce that 'yes, thanks for the offer, I'm going to be a Death Eater', she couldn't really send a letter? That would be dangerous, and she was sure her mail would be monitored.
Instead, she sent a letter to Narcissa, spent an eternity trying to think of an unsuspicious way for them to meet, and came up with the excuse that it was her birthday at the end of the month and she wanted to spend the day with her.
Still, she saw McGonagall eyeing her from the Head Table more often, especially when her Slytherin year-mates and seventeen-year-olds started to be polite to her.
She found herself revising her Herbology with Anastasia Greengrass and her twin brother Andreas, and sometimes Ravenius Lestrange would join her when she practised her spells in the Dedicated Room.
And one day, Rosier, Mulciber and Avery, Severus' old friend, sat at her table in the library. They were definitely less friendly than the others.
"You know Evans, we appreciated your support for Severus, but you're not fooling us, you didn't give a damn about him," Avery said with venom in her voice.
Lily didn't lose her composure, "I know, I was horrible, and now I'll never be able to apologise. And I'm trying to make amends."
Mulciber snorted and said in his gruff voice, "I don't know what a Mudblood like you can bring to our side.
Before she knew it, her wand was in her hand and she sent a nasty Furnunculus into his already hideous face: "Say that again and I won't send you a simple Furnunculus next time. The same goes for you," she treated the other with her wand.
Rosier smiled grimly, "Come on boys, we are done here.
"The Dark Lord will soon realise how useless you are," Avery spat, holding a whimpering Mulciber.
After this little incident they did not bother her again and Narcissa finally replied.
Dear Lily, I would love to have you at the Manor for your birthday! Seventeen is an important age and brings new responsibilities into your life. I also wanted to see you on Severus's birthday, as you know it's on the ninth of January, and Lucius and I have invited the Selwyns for a toast in his honor. I will meet you at the school gates at nine on the morning of the ninth.
Yours sincerely, Narcissa Odessa Malfoy.
Feeling the Headmistress's heavy gaze on her shoulder, Lily knew that she or someone else would try to talk to her before tomorrow, as they had probably read her letter.
With a dawning realisation, she realised that, as a Muggle-born, she had no wizarding family to protect her like the other Slytherins, and right here in the castle, which was still Dumbledore's territory, if there was any suspicion that she was with Voldemort, the Dumbledore Order would not hesitate to attack her.
If she left with Narcissa on the ninth, she would never return.
Lily felt a shiver of panic run down her spine. She tried to eat normally, then slowly got up and left the Great Hall, trying not to look too worried, but as soon as she passed the door she started running towards her dormitory. When she finally entered her dormitory, she was about to throw all her belongings into her trunk when she felt the letter in her pocket burning. She took it out and noticed that the writing was changing.
I will come for you at nine tonight. Dumbledore wants to “talk” to you and is sending Alastor Moody to the school to bring you to him. We have allies who will delay him, but you must hurry, Lily.
The paper then promptly burned itself and Lily froze for a moment, feeling the weight of her decision on her shoulder and in her heart, then with a violent flick of her wand, everything that belonged to her slammed into her trunk, she shrank it with a flick of her wrist and tucked it away, turning towards the exit without looking back.
She had twenty minutes before Narcissa arrived.
Lily started to run down the corridor, she had seven floors to go down and dozens of corridors to cross, wand in hand she tried to keep her feet and clothes as quiet as possible and it was not until she reached the fourth floor that she heard sounds.
"We will catch her, she has no other way to reach the third floor," she heard a gruff voice whisper.
"I don't understand how she could join them, a Muggle born..." It was McGonagall.
The man she assumed to be Alastor Moody snarled, "They preyed on her weakness, exploited the loss of her friend."
Mcgonagall tutted, "Dumbledore really did make a mistake this time..."
"He had his reasons, Minerva" Lily rolled her eyes and with a silent movement of her wand she disillusioned herself, she walked slowly towards them, the two of them were positioned in the middle continuing their conversation, Moody had a missing leg and his nose was deformed... "Did you hear that?" The man looked around, his piercing blue eyes scanning the corridor like a hawk.
Lily froze, disillusionment was great when stationary, but not efficient when used in motion.
"I heard nothing, Alastor" The man turned to look behind him and Lily took advantage of this to move to the side, near the wall, and head towards her destination; the stairs.
"Something's wrong," the Auror growled. Was he even human?
Suddenly the man threw a Petrificus at her, she barely dodged it by rolling to the ground and her Disillusionment Charm dropped, she got to her feet and threw several Stunners at both of them.
Raising her wand again, she cast a Protego and ran towards the stairs, dodging a flash of red light coming from behind her, her shield dropped and she had to face her opponents, she cast a Bombarda at the wall behind Moody, who dodged it surprisingly quickly considering his wooden lag.
The old Auror growled at her and wordlessly cast three purple spells at her, and in a moment of panic she almost dropped her wand, only dodging two and the other slamming into her, she screamed as she felt her flesh ripped open.
Fear and pain blinded her, she began to throw overpowered stunners into the corridors, aiming at nothing, but when she heard Moody hiss, she shouted "Claudicare Vulnera!", not even trying to aim correctly, but the gurgling sound of pain from the Auror told her she had miraculously hit a target.
Lily began to limp towards the stairs, dodging the curse that McGonagall had sent her with a Protego, but she stumbled over the rumble and felt a burning spell touch her shoulder and she yelped in pain, tears welling in her eyes, "Miss Evans! Stop this nonsense!"
Cold rage rose in her and she turned towards her old professor, a hand on the wall, the stairs were right behind her.
"Nonsense? You support a man who sees others as pawns, chess pieces!" She cried.
"And Voldemort is perhaps a better man?" McGonagall scoffed, she had a cut over her left eye but otherwise looked fine.
Lily had no real certainty about that, but she did know one thing, Voldemort wanted to change things, to make things better for magical beings and creatures.
Dumbledore just wanted things to stay the same. "He will avenge Severus, and I will make amends." She whispered brokenly to her professor.
"Oh Lily..." McGonagall looked sad, but still pointed her wand at her.
The redhead quickly raised her wand and shouted, giving the Headmistress no chance to react, "Bombarda Maxima!"
The corridor exploded and she fell head first into the stairs behind her, the hard stone of the steps knocking the air out of her lungs and as the world stopped spinning she exhaled shakily, grabbing her wand and getting to her feet, feeling her body covered in bruises and she was sure her ankle was twisted but she ignored it, the adrenaline allowing her to continue on her way.
She passed a few students who let out cries of terror and horror and when she finally saw the outside, a scream stopped her in her tracks.
"Lily!" It was Marlene looking at her with wide eyes, "What... what are you doing?"
Lily blinked, "What I feel is right, don't try to stop me Marlene," she raised her wand threateningly, but the Gryffindor girl only raised her hand in surrender.
"You're going to regret this, Lily, they're going to kill you."
She grinned madly, "Not if I kill her first" Marlene took a step back and Lily started running again, the gates of Hogwarts coming closer until she spotted Narcissa in profile, seeing her the blonde woman let out a sigh of relief.
"In the name of Morgana, what happened to you?"
Lily let out a whimper, pain and horror mixed together and she suddenly felt very weak and fell into Narcissa's arms as she stroked her hair, "Oh darling, come on, let's get you patched up, we're going home".
Home sounded wonderful.