Hogwarts Express
James Potter doesn't want to die, well most of the time anyway. He wants to live more than he wants to die and thats enough for him. But everyone feels that way right? Everyone has bad days so he doesn't think much of it, usually just wants to wait for the bad days to be over. But maybe most of all he wants someone to see him, to see him on good days but also on the bad ones, he wants someone to see even the dark and twisted parts of him and still love him. Someone to stay with him when things get rough and when he cant ignore it anymore. To see him and stand by him.
As he goes inside the Hogwarts express and heads to one of the train compartments in the back, He tells himself this is going to be a good day. That it cannot be other than that. He stops in front of the compartment that is completely in the back and goes inside, his friends aren't there yet but they will be. They always sit in the back of the train, they always sit in the back of the class and they always have each others back. He chooses a seat next to the window and puts his baggage under the seat before sitting down, he takes a little red ball out of his pocket and starts bouncing it on the wall. After a few minutes the train compartment door opens and someone walks in. James had been completely spaced out and when he snaps out of it and turns his head to see who walked in he forgets to catch the ball and it hits him on the side of his head.
He groans when the ball hits him but his whole face lights up when he recognizes who is standing in the door, "Sirius!" he exclaims as he sits his glasses straight after the ball had knocked them askew. Sirius is grinning and he is already talking as he walks over to sit down, his black boots making sounds against the floor as he walks "James man you have no idea how long it has been since i have actually had a proper conversation with someone who doesn't hate me" he grins as he sits cross-legged across from James. James meets him with a grin so much alike the other boy that its clear they are two parts of the same person "i take it you spent your whole summer at home?".
"every single day" Sirius groans but he cant help but smile a little, glad to be next to his friend again.
Sirius is in the middle of putting his hair up with his wand when the doors open again as Remus and Peter walks in, Remus have grown even taller over the summer and he looks quite silly next to Peter who is quite short, Peter is wearing a t-shirt with jeans and despite the warm weather Remus is still wearing one of his sweaters and his usual formal pants, they are in the middle of their own conversation so it takes a second before they see James and Sirius. When they do they both smile at the two boys already seated, Peter sits next to James and Remus takes a seat next to Sirius. "now that we are all here i need you to give me all of the fun details from your summer" Sirius says immediately after Remus and Peter have sit down "someone is impatient huh?" Remus teases with a raised eyebrow "oh shut up moony I'm living through you all vicariously" Sirius replies and tried his best to hide how his face is heating up a little when he looks at Remus who James can admit did become even more handsome over the summer with his tall lean frame and his hair with the same color as his soft freckles that comes in summer that he grew out a little, poor Peter is oblivious to Sirius reaction. "Sorry to disappoint pads but we mostly just spend our summer with James and his family" Peter smiles teasingly and Sirius makes a dramatic gasp "only!? you guys need to live more fun lives, what's the point of living through you guys if you dont even have any fun or juicy details" he scoffs but there is no malice behind his tone or real anger he just likes to be dramatic. James knew that all too well, being friends with Sirius for as long as James has been you get used to his dramatics, the only thing he was never dramatic about was his homelife, which was genuinely shit. He didn't talk about it often but from what James had gathered he had his mother and father who he didn't do well with and who he hated (rightfully so) and then he had a brother and some cousins and then of course more distant family. He talked about his cousins sometimes, about how andromeda left and how he wishes he could do the same or how Bellatrix caused another scene, he would even talk about how his cousin Narcissa was with the Malfoy heir who Sirius had absolutely no positive opinions or thoughts on. The only one he almost never talked about was his brother. Sirius and Regulus had a very complicated relationship, though James isn't sure it was always like that. He recalls once when Sirius and him had snuck out past curfew and was walking around on the quidditch patch at night and talking for hours until the sun started rising. They had talked about everything between the sky and the sea, they had been serious and unserious and when Sirius had decided to talk about his brother James had listened. He had talked about how him and Regulus was only one year apart and how they used to be close. They used to be close and before Sirius had started his first year. Regulus had begged him to not leave him behind. But of course Sirius hadn't had a choice and he had to go to Hogwarts, Regulus would only have to be one year without Sirius and he promised to come home in the Christmas break. But he didn't. At Christmas he had stayed at Hogwarts. Things didn't go completely downhill until the year after where Regulus got sorted into Slytherin. Sirius had expected it of course and it didn't come as a surprise when he saw the hat get lowered onto his little brothers head and seconds after hearing it yell out "Slytherin!". It was expected but nonetheless it had hurt Sirius, he didn't talk for the rest of that night. Since that day they have had a much more complicated relationship, they love each other but they dont like each other, they would help the other one clean up their injuries after a punishment from Walburga or Orion but they would do it in silence and after it they would go back to each of their rooms. No matter how hard James tried he hadn't been able to get Sirius to say a lot about how his brother is but he did know that Regulus pretends to agree with their parents beliefs and sometimes Sirius isn't sure if he believes its a lie or if his brother is just exactly like their parents.
While Remus picks up his book and starts reading it and Sirius and peter start talking, James is spacing out again, looking out the window and watching the landscape change over and over again while being completely lost in thoughts, he doesn't know how long he has been sitting like that but when the doors suddenly open he cant help but jump a little in surprise "dont get your panties in a twist potter" a snarky voice says as James jumps in surprise and grabs his wand instinctively "and put that down" the voice adds. He looks over and sees a guy who looks a lot like Sirius, he is standing in the doorway with a green and black sweater on over a shirt where the collar is poking out through the neck of the sweater, he has it over a pair of formal pants much like Remus except his are black. His curly black hair looks almost messy in a put together way, he has silver rings on multiple of his fingers. He has the same lean frame and sharp cheekbones as Sirius, but where they look most alike is their storm grey eyes. But where Sirius eyes are filled with light and life the other boys eyes looks tired and almost dead.
James doesn't have time to connect the dots before he hears Sirius voice "watch your tone Regulus".
Regulus.
So that was him? Sirius brother?
James couldn't help but stare, he couldn't help but wonder why he had never paid attention to him before. they must have seen each other somewhere so why hadn't James remembered him? Properly because he knew Sirius wouldn't want him to.
He pulls himself together and lowers his wand "right. sorry. it was an instinct" he mutters.
Regulus scoffs and shifts his attention to Sirius again "you have my book, i need it" he says his told cold and straightforward, Sirius raises an eyebrow "and this couldn't wait until we reached Hogwarts because...?" Regulus sighs "because Barty and Evan are being... well Barty and Evan, and i need something to do instead of just sitting there and watching them" he explains. "loud and annoying?" Sirius guesses while handing Regulus his book "like someone else i know" regulus replies with a sarcastic tone as before as he takes his book from Sirius. When he turns to walk out the door of the compartment Sirius grins and says "i bet you just wanted an excuse to talk to me, i bet you missed me already" with his back still turned towards us as he walks out regulus yells back "in you dreams Sirius".
Sirius sits back in his seat "worth a try" he shrugs "ladies and gentlemen my brother" he says gesturing with his arms like a circus director presenting his new trick.
"There are no ladies here" Remus says deadpanned "unless you're hiding one in that suitcase of yours" Peter adds.
"Oh shut up you two you know what i meant" Sirius huffs amused.
There is silence for a little before Remus breaks it with saying "well Regulus seemed... interesting" Sirius immediately responds "he's a prick is what he is" there is a silence for a few seconds before Peter breaks it "maybe he is just a complicated person?" no one responds.
"Lets change the topic shall we?" Sirius says with a ironic enthusiasm.
"Yeah. James you've been awfully quiet, I'm sorry if we have been talking over you, why dont you talk about something? that will... lighten the mood" Peter suggests
James felt like a deer in headlights, Remus, Peter and Sirius all had their attention on him waiting for him to say something. truth was that for once he didn't have anything to say, he almost always has something to say so people tend to expect him to break uncomfortable silences or to always have something to say, he doesn't have anything against it, he likes talking, he talks a lot so that he can't focus on his thoughts. But right now he felt put on the spot. He looks away from the window and looks at his friends instead "what are you guys hoping there is for dinner at the sorting ceremony?" he asks not missing a beat.
They all start talking about their wishes for dinner and their expectations for the night, if Dumbledore will make any big announcements and how many they think will be sorted into each house.
James participates in the conversation the best he can, they all eventually fall into talking about one topic after the other.
They haven't looked at the time in a while so when lily walks by and sees them still in their muggle clothes she sighs and opens the door "when are you lads planning on changing into your robes?" she asks.
Remus and lily had been close friends since third year so he is the one to answer her "we will change now Lils" "if you will leave" Sirius adds
James cant resist saying "you're welcome to stay if you fancy" he winks.
She rolls her eyes "i will leave you four to it" she says and steps out and closes the door after her.
As they all get changed Remus cant resist saying "James i though you said you were over lily?" he raises and eyebrow.
James looks up and over at Remus "oh yeah i am" he says confused at Remus words, Remus just looks at him confused, it takes James a second to realise what Remus is silently asking "oh no mate im over her but that wont stop me from flirting with her" he says like its the most obvious thing in the world and Remus cant help but crack an amused smile "you're a mystery to me James".
Not very long after they have changed into their robes the train stops, Sirius stands up and stretches his body aching from sitting down for that long, his limbs and back cracking "you sound like dry spaghetti" Remus comments, Sirius lets out a dramatic scoff "excusez-moi i am French not Italien" he says with a smirk. Remus shakes his head amused "you're bloody stupid that's what you are" he says quietly "hey i heard that!" Sirius exclaims with a light chuckle.
peter and James laughs a little at the two other boys bickering at each other. They all walk out of the train staying together despite the amount of students that are all leaving the train at once, they leave their baggage since the house elfs takes care of getting everyone's baggage to the right dorms.
They walk out into the cold evening air and look up at the castle "looks like we're home" Sirius says and puts an arm around James and Remus while James puts an arm around Peter.