Chapter 1
Sirius
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Sirius missed regulus. Always. Sometimes he thought he had found him. In a razor sharp flash of raven hair on the underground. In the sound of a piano playing in a dingy pub. But it was never him. And Sirius would never understand. Why regulus had left. Where he went after their parents were dead and gone and he should have finally been free to see his brother. Instead grimmauld place was empty. And Sirius was always forever alone.
That wasn't entirely true. He had James and Peter. And Remus. Oh how he wished Remus were here right now. To stop his silly wallowing. To wash the wine stain out of his shirt and lift him from the floor to his bed. But that would be too embarrassing. To show remus this side of him. The side people rarely ever saw. Not the guy who seems "so well adjusted". "So easygoing" and "kind despite his upbringing". Fuck that. That wasn't true. Not when his apartment was a complete mess. Not when wine and vodka flowed through him like a river and he could no longer tell which of the cigarette burns or the slashes on his arm were walburgas or his own.
There was too much he didn't know. He didn't even know how long it had been since he fell off the chair and resigned himself to lying on the cold kitchen tile. Regulus, regulus, regulus. He let his mind wander. To try and think of sweeter things. Of his friends and how much he missed them, especially Remus, though he wasn't sure quite why. But he just thought of that night he had escaped. The last time he'd spoken to his brother.
"You could come with me!" Sirius had pleaded at regulus as he frantically packed a bag, trying to ignore the blood spilling from his mouth and forehead. Regulus had just stood their silently. His form completely unmoving and unconcerned but his eyes betraying a great terror and his breathing was laboured. "Please" Sirius begged dropping to his brothers knees "please come with me" Regulus started to cry "I can't go, they'll find us, you're 18, you're allowed to, I'm not, they'd send the police or something" he doubled over and grabbed his chest as if in agony, dropping beside his brother "why are you leaving? You could have waited, it's just a year and a half, we could get out together" sirius tried to look at his brother but the blood dripped over his eye "I can't stay here any longer" Regulus looked at him for a long moment with fear and sadness in his eyes, then the boiling rage came and he shoved his brother away "fine!". He didn't even say goodbye before storming out of the room. Sirius was so worried that he'd tell their parents that he left right there and then, climbing out the window.
Sirius had only seen him once since. From the other side of their parents funeral. He'd tried to find him after but he was gone. The house was empty and the lights were off. Sirius couldn't sob anymore he decided suddenly. He pushed himself up off the floor, they had a gig tomorrow and he needed rest. He took one step, saw the black spots in his eyes, then hit the deck.
James
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James potter was an awful person. No one knew that of course. No one except his parents, the doctors and Regulus. It was all his fault. All the reasons that Sirius could come up with and not once did he suspect James. Why would he? James was his family, he would never do that to him. And yet James was the reason regulus was gone and was never going to come back. And James had to live with it. No amount of roaring crowds and drinking could dull the void in his chest.
He rocked up to Sirius' flat early that morning. He didn't even bother knocking instead withdrawing the key that sirius had given him and turning it in the lock. James knew what state he would be in. Sirius could hide how he really was from everyone. Everyone but James. Because it was all james fault. He tried to push the bad thoughts out as he stepped through the door. The place was a mess, but that wasn't unusual. There were papers strewn over the floor, takeout boxes and vodka bottles lining the sofa area, and the entire room smelt like an ash tray. He turned towards the small kitchen area and nearly fainted. He could see behind the counter a long pale arm lying limply on the ground, and a small trickle of red liquid beside it. Fuck fuck fuck. No, he wouldn't? James dropped the bags that he was carrying and rushed towards the kitchen. He rounded the corner so sharply he nearly slipped, only to see Sirius, breathing soundly, with a wine bottle dripping red all over the floor. James heart slowed and he took a deep breath.
"Regulus.." Sirius murmured from the floor and a small tear ran down James's face. "just me, mate" james spoke softly, but it apparently didn't stop sirius from jolting violently. His eyes opened groggily "James?" Sirius tried to sit up but nearly spun out until James caught his back with his hand "what are you doing here?" Sirius' eyes looked up at him inquisitively before widening in horror "it's not time for the concert already is it?
"No, its actually really early" James tried to sound cheery "I just wanted to make sure you were okay" Sirius pulled back "why wouldn't I be?" James stood up "can't I just be concerned about my friends?" Sirius eyed him curiously "I suppose" James smiled and began to busy himself about the kitchen "do you want breakfast?" Sirius sighed "I don't have any food in the house" he mumbled awkwardly.
James tutted "you should know me better by now" and he went to grab the plastic Tesco bags he'd dropped by the door. Sirius got up and walked to the sofa "my angel!" He leaned back laughing softly "what would I do without you?". James chuckled but the answer was anything but funny. You'd have your brother, James thought, you'd have your brother Sirius.
Remus
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Remus and Peter had a bit of an unspoken bond. Their friends had always been wild, high energy, adrenaline junkies, with the most amount of confidence a person could exude, and while they both enjoyed the rush of band life, Peter and Remus were much more calm, collected, and he supposed a little shy. They both arrived early to practice, setting about silently prepping equipment and warming up. They started to make small conversation as remus casually flipped his drum sticks and tapped a small rhythm. He laughed as Peter messed about with his bass's amp that sirius had decided to turn up all the dials on for a joke. They were a good team, but as the minutes dragged on, the lack of the others imposing presence could be felt.
James and Sirius were such a confusing pair. Like him and Peter they had their own secret bond with each other, though this one clearly ran much deeper. Despite being possibly the most easy going sunny people in the world, he sometimes caught little pauses in their conversation where he could tell some unspoken information was passing, or the occasional worried glances they'd shoot at eachother before snapping back to the others with a huge smile on their face. He had know them both since high school but he felt like he was still missing so much from them that they kept hidden. He really didn't know anything about James's personal life or true thoughts and all he knew about sirius was that his parents were dead and he didn't speak to his brother, regulus. He had seen regulus about during school, but now that they had graduated Remus hadn't seen him since. He always wondered if he'd maybe moved away and that's why the black siblings didn't talk.
Sirius was an enigma, but it hadn't stopped remus falling increasingly infatuated with him. He thought about the black haired boy, scribbling down some ideas for a new song onto a few loose pages he kept by his drum kit. Most of his songs were about sirius these days, and God was that embarrassing to him. Because it was Sirius who ended up singing these songs, but he wasn't singing them back to Remus, but to a crowd of drunk girls who he loved the attention of far more. But when Remus sang those songs, alone in his flat, he was singing about Sirius every single time.
His head snapped up as Sirius crashed through the swing door of their small, rented studio, with James hot on his tail. As usual, sirius looked amazing. He had his black leather jacket on, contrasting gorgeously with his snowy skin. His dark hair was pinned back by a clip and his lips were so kissable that remus had to turn away for fear that he would stare at them. "Hello moony" Sirius tapped on the drums infront of Remus "got a present for me angel?" His voice dripped with a mock french accent that made Remus heart flutter but he held his composure and retrieved some new pages of lyrics from his satchel. "I wrote a new one I think you'll like"
"Perfect" Sirius grinned then turned away and moved to the centre of the small space. "Well, we are officially a band!" He spread his arms wide to emphasise his point and nearly smacked James glasses off his face "are we not already a band?" Peter asked confused. "Oh no!" James cried out in mock horror "he's had a traumatic memory lapse!" he grabbed sirius' shoulders firmly "sirius, you're safe, you've had a terrible accident, we've been a band for nearly four months now" sirius shrugged james hands off "I mean, we've made it!" Sirius beamed excitedly "our first proper concert venue"
"With only 150 spaces" Peter coughed and nearly got remus' new lyrics thrown at him for it "that's not the point" sirius said "it's just exciting isn't it?". And it was, it really was. They had been playing in small pubs and little dives for months now and had finally managed to save up enough to rent this little space and now whole venues. They'd even amassed something of a local following. Their little band. The marauders!
Remus smiled giddily. Somehow Sirius' excitement was far too infectious. "Well then we should probably get started then shall we?" Said James, plugging in his guitar. This night was going to be epic "what song is first on the set list?" Asked Peter "scars!" Yelled sirius and remus in unison. Sirius laughed while Remus went bright red. He instinctively scratched the ugly marks that crossed his nose and lips. He had written that song as a way to come to terms with his scars, and now it was one of their most popular "written by our gorgeous moony" Sirius looked at him softly then turned away "James, care to start us off?" He tilted his glasses up and strummed his guitar "fuck yeah!"
James
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The concert was electric. Maybe Peter had thought that only 150 people could fit, but that didn't stop nearly twice that amount showing up. James supposed maybe it was just because the tickets were cheap and you could just show up and be allowed in but still.
They played harder than they ever had before, all their best songs, "scars", "stardust", even "werewolf".
Sirius stood in the centre of the stage with such a power it felt like it's where he was meant to be his entire life. He screamed lyrics into the crowd
"I've spent my life just-"
And they screamed them back.
"Tracing scars, tracing scars!"
It was magic, the boy who he'd scraped off the kitchen floor this morning was gone. This was a radiant god, belonging just as much among the stars as his name suggested. Everyone was captived by him. Even Remus and Peter were staring at him. And in that moment james knew this band was eternal. They were destined for something bigger. Not just because of Sirius, but Remus who wrote those amazing words, and Peter who despite being possibly the shyest person ever was almost as good at crowd work as sirius. And aslong as they allowed him to be there he would be. But there was a slightly hollow feeling in james that knew he would never be as good as his friends.
He went home and immediately crashed into bed, feeling better than he had in ages, with a euphoria that meant he nearly missed the buzzing off his phone from the side table. But he didnt miss it. James picked it up, an unknown caller was phoning. He frowned slightly at that but decided to pick up anyway. If it was a scam he could just hang up. "Hello" his voice rang into static silence "hello, is there someone there?" He could hear small breaths breaking up the dead of the call and was nearly about to hang up because this was starting to freak him out when he heard a voice "James.." that voice was so familiar but in his sleepy, alcohol riddled head, he couldn't quite place it "umm, yes" he tried to sound sober "who- who is this?" The voice on the end of the call let out a sharp breath as if hurt that James couldn't recognise them.
"Regulus" James shot up so suddenly that his eyes swam and he toppled off the bed, phone spilling away from him. He scrambled to grab it, his breath laboured "Reg- what, what the fuck" james voice betrayed so much fear and confusion he was surprised Regulus didn't just hang up and leave again. But instead "meet me at the park in half an hour". The line went dead, and James' apartment was very, very empty all of a sudden.