Chapter 1
"Bloody hell, proons, you almost ran me over!"
"Call me that again and I'll send you flying out the window, padfoot."
"Well, don't ram my bed if you don't want to be called names!"
"Psst! Shut the hell up, both of you!"
With how full of concentration the air was, one might've been able to cut it into thick slices. Remus wondered if he and his friends were even visible on the marauders' map, or if the sheer meditative aura around them protected them from unwanted spies.
It would certainly be useful, considering that there were currently four beds floating ominously in midair, not far from McGonagall's classroom.
It all started the way it always did.
"Okay, I know we said we'd be more careful this year, but hear me out."
Remus only sighed in defeat, tired as always. Peter, currently sitting on an armchair and nose buried in a book, had his eyebrows raised up so high that they almost disappeared in his hairline. James abandoned his turn in Wizard's Chess against Remus in favor of looking at his best friend.
"Okay."
A currently sprawled-across-the-sofa-in-a-weirdly-unnecessary-looking-position Sirius grinned suspiciously, parchment in his hand. "So, I was reading the rules, as you do, and I found something interesting."
He dramatically waved the parchment around before holding it above his face and reading. "You know the rule about students not being allowed out of the common rooms after curfew?"
James furrowed his eyebrows. "Yeah? What about it?" he asked, only to immediately be interrupted by Remus saying a sharp "nO!"
Sirius snorted. Remus looked him straight in the eyes.
"Sirius. No." he glared. "We're already on thin ice with McGonagall after the Howler incident. Merlin knows what kind of punishment she'll come up with if we fuck up again."
"You're not letting me talk, Moony!" Sirius sighed and jumped up, curls bouncing off his shoulders as he waltzed to Remus and draped himself straight across the werewolf's back.
Remus' mouth snapped shut with an audible click, cheeks going bright red as Sirius held the parchment in front of Remus' face. "See what it says?" the black haired boy grinned.
Remus, trying his best to act as if he wasn't flustered, read the parchment. Sirius basically hugging him from behind would've been fine, but he also had an arm wrapped around the werewolf's chest, and a hand right above his beating heart.
Peter secretly smiled into his book, but James didn't even try to hide his snickering.
"Students must not be out of bed after 10PM..." he read out loud, and then it dawned on him. "Oh."
"Told you, Moony." Sirius whispered. Despite seeming impossible, his grin widened as he planted his chin on Remus' shoulder. "There you have it, guys. It doesn't say that we're not allowed outside of the common rooms. Only that we're not allowed out of bed."
Remus groaned and buried his face in his hands. James leaned forward, eyes glinting with mischief. "I'm listening. What do you propose?"
Sirius' eyes seemed to glow, filled with the same spark. "How well have you practiced your levitation spells?"
He wasn't sure how, but barely ten minutes later Remus found himself with his wand out, muttering quiet spells as he pointed it at James' bed.
The frame shook gently under the magic, until the bed began to lift off the floor. James, who sat on the bed, cheered with his arms up until Remus frowned and lowered the bed down again, its feet landing on the floor with a proper womp. Hopefully without waking anyone up.
"Not a chance." Remus sighed and let off, wand tucked neatly into the little loop of his pants. "The bed itself is a bit difficult, but things are different with a whole ass person sitting on it. Let alone James."
"Go to hell, Remus." James scoffed, though just barely hiding his little grin at the jab as he got up. "And if we try it together? Teamwork spells are stronger."
"Could work." Sirius piped in and already pulled out his wand. "But that'll make maneuvering through the hallways more difficult if we're all just focused on helping each other stay afloat."
"And if we pair up?" Peter added.
As soon as the words left Peter's mouth, Sirius lunged forward and landed face first on Remus' bed. "Hey!" Remus protested, but Sirius remained in place, face buried in the mattress.
"I call dibs on Remus." he said, more to the bed than his three friends.
"In your dreams," the werewolf muttered, but Sirius just shifted a bit until an eye peaked out between his long hair. "You're such a child, I hope you're aware of that."
"Oh, I am very aware," Sirius replied with a smirk and turned on his back, black curls fanned out around his head like a dark halo. "And I'm not ashamed of it at all. I like being immature. Keeps life interesting. And look at you," he reached up and flicked Remus' nose when the werewolf came to join him on the bed. "You love it."
"Get a room, chadfoot." James laughed and barely avoided the pillow being swung his way before he and Peter went to another bed. "Which spell do we have to use? WingardiumLeviosa?"
Remus shook his head, sitting crosslegged on the foot of his bed and pointing his wand down. "No, it's not precise enough. Use Levioso."
"Got it," Peter replied, and he and James began to mutter the incantation. A thin, purplish glow emitted from their wands and the bed shook gently before slowly moving up into the air. It gained a little more height, a little off the ground, until it was floating in midair.
"Keep it steady, lads," Remus said from his perch on the edge. "Careful, Pete. Your wand's pointing too far up, don't break the spell."
"Yes, Professor McGonagall." Peter muttered.
"Smartass," Remus retorted easily and rolled his eyes, but there was a smile on his lips. "Jokes aside, I think you've done it."
Remus and Sirius didn't exactly see, but rather hear their two friends break out into soft cheers, arms waving around before messy black hair and a smiling pair of eyes appeared from behind the edge of the bed and looked down at the others.
"If you think about it, it's really just a giant broom. In form of a bed. And larger." he supplied rather helplessly.
Sirius sat up, leaning back on his elbows as he watched James carefully maneuver around, somehow managing to float towards the stairs. "Can't believe we're actually trying this," he laughed. "We're idiots."
Remus looked like he was about to burst a vein. "What,- but-, THIS WAS YOUR IDEA!"
Later rather than sooner, not two but four beds slowly but surely levitated through Hogwarts' hallways. Peter managed to lift his bed in the air and made a jump for it, which Sirius then also did, though with much more reluctance.
Don't ask how the boys managed to get the beds through the tunnel behind the Fat Lady, they weren't entirely sure how they did it either.
"Alright now, I won't lie," Remus muttered as he levitated his bed towards the hallway leading away from McGonagall's classroom. "This is pretty funny."
"See?!" Sirius whisper-yelled and laughed airily fist high in the air. "I told you!"
"This is bloody awesome!" James laughed, grinning widely. "Why didn't we try this before?
Peter chuckled. "Because we're idiots, apparently." he whispered back.
"Hey, speak for yourself," Sirius gasped in a feigned offense and threw a pillow in James' direction. "I'm a genius, thank you very much."
"Sure you are," Remus snorted dryly and watched the pillow miss James' bed by far, instead falling down and landing on the dusty floor. "Well done, genius. That was my pillow, and it was my favorite."
"...Why is Moony's pillow on your bed-"
"Oh, shit! Everyone, shush!" Peter gasped, his frame growing smaller as he stared down the hallway. Not usually being one to curse, the other three immediately quietened and looked to their friend.
"Filch," the fifth year whispered and pointed in front of them. "Down there."
The other three turned to look in the pointed direction, carefully balancing on their beds as they leaned forward and sure enough, the 30-something year old man was walking around, holding a dark object that had the suspicious form of... a whip.
"Fuck," Sirius and James groaned in unison, with James adding on. "Okay, let's get up higher and slowly move away. He won't notice as long as we stay-"
"Ouch!"
"...quiet."
Four heads slowly turned back to Filch, who was now staring up at them with a wide open mouth. Within seconds, his face went from shock to anger to... a mixture of spite and absurd happiness. A mixture that could only come from Filch.
"You... brats, you spoiled, brattish jokers, you..." he gasped out, looking as though his joy was choking him. Remus hoped so.
Still attempting to gasp out more than just air and spit, Filch stared at them with a bright red face as he retreated, then ran off to, probably, find a professor. "Aaand there he goes..." Sirius muttered as they watched him go, loose whip pulled after him in what was probably anticipation.
"Yeah. Nicely done, Padfuck." James uttered, earning another pillow in the face.
"Shut up. I went up too fast and hit my head. Besides," the long-haired student whistled and laid down on his bed, wand still on hand and keeping the bed afloat as he melted into the mattress. "It'll be alright. Get comfortable, lads."
Peter looked at Sirius like he had lost his mind. Which, looking back, was not that unlikely. "...Are you serious?"
"What?" Sirius laughed and winked at James, who grinned right back. "I told you, it's a loophole. Technically we're doing exactly as the rules say. Trust me, it'll be fine."
It was, in fact not fine.
McGonagall had stormed into the hallway, one of her green robes loosely hung over the not-so-well-hidden pajamas.
"Mr. Black," she started off sternly, and just like Filch her face alternated between shock and absolute horror. The boys weren't sure if it was just the lighting, but a vein near her eye seemed very close to popping. The professor continued, each breath seeming to blow out her frame even more.
"Mr. Lupin, Mr. Pettigrew," Peter shrunk under her hardened gaze. McGonagall leaned to the right to get a better view of the fourth bed, and she inflated even more. "Mr. Potter."
"Good evening, Professor." James answered calmly as he lay on his stomach on the bed, legs kicked up and swaying. "Lovely night, is it not?"
"Mr. Potter," McGonagall repeated. That vein was dangerously close to popping. "Would you please care to explain the meaning of this?"
"Well, you see, Professor," James began, a sly smile on his face. "We were merely enjoying a pleasant midnight stroll."
Sirius snorted, trying his best to suppress his laughter. McGonagall's eye twitched. Peter slowly ducked, as if to shield. "In your beds?"
"Why, yes!" Sirius added and smiled graciously at his professor. "You know, considering how vast Hogwarts is, this should be a great way to... stroll without exhausting your feet-"
"Professor!!"
From a far corner, Filch came sprinting towards the boys and McGonagalls, panting like crazy as if he had run across the whole castle.
"Professor, if I may ask," he came to a halt right before McGonagall. Even from just under the ceiling, the boys could tell there was sweat dripping down Filch's forehead. "What kind of punishment should these troublemakers expect?"
He looked hopefully at McGonagall, hands clasped together almost as if he was praying.
McGonagall wasted a few seconds glancing at him, face unreadable. "Certainly nothing you are thinking of right now, Argus," she said, her voice almost gentle but not quite before she looked back at the boys. "But you four, you are in dire need of consequences for breaking the rules in such a... such a ridiculous manner, and as such-"
"Professor?" Remus, ever the most polite, held up his hand and smiled down at McGonagall. Her eyelids twitched again yet she moved her head up, a silent order to speak.
"Forgive me but I believe you are mistaken," Remus continued and, to the absolute joy of his friends, pulled out the exact parchment that Sirius had found the loophole on earlier. "We have not broken any rules. More than that, we have been following them to a T."
"What exactly are you trying to tell me, Mr. Lupin?" McGonagall answered in a very calm manner. Dangerously calm. "And for Merlin's sake, would you please stop hovering?!"
"We aren't sure how to do that, ma'am." Peter replied sheepishly just as James yelled out a big, fat, "NOPE!"
"What I'm saying is, according to the set curfew rules of Hogwarts, we have not done anything wrong," Remus explained, just as he waved his wand. His bed descended, coming to a halt on the floor right before McGonagall's feet. "According to the 22nd rule of Hogwarts, I quote, students must not be out of bed after 10pm."
"So as far as we know," Sirius added, looking at Remus like he had just quoted the most beautiful poetry of the century. "We have not broken any rules. Outside of the common room, we haven't stepped foot on any floor and therefore have not left the beds."
McGonagall looked at the piece of paper, then back at the boys, then back at the paper again. She stared at the four boys, her face still tight with anger, but there was also a hint of surprise in her eyes.
"You are correct, Mr. Lupin", she said slowly. "But that does not excuse this behavior."
"Oh, absolutely, Professor," James agreed, sitting up on his bed just as it descended next to Remus. "But you can't deny that we did not break any rules."
"Mr. Potter, you know exactly what this rule is supposed to mean, do you not?" McGonagall chided, arms landing on her hips as she stared the boys down. "Regardless of what the rule says, the faculty of Hogwarts has reminded students several times that after 10pm, no student is to leave the common room! I find it very hard to believe that you did not hear of this before."
The remaining two beds descended from the ceiling to land behind Remus and James, and Peter rose from his mattress with an odd expression on his face. Sirius grinned, seemingly already knowing of what was to come.
"Actually, Professor McGonagall," Peter started. "There is a major flaw in your reasoning."
McGonagall looked as though she wanted to find a broom and zoom off, away from Peter. Preferably straight into her own bed.
"And what would that flaw be, Mr. Pettigrew?" she said tiredly.
Peter's shoulders buffed up. "What about our fellow students with memory issues?" he countered. If not for an angered, sleep-deprived McGonagall next to him, James would've probably jumped up and cheered for his friend. But Peter wasn't done.
"Or- Or those hard of hearing? Have they heard, because I highly doubt it!" Peter's face looked as though he was glowing, eyes shining with a certain light. "And as you must surely know, my dear pa- Sirius here has a lot on his plate and therefore may not have enough room in his head for the specifics of the rules!"
"Mr. Pettigrew-,"
"WHICH-!" Peter nearly yelled. McGonagall looked even more tired. "Is why, of course, you as faculty provide us with the written form of the rules! But what are we supposed to believe when you say one thing, yet the parchment says another?! The inconsistencies in this paper must be fixed immediately, before more students get in trouble for a written mistake, which of course is human and we as students cannot expect you and your colleagues to be perfect-,"
"Mr. Pettigrew!" McGonagall yelled then, effectively shutting the boy up. Peter slowly sat back down as his face turned ashen, as if he had just realized what he did. Behind him, Sirius shuffled forward and sneaked a hand on Peter's shoulder, quietly comforting him through the anxiety flaring up in his chest.
McGonagall sighed and held her forehead, eyes closing for a moment before she stared the boys down. "40 points from Gryffindor."
Just as James opened his mouth to protest, McGonagall held up her hand, silently warning him before she continued. "I expect each of you to return to your rooms immediately. If you are caught outside after curfew again-,"
"Then consequences will not be as light, Professor, we understand. Thank you," James nodded solemnly and turned to his friends, already speaking a firm Levioso to levitate his bed. "After me, gentlemen. To the common rooms!" he paraded.
Carefully, each Gryffindor levitated their beds up and followed James in a neat little line, in the direction of Gryffindor's rooms.
McGonagall silently looked after them in absolute exhaustion.
The next afternoon after classes were over, Sirius casually, innocently, waltzed by the board, just to check.
"Students must not be outside of their common rooms after 10PM."