Chapter 6
The party was already in full swing when they got there. Music thumped through the floor, bass rattling the cheap beer cans littered across the kitchen counter. The house smelled like sweat, alcohol, and whatever shitty cologne the soccer guys had drenched themselves in.
Tai hadn’t wanted to come. She’d told Van that, more than once. But Van had been insistent. “Come on, it’ll be fun Taiii~ We never do shit like this anymore.”
Tai had given in, but now, standing in the middle of the chaos, she regretted it more than anything.
Across the room, Van was already deep into her fourth drink. She was laughing too loud at something Mari said, her body loose, her movements a little unsteady. Tai watched as she knocked back another gulp, wincing as Van slung an arm around Misty’s shoulder, nearly knocking the girl off balance.
Van was doing too much. And Tai could see it unraveling in real-time.
She pushed through the crowd, dodging some wasted guy swinging a bottle around, and reached Van just as she was grabbing another drink.
“Maybe slow down a little?” Tai said, voice low, careful.
Van scoffed. “I’m fine.”
Tai didn’t believe that for a second, but before she could argue, Jackie’s voice cut through the noise.
“Jesus, Van, you’re spilling beer all over the floor.”
Van turned, eyes slightly unfocused. “Oh, I’m sorry, Jackieee” she slurred, dragging out her name mockingly. “Didn’t realize you were on clean-up duty now. Who’s house is this anyway?”
Jackie rolled her eyes. “I’m just saying, maybe act like you have an ounce of self-control, Palmer.
“Maybe act like you’re not a stuck-up bitch,” Van shot back.
Tai’s stomach dropped. “Van—”
“Excuse me?” Jackie stepped forward, eyes flashing.
“You heard me,” Van said, voice louder now. “You act like you’re better than everyone, but guess what? No one actually likes you. They just tolerate you.”
Jackie scoffed, crossing her arms. “At least I’m not a fucking mess.”
And that was it. Van lunged, hands shoving Jackie hard enough to make her stumble back into Shauna’s arms.
Tai grabbed Van before she could do more damage. “That’s enough,” she hissed, arms locking around Van’s shoulders, pulling her away.
Van struggled for a second before yanking free. “Fuck this,” she muttered, eyes dark, expression unreadable.
Then, before Tai or anyone else could stop her, she turned and shoved through the crowd, disappearing out the front door.
Tai swore under her breath, running a hand over her face “God i’m sorry guys-“
Jackie shook her head “No Tai I’m sorry I.. I shouldn’t have pushed her.”
“She’s wasted,” Shauna said. “She can’t be out there alone.”
Tai was already moving.
But when she got outside, Van was nowhere to be seen.
Van didn’t know where they were going, only that they had to leave.
The party, the noise, the laughter, it all felt too loud, too much, and all she wanted was to escape. Escape the feeling of being a mess, escape the way everyone looked at her like they were waiting for her to crack. She didn’t belong there. She didn’t belong anywhere.
Her steps were uneven as she walked, her feet dragging through the quiet streets, her head foggy from the alcohol, her body heavy with the weight of everything she couldn’t shake. She passed houses that blurred into shadows, past the gas station she and Tai always stopped at, past the places that used to feel like home.
But now, she just kept moving, like a machine that didn’t know how to stop.
The woods.
She didn’t even realize she was headed that way until the trees loomed in front of her, dark and vast, a wall of quiet that promised nothing but emptiness. She stepped into them, not thinking, just walking, the branches swaying above her like silent witnesses to her isolation.
Everything was too much, and she couldn’t take it anymore. The way people tried to fix her, the way they looked at her with pity, the way she felt broken in a way that would never heal. It was too exhausting. Too painful.
And the worst part? He was so tired of pretending he was okay when all he wanted was to be gone.
Van moved deeper into the woods, away from the sounds of civilization, the lights of the street, the world she couldn’t fit into anymore. She stumbled, her legs weak, her mind clouded. But she didn’t stop. She kept moving.
After a while, he found himself near the old tree, the one he’d passed countless times over the years. It felt familiar. Safe, in a strange, twisted way. She sat down on the cool earth beneath it, pressing her back against the trunk, trying to steady her breath.
She thought about how much she’d always loved the wilderness, and the story she had spun for Tai about the two of them moving into a cabin in the woods someday. Somewhere they could be together freely.
Their hands were trembling now, and they barely noticed as they dug into their jacket pocket, pulling out the cold, sharp blade of her switchblade.
The metal felt familiar too. Reliable. A way to cut through the fog in her brain, to focus on something that wasn’t the pain.
She looked at it for a moment. It gleamed in the darkness.
Do it.
Her breath hitched. Her heart pounded in her chest, but it felt distant now, like everything was happening to someone else. Their hands moved without thinking, the switchblade pressing against their skin, just above their wrist.
She closed her eyes, breathing slowly, trying to steady herself. The pressure of the blade against her skin was almost soothing. She didn’t feel it at first—just the coldness of it, the weight. But then—
She pushed harder.
A sharp sting, a flare of pain that made her gasp, and then the blood. Dark and thick, spilling from the cut, staining her sleeve. It was warm against the cold air, and for a moment, everything slowed down.
This was what she wanted. This would make it stop. She didn’t want to feel anymore. Didn’t want to feel the way she was falling apart, the way her body was betraying her, the way her mind kept racing, never slowing down.
She pressed harder.
The pain sharpened, deeper this time. Her vision swam in front of her. He could feel himself drifting, the weight of the world slipping from his shoulders. The dizziness started to take over, her limbs growing heavy.
Her body went numb.
The blood pooled in her hand, staining the ground.
But then-
Her heart skipped.
What if this was it? What if it wasn’t enough?
The thought crept in, too late.
Van’s body jerked. Her vision blurred completely, the world spinning around her, her thoughts fractured, disconnected. She tried to move, tried to stand, but her legs wouldn’t cooperate. Their head felt like it was full of cotton, their body so heavy it wouldn’t respond.
He barely registered the sound of his breath, shallow and ragged, his body struggling for air, his pulse fluttering in her throat.
And then
Silence.
Complete and utter silence.
Van was still, her body slumped against the tree, the dark around her pressing in, swallowing her whole.