Chapter 7
Van’s eyes fluttered open, a dull, throbbing pain pounding at her temples as the world came into focus.
She blinked several times, trying to make sense of her surroundings.
The room was sterile, white walls, the soft hum of machines, the beeping of a heart monitor. The sharp scent of antiseptic and the lingering smell of something faintly metallic in the air.
She shifted slightly, feeling the weight of something heavy on her wrist. Her whole body felt like it was wrapped in a fog, her limbs numb, and a strange sense of detachment hanging over her. For a moment, she thought she might still be dreaming. Or worse, trapped somewhere in the haze between dreams and reality. It wasn’t until she heard the soft sound of breathing beside her that she realized she wasn’t alone.
Tai.
Van’s heart skipped, her throat tightening as she turned her head, slowly, cautiously.
Tai was sitting beside her, her dark hair falling messily over her shoulder, her arms crossed tightly against her chest.
There was an emptiness in her expression, a raw sadness that made Van’s chest ache even more than it already did. Tai’s eyes were bloodshot, like she hadn’t slept in days. Her lips were pressed together in a thin line, as though she was holding herself together by sheer will.
Van swallowed, her voice a hoarse rasp. “Tai?”
Tai didn’t flinch, didn’t even look up at first. But then she slowly lifted her gaze, her eyes locking with Van’s. The pain in those eyes was enough to make Van feel like the air had been knocked out of her.
Tai didn’t say anything right away. She didn’t need to. Her gaze was everything—raw, tired, filled with something so heavy that Van could almost feel it, like a weight settling in her chest.
Tai’s lips trembled before she bit down hard on them, fighting the wave of emotion threatening to spill over. Van’s mouth went dry, panic beginning to creep in. “What… what happened?”
Tai finally spoke, her voice quiet but firm. “You almost died, Van.” Van blinked, the words slowly sinking in, her mind racing to catch up.
Her breath hitched in her chest, the fog of confusion clearing just enough for her to feel the truth of Tai’s words. Almost died. She could barely wrap her head around it. Her mind flashed to the woods, the blood, the numbness, the emptiness. The weight of everything that had been crushing her for so long. She couldn’t remember the details, couldn’t remember the moment it all blurred into nothing. Her body tensed, panic rising in her chest. “What do you mean… almost?”
Tai’s eyes flickered, the pain in them deepening. “You were- Van, you were bleeding. Badly. Someone found you. They called an ambulance. They didn’t think you were going to make it. The doctors had to work on you for hours.”
Van’s stomach turned. The thought of someone else finding her, her body laying there, lifeless, broken… it made her sick.
She felt sick. Sick with guilt, sick with fear, sick with the realization that Tai had been sitting here, waiting and wondering if she was going to wake up, if she was going to be okay.
“I—I didn’t mean for this to happen,” Van whispered, her voice cracking “I don’t know why I do anything I do..”
Tai’s expression shifted, and she moved closer, reaching out to take Van’s hand, her fingers trembling. She squeezed it tightly. “I.. you scared me, Van. You scared me so fucking much.” Her voice broke, and Van saw the tears she had been holding back finally spill down her cheeks. “You don’t get to do that. You don’t get to leave me, not like that.”
Van’s breath caught, her heart aching in a way it never had before. She had wanted to leave, had wanted everything to stop. But Tai’s words, the rawness in them, cut deeper than any blade could. “I’m sorry,” Van whispered, the apology barely coming out, choked by the sob that caught in her throat.
She wanted to say more, wanted to explain that it wasn’t Tai’s fault, wasn’t anyone’s fault. But she couldn’t find the words. She couldn’t find a way to make this okay.
Tai’s grip tightened on her hand, holding on like Van was the only thing anchoring her in the world.
“You don’t need to apologize. I don’t care about the shit that led you here. I care that you’re alive.” Tai’s voice was trembling now, the walls she’d been holding up crumbling “I just.. I love you V.. Please, don’t ever do that again.”
Van felt the weight of Tai’s words sink in. It felt like a punch to the gut, a reminder that her actions weren’t just about her—they affected everyone around her. People she loved.
People who needed her. Her chest tightened, tears welling in her eyes as she finally squeezed Tai’s hand back. “I… I won’t. I don’t want to hurt you. I’m sorry. I… I’m sorry for everything.”
Tai didn’t say anything more. Instead, she leaned forward, her forehead resting against Van’s. It was silent for a long moment, the weight of everything hanging between them, but for the first time in what felt like forever, Van didn’t feel so alone. The space between them had been bridged, if only a little.
“I’m here,” Van whispered, her breath warm against Tai’s skin. “I’m not going anywhere.” Tai closed her eyes, letting the warmth of Van’s words, her presence, fill the hole in her heart.
Days later, Van was discharged after her “Accident.” Luckily for her, she was able to get a discharge note from her mother.
Tai’s mom was there too when Ms. Palmer came by to sign her off. Her only statement on the matter was “Jesus kid, you run into a fuckin barbed wire fence?” She snorted, tossing back her head “Dumbass!”
Mrs. Turner was horrified, and declared that Van would be recovering at their house, to which Van’s mother shrugged at.
The Turner’s house smelled like vanilla and burnt coffee, the kind of smell that settled in and never quite left.
Van sat at the kitchen table, poking at a bowl of cereal that had gone soggy.
Across from her, Tai flipped through a magazine, but she wasn’t reading it.
“Stop staring,” Van muttered, voice hoarse.
Tai didn’t look up. “I’m not.”
Van huffed. “You totally are.”
Tai finally met her eyes. Something in her face was careful, controlled, like she was holding back a million things she wanted to say.
Van had spent two days in the hospital, and now, everything felt… off.
Like the world had shifted just slightly, and she was the only one who noticed.
Silence stretched between them. Tai was still watching her, but it wasn’t just worry in her eyes—it was something heavier. Something crushed.
After a moment, she exhaled, shaking her head. “Come to practice today.” Not a request.
Van let out a dry laugh. “You’re really gonna drag me to soccer right now?”
Tai’s expression didn’t change. “Yeah. I am.”
Van hesitated.
The idea of practice felt… impossible. But the idea of being alone? Of letting Tai walk out that door without her?
That was worse. She ran a hand through her hair, exhaling slowly and working up a smile, “Fine.”
Practice was weird. Not normal, but pretending to be.
Jackie smiled too big when she saw Van, like she was overcompensating. Lottie gave her this soft, knowing look but didn’t say anything. Nat? She looked pissed off, but she also hovered nearby, like she was waiting for Van to collapse.
Then there was Misty. “You should be drinking more water,” she chirped, handing Van a bottle.
Van raised an eyebrow. “You drug this?”
Misty gasped. “Of course not! Hydration is just really important for healing.”
Van wasn’t sure if Misty meant physically healing or something else.
Either way, she took the bottle.
Halfway through practice, Coach Scott called her over.
Van sighed, trudging toward him, fully expecting some lecture about stepping away from the team if she “wasn’t ready.”
But he just leaned against the bleachers, watching her for a long moment. Then, carefully, he said, “I’m glad you’re…”
He paused, moving carefully “I’m glad you’re still here.” Van frowned. “Uh. Yeah. Me too, Coach.”
He nodded, crossing his arms. “You know… I recognize the way Tai looks at you.”
Van tensed. “What?”
Coach glanced toward the field, where Tai was stretching, sneaking glances at Van when she thought no one was looking.
His voice was quiet when he spoke again. “I know what it’s like to have something or.. someone, you’re scared to lose. And I know it’s even harder when you have to hide who you are.”
Van’s stomach twisted. She looked at him, really looked at him, and for the first time, something clicked.
Coach Scott wasn’t just talking about her.
He hesitated, like he was weighing something in his head, before sighing. “I grew up in a town where being different didn’t end well for people like me. You get used to hiding. But it wears you down after a while.” He looked at her, eyes steady. “I don’t know what’s going on in your head, Van. But I do know that whatever it is… you don’t have to do it alone.”
Van’s throat felt tight. She didn’t know what to say. So she just nodded, muttered, “Thanks, Coach,” and jogged back to the field where Tai was watching her again. Worrying. But this time, it didn’t make Van want to run away.
So she did the familiar things. She ran drills and listened to the rhythm of cleats against the ground. Van appreciated Shauna’s attitude that day. She acted no different, showing no mercy during their scrimmage when she was up against Van.
Nat had been hovering. Not obviously, not in a way anyone else would notice, but Van could feel it. The way Nat ran next to them during sprints, the way she nudged Van’s shoulder a little too often, the way she didn’t say anything yet.
But when practice finally wrapped up, Nat grabbed Van’s arm before he could disappear.
“Walk with me,” she said. Not a question.
Van sighed, tugging a hand through their sweaty hair. “And If I say no?”
Nat raised an eyebrow. “Do you really want to find out?”
Van huffed a laugh. “Fine.” he looked to Tai who was already watching from the field, and offered her a reassuring thumbs up.
They walked off the field, past the bleachers, where the team was packing up. Nat didn’t say anything at first, just stuffed her hands in the pockets of her hoodie and kicked a rock down the path.
Finally, she muttered, “What the fuck, Van?”
Van rubbed at their face. “Yeah, I figured this was coming.” Nat stopped walking.
Van had no choice but to turn and face her.
“I need you to not joke about this,” Nat said, voice tight. “I thought—fuck, Van, when Tai called me, I thought you were dead.”
Van swallowed, looking at the ground.
Nat let out a slow breath, running a hand through her hair. “You scared the shit out of me.”
“I know,” Van said quietly.
“Do you?” Nat’s voice cracked, just a little. “Because I—I don’t think you get it, Van. I don’t think you get how much I fucking love you.” Van’s head snapped up.
Nat’s face was hard, but her eyes were wet.
“I know it’s not about me but you’re my best fucking friend, Van. You’re—” she shook her head, voice breaking. “I don’t know what I would do if you weren’t here.”
Van’s throat felt tight. They had no idea what to say.
“I can’t lose you” Nat started to get choked up “I’m not okay Van, alright? I need you to stay here.”
”I love you too Nat,” Van wrapped an arm around Nat’s shoulders, pulling her into a hug “I’m sorry I- I’m sorry I’ve been so stupid-“
“Just don’t do it again.” Nat pleaded into his shoulder.
”I won’t.” Van said, and they meant it.