Gentlemen Prefer Blondes
“The hell do you mean you’re going with Adrian Pucey?” Pansy exclaimed as they browsed the racks of dresses in Madame Malkin’s. Narcissa was across the other side of the shop with Phoebe trailing after her, starry eyed.
“Adrian asked if I wanted to go to the ball with him and I said yes.” Hermione replied, slightly defensively. She pointedly ignored the way her stomach twisted as she said it out loud. “What’s not to understand?”
Pansy scoffed loudly. “Why on earth would you purposely want to spend time with the man? You hated him a couple of weeks ago, what changed?”
“It’s not like I’m not dating him, it’s just for the ball. Neither of us had anyone to go with, so I thought I might as well have someone’s arm to hang on to for a bit.” She shrugged, feeling Pansy’s eyes burning a hole in the side of her face.
“This is because Draco’s taking Loony, isn’t it?”
“Luna.” Hermione corrected. Pansy rolled her eyes.
“If you want to make him jealous, you’re going to need to commit harder than this.”
“Jealous of what?” She asked, turning to her friend and frowning.
“You cannot be serious, Hermione.” Pansy deadpanned.
“We’re friends. I don’t know how many more times I need to say it. He isn’t interested in anything more with me. “ Hermione’s grip on the dress rack tightened. She forced herself to release it. “Hence asking Luna to go with him. You saw them at the Christmas party, they’re happy.”
“He doesn’t date blondes.” Pansy replied. “His type is dark hair. Always has been.”
“Well apparently he’s branching out.” She said testily.
“His type isn’t unhinged head-in-the-clouds floaty fairy girls either.” She continued as Hermione forced herself to be very interested in the sleeve of a pink dress on the rail in front of her. “That colour is awful, stop pretending to like it and look at me.” She snapped, and Hermione did as she was told. “I simply do not believe that Draco is interested in Lovegood. Until he tells me himself that they’re planning on eloping naked in a field, in a ritual under the harvest fucking moon, then I don’t believe it.”
“Surely you should be happy Luna is finally leaving Neville alone?” Hermione asked.
“Not if it’s at your expense.” Pansy replied.
“It isn’t at my expense.” Hermione replied immediately, causing the slytherin to sigh heavily again.
“It’s a shame Padma was unable to join us.” Narcissa said as she approached the pair of them, several gowns draped over her arm. Phoebe had a silver, glittering shawl pulled about her shoulders and the expression of a small child in a sweet shop.
“Her mother took her to a specialist place last week, so her dress can expand if needed.” Hermione explained, grateful for the change of subject. “Apparently the baby is already above average in size.” She winced slightly.
Pansy scoffed. “She procreated with a Weasley, what was she expecting?”
“It’s enough to put you off entirely. I think I’ll just be the fun auntie for the rest of my life.” Phoebe said, holding a champagne coloured dress up against herself before putting it back.
“Draco was underweight when he was born. The elves had to add butter into everything he ate once he started solid foods.” Narcissa replied. She pulled out a deep navy gown from the rack and thrust it at Pansy. “That would look lovely on you, dear.”
“I think Draco said his suit is blue.” She said, turning to Hermione. “Maybe you should wear this. You could match.” She waggled her eyebrows, and Hermione rolled her eyes.
“For the last time, he’s going with Luna. We could owl her, have her come and get it.”
“He asked the Lovegood girl?” Narcissa frowned. “I hadn’t realised he was still in touch with her. He’s never mentioned her to me.”
“They were quite close at the Christmas dinner Harry and I put on. I assume he asked her after that.” Hermione shrugged.
“Hermione’s going with Pucey.” Pansy added with a slight sneer. Narcissa continued to frown.
“Oh, I get it.” Phoebe said. “You’re trying to make him jealous.”
“I am not.” Hermione snapped, and Phoebe grinned.
“It would probably work, dear. My son’s never been good at sharing.” Narcissa said casually as she studied the lace cuffs on a set of dress robes, before giving Hermione a knowing look, like she was solving a puzzle she had suspected for a long time.
“There’s nothing going on. With him or Pucey. Or anyone.” Hermione insisted. “He’s happy with Luna.”
“Still don’t believe it.” Pansy muttered. “It makes no bloody sense.”
“This one.” Narcissa interrupted them, draping a dress over Hermione’s arm. “You should wear this one.”
Pansy’s wolfish grin in response was unsettling, but Hermione couldn’t say no. There was just something about green fabric that called to her. Phoebe squealed as Hermione held it up, essentially making the decision for her.
***
The Burrow had always been a comforting place for Hermione. A second home, with her chosen family and friends. A place of safety and warmth and love.
It could also be overwhelming and just so bloody loud, which is why she’d politely turned down Ron and Molly's offer of spending Christmas there. In honouring her parent’s wish for space, Hermione hadn’t wanted to be around lots of people. As such, she found herself alone at Hogwarts Christmas morning, sitting in the large window of her and Malfoy’s dorm, looking out over the Black Lake feeling quite sorry for herself. She had grand plans of joining the elves down in the kitchens later for lunch, and then returning to the dorm for an afternoon with a book. As far as Christmasses went, this would not be one for the history books. The silence stretched around her, too big, too empty. She sniffed, hugging her knees to her chest.
“Hermioneee!” Somebody sang as they entered through the portrait. She turned and frowned at Theo, who was grinning at her. “Come on, it’s Christmas. You’ll be late for lunch.” He gestured with a tilt of his head. She blinked,
“What do you mean?”
“Do you require a more formal invitation? I’m sorry, I don’t have any fine stationery on me.” He made a show of patting his pockets. “We’re all at the Manor. Come and join us.”
“Malfoy Manor?” She asked. He sighed and rolled his eyes.
“Contrary to popular belief, that isn’t the only manor in the world. It’s hardly fit for guests in its current state anyway. No, I was referring to Nott Manor, actually. Mossy makes the best roast you’ve ever had, I insist that you come and try it.” He said.
“You’d…want me there?” She frowned again.
“You don’t have to come if you don’t want to, of course, but I heard through the grapevine that you were still here by yourself and I thought that sounded like a sad way to spend Christmas. It’s only the five of us and Mossy, a bit thin on the ground for family these days, you see, but we do our best to make it as merry as possible regardless.” Theo replied. “Of course we’d want you there, Granger.” He added, more softly.
“Is Mossy your elf?” She stood, belatedly realising she was still in her pyjamas. Theo was gracious enough to ignore it.
“My completely free, very well paid elf, yes. Third highest paid elf in the land, I’ll have you know.”
“Only third?” She smiled.
“The two Malfoy elves get more. Comes with the territory of working for a family richer than the gods themselves, I imagine.” He replied. “Plus Draco is childishly competitive when it comes to things like that.”
That surprised her. “Narcissa Malfoy freed her house elves?”
Theo smiled. “No, Draco did. Can’t really be friends with the spew founder herself when you’ve still got elves calling you ‘master’.”
“SPEW.” She corrected. Theo grinned.
“So, are you coming? Mossy was quite excited to meet you. He’s a big fan.”
“Let me get changed first?” She grimaced down at her clothes, and Theo nodded.
“Do whatever you have to, we’ll go when you’re ready. The others were all still asleep when I left.”
She nodded in response, and walked towards her bedroom door. She paused, turning back to Theo, who had plopped down in one of the armchairs by the fire. “Theo?”
“Granger?” He said in the same tone.
“Thank you.” She said. He smiled warmly back at her.
“What are friends for?”
“Thank you for hosting us, Theodore. I’m not sure what we would have done had you not invited us.” Narcissa said, holding Theo’s hands in her own.
“Well, apparently it was the year for taking in strays, Cissa.” He smiled. She returned the expression before bidding everyone a good evening. She paused as she passed Hermione. “It was lovely to have you join us, dear.” She said softly, before making her way upstairs to the room Mossy had prepared for her.
The sitting room Theo had instructed them all to ‘retire to’ was a testament to quiet, old-money elegance. Everything in the room spoke of wealth, but in a way that suggested it had simply always been there, rather than being carefully curated to impress. The high ceilings were adorned with intricately carved wooden beams, darkened with age, contrasting against the warm, golden glow of the floating candelabras. The furniture was a mix of deep emerald and rich burgundy (but not, Merlin forbid, gryffindor burgundy) upholstery, the colors subtly faded but charmingly worn rather than neglected. A grand fireplace dominated one wall, its onyx-black marble mantel carved with intricate runes, the hearth crackling with enchanted flames that shifted from gold to deep blue. Everything smelled of aged parchment, firewood, and a faint trace of spiced whiskey, like the lingering presence of past conversations and family gatherings. Let it never be said that Theo Nott was a poor host.
Hermione was incredibly satisfied, all in all, with the pleasant surroundings, pleasant food, and pleasant company. Perhaps it was a note-worthy Christmas after all.
“You should have said you weren’t going back with the weasels.” Malfoy said quietly next to her. “We would have invited you sooner.”
Hermione shrugged. “I didn’t want to impose.”
“Because Theo’s really struggling for space.” He smirked, glancing up at the painted ceiling above them. Nott Manor was smaller than Malfoy Manor, but not by much. In some respects, it was actually more ornate, with the pieces feeling curated for a reason other than their simply being expensive.
“I would have been happy with the Hogwarts elves.” She insisted.
“That’s how we knew, by the way. Mossy’s sister works in the kitchens. She let him know, asked if he could convince Theo to let you join us.” Malfoy said.
“Oh, so they didn’t want to spend Christmas with me either?” Hermione asked, eyebrow raised. She watched Malfoy flounder for a second before she smiled. “That was a joke.”
He huffed, leaning his head back against the sofa cushions, watching Pansy, Blaise, and Theo drunkenly dance across from them. “It’s an exclusive guest list in here, at least.” He said after a moment. “Stringent entry requirements.”
“Which are?” She asked.
He looked at her and smiled. “It’s like Theo said, he’s collecting strays. We’re all people that understand, implicitly, that family has nothing to do with blood.”
“He gets philosophical when he’s pissed, Granger, ignore him.” Pansy called.
“Is that what this is?” Hermione asked. “A family?”
He shrugged, like it was obvious. “It’s Christmas, Granger, and I’m with the people I love most in the world. What else would I call it?”
***
There was a not insignificant chance that Hermione might be sick. Several factors were to blame for that, most of them revolving around the fact that she’d realised she did actually intend to make Malfoy jealous by accepting Pucey’s offer to escort her, and now she wasn’t sure what to do with that information. Luna was lovely, and it really was impossible to dislike her, so it left Hermione feeling awful about the ugly emotions swirling in her stomach. She supposed it was apt that she’d gone for the emerald green dress in the end. It matched her mood.
“You look radiant, love.” Pucey said as she met him outside the large Malfoy Manor doors. She just nodded, taking his proffered arm in silence. “Did you pick this colour just for me?” He continued as they ventured inside. It was busy, busier than she’d imagined, and it did nothing for her nerves. “Because if you did, you need to tell me.”
“I just liked it.” She replied, not really listening to what he was saying.
“You can play coy all you like, I know that look in your eye. How about I help you out?” Pucey murmured, and she suddenly realised he was far closer to her face than she’d realised. “It looks lovely on you, but it’ll look even better on my bedroom floor later.” He grinned, kissing her temple lightly before straightening up and leading them into the gala itself. She blinked, feeling like her skin was crawling. The need to throw up returned with a vengeance, and as soon as they were inside, she dropped his arm and essentially ran for the bar, hoping he wouldn’t follow her. Glancing around, she saw that he hadn’t.
She’d gotten through a glass and a half of wine before anybody approached her.
“Are you alright?” Harry asked softly. “You look pale.”
She sighed. “I’m an idiot, Harry.”
“You’re really not. What’s wrong? I saw you come in with Pucey, did he say something?” He looked around the ballroom, presumably trying to find her date, but she stopped him with a hand on his arm.
“He did, but that’s besides the point. I thought it was clear we were coming as friends, or acquaintances or whatever we are, but he had a difference of opinion.” She grimaced slightly, and Harry pulled a similar expression.
“As if you’d go anywhere near that.” He replied, and she laughed despite herself. “If it’s not Pucey, then what’s up?”
“I think I might be in love with Malfoy.” She said quietly. Harry blinked. Then he snorted.
“Well, obviously, Mione.” He said. She swatted his arm as he continued to chuckle. “I really thought you’d already realised that. I’m sorry.”
“What do I do? He’s with Luna and I messed it all up. Brought bloody Pucey to try and get his attention, and that’s backfired spectacularly because now I’ve got two stupidly tall wizards to try and avoid tonight.”
Harry frowned. “I hadn’t realised he was dating Luna. I thought they’d just come tonight as friends. I was talking to them before you arrived and it didn’t feel like I was standing with a couple. They weren’t flirting or anything.”
“Harry, how long did it take you to realise Theo had been flirting with you?” She asked. Harry huffed.
“Fair enough. I didn’t think Malfoy dated blondes, though. Doesn’t like women that look like they could be related to him.”
“That’s what Pans said, but I guess Luna was special enough to break the pattern for.” She said with a shrug.
“Luna’s great and everything, but I really thought Malfoy liked you. You just…work. You match each other.” He replied. “What do you want to do? I can find Theo and Ron, we’ll make a human barricade between you and the rest of this party if you like.” He smiled, and she laughed again.
“We’ll see how it goes. I might take you up on the offer at some point.” She said. Then she winced. “I haven’t said hello to a single person. Came straight here.”
Harry offered her his arm. “Let’s make some rounds, then. No Pucey or Malfoy if we can help it. You can stay with me all night if you want. You know I don’t mind.”
“That’s not far off what Pucey said.” She smirked as she took his arm.
“You also know I meant it in an incredibly different way, my dear sister.”
“Thank you Harry.” She whispered as they left the safety of her hidden corner at the end of the bar.
“I’ve got you. Always.” He replied. “Look who I found!” He announced as he led her over to Ron, Padma, and Blaise.
“I didn’t realise you were even here, Mi!” Padma said as she pulled her into a hug, her small bump pressing against Hermione. “You look amazing. This colour is fabulous on you, wear it all of the time please.” She grinned.
“It’s growing on me.” She replied.
***
Theo clearly knew something was off, but she knew Harry wouldn’t have betrayed her secrets. Nonetheless, Hermione spent most of the night flanked by the two boys, and she couldn’t be more grateful. She’d spotted Malfoy and Luna in the end, monopolising the dance floor almost constantly. She couldn’t imagine that was Malfoy’s choice, especially knowing Luna’s penchant for dancing, and she smiled at the pair despite herself. Maybe she could grow to be happy for them eventually. She didn’t have to lose her friends because she couldn’t keep her emotions in check. She wasn’t a teenager.
When Pansy had taken the stage to talk about the calendar, Hermione had blinked in surprise. She’d completely forgotten about the thing, too wrapped up in her own head, and had laughed at herself for being so self-centred.
“Thank you all for coming out tonight to support such a worthy cause. As much fun as making this calendar has been, I think it’s important to remember that it was in aid of the important work the fund does, and so I wanted to thank you for donating your galleons. Whether you wanted to support the charity, or you simply wanted twelve photos of fit wizards, well, that’s your business.” She smirked as the crowd chuckled. Hermione smiled over the rim of her glass. Theo had ensured she was never without, and she was starting to feel the effects of all the alcohol. “I wanted to let you all know that voting is now open for who takes the cover, so ensure you support your favourite man before the night is over. For now, please enjoy yourselves.” Pansy finished, taking Neville’s hand to help her down the stairs. Another song played out as the dancing resumed, Malfoy and Luna once again in the centre of the floor. In her brief look at him, Hermione thought he looked tired. Luna must be a demanding date, keeping him dancing all night even if he longed to sit down. She chuckled to herself.
“You’re voting for me, right?” Theo asked her, taking her attention away from the blonde man.
“The idea is to vote for the best photo, mate. She’ll be voting for me.” Blaise replied with a grin. He winked at her, and she laughed.
“Best photo? Obviously Ron.” Padma insisted. Ron smiled, kissing her on the crown of her head.
“An opinion shared by nobody else in the room.” Pansy smiled as she joined them. Ron feigned offence, slapping a hand to his chest.
“Did you ever see Draco’s photo, Mi?” Padma asked suddenly, and Hermione shook her head.
“Haven’t seen the final thing. Pans wouldn’t let me.”
“No respect for the spectacle of a grand reveal.” Pansy huffed. Neville smiled next to her. “I imagine you’ll be voting for your lovely date tonight, Granger?” She raised an eyebrow. Harry stiffened next to her.
“I haven’t decided yet. Maybe I’ll vote for Neville.” Hermione smiled. Pansy held her gaze for a moment, before smiling back at her teasing.
“Gods, imagine me on the cover. I think people would be disappointed.” Neville replied, as the group frowned at him.
“Are you joking, Longbottom?” Theo exclaimed. “Do you not own a mirror?”
“We’re working on the self-esteem thing.” Pansy replied, patting Neville on his arm.
“It hardly matters anyway. Surely Pucey will walk it?” Blaise asked as Ginny sidled up to him.
“Oh, absolutely. I’m getting a hundred copies just for May.” She smirked.
“Just May?” Blaise looked down at her. She shrugged with a small smile, eyes twinkling.
“If it flips over to June, I might not complain.”
“Please don’t flirt in front of me, I can’t handle it.” Ron groaned. The group laughed, as Hermione once again glanced at the dance floor, where Luna had finally allowed Malfoy to leave her side. The blonde witch was twirling around with Phoebe, both women with wide smiles on their faces. Malfoy was deep in conversation with Narcissa, but his posture wasn’t quite right - tense, shoulders drawn too tight. Whatever they were discussing, it wasn’t casual. They almost looked like they were plotting something.
Hermione drained her wine.