So... Blokes
“Weasley, can you take this seriously?” Pansy snapped, putting her hands on her hips and scowling.
“What about me says I’m not taking this seriously?” Ron replied, pulling his striped shirt around him and crossing his legs in the deckchair.
“Mate.” Harry snickered, as Hermione covered her smile with her hand.
She’d invited Harry to Ron’s shoot for July, thinking he might feel more comfortable with him there, especially in the presence of Pansy. As it turned out, she needn’t have worried. He was quite content to swan around in only the swimwear Pansy had chosen whilst she set up the camera. His background was a beach scene, with an umbrella and the deckchair. Inevitably, his photos weren’t as sexy, and he just ended up having a good time with his friends instead of actively trying to pose, much to Pansy’s chagrin.
“The other shoots had a very different vibe.” Pansy muttered irritably as she fiddled with the camera.
“Theo was a natural.” Hermione added, nudging Harry in the side with her elbow.
“I’m sure Malfoy will be too.” He replied quietly, nudging her back. She shot him a withering look and he grinned at her. She’d been panicking slightly about Malfoy’s turn later that week. She was aware he wasn’t against taking his shirt off, and she wasn’t really sure what reaction that would elicit from her. If she managed to not embarrass herself or irreparably damage their friendship, then she’d take it as a win.
“Did you get your glasses back?” She asked innocently.
“I told him to keep them. I think they suit him.” Harry waggled his eyebrows, and Hermione grimaced.
“Foul. The pair of you.” She replied and he smiled, their attention turning back to Ron. Pansy was very obviously not enjoying this session as much as previous ones, but her expression of distaste made Harry and Hermione burst into laughter again.
“Weasley, I swear to Merlin. People will skip right over July and go from June to August at this rate.” Pansy huffed.
“I’m sure Pads will like it.” Harry offered. Ron smiled widely at the mention of his wife, and Pansy took the opportunity to snap a few photos of the expression. He immediately pouted.
“That’s cheating! You struck in a moment of vulnerability!” He whined. Pansy smirked and pointed at herself.
“Snake.” She said. Hermione snorted.
“I don’t know what Nev sees in you.” He replied, his tone light and joking as he folded his arms and continued to sulk. Pansy faltered slightly, and Hermione frowned.
“Pans?” She asked.
“He asked me out. To dinner. A proper, decent dinner where we get dressed up and talk and have a nice time. A…date.” Pansy said, grimacing on the last word. She quickly wiped away a tear, but Hermione saw it.
“Why is that a bad thing?” Hermione frowned.
“Because he’s nice! He’s a good person, Mi. He does good things. He rescues puppies, waves at babies, helps old people cross the road.” She exclaimed. “He’s so passionate about his daffodils.” She added, sounding devastated about it for some reason.
“And you…don’t like that about him?” Ron asked slowly.
“Of course I do, Weasley! That’s the problem. I’m not a good person. I kick puppies, and I make babies cry, and old people sneer at me because I sneer at them first.”
“You’ve never kicked a puppy, Pansy.” Hermione pointed out.
“I have the capacity to! I could do it and not feel bad about it! That isn’t the sort of person Longbottom is supposed to end up with. He deserves better than me.”
“Listen to me. You have the kindest heart. That kindness might not extend to every single person you come across, but people like Neville are rare. If he asked you out, then clearly he thinks you’re exactly the person he should end up with. It isn’t for you to decide what he may or may not deserve.” Hermione said firmly, but in a gentle tone.
Pansy sniffed. “I’m not some soppy hufflepuff that will skip hand in hand through the flowers with him.”
Hermione snorted, even as Pansy looked vaguely annoyed at the reaction. “You think he wants that? The man has eyes, Pans, he knows who you are and what you’re like, and he obviously likes what he sees. You’re comparing yourself to Hannah? If they were meant to be, they wouldn’t have broken up. What if what Neville needs is a cunning slytherin to challenge him? Someone that doesn’t hang on his every word, gazing starry-eyed up at him, agreeing with everything he says. What if he wants a partner that is his equal? Why can’t that be you?”
She looked up at Hermione somewhat sheepishly. “You think so?”
“Of course I do. Anyone would be lucky to have you.” She replied. “And, of course, there’s the way you’re written in the stars. Is it not serendipitous that Neville’s passion in life is plants and you’re named for a flower?” She asked, mischief dripping from her words.
Pansy scoffed. “You’ve been spending far too much time with the boys, they’re rubbing off on you.” She wiped her face again before sighing. “I’m being dramatic about this, aren’t I?”
“A bit.” Hermione smiled.
“I guess I just keep thinking that I’ve already been so lucky. To not have been tossed in Azkaban. To have found you. To have a life that I’m really happy with. I didn’t think I’d get to have any of this at one point. I suppose the four of us thought the same, that nobody would ever forgive us. That nobody decent would love us.”
“That’s such bullshit.” Hermione said with a soft smile.
“Is the insecurity coming from your parents? Do they not approve?” Harry asked gently. Pansy scoffed, wiping her eyes.
“He’s pureblooded and Sacred 28, of course they do. It wouldn’t have mattered to me if they didn’t, but I guess it’s just less stress knowing they won’t try and intervene. Sometimes I wish they hadn’t been granted owl privileges, honestly.” She rolled her eyes.
“Makes you wonder what actually goes on in Azkaban. Lucius Malfoy still has enormous influence, even from his cell.” Hermione added, and Pansy grimaced.
“Money makes the world go round, Mi. Always has, always will.”
“I could revisit their cases, if you like. Restrict their letters to once a month or something?” Harry offered.
“I thought you just trained the new aurors?” Ron frowned, but Harry shrugged.
“Chosen one privileges.” He said simply. Hermione sighed heavily.
“Seriously, Potter? You can just…do that?” Pansy asked, and Harry nodded.
“Absolutely. I can sort of do whatever I like. I could probably get Malfoy’s father released completely if I really put my mind to it. There wasn’t any hard evidence of him actually killing anyone, he was only charged on circumstantial bits and pieces.”
“Please don’t do that.” Hermione replied quickly, and Harry smiled.
“I’d like that actually, Potter. With my parents, not Draco’s. Obviously.” Pansy said, and he nodded.
“I’ll see what I can do.”
“And Nev?” Ron asked. “What are you going to do about him?” Pansy shrugged.
“You need to start ignoring the voice in your head that tells you that you aren’t good enough for him.” Hermione said gently. “It isn’t going too well, it’s just going well.”
“I know. I’m just not good at this stuff. Being open comes so naturally to you gryffindors, but it’s not something I’ve done much before now. It’s exhausting.”
“We’re your friends, Parkinson, believe it or not. Nothing you say is being held against you.” Harry replied.
“I know just the thing to make you feel better.” Ron announced suddenly, jumping up from his seat. Pansy raised an eyebrow. “You need to experience one of our special ‘Golden Trio’ group hugs.” He said, voice dripping in sarcasm. Her eyes went wide as Hermione snorted loudly.
“Any of you touch me and I’ll start removing limbs.” Pansy threatened, pointing between the three of them. Hermione moved first, wrapping her arms around the other witch. The boys followed suit as Pansy continued to complain loudly. “I’m going to murder all three of you!”
“I think this is helping.” Ron replied cheerily.
“Weasley, your naked torso is touching me. I want to die. Merlin, smite me down. I beg of you.” She whined up at the ceiling.
“Ooh! Cuddles!” Theo exclaimed, appearing from the corridor and wrapping his arms around Harry and Harry only. Hermione’s forehead hit Pansy’s shoulder as she dissolved into giggles.
“Do you feel better yet, Parkinson?” Harry asked, barely hiding his smile.
“Fuck off, Potter.” She replied.
****
“Granger?” Malfoy called up the stairs, and Hermione left the three of them chatting awkwardly, throwing a mischievous smile at Pansy as she left.
“Malfoy.” She said, leaning over the railing of the balcony.
“Sorry, I know your golden counterparts are here. Mrs Riley wants to speak to you about her potions. Apparently, my answers weren’t satisfactory.” He explained, rolling his eyes. She frowned as she made her way down the stairs.
“But I’ll only say the same as you, if she was looking for advice. You’re better at giving options on the fly, anyway.” He held her gaze, and she huffed. “Seriously? It’s a prejudice thing?”
“Seems so. Kept glancing at my arm.” He replied, and she felt anger rise up. He placed his hands on her shoulders and smiled patiently. “You can’t be annoyed at her. We can’t lose her business.”
“I don’t want her business if this is how she’s going to treat the people who work here.” Hermione shot back.
“It’s no less than I deserve, Granger, you know that.”
Hermione stopped breathing somewhat. Her fingers curled around her wand, tightening instinctively. She had spent years learning to pick her battles, but this was just too much. “I don’t know that.” She replied, voice low, dangerously controlled.
“Granger-“
“You were a child, it wasn’t your fault! Acquitted in your trial of all wrongdoing! I’ll show her the bloody transcripts if she wants!” She exclaimed. Malfoy kept his hands on her shoulders. His patience - that weary acceptance - only made her angrier.
“The reality is that she wants to speak to the war hero, not the death eater.” He replied, and she sighed heavily, closing her eyes and wishing for the first time in a very long time that she could hex someone.
“You’re not a death eater.”
“You don’t dispute that you’re a war hero, though?” He smirked, and she huffed out a laugh. He finally let her go, and she shook her head.
“I hate that people treat you like this.” She said. He shrugged.
“It would probably bother me more if I didn’t already know that I’d been forgiven by the people who matter. The people I hurt the most, who have become those I love more than anything.”
She smiled. “I’m going to tell Harry that you said you love him.”
He snorted lightly. “He won’t believe you.”
“I’ll send a patronus upstairs posthaste.” Hermione insisted.
“And if mine got there first?” He raised an eyebrow. Hermione immediately regretting starting this conversation.
“Because the world’s been waiting on that answer. Which animal is faster, do you think? Ferret or otter?”
“My patronus is not a ferret, it’s a stoat.” He said immediately, his tone too sharp. Too prepared. She grinned, remembering the old argument started years ago. “We’re not doing this now.” He added, having realised that she was goading him.
“Mrs Riley awaits, of course.” Hermione said with a huff, rolling back her shoulders to relieve some of the lingering tension. He smirked and she forced herself to look away from his face, heading out into the shop, prepared to verbally eviscerate Mrs fucking Riley.
****
Eighth Year
“By the way, Gin and I broke up.” Harry said nonchalantly, his tone casual like he was discussing the weather. “I thought I should tell you. Before you worked it out.”
Ron dropped his sandwich, the thick thing hitting the table with a dull thwack. Hermione blinked.
“Are you ok?” She asked, wondering why he’d chosen now to tell them. He’d invited the two of them out for lunch at his favourite little muggle cafe, and she’d held no suspicions that he had any sort of news to share.
“As much as I can be. It, er…needed to happen, I think.” He looked up sheepishly, pushing the straw around in his drink.
“Well, we’re here for you, mate. You know that. I know she’s my sister, but you’re my best friend.” Ron said, recovering from the shock and shovelling his spilled BLT back onto his plate. “Whatever you need.”
Harry nodded. “Thank you.”
“Did you want to talk about it?” Hermione prompted, knowing the man as well as she knew herself. She could see in his eyes that he had more to say.
“Er, well. Yes, actually.” Harry replied. “We broke up because I’m- That is to say, I suppose, that I- Well.” He stammered, cringing slightly, before sitting up straight and looking them both in the eye. “I’m gay.”
“Oh!” Ron replied immediately. “Ok.”
Hermione shoved the table as she hurriedly stood up, dragging Harry out of his seat and pulling him into a hug. “I love you. Thank you for telling us.”
Harry laughed at her sudden enthusiasm, and she felt the tension leech out of his body. Ron then stood and wrapped his large arms around both of them. “I love you both. Best friends, always. No matter what.”
They stayed like that for a while, ignoring the bemused stares from the other customers. In the end, the lady from behind the counter came over with three slices of cake. “On the house. For a special occasion.” She said, smiling as they sat back down.
Once she was gone, Ron wolfed down his destroyed sandwich and started on the chocolate cake with gusto. “So.” He said with his mouth full. “Blokes.”
Hermione choked slightly as she turned to look at him. Harry barked out a laugh. “Ron!” She hit him on the arm.
“What?” He replied in the same tone.
“He’s fine, Mione, don’t worry. The realisation came slowly. I never lead Gin on or anything, I did like her. I loved her. Still do, just in a different way. It wasn’t fair for me to keep pretending, for either of us, not once it became difficult to ignore.” Harry explained.
“She took it ok?” She asked, and he nodded.
“Better than I could have hoped for. We’re still going to be friends, once some time has passed. It’s just…an adjustment, I suppose.”
“This doesn’t change anything, you’re still family, mate. Mum might be a bit disappointed that you won’t be her son officially, but she’ll get over it. There will always be a chair for you at home. Just like there is for Mione.” Ron said, speaking to his cake rather than either of the people sitting with him. “You don’t need to be married to my sister to be my brother.” He added, sucking icing from his fingers.
“I knew you’d both be fine about it, but there’s just that part of you that tells you ‘what if?’, you know?” Harry said with a nervous smile.
“You’re stuck with us, Harry Potter. Never forget it.” Hermione grinned.
At that moment, a patronus scampered into the cafe. Muggles were unable to see or hear them, so they didn’t have to worry about violating any terms of the Statute. The grey squirrel approached Ron, settling on the table in front of him before delivering its message.
“I’d love to, Ron. Owl me the details!” Padma Patil’s voice rang out, before the squirrel faded away in a puff of blue sparks. The ginger man turned bright red, avoiding Hermione and Harry’s gaze.
“The details of what, exactly?” Hermione asked, raising an eyebrow, eyes twinkling. Harry grinned.
“I asked if she’d want to go for a drink sometime.” Ron said with a huff. “She said she liked my patronus the other day, so I sent it. Before we came in here.”
“Padma Patil.” Harry mused, shaking his head somewhat sarcastically. “Who would have thought?”
“I didn’t know you liked her.” Hermione said. He shrugged.
“Haven’t seen her in a while, bumped into her in Diagon. We were laughing about the Yule Ball, how much has changed since then, you know, and I just thought I’d ask.”
“Such a romantic. Harry, make sure that story is written down for your best man’s speech.” Hermione teased. In retaliation, Ron stole her untouched slice of cake, smiling at her sarcastically. Harry chuckled.
“We’re the godparents of your kids, right?” He asked, and Ron sighed heavily.
“You two are the worst.”
***
“Granger, am I…awake?” Pansy asked her, staring in bewilderment at the place where Wayne Hopkins had been moments prior. “What in Morgana’s left tit was that?”
“I believe Wayne was going for a casual ‘Venice Beach’ sort of feeling. As he explained. In great detail.” Hermione replied.
“Where do you keep finding these men? It’s going to be a calendar full of freaks. With their skates boards.”
“Skateboard.” She correctly gently, and Pansy huffed. “I did tell him not to bring that with him. It’s hardly my fault that he ignored me.”
“When I have this calendar to hang up somewhere in my home, I’m just leaving it on March all year. That way, I avoid having to look at Hopkins or Malone. Or Weasley.”
“You could just frame the photos of Neville instead.” Hermione pointed out.
“Comes off as a bit creepy, I think. We’ve been on one date. Haven’t even told him I love him yet.” She replied as she tidied up the space with her wand. Hermione grinned as she slowly turned around, realising what she’d said. “Oh, fuck.”
“You think there’s something about this room that drags out confessions?” She asked casually.
“Seal the place up. I can’t afford to be so out of control.” She replied, and Hermione snorted, picking up her bag and opening the door.
“I’m not doing that kind of work on my day off. Far too finicky.”
“I hadn’t realised you considered anything ‘finicky’. I’d been assuming you were irritatingly competent at everything.”
“I’m a mere mortal, Pans. We’re all flawed.”
“Pans more than most!” Blaise called as he walked by, several boxes stacked high in his arms.
“Arsehole!” She called back. Hermione chuckled.
“Go and see Neville.” She urged her friend before she left.
***
“Welcome, welcome. Please sit. You’ll want to get comfy.” Ginny said as Hermione arrived in the restaurant.
“Not at all ominous, Gin.” She replied as she sat down. Padma grinned opposite her.
“Welcome to your intervention.” Ginny announced.
“Excuse me?” Hermione blinked.
“We’ve watched this situation go on for long enough. We say no more.” Padma replied.
“No more!” Ginny exclaimed as the slightly bemused waiter approached the table. Hermione shot him an apologetic look before the three of them ordered. When he was gone, the red headed witch continued. “We know that you haven’t taken the photos for September yet. With Malfoy.”
“And we think that you should take advantage of the opportunity before you.” Padma finished.
Hermione frowned. “What on earth are you going on about?”
Ginny sighed heavily. “Why aren’t you climbing the ferret like a tree already?” She asked. “The sexual tension is stifling me, in my own home, all the way across London.”
Hermione spluttered. “Gin, that isn’t true.” She said, looking around the restaurant, worried about how loud her friend was being.
“Mi, be serious. You want him, he wants you. It’s so glaringly obvious, love.” Padma said.
“It really isn’t.” Hermione insisted.
“Malfoy looks at you the way Ron looks at a Sunday roast.” Ginny pointed out, and Padma nodded.
“True. He does.”
“You think he wants to eat me?” She asked flatly. Ginny waggled her eyebrows.
“You’re a lucky girl.”
“Ginny.”
“Mi, we didn’t want to upset you. We just don’t understand why you’re holding off. Imagine how cute your babies would be.” Padma said. Ignoring the baby comment, Hermione sighed.
“I think Anthony really fucked me up.” She acquiesced, placing her head in her hands. Ginny huffed, raising her hand.
“We’re going to need wine!” She called at the nearest waiter.
“Oh, not for me.” Padma added quickly, placing a hand over her glass as the harried boy adhered to Ginny’s demands.
“Spill it, Granger. You are a beautiful, attractive, intelligent woman. Any man would be lucky to have you. What’s the hold up?” Ginny asked over the rim of her glass. Padma snorted quietly at her bluntness.
“Ron and I were a mistake, a complete non-starter. Sorry, Pads, I don’t want to-“
“Say what you need to say, Hermione. We’re all adults here.” Padma interrupted her with a kind smile, and she nodded.
“Ron and I weren’t right, which made me feel unsettled, I think. After thinking that my future was going to be him for so long. Then Cormac was…well, Cormac. Then Anthony comes along, he’s passably attractive and can hold a conversation, and I thought that he was as good a choice as any.” Hermione said. Ginny sighed heavily.
“I’m going to tear up, you soppy romantic you.” She said sarcastically. “Mi, you deserve butterflies. Grand romance that makes you feel tingly inside!”
“Anthony was my safe bet, and then he turned out to be wrong too. What if there just…isn’t anyone for me? I’m too difficult to be with.”
“Have you lost your fucking mind?” Ginny exclaimed.
“Mi, you’ll find someone. You’re such a wonderful friend, a wonderful person to be around. There isn’t a world where you’re too difficult to be with, that’s ridiculous.” Padma said, placing a hand on Ginny’s arm to remind her where they were. “When did you completely discount Malfoy? You’d be perfect together.”
Hermione shrugged. “He’d never see me like that. We’re friends.” She said as their food was brought over. Ginny tore into her steak with the rage of a caged animal.
“You should tell him how you feel. I promise he’ll reciprocate. This has been a long time coming.” She said.
“What if there’s nothing to tell?” Hermione replied, somewhat defensively. Both witches looked at her flatly, sceptical brows raising. “Yeah, alright, fine.” She mumbled, stabbing her pasta in defeat. She did like Malfoy. More than liked him, if she was honest, but she wasn’t willing to risk their friendship until she was completely sure that he wouldn’t run in terror at her advances. It had taken her a while to realise why she’d never been truly all in with Anthony and it was because of Malfoy. She supposed that was why they’d never gotten along, it was a silent competition, even if nobody realised it or voiced it.
Padma grimaced as she swallowed some of her meal. “This tastes strange.” She said.
“We can swap if you want?” Hermione offered, lifting her mushroom pasta and offering it to her friend.
“You wouldn’t mind?” She asked, and Hermione shook her head, swapping the plates. After a few mouthfuls of the pie, she looked up at Padma.
“Tastes fine to me. I thought this was one of your favourites?” She asked. Padma shrugged.
“It is. Just tastes different here, I guess.” She replied. Hermione frowned, looking at her friend, and then her empty wine glass.
“Padma, are you pregnant?” Hermione asked with a smile.
Padma’s eyes went wide, as Ginny turned to look at her. “Did my brother knock you up?!”
“I only found out a few days ago. I haven’t even told Ron yet.” She answered, looking slightly panicked. Hermione stood quickly to pull her friend into a hug, as Ginny squealed, restaurant be damned.
“I’m going to be an auntie!” She grinned. Padma laughed.
“We weren’t trying, but we weren’t not trying either. If it happened, then it happened, you know?”
“How are you going to tell him? Have you got plans?” Hermione asked excitedly.
“I thought a cake?”
Ginny nodded sagely. “Excellent plan. Loves cake, that one. Do you reckon it’s a boy or a girl? What sort of feelings are you getting?”
“Gin, it’s way too soon to know.” Hermione chuckled.
Padma smiled. “I think it’s a girl. I don’t know why, I just keep thinking of her as ‘her’. I mean, whoever they turn out to be, I’ll love them regardless, but I just have a feeling.”
“I’m so happy for you, Pads.” Hermione said. “Gods, Ronald’s going to be a dad.” She shook her head incredulously.
“We’re here for you. Whatever you need, you and little Weasley-Patil.” Ginny smiled, and Padma teared up.
“Sorry, this keeps happening now.” She said as Ginny wrapped an arm around her.
“Look at my girls, growing up, settling down.” She shook her head. “I’m a proud mother hen.”
“Ginny, we’re both older than you.” Hermione pointed out.
“Proud. Mother. Hen.” She insisted.