The Sun Hasn't Left
Remus smelled the antiseptic air that burned in his nose. An agony sat dull in his body, he could tell his body hurt, but the pain felt hazy, far away him. He tried to blink open his eyes but they felt swollen and wouldn’t open too far, though it was enough to see the blurry figure of Madam Pomfrey hunched over him to inspect the bandages which covered his side. Wincing as she did so, his eyes shot to the chair which sat empty in the corner. His friends weren’t here, Sirius wasn’t here. He tried to sit up but Madam Pomfrey was quick to hold his shoulders back down, “Easy dear, you’ve been gravely injured. I’ve done what I could for the pain but you need to keep still.”
Her face was stoic but Remus could sense the unease that ran through her, undeterred he wriggled in her grasp, feeling the pain grow sharper and clearer as he did. His wide eyes found hers as he unleashed his panic onto her, “Please, what happened? Is everyone okay? I didn’t hurt anyone, did I?” His throat felt rough with disuse.
“Shh, Remus, no one else has been hurt,” she tried to soothe him, rubbing up and down his shoulders. She furrowed her brow in confusion and followed his eyes to the empty chair sitting at the foot of his bed. “Your friends are fine, I couldn’t let them in with you in critical condition,” she sighed out with relief, “Though you seem stable now,” her voice trailed off as she looked back towards the infirmary doors.
“Swear you won’t move,” she turned to point a finger in his face and narrowed her eyes into his as a fond look found its way into her expression.
Remus felt his lips attempt to tug into a smile and croaked out, “Swear.”
She walked out of Remus’s view and he heard the creak of heavy doors followed by the soft thud of a body falling into the room. Madam Pomfrey’s voice was low and intense, “No nonsense or so help me I will kick you out again, Black.”
He heard the rustle of fabric and quick steps before the curtain of his room was ripped open and the face of Sirius Black appeared before him. He looked awful- deep purple bags sat underneath red eyes, his skin sickly pale, his hair uncharacteristically unwashed and unstyled. His clothes looked rumpled as he turned to drag the chair closer towards Remus and tucked his legs up into the seat. His eyes never left Remus’ as he did, pooling with water as he took in Remus’s face.
“I can’t possibly look as dire as you do right now,” Remus huffed with tense, aching laughter.
Sirius cackled loudly, tension rolling off of him, and grabbed Remus’s hand. His smile was unbearably wide, “You’re simply ravishing. It’s lucky Poppy’s here or I wouldn’t be able to hold myself back,” he joked with a wink.
His thumb soothed delicate circles into the back of Remus’s hand absentmindedly as the two grinned wordlessly at each other. Sirius’s eyes traced the bandages Remus could feel across his face and side, scanned the table to take in the accumulation of potion bottles and balms that crowded its surface. His eyes fell sad again and his smile turned mournful, he looked so young like this, face puffy and full.
“I’m so glad you're alright, Moony,” he whispered, closing his eyes tightly. Remus only hummed. It felt like too much to have his hand cradled in Sirius’s while he playfully flirted or spoke soft sentiments, Remus felt the warmth of a flush close to that of embarrassment. Sirius cleared his throat and spoke clearer, “I should go tell James and Pete that you’re up, we’ve been waiting days.”
He made no effort to move though, and Remus was now reeling with the fact that he had been asleep for days. He went to furrow his brow and stopped short as it pulled on a strip of bandage between his eyes, “How long?”
“Two days,” Sirius said grimly, “It was a bad one, Moons. I- ”
Madam Pomfrey swept back into the room, feeding Remus potions that left his mouth tasting of metal, she was careful not to disrupt Sirius from his grasp on Remus’s hand. Seeming much more at ease than she did earlier, Pomfrey spoke lightly, “Something for the blood loss and something for the pain,” she smiled. She brought her hand to his forehead before recommending that he get some rest, assuring Sirius that he could stay if he liked, and leaving the room.
“Think you could budge over?” Sirius asked sheepishly, grey eyes wide as they stared up into Remus’s.
Remus sensed the tugging pain in his wounds as he slowly moved himself over, though it was distant again after the potions. He became acutely aware of the fact that he had no shirt on as his side pressed fully flush against Sirius’s, and fabric warmed by his body heat met Remus’s cool skin. The pain potions must’ve been messing with his head because Remus had to focus intently on not kissing the boy laying next to him. He didn’t manage to keep himself from turning his head to look down at him, seeing that Sirius was already staring back, expression earnest and pink lips parted slightly in a smile.
God, he wasn’t thinking clearly, his mind was fuzzy as he felt himself sway forward, his chin dipping slightly. Sirius’s eyes dropped away from Remus’s to look at his mouth, his tongue coming out to wet his lips. He felt their breathing shift before Sirius broke the spell, eyes sliding back up to Remus’s as he whispered, “You should get some sleep.”
He cast Remus a wistful smile before turning away and closing his eyes. Remus tried to shake the feeling of whatever it was taking over him, he blinked hard to try to clear his mind of the haze but it remained. The urge to reach out and touch prickled in his fingertips as he closed his eyes and tried to think of anything else, he fell asleep with the tension of his restraint.
____
Sirius had spent the last 56 hours shoved up against the doors to the hospital wing, doing his best to make out the sounds coming from within. James had needed to drag him away from Remus that night, forcibly change his clothes and wash the blood out of Sirius’s hair. He had been in a state of shock, mumbling constantly to James about healing spells and needing to see Remus. After giving it no time at all he ran to Madam Pomfrey’s to check how he was doing, the others trailing behind him. He felt like his heart wasn’t beating right and it only grew worse as she reprimanded them for being up so early and informed them that they could not be allowed in.
He slumped to the floor with quick breaths as James tried to tell him that Remus was going to be fine, and he stayed there day and night, getting close to no sleep. James and Peter would bring him food and sometimes sat to wait with him, but they slept in the room and kept up appearances. Madam Pomfrey would open the door on occasion to give Sirius updates or tell him to shut up or bring him a cup of tea. When he felt the door swing open and his head drop back to smack against the stone floors his heart surged with hope. He jumped up before she snatched his collar and threatened him into good behavior.
He couldn’t believe he was going to see his Moony again, or bear the days that he wasn’t able to. He tore through the thin curtain surrounding his bed and saw Remus laying there with a smile on his bandaged face. His face was still swollen a bit, especially around his eyes, but Sirius locked into the warm amber that stared back at him.
He felt himself well up as he dragged the dreadful chair over beside Remus’s head and cramped his legs into it, it was surreal to see that smile again. Remus made a joke at Sirius’s expense, which prompted another wave of relief to flow through him, and he laughed probably too loudly. He was a swirling mess of emotions, too pleased to be next to his best friend as he took the mick again, that he didn’t stop himself from taking Remus’s hand and throwing an egregious line back, “You’re simply ravishing. It’s lucky Poppy’s here or I wouldn’t be able to hold myself back.”
He was caught between pure joy and the lingering devastation he felt at the prospect of nearly losing Remus as he let himself assess the damage. A line of dressing passed from above his left eyebrow, across his nose, and down to his right cheek. His mousy brown waves of hair were smashed underneath the wrap that surrounded his head. His eyes dropped to his chest, where lines of previous scars ran across his lean form, light hairs trailed down the soft muscle of his stomach that tensed faintly as he breathed. A large section of the side of his left rib was covered in bandages. It brought back the pictures he couldn’t shake, rivers of blood pouring past the white of exposed bone. He looked quickly over to the table teaming with potions to provide a different image.
He squeezed Remus’s hand and his eyes shut as he breathed out, “I’m so glad you're alright, Moony.”
He mentioned going to get James and Peter in case Remus wanted them to be here and to appease his own conscience, but he wasn’t sure he was ever going to leave Remus again. When he asked how long he had been out for, Sirius was hopeful that he wouldn’t remember any of what had happened. The pain of the claws tearing through flesh or the desperate way Sirius had clung to him afterwards.
“It was a bad one, Moons. I-”
Thank Merlin for Poppy Pomfrey because Sirius thought he might’ve been about to whine to Remus about how torn up he’d been, how he couldn’t stand to be away from him. She pushed her hand against Remus’s forehead like Sirius wished he could and told him to get some sleep. Without a thought besides his desire to be near him, he asked Remus to shift it, and mentally berated himself for his selfishness. He climbed into the bed and was surprised by how little space they had.
His thighs pressed tightly against Remus’, hips crushing together, and heat grew between them where the tanned skin of his side burned into the fabric of his shirt. He curbed a thought about taking his own shirt off to feeling the press of skin against skin. Sirius looked up at his profile, saw the blink of thick eyelashes, the curve of his lips, the dotting of freckles and the bloom of red that spread across his cheeks.
When Remus turned to face him, he had a look in his eyes that Sirius was powerless to, he felt like prey in a way, but he was more than willing to give himself over. Remus moved his head closer, angling like he might try to kiss him, and Sirius felt himself breathe heavier as he looked at the full lips before him. He thought about their soft crush against his own, the noise Remus might make if he closed the space between them and took.
Look at him coming on to a still-recovering Remus with no concern for his comfort. It was disgusting, how self-absorbed he could be, it was only ever about what Sirius wanted, right? Forcing him to half a bed, craving to take when Remus hardly had anything to give right now. He made himself mumble the words, “You should get some sleep.”
It was an impressive feat of willpower to turn away from the face that stayed inches from his own, but knew that it was for the best. Despite not having been in a bed for three nights, he stayed awake for hours, overcome by the elation of having Remus back and the guilt of wanting him closer.