Awkward Encounters

It had been over a year since the events at the mountain and much had changed. Lexa was extremely grateful for those changes because after the mountain she had feared that Clarke would never be willing to be in the same room with her again, let alone be willing to speak with her alone. But, after a few months of self-reflection, Clarke had come to terms with her decision, forgiving Lexa along the way, and returned to her people at Camp Jaha where she began to lead her people again. Lexa had been quick to make her way to the camp to do whatever was necessary to regain the trust of the blonde leader and, hopefully, create some sort of peace between their peoples again. Although things had been calm during Clarke's extended absence, they were strained at best. However, she was shocked when she got there to find Clarke and the rest of her people seemingly fairly open to the idea of an alliance, no excessive pleading or persuasion necessary.

Of course, at first Clarke was still very hesitant and suspicious of Lexa. While she had grown to forgive Lexa's choice, she was still hurt and it takes time to rebuild trust after such a heavy betrayal. Lexa had done as much as possible to help Clarke in her process, once even going so far as to stay up all night sitting on the floor of Clarke's tent as she tried to calm and comfort the girl into sleeping during one of Clarke's bouts of insomnia, and it had eventually paid off. Eight months and twenty four days after Lexa left Clarke at the mountain, not that Lexa was counting, Clarke found her way into the Commander's tent just as the sun was beginning to go down.

Lexa had just returned from training and was in the middle of the slow process of prying all of her armor and layers off of her aching body when the girl walked in. Lexa's guards were under standing orders to let Clarke into her tent unhindered at any time of the day or night, but Lexa hadn't been expecting a visit from the blonde this late in the day, so Clarke's sudden appearance in front of her surprised her and made her freeze in the middle of unclipping a particularly stubborn piece of shoulder guard. Clarke smiled slightly at her and leaned forward to help Lexa with the stubborn piece of armor without saying a word.

Lexa was still stunned by Clarke's presence and proximity. Things had been getting better between them, yes, but Lexa was still awed and grateful for every peaceful moment the girl willingly spent in her presence. So, she did not press her to talk when Clarke leaned back after she finished helping with the shoulder guard. She did not even move. She just waited, entranced by the soft gaze Clarke was regarding her with.

Eventually, Clarke gave her another small smile and laughed lightly. Reflexively, Lexa gave a shadow of a smile back and continued to wait. A second later, she was rewarded for her patience with Clarke's voice. Its tone was sweet, but serious and hesitant at the same time. “So, I've been thinking, Lexa.”

Lexa was tense immediately. Whatever issues had Clarke this serious and unsure in Lexa's tent in the late evening would certainly be matters of the utmost importance, and so she gave Clarke her full attention, not that she wouldn't have otherwise, but it was the thought that counts.

Clarke must have noticed her reaction because she hurried to say, “No, Lexa, relax it’s nothing bad. At least, I don’t think it's that bad…” Clarke trailed off.

Lexa relaxed fractionally, still wary of what might be troubling the other young leader, and nodded for Clarke to continue. After another hesitant beat of silence, Clarke did. “I just- Like I said, I’ve been thinking.” Clarke nodded decisively and Lexa wondered briefly if this talk had been rehearsed. “I’ve been thinking about the mountain and you and me and everything we have been through together before and after...the mountain,” Clarke continued.

Lexa tensed again, a build up like that could lead to nothing good. Quickly, her mind began to reel about all of the things that line of thinking may have led Clarke and, after disregarding any situation in which Clarke tells her she has decided to go back on the alliance because she was sure that conversation would have been started much differently, she realized that the only possible outcome of this conversation could be Clarke’s final verdict on the possibility of a personal relationship between the two.

The kiss they had shared before the mountain had been hanging over her head all of this time, tethered there by the ‘not yet’ that had been whispered right after, but neither of them had ever brought it up. Lexa did not feel it was her place. If Clarke ever decided that she could trust Lexa enough again, still wanted her, and felt ready, then it would have to be Clarke to initiate it this time. Lexa was merely waiting on her. Lexa was always ready. And that infuriating ‘not yet’ had allowed a blossom of hope to form and bloom in her chest throughout these long months, gaining a new petal every time she seemed to make any progress with the blonde. It had grown so much that she had actually fooled herself into believing that she was waiting for something that had a possibility of happening.

But now, as she looked at Clarke’s serious, hesitant face in the candlelight of her tent, Lexa realized how much of a dream that possibility had been. Surely this was Clarke coming to Lexa to let her down gently. Lexa wasn’t sure what had brought it on at this moment. It was possible that Lexa’s hope filled feelings had been more evident than she had thought and Clarke had noticed and was here to let her down gently, but she didn’t really care right now. Her heart sank at the realization that her dreaded ‘not yet’ was about to lose four letters, leaving her with nothing but ‘no.’ But she said nothing, did her best to hide the disappointment and heartbreak she was now feeling, and let Clarke say what she had come to say. It was the least Lexa could do for the pain she had caused in the beauty’s life.

Clarke, seemingly oblivious to the struggle and resolution that had just taken pace in the Commander’s mind over the last ten seconds, continued speaking. “I’ve been thinking about everything, especially that kiss we shared, and I know you never brought it up again,” Clarke was picking up speed now and Lexa braced herself for the crash, “so I don’t know if you still feel the same. But I think that I am ready now, if your offer still stands, of course, I’m ready to start slow and try,” Clarke finished decisively and then looked up to meet Lexa’s eyes, determination and fear of rejection clear on her face.

Lexa’s heart and mind were frozen. She couldn’t get past what she had just heard, or thought she heard. It had to be a dream, at best. But, when Clarke did nothing but continue to look into her eyes, the fear on her face growing with every passing second, she began to realize that this was real and she needed to act quickly before she lost the most incredible thing that had happened in Lexa’s life since Indra burst into her tent to tell her that people fell from the sky and their pretty leader with hair the color of gold wanted to speak with her.

Slowly, the biggest smile she ever remembered occupying her face formed on her lips, immediately allowing Clarke to relax and let out the breath neither of them had realized she had been holding. Lexa then rushed to tell Clarke that she still wanted her with every fiber of her being, spilling out many more admissions of devotion that she didn’t quite remember but still felt whole-heartedly, and then they had kissed. It had been slow and careful and emotional and exactly what they needed in that moment. The two spent the rest of the night talking about taking things slow and careful, Clarke repeatedly apologizing to Lexa about needing to take things so slowly and Lexa reiterating time and time again that there was no reason to apologize because even if they never progressed past their current stage of hand holding and careful kisses, Lexa could die the happiest Heda in history.

And so they progressed. Lexa was delighted to find that they did move past that initial stage. Although Clarke was still not ready for more intimate actions, Lexa was soon allowed to hold Clarke through sleep and their kisses became progressively more intense, eventually evolving into what Lexa once heard Octavia refer to as ‘Hot as fuck make out sessions.’

And so there they were. It had been a year since the mountain and much had changed. Lexa was very grateful for those changes and she had no complaints about the level of intimacy between Clarke and herself. It was just that, recently at least, she had begun to worry. Their make out sessions had progressed to the point where there really wasn’t much they needed to do to make the shift into having sex, the two practically dry humped each other daily and one or both of them lost a shirt, if not more, in almost every instance, so there was really just the act itself left to perform. And yet, Clarke still continued to back away. Every time Lexa’s hand began to reach for Clarke’s pants, they stopped.

And, while Lexa was still in no way complaining, she was worried because Clarke no longer seemed overwhelmed, reluctant or unsure when she stopped their sessions, quite the opposite in fact, she just seemed almost shy and insecure. And Lexa was worried. Because she didn’t care if she never got to bed Clarke, really, she had meant what she said to Clarke about dying the happiest Heda in history, but if something she was doing was making Clarke uncomfortable and that was why they were not having sex, then that was a problem. And she had asked Clarke, on several occasions, if anything was bothering her or making her uncomfortable and Clarke had said no each time, but Lexa could tell that she was lying. So she started to panic.

It was with this panic driven thought in mind that, just over three months since their talk in Lexa’s tent and a year after the mountain, Lexa ventured into Camp Jaha on her own in search of Octavia, Raven, or both so that she could ask them for help in this matter. They were clearly the girl’s best friends and Lexa was sure that Clarke would have confided this information in them. She was hopeful that she would be able to get them to tell her the problem, or at least give her a hint to fix whatever she was doing wrong.

Unfortunately, as Lexa wandered through the masses of people, Skaikru and Trikru alike, currently also in Camp Jaha, she was unable to locate the hyper young women anywhere. After several hours of fruitless searching, being directed from one location to another, and a fair amount of praying to her ancestors, Lexa had given up hope on the day and was dejectedly heading back to her own camp where the love of her life would surely be waiting for her, when she passed within hearing range of several young, burly Skaikru guards that looked like they might have been part of the original 100, who were sitting around one of the fires used to cook food for the camp.

Normally, she would not have listened to the idle gossip of young men like these and merely continued on her way. But, when they spoke Clarke’s name it caught her attention and made her stop in place to focus on what they were saying. There were so many other people standing around chatting in the areas around the fire that no one paid her much attention. She was not dressed in her commander gear and she had not painted her face that morning in an attempt to seem less threatening and hopefully garner more sympathy from Clarke’s friends. But now it was coming in handy because no one really recognized her as the commander and that allowed her to listen in on the conversation unimpeded.

One young man with sandy blonde hair only a shade or two darker than Clarke’s was the one who had originally spoken Clarke’s name and he finished saying, “Shame Clarke’s decided to go all grounder-lover on us with that leader of theirs.”

Several of the other men grunted in agreement, but only one with dark brown hair replied. “Seriously, man. You know, I saw Finn with his shirt off not long after she did him and you’ll never guess what I found out.”

The mention of Finn had Lexa on edge, but she was intrigued by the conversation so she forced herself to listen. The rest of the men around the fire were egging the brown haired man to reveal his secret. On closer inspection Lexa realized several of them were showing signs of intoxication, but decided it wasn’t an important factor.

After a few seconds of goading from his friends, the brown haired Skaikru finally spoke again in a voice much lower than it had been before, as if what he was saying was a dirty secret, and Lexa had to strain her ears to hear him above the rest of the chatter around her. “She bites.”

All of the men around the fire broke out into a round of clapping and laughing, but Lexa was no longer paying attention. Her tired mind was working as fast as possible as all of the pieces seemed to click into place. This could be why Clarke seemed to shy and insecure about taking that last step. It was possible she just didn’t feel comfortable approaching Lexa with this predilection. Based on the men around the fire’s reaction, Lexa assumed it was something that is joked about or looked down upon in Skaikru culture. That would certainly make sense.

Lexa considered this new information for several more seconds. There was nothing taboo or mocked about biting during sex in Trikru culture. It was widely accepted as something some people liked and others didn’t, there was nothing more to it than that. So, while Lexa herself didn’t particularly feel the desire to bite or be bitten, she had nothing against the practice either, and if Clarke liked to bite then Lexa would not argue.

Nodding to herself, Lexa realized she needed to hurry home so that she could reassure her love that there was no reason to be ashamed and then hopefully they would finally be able to take that next step in their relationship, or at the very least it would make it so that Clarke no longer felt uncomfortable with her.

Lexa practiced what she was going to say in her mind the entire walk back to her tent. She was so distracted by her silent rehearsing that she didn’t notice Clarke was already in her tent until Clarke’s lips had attached to her own and her hands had found their way up the front of Lexa’s simple shirt. It only took Lexa another few minutes, or what had only felt like a few minutes, to realize that this was actually happening, it wasn’t part of the fantasy she had been replaying in her mind of telling Clarke that biting didn’t matter to her and then finally becoming one with her, and that she in fact hadn’t told Clarke of her revelation. So, when she finally got her short circuiting brain to work again long enough to pull away from Clarke’s lips, she was surprised to find that her shirt was missing, as was Clarke’s, and she was now pinned against the wall on the completely opposite side of the tent. Frowning slightly at the sheer amount of time she seemed to have lost in Clarke’s kiss, Lexa shook her head once and then refocused on the girl still pressing her into the wall and looking at her with a flustered, confused expression on her face.

Lexa gave Clarke a small, reassuring smile as she said, “It is alright, Clarke, there is just something I would like to tell you.”

Clarke frowned. “Now?” she questioned in a pouting tone.

“It should only take a moment,” Lexa said. “We can get back to this as soon as it’s done if you still want to.”

Clarke let out a long, groaning sigh before she said, “Alright then, what it is?”

“I have been noticing lately that you have seemed uncertain or uncomfortable during our encounters of this nature,” Lexa started.

Clarke let out a long, drawn out groan and pulled away from Lexa’s body, much to Lexa’s dismay. “This again, Lexa? I told you it’s nothing. I’m fine,” Clarke said. Lexa couldn’t help but notice she wouldn’t meet her eyes.

“I don’t believe that, Clarke. I think there’s something you’re uncomfortable with and don’t know how to tell me. But that’s okay because I think I’ve figured it out now,” Lexa said.

“There’s nothing to figure out!” Clarke snapped defensively, now taking a few steps away from Lexa.

Panicking slightly, Lexa hurried through an abbreviated version of what she had been planning on saying. “Its okay, Clarke. While I don’t typically bite during sex, I heard you might and that is perfectly fine. I can feed that desire. There is nothing to be uncomfortable about.”

Clarke stood staring at her in shocked silence for several seconds. Lexa took this as a good sign and approached the blonde cautiously while giving her the most encouraging, hopeful look she could muster. Eventually, when Lexa was only a few inches from Clarke again, Clarke laughed disbelievingly, “Who told you that!?”

Thinking this might be an attempt to refute Lexa’s claim, Lexa explained, “Today I went into Camp Jaha to ask Raven and Octavia for help with whatever it was I was doing wrong to make you uncomfortable with me because you wouldn’t tell me.”

Clarke was still laughing slightly when she asked, “And they told you it’s because I want to bite you but didn’t know how to ask?”

Lexa didn’t let herself be deterred by Clarke’s laughter, thinking it was merely a defense mechanism, and rushed to clarify. “No, I could not find them. But, when I was heading back to my camp I passed several Skaikru men who had been part of the 100. They were talking amongst themselves and they caught my attention because it was about you. I stopped to listen and one of the men said he’d seen the boy Finn after you had been with him and learned that you liked to bite. He said he’d seen the marks. It is fine, Clarke, you do not have to worry. You can bite me anytime.”

Clarke was laughing even harder now and Lexa was actually beginning to feel concerned when Clarke asked her, “So you got sex advice on our relationship by eavesdropping on some drunk guards telling stories around a fire?”

Lexa’s heart sank. Had she made a fool of herself? It had all seemed to make so much sense when she’d heard what the Skaikru man had said. She hadn’t seen any reason for the man to be lying. So she had acted accordingly. But now, she realized she probably should have considered the information more before acting. Potentially even checked with Octavia and Raven before confronting Clarke. And now she felt crushed. This meant that there was still something else, something unknown that she was possibly doing wrong to cause Clarke’s unease, and she was no closer to fixing it. In fact, she might even be even farther from fixing the problem if Clarke took offense at what she had said. Had she just ruined her relationship with Clarke by suggesting this? Dejectedly, she murmured a quiet, “Sha,” in response to Clarke’s question and dropped her gaze to the floor.

Clarke sensed her shift in mood immediately and sobered that second. Carefully, she shifted forward and cupped Lexa’s cheeks in her hands. Lexa reveled in the touch but refused to look up. Instead, she just listened as Clarke began to speak to her in a hushed, soothing voice. “No, it’s okay, Lex. It’s not a big deal. You haven’t done anything wrong. You haven’t angered me. Who hasn’t acted on a false piece of information overheard from drunk men at a fire? I certainly have. It’s just, I promise I haven’t been acting weird because I want to bite you.”

Lexa’s eyes had risen slowly to meet hers in silent question. Clarke continued, “Yes, I’m admitting that I have been acting weird. That’s just not why. Although,” Clarke looked thoughtful for a moment, “the information you received wasn’t actually that false, they only got the wrong girl. I have no doubt Finn had bite marks on him.” When she saw that Lexa looked slightly lost, Clarke continued, “Raven’s a biter.” Lexa frowned in thought. That did seem to fit Raven’s personality much more than Clarke’s. But she was still worried about why Clarke had been, admittedly now, acting so strange, so she waited in Clarke’s grasp.

After a moment of chuckling at the realization that someone had mistaken Raven’s bite marks for her own, Clarke seemed to remember where she was and tuned back into the conversation. She stared deeply into Lexa’s eyes and began to turn hesitant again as she said, “No, that’s not why…. I have been acting strange for a different reason.”

When it didn’t seem like Clarke was going to continue, Lexa asked, “Then why have you been acting this way, Clarke. Beja, tell me.”

After a moment, Clarke dropped her eyes to Lexa’s chin and said, “I’ve gained weight.”

Lexa frowned deeply in confusion. She had not noticed Clarke gaining weight and did not care if she had. Although Lexa had often heard that the Skaikru put a lot of importance on a person’s weight in relation to their worth, her own people had never much cared. Moth of her warriors and villagers were thin simply because food was often scarce, they were typically very physically active, and that was just what happened. Anyone who held extra weight was often even regarded with a sense of awe because that meant they might have the luxury of a calm life with plenty of food. Lexa was prepared to tell Clarke all of this, but she had apparently stayed quiet too long and allowed Clarke to work herself into an internal panic.

“It’s just that with all of the peace feasts and stuff, plus I haven’t had to do any running for my life lately, and I’ve never had the amazing variety of food you have provided for me, my body just didn’t know how to react other than by gaining weight. It just goes straight to my butt, hips, and thighs. I’ve tried exercising. I’ve even made Octavia run me through some of her workouts, without the sword stuff of course, but I think my body is just still so confused b-“

Lexa cut off Clarke’s rambled justifications with a soft kiss. Normally she would never dream of silencing Clarke’s voice with the force of an intimate act, Clarke deserves more respect than that, but she felt that in this situation Clarke needed the reassurance. After the kiss Clarke finally met her eyes again and Lexa whispered to her, “I do not care about your weight. I honestly had not noticed any change. I always think you’re beautiful and you never need to feel ashamed about your appearance around me. I will love you and want you no matter what, I promise you.”

Clarke’s eyes had grown teary, but she did not let them fall as she let out a heavy sigh. “I’ve been ridiculous, haven’t I?”

“Your concerns will never be ridiculous to me,” Lexa assured her.

Clarke laughed softly and said, “But this means we could have been having sex for weeks now.”

Lexa groaned deep in her chest. “I must admit that is an unfortunate outcome of this circumstance.”

“Well,” Clarke started playfully, “seeing as that’s cleared up now, I don’t see anything else stopping us, do you?”

Lexa grinned wildly, “No, Clarke.”

Clarke grinned mischievously back and took Lexa’s hand to begin pulling her back toward the bed of furs at the edge of the tent. “Good. In that case I think you need to get acquainted with my thighs.”