Donald Trump Takes Down Lapis Takes Down Donald Trump
Donald adjusted his best toupee and tightened the knot on his seven thousand dollar tie. He liked to feel classy when he browsed AO3, like all businessmen. He checked the tag for Lapis, his beloved space rock wife on the space rock astral plane. She was his favorite gem of all. Oh, Lapis!
His breath caught in his throat. A fic with him and Lapis together? Could it be? Trembling with anticipation, he clicked the link. And his world crashed down upon him. Lapis would never! She would love him and be his vice president of the US and Space! She would absolutely hate this classless excuse for a fanfic, the kind of shoddy, overbudget fanfic the Fanworks Projects Administration would write under some huge commie!
There was only one way to set this right. He would write what would really happen if dear, perfect Lapis read a fic like this! It would be a work so poingent that everyone who saw it would understand how right he was, just like when Richard Rahl carved those statues! He would do it. He would be the Richard Rahl and, Lapis, his beloved Kahlan. They would cosplay together and win awards. And no one would ever squirt fictional him with a fictional water gun again.