Funny
'If you lose your soul,
you'll lose it all
If you're at the top
then brace for the fall
Surrounded by faces,
no one to call’
The normal pen that she twirled in her hand when she was thinking was replaced with the paintbrush. She had not let it go since that night and made sure she had it wherever she went. Though the odds of her running into Clarke and telling her the truth was slim, it wasn’t impossible.
Three weeks had gone by since their night together and Lexa wasn’t sure if Clarke was thinking about her as much as she was. She hadn’t been focusing on the business as much. During the day Lexa thought about what the painting looked like, daydreaming on how Clarke held the brush smoothly letting the paint fall onto the canvas. At night her dreams were consumed of laughter with Clarke by her side. Days seemed brighter with thoughts of Clarke on her mind but they were constantly cloudy as she couldn't actually be with the woman.
On Anya's side there was no luck for her on finding the woman in the painting, which actually was to Lexa's benefit. When Anya pushed that they just pay an actor, Lexa would refuse claiming they needed the real person. Rather than searching, she was secretly paying someone to keep an eye out on Clarke to make sure nothing happened to her. Her lookout had been struggling as they felt Clarke was a very intimate person and knowing if she was ‘safe’ could only be by being with her. She planned to tell Anya, if she found out and asked, that Clarke knew her secrets, however, Lexa cared for the girl. If someone was so willing to accept her despite all her fucked up issues how could she let go of her?
Lexa spent her days surrounded by so many different faces and none ever choose to be her friend. None of those people ever choose to ask her how her day was. Though the people constantly praised her she knew how much they truly despised her. Lexa would never admit to wanting friends and a family. She would admit to the all the money and fame she desired as she was sick of poverty secretly hoping these would bring her her true desires. However money and fame were chains holding her down and she wasn't strong enough to move with them.
“You wanted to see me?” Lexa looked up, pulled out of her thoughts as Lincoln entered the room. Nodding her head she signaled for him to sit. Taking a seat he kept his unsmiling feature and heavy stance knowing how she was.
“You are dating that Octavia girl, correct?” Suddenly Lincoln felt himself get stiffer at the mention of her name, not liking where this was going.
“I am seeing her.” He confirmed.
“And she is friends with Clarke?” He knew exactly where this was going and he wasn't liking it. She wasted no time to get into discussion as Lexa laughed at the nonsense that was small talk. So Lincoln followed suit and went straight for the meat of their conversation.
“I will not use Octavia to learn about Clarke.”
“That’s not what I asked.”
Lincoln continued, “I will not ruin this. Octavia is a special woman.”
“So is Clarke.”
“Whatever your obsession with destroying Clarke is needs to end.”
“I just need someone to keep an eye out on her.” Lexa tried to reason herself.
“I will not do your deeds for you.” Lincoln was at a boiling point with Lexa. This was mostly due to Octavia as she began to push him to his potential. Lincoln had been so willing but she brought out a side of him that believed and stood up for himself.
“You work for me.” Lexa felt herself get angry now as she controlled her words. “And you'll do what I say.”
“I'm also your brother and I won't put up with this.” Since she had pulled her boss card he angrily pulled out the family one.
“Don't play the family card.”
“Why not? Are you embarrassed by me?” Lexa stood up from her chair furious he would even make such a comment.
“Don't you dare ever say that.”
“Then explain to me why you are doing this?”
“I don’t want anything bad to happen to her.” That was when Lincoln made the connection.
“You like her.” He had seen this behavior once before, with a woman she was forbidden to love. “Like Costia.”
Her head whipped at the sound of her name, with eyes of suffering. The story of Costia and Lexa was just one of unfortunateness. Costia was already impossible to have as she was part of their foster family. The two snuck around recklessly as Costia’s free spirit brought out an open side of Lexa that was caged by the environment she was in. Costia had gotten the two always in trouble as she was always searching for a new adventure as Lexa found herself happier than ever. It wasn't until Lexa was adopted where the two were more open about their relationship. Through their ups and downs the two were inseparable. As soon as Lexa fell into the business she initially owed a lot of money and because so a loan shark took Costia away. Lexa will not talk about it and even banned any conversation of the woman, too ashamed and in pain. For those who knew understood the fate and never questioned it as the territory was dangerous. It caused many people in Lexa’s life to leave her or act as business partners rather than friends.
Though Lexa did not owe money now many people did not like her due to what her large business can cause. One night Lexa was approached by a man who was laid off by her and attempted to assault her. Since, Lexa became very cautionate with the people she cared about. However her cautious ways did not explain why she wanted Clarke’s business, that was another topic for another day.
“You know to never mention her name.”
“I’m sorry Lexa but you can talk to me or even Anya.”
“She's my assistant.”
“She's also your sister.”
“Work first and family later.” Lexa reminded him. It was true that both Anya and Lincoln were her brother and sister but not by blood; they all grew up in the same foster family. They all started in another country and were then brought to America by the military family. Once Lexa had been adopted and got the business she immediately offered them jobs to pull them away from the abusive family. She supported them and helped them back on their feet leaving them all where they are now. Lincoln has always felt indebted to her for that which is why he loyally stays by her side even when Octavia can not understand.
Lincoln stood up from his chair now understanding that this conversation was going nowhere and over. Lexa had made her point and it was set in stone.
“I will keep an eye out on Clarke.However, if it jeopardizes my relationship I will end it.”
“Fair enough.” Lincoln turned his back ready to walk out as Lexa spoke.
“Keep Octavia close Lincoln. She's a wonderful influence on your life.” Of course Lexa had noted the newly found confidence in Lincoln as was proud of her older brother. There had always been a lack of it which she could never understand seeing how much potential he had in him.
Costia will always be a woman she loved and have a special place in her heart. However, when talking to Clarke she didn't feel an aching pain in her heart. Clarke was special and Lexa knew this the moment she met the woman. Every second of her day was now spent on the right and safest way to tell Clarke the truth.
-----
“Give me a chance.”
“For the thousandth time, no Raven.” Clarke walked around the studio cleaning the mess the last class made. When no one was around she would pretend she was Cinderella as she swept with her old broom. Despite Raven now being in the room she still played the songs in her head singing along.
“You haven't even seen it.”
“Exactly why.” Raven wanted to put something up on her upcoming show tomorrow. Again Clarke took upcoming artists’ work and her own to show, loving the idea of having as much art showcase as she could. Yet she was picky about was shown as her reputation was always on the line.
“Please Clarke. Just give me one chance. If it doesn’t work out I'll buy half the paintings here.”
“You can't afford that.”
“Don't question my means Clarke just help me.”
She wasn't sure why there was a sudden desperation to have her artwork up. Clarke would like to believe she is a good friend so she gave in and let Raven have a spot. The only thing left to do was to hold her breathe and make sure everything went okay.
“Good afternoon lovelies.” Octavia strode into the room with Lincoln in hand. Clarke had to admit they were a cute couple despite how much she secretly despised Lincoln because of who he worked for. Of course she did not approve at first convinced this was Lexa's doing but Lincoln brought out a new side of Octavia. A woman who was very care free was now more sturdy and looking for stability in her life.
“Clarke gave me a spot in the exhibition.” Raven declared as Octavia laughed.
“She did not.”
“Pay up!” Octavia reached for her pocket handing the woman money.
“You guys bet on this? What the fuck!”
“Oh calm down Griffin we still have another one to see if anyone will actually buy it. Want in?”
Clarke of course was not shocked as these two bet on everything but she couldn't deny her annoyance that they did, especially since it felt they were betting on her career.
Lincoln eyed Clarke following orders as usual. He took in her demeanor and was surprisingly really helpful. He had bent down helping Clarke pick up the dirt off the ground and even helped her back up. Octavia commented on how he was such a gentleman but something seemed off to Clarke, who never had good feeling. It had to be Lexa's doing.
The next evening came and thirty minutes had passed since the opening of the exhibition. Raven had a box in her spot choosing not to reveal what was inside until enough people were there. So occasionally the artist would search the perimeter looking for clues. Coming up short did not make her happy and made her lose focus a lot. She was a perfectionist especially when it came to art. Clarke undoubtedly was angry but worked with other clients throughout the night helping them with their purchases.
Raven finally declared it was time to reveal what was in her box. She had called everyone over to surround the area. Clarke's nerves kicked in as a few critics and journalist came by to watch. Raven was about to either destroy or make her career and there was nothing she could do at this point. Octavia and Lincoln stood by her holding hands in excitement.
“Good evening everyone. I would like to thank you all for coming on behalf of the artist who runs this show and who is also my best friend, only in successful times like this.” She earned a laugh from the crowd putting in her charms. “This may seem like an ordinary box. In fact it will remain an ordinary box to most of you. However, never judge a book by its cover. The box's inside is what matters.”
At the moment the box opens up itself revealing a fully uniformed soldier holding flowers. A loud yelp came from the woman standing next to her as Clarke quickly covered her mouth in shock.
“BELLAMY!” Octavia let out as she ran to her brother's arm. He caught his sister giving her the tightest hug he could without killing her. Tears had rolled down her cheeks and everyone cheered in awe at the soldier's homecoming.
After finally pulling away he greeted everyone and lingered longer on Clarke's hug, something Lincoln picked up right away.
“A round on the house! Now please enjoy the rest of the exhibition.” Clarke declared as everyone cheered in unison once more. The crowd dispersed now leaving the group of friends to talk. Octavia introduced Bellamy to Lincoln who did not show any fear clearly not knowing how protective Bellamy was over his little sister. He then went on to bond with Jasper and Monty who caught him up on current life. Finally Clarke had pulled them over to get the groups all drinks.
“Tell us about the battlefield!” Raven announced curious to learn what the military was like. Clarke had to admit she was impressed with Raven's surprise skill and managed to pull it off. Bellamy ranted on about his adventurous lifestyle as Clarke jumped from the group's conversation to her job.
The night had gone flawless and now her friends were helping her clean up. Clarke went to the backroom to organize a few receipts and make sure everything was now in check. Raven tagged along as she wanted to help with what she calls behind the scenes.
“It's really nice what you did Reyes.” Raven turned towards Clarke with a huge grin on her face.
“It was the least I could do.”
“Why do you say that?”
“Octavia and you have done so much for me.”
Clarke waved her hand. “Psh we've done nothing. You're like family.”
It was true. The girls had not known each other long but boy did they get super close. None could imagine their lives without the other as the addition of Raven to their friend group was perfect. Constantly they bust each other's chops as banter was the core of their friendship. Clarke recalled one time she was throwing up after too much tequila Raven helped pick her hair up. She was in just as bad condition as she was but was determined to help her. She knew at that moment she was going to be a friend she wa
“Yeah well I didn't have that so thank you.” Clarke ran to Raven where she tried to pamper her with kisses.
“Ew, no stop. I did not approve of this.” Raven around the room trying to escape the love.
“You know the deal. Keep 10 feet back when you get all emotional.” Clarke threw the small bottle paint at Raven jokingly who quickly dodged it.
“You will love me one day Reyes.”
“You wish.” Raven scoffed at Clarke's hope. There was no doubt she loved her but she couldn't admit to it out loud or Clarke would never let it go.
Raven took it her cue to leave the artist to finish up some actual work and see if anyone needed help. After sorting through the donations she appreciated the fact that there were people who were not so stuck up and actually showed gratitude. She had to admit she was nervous about the art show especially with Raven's surprise but some of the critics came up to her telling her how emotionally genius the piece was. Octavia’s tears definitely helped as people truly enjoyed the sentimental moment.
Speaking of sentimental moments Clarke could feel her heart swell up as she looked up to her piece of Heda. Wow, did she miss the woman. There hadn't been a moment in her life where everything felt so at peace. There had not been a dull or awkward moment between the two considering they just met.
Tracing her shoulder line with her eyes she began to laugh to herself as she recalled one of Heda's stories. After watching Spiderman and deciding to swing off a tree, she fell down and popped her shoulder out. Heda refused to go to the hospital because she needed to prove how badass she was and that she was a superhero so she would self heal. When they finally popped it back in, her stoic persona and no reaction to pain earned her the name of Heda. She explained that it meant Commander. Clarke found it ironic though as when she talked to the woman she was extremely dorky.
“Princess.” Her head shot up from her desk. Though it wasn't her favorite nickname Clarke was immediately pulled out of her thoughts responding.
“Hey Bell! Great surprise! You got everyone. We were all worried about you, you know.”
“I know I'm sorry I didn't write sooner.” Bellamy stood at the makeshift doorway but moved as Clarke ushered him in with her hand.
“What's up, you okay?” Clarke placed the papers in a folder noticing Bellamy's smirk became wary and approached as if he was unsure of something or nervous. Definitely nervous, and that was unusual.
“Yeah totally, it's just I have to ask you something.” It seemed important so Clarke walked around the desk to lean on the front with her arms crossed. She was closer to Bellamy now, who was playing with his fingers behind his back.
“There was a point when I was on the battlefield where I thought I completely lost myself. We were ambushed by a group of young rebels. I began to shoot after our group leader was shot. We had killed them all within seconds, there had to be almost a hundred of them and only five of us. I remember walking through the dead bodies and noticing a soldier I shot. It was a child, Clarke. I was so disgusted with myself I didn't even know what I was fighting for anymore.”
Clarke reached her hand out to place it on his forearm. She could never fathom what war was like for him. Unless she had experienced it herself she could never understand what it was like to take a life way, to watch the world crumble in front of your eyes. She knew she couldn't say anything that would change it so she continued to listen.
“I tried to find myself again and that involved discovering the things I love. That's when I realized Clarke we are more than just friends.” Immediately Clarke became puzzled as one eyebrow arched.
“I want to give us a try. I want to take you out on a date. You are a truly incredible and spectacular woman.” Clarke froze as she had not seen that one coming. “I don't want to waste my life anymore, time is too short for figuring things out. We have to go for it.” He held out the rose for her waiting.
She had never seen Bellamy in that way. Though she had considered him her friend he had always been Octavia’s big brother. He was right, life was too short, reminded of her mother who wish she took advantage more of the days she had her father. Maybe there was something there with Bellamy she never realized. They had always gotten along, gotten in trouble together, and had always been there for the other.
Despite all this Clarke somehow was reminded of the woman in the painting. Life was too short but did life give her the opportunity and she blew it? It was probably too late to even question it as three weeks had passed and Heda never made an effort to reach her. Though her days were consumed with wondering what she was doing, there was nothing she could do to go after the girl. Most of her time was spent wondering what if, what if she just pulled the mask? What if she pushed further for her name? What if she didn’t let her go? Now she had an opportunity with Bellamy and if she says no she could lose him too. He could rush back to war and Clarke would never know always asking herself what if. She didn't want that anymore and she wasn't going to say what if ever again.
“I would love to give this a try.” She gave him a soft smile and he quickly embraced her in a hug of joy and relief.
What Clarke was not aware of was Lincoln's presence who heard the whole thing.
----
Lexa was in her office looking out to the city. Her headquarter was technically in Florida but of course lately she was spending time in New York. Quite honestly she wished she actually explored New York. She spent so much of her time in the office that she has barely even walk the streets. Her days were spent trying to decide if she could outsource a job and save money or if she wanted the design for a new building passed. Her mind was consumed with business but lately it wasn't the case. She watched the people from top floor of her building interact and laugh. Families would walk together, couples hand in hand, tourist with their cameras and so forth.
Watching from her building she would question countlessly what was it all for? Was it for fame or glory or money or power? What had been the point to creating all this fortune?
Her adopted father had warned her about the lonely business life, part of the reason it wasn't as large as it was now. However, he didn't know how Lexa was raised. Life was just about surviving and if you weren’t trying then you would be dead. It made sense now why he had adopted as he didn't have time to raise a child despite his wife's plea. Her adopted mother used to tell her that once he thought he had it all, he lost his soul and he was no longer the man she loved. Being at top Lexa knew she had to be ruthless and she could only hope it didn't take her soul away.
“How is she?” Lexa remained with her hands behind her back and back to the door as the man entered the room. Clarke had been the only person on her mind and the only thing she wanted on it.
“She is dating someone.” That earned a turn as Lexa quickly spun her body to face Lincoln. He continued, “She is dating Octavia’s brother.”
“And?”
“They already had their first date. According to Octavia it went extremely well, they even shared a kiss. I’m sorry Lexa.” Lexa immediately felt her blood boil. Anger arose, mostly jealously as she was deprived of something she wanted. Lexa was used to getting everything she wanted since she rose to fortune but that was what everyone believed. No one knew what Lexa really wanted were in immaterialistic; love, happiness, a purpose to everything. Lexa swallowed down her truth as she looked to respond to Lincoln in some way.
“I think I have found a way to get Clarke's business.” Anya strode into the room with a bunch of papers in her hand quickly flipping through and not taking her eyes off. Lincoln watched as his sister placed the stack on her desk completely ignoring him and their conversation. Finally looking up she gave him a nod and looked towards Lexa who was still trying to process how quick Clarke had moved on.
“See we can talk to the contractor who-” Though Anya was not vocally cut off Lexa raised her hand signaling silence.
“We will no longer go after Ms.Griffin's business.”
“Lexa but-”
“I said no more. Don't ever make me repeat myself.” Lexa spat at Anya who quickly took a step back. The two other siblings all looked down waiting for Lexa to make the next move. Both knew never to push Lexa when she was angry because she was angry so little. Though Lexa would never hurt them she had a lot of power so she only demanded respect. She finally did as she turned her back and returned an eye out for the city.
“Give the day off to the rest of my body guards. Anya stop looking into Clarke's history as we are letting this go. The business will not benefit with hers. And thank you Lincoln.”
There was no further arguments or advancements made. Anya left to finish her work and Lincoln returned to Octavia.
With everyone out of the room Lexa opened the desk draw. Here she retrieved her mask letting her fingers outline her way to Clarke's heart. Maybe it was time to reveal herself.