Masquerade
Hiding behind a disguise
Can you feel me watching you?
It's magic then I'm lost in your spell
But you don't even have a clue
“No! Rose why did you let go? Two people could have fit on that damn door.Fucking Jack, poor guy. No this isn’t fair.”
Now you would think that was Octavia screaming at their TV for third time that night at Rose for letting Jack go. You would be right if you said Jasper because he hadn’t left their apartment in three days now. Maya had broken up with him, so he took it upon himself to use our TV, couch, and food to spend his days crying. Monty tried everything to get him back into it but nothing worked. So now it was Clarke’s, Octavia’s, and Raven’s “duty” as a friend to help him get his life back together.
Raven's answer to this was to play sad emotional movies all day for him. She figured he would man up at some point and stop crying but he was surprisingly a complete mush inside. At least he was eating better food than he was originally.
Clarke was digging through the kitchen cabinets for food when their apartment bell rang, twice.
“Hello?” Clarke spoke into the speaker. She looked towards Jasper who too was now curious, pausing his crying and movie.
“Go.” Clarke used her head to point to the door.
“I do want to. What if it’s some sort of killer.”
“Take an umbrella.” He gave her a look but reluctantly stood up and picked up the umbrella heading out the door.
Clarke waited for the door to fling open but was scared by Raven.
“Boo.”
“FUCK” Clarke yelped as Raven’s hand tapped her shoulder.
“What’s going on?”
“Someone rang our bell twice but no one answered. So Jasper is going to check it out.”
That's when the door opened with Jasper in his PJs holding a letter. Everyone looked at each other questioningly as the envelope was addressed to Clarke in fancy writing.
“What's going on?” Octavia skipped through the door to see everyone staring at each other curiously. Looking for the culprit she found the envelope in Jasper's hand and quickly snatched it.
Without any thought she opened the letter and read it aloud.
“Dear Clarke, I am very dismayed with my actions and I hope to correct my mistakes. To start to make amends, you and two friends are cordially invited to New York's Elite Masquerade Ball. Hope to see you there. Lexa xoxo.”
Raven couldn't tell if she was more shocked with the invitation or the xoxos. Octavia already had all three dresses planned in her head with perfect masks to go with it. Clarke was just as shocked to receive the invitation and well Jasper was just confused.
“The xoxos?” Raven questioned. Clarke smiled to herself knowing the exact reference.
“She was referring to a letter I sent to her once.” Clarke picked the letter up herself to better read it. It was clearly personally written by Lexa.
“This is an opportunity for Plan B.” Raven suggested, now excited to put it in motion.
“What if it's a set-up?” Clarke didn't have a good feeling about this but she didn't whenever it involved Lexa.
After much dispute and complaining from Jasper that he couldn't go, the girls finally decide to go then leave if anything felt wrong.
-----
Clarke checked the mirror one more time in her blue dress that fell down to the floor and was fastened with a sparkling diamond like belt just below her chest. Her sweet heart neckline cut flattered her breasts and her dark lipstick surprisingly added a nice balance.
Walking out of the bathroom she watched as Octavia was doing the same thing Clarke had done in the mirror. Her fingers traced her chest where her necklace rested. Clarke walked behind and held her shoulders to make her body straighter.
“You need better posture.” Octavia rested her head on Clarke's chest holding onto her hand.
“My slump brings all the boys to my yard.”
“Thankfully we don’t have a yard.” Clarke joked as both girls laughed.
“Thank you for tonight. I really need it.”
“He’s going to be okay.”
Neither Octavia nor Clarke have heard from Bellamy for two months now. They kept trying to chalk it up to busyness but of course when you have family in the army it's hard to think positive.
“And he would not let you out in this.” Octavia began to laugh as Clarke spun her around to get a good look of her dress. “If he ask I don't approve.”
“Okay fair enough. Oh wait.” Octavia stopped Clarke before she left.
“Close your eyes.” obeying the order, Clarke could feel an object being placed on her face and Octavia ran behind her tying the string. When she opened her eyes Octavia refused to let her see what the mask looked like.
“Just trust me.” She left Octavia to pick theirs masks and knowing she would not let them down.
It had been an hour into the party and Lexa was nowhere to be found. Clarke sat at a table admiring people dance around the dance floor. She was beginning to wonder why they even came. Raven was off networking with another guy about mechanics. Octavia surprisingly found Lincoln who she had not let out of her sight since.
“Why are you always so tense?” Octavia had been looking out of the balcony where the sea of buildings brightened the night sky. She turned towards Lincoln who stood straight up with hands behind his back.
“You were so stiff even when we danced.”
“I’m just always aware.” He clarified as if it was enough explanation.
Octavia stepped closer but he didn’t move and so she took another and then another until her chest was just about to brush his. That’s when she saw him make such a slight adjustment it almost wasn’t there.
“I make you nervous.” Octavia wanted to toy with him. He hadn’t said much since they first saw each other. He asked her to dance but not once did he say anything. She had been the one to talk the night away, cracking jokes, telling fond memories, and what she as up to nowadays. Since he had yet to complain, she assumed he enjoyed hearing her talk but of course she wanted to know more about the quiet man.
“You are an intimidating person Octavia.” She could feel the smile on her face explode as she tried to hold in any blush that was rising.
He surprised her when he moved past her to stare at the city holding onto the balcony still keeping rigid.
“Hodnes laik kwelnes.”
“What does that mean?” Octavia now stood by his side but she admired him rather than the sparkling city.
“It’s what my father told me as a child. I come from a military family.”
“My brother is in the army.”
“Then he would understand, love is weakness.”
“Is that why you don’t smile?”
“Its why I am the way I am.”
Lincoln was a stubborn man and she knew that the moment she met him. It was clear to her that he didn’t want to believe such a harsh phrase but something made him, maybe someone.
“If Lexa does this to you then why stay?”
“You do not know Lexa. She helped me.” Yeah right, Octavia had a hard time believing that one.
“Don’t be so shocked.” He turned his head to look at the girl giving a small smirk. She smiled even more having gotten the man to break that rigidness.
“Well you say she has a good side then why is she doing this to Clarke.”
“We’ve all got a monster inside of us, Octavia, and we’re all responsible for what it does when we let it out.” Both their bodies were turned to each other now. Octavia would be lying if she said believed Lincoln, being too consumed with past experiences. He was trying to avoid the question by providing some sort of safety net from the reason.
“She is after Clarke for no reason she never did anything to her.”
“Clarke has something she wants.”
“What do you want?” Octavia suddenly found herself changing the subject wanting to know this man better and finally finding a way to. Sure she wanted to know more but Lincoln was like an onion and she had to peel carefully or he would never be peeled. She could see him take a large gulp contemplating the right words afraid to say the wrong thing. Truth was he couldn't say the wrong in front of Octavia because she already knew there was something special about him. With him still debating Octavia took it upon herself to place a small kiss against his cheek. Placing her hand to his arm and gripping to it she continued,
“Even if it’s not with me you deserve to be happy with someone.”
Octavia turned back towards the city, Lincoln following. They watched the cars drove by, lights flashed, and the sounds of the street whistling away. There was nothing better than a fresh night in New York City and that night got better for Octavia as Lincoln placed his hand over hers.
Another song ended when a brunette with floppy hair approached Clarke asking for hand. She admired the man who was dressed in a black tux with a slim black tie and simple black mask. Being pretty bored Clarke reluctantly took his hand and slow danced with him.
“I’m Clarke.” The man just smiled and gave a firm nod.
“And yours?” She inquired. He didn't answer but instead spun and dip her bringing her closer to him. Interlocking their hands he kept it between their chest swaying to the song she was unfamiliar with. Surprisingly the two hard natural chemistry as their movements were in sync almost immediately seeming as if they have done it many times before.
Guess he didn't want to talk and notably Clarke didn't want to either. She wanted to enjoy the moment and so she did putting every best dance move she had. Immediately she assumed he worked for Lexa as he didn’t smile or talk and those had to be characteristics of Woods Inc employee. Three dances later with the stranger she never enjoyed herself so much. All her practicing with Octavia was finally paying off.
Her eyes were held shut as she swayed with no other sound but the piano charming their bodies. However, new movement caught her off guard on the fourth song as he led her off the dance floor. Without hesitation she let him lead her body. When people wear a mask they are suddenly much more intriguing. However her father always taught her to be skeptical especially when she felt so comfortable with the stranger.
They were out of the main room now and heading up the stairs.
“Where are we going?” Clarke now stopped on the third step feeling uncomfortable about where this was going. Still no answer from the masked man.
Ripping her hand out of his she watched too many horror movies to know this was not a good idea making her paranoid.
“Answer me.” Clarke demanded but he only gave her a shake of the head.
Without another thought she reached for his masked and pulled it off.
“Finn?” Clarke dropped the mask disgusted to see the face. It all made sense now why he didn't talk as he knew she would know his voice right away.
“Clarke.”
“When I said I didn't want to ever see you again I meant it.” Turning away from the stairs he grabbed at her arm to turn her back.
“Please let me explain Clarke.”
“There is no explanation.” She moved down to the bottom of the steps keeping her back towards him.
“Clarke.”
“I hated you for what you did. I thought I finally found love. I’ll never understand why you did what you did.” Closing her eyes she fought the tears that wanted to resurface. It was a terrible time for her because she truly thought she was finding love again, an emotion she swore she lost.
“One day you'll see what it is like to love two people so much that choosing would never be an option. I hope you'll never have to choose Clarke because I lost the two best things I've ever had.”
Unlike many months ago when Clarke walked out on him, she watched Finn leave her with his words in the air. She watched as he climbed the stairs as he never felt more confident in his words and truth.
Clarke was left with frustration. She did love the boy and admittedly he would always be her first love but he would never be her true love.
He meant it when he loved two girls at once and he meant it when he hoped Clarke would never have to be faced with the decision he had to. After all those months he would equally love both girls like he loved no one else.
“I told you she would hate to see my face.” Finn sat on the chair in the middle of the room as the door was closed behind him.
“So what do you suggest I do?”
“Clarke stopped painting after her father died. I'm not suggesting you kill someone but make her lose something important to her.”
Finn wasn't necessarily proud with what he was doing but what choice does one have when their future is in danger. His life wasn't necessarily threatened but his career was and that was all he had.
“Can I go, now?”
“Yes.”
“Is our deal still in tact?”
“Yes, Finn. Next time think before you commit fraud.”
He stood up from his chair rolling his eyes. Of course it was true as he wouldn't be in this situation. Ever since the breakups he’s been trying to fix his life but he kept messing up. One day he swore he was going to get back everything he ever loved but he had to figure out first what that was. Just as he reached for the doorknob he responded.
“Just don't break her heart.”
“Don't worry, you already did that for me.”
He left with his face burning red. Never again would he make a deal with Alexandria Woods.
As the door closed behind him, the two women began to plot their next move.
“What do we do now?”
“Lexa, I always thought you had a Plan B.” Anya looked down at Lexa who had her hands placed in her lap thinking.
“Lucky for you I know exactly how we can do it and tonight while Clarke is still here.” Lexa’s head immediately shot up to see the older woman smirking.
“When I was in Clarke’s studio she had this painting of a woman she has been fascinated with. The only reason I know she doesn't know this person is that she places a mask over her face and there isn't much detail to the woman, very vague considering how important details are to an artist.”
“We need that woman.” Lexa finished her train of thought. “But we don't have time for that.”
“Lucky for us you have green eyes. That seems to be the only feature in the painting Clarke remembers.” Anya implored. “And I already had the mask made with a black dress for you to wear.”
Lexa knew she had a smart teacher but she wasn't necessarily on board with this. This was devious and dangerous waters.
“That would mean I would have to hurt her.”
“No. We'll get someone else to that Lexa. All you have to do is pretend to be her for the night. It’s the perfect way to peak her interest considering we are at a masquerade ball.”
This was cruel and Lexa knew that having been hurt once before, pain was not unknown to her. Lexa really needed that building for so many different reasons that Clarke had not known. She wished the younger one would have respected her wishes instead of having to go through all this trouble. Love was weakness, that's what she was told growing up and that's what she had to believe.
“Okay, let's just get this over with.” Lexa took the simple black dress that covered up with a red shawl. The dress strapped over her shoulders and fell down with a small train behind her.
“What if she recognizes my voice?”
“Talk normal Lexa and relax. She'll be too much of in a state of fantasy to even realize.”
Taking the black mask from her hand, it wiped across her face with three different streaks falling down on each side. As she dressed, Anya relayed the information of the painting she knew that Clarke had revealed to her.
“Find the real girl in that painting and fast.” Lexa demanded as she walked out the door and headed down the stairs.
“Whiskey on the rocks.” Clarke ordered as she was now finishing her third whiskey that night. She actually did like hard liquor as there was something about the harshness it had as it runs down her throat that invigorates her.
“Let me guess, Irish whiskey.”
“Thought you knew me better Raven.” Clarke turned her body to see Raven leaning on the bar with a big grin on her face.
“I never dubbed you as a scottish whiskey kind of girl.”
“Yeah well nothing better than the smokey taste it brings.”
“I’ll take a bud please.” Raven really did love her beer and that had been a surprise to the girls when they first met her. Sometimes it actually worried Octavia because she would drink it with dinner every night. However, the girls choose to keep an eye out rather than confront her.
“Guess who I ran into.” Not really wanting her to guess and jumping to the point she continued, “Finn.”
The beer that she was sipping was now in the air in spit form. After cleaning her face she whipped around to Clarke who had just shrugged her shoulder and was now on her next whiskey.
“What is he doing here?”
“I didn’t even bother to ask. I danced with him unknowingly then when I found out he tried to explain himself.” Raven shook her head in dismay and frustration. Finn was probably lucky he didn’t see Raven because she wanted to give him a piece of her mind. It took her longer than Clarke to get over the boy as they had been together much longer. Finn had managed to help her get into the college of her dreams which meant she wouldn’t be here now. However, there was no excuse for what he did and Raven was sure of that more than ever.
Unexpectedly Raven felt the backlash of her spit as Clarke herself did not swallow her drink.
“What the fuck?” Raven grabbed the napkin to clean off her face. Great, it felt sticky now her make-up was probably all smeared.
“It’s her.” Raven turned around to look for this her but wasn't sure who she was looking for.
“The girl in my painting.” Clarke responded as if she read her mind. That's when it clicked in Raven’s head as she saw the brunette stride across the room with her head held high. From the distance the woman looked exactly as the woman in the painting. Even the mask that Clarke had drew on her was matched to the dress.
“How did she know?” Clarke was talking to herself but didn't realize she said it out loud as she watched the woman converse with other guests.
“Know what?”
“The mask. No one has seen that. It was in the back at the art gallery.”
“Oh girl everyone was back there. I saw so many people go back there it was so easy to get to. Could be anyone.”
Clarke now lifted her eyebrows in shock and confusion as to why anyone would go back there. However that train of thought crashed as she saw the girl on the move again.
‘I'am hypnotized yeah
I'm drawn to your eyes
I just wanna see your face
Welcome to my Masquerade’
This was her chance to talk to her. Leaving Raven, Clarke quickly got up and approached the girl. A new song began to play and the crowd got meshed into one causing her to lose her. Knowing those green eyes, this was her chance to finally meet her muse, to complete the face she still had not known.
“Fuck.” Doing a 360 the girl turned confused looking for the mask woman. It was in the corner of her eye she caught the girl leaving the main room. Quickly dodging the people Clarke picked up her dress and was finally on the tail of the woman who was walking down the grand hall.
“Wait.” Clarke shouted from one end as she was about to turn the corner. The woman stopped and turned her head.
This had to be the woman, she could not not believe in it. What were the odds this woman would be here? Clarke made her way to the woman with many questions to bombard her.
“Who are you and why are you dressed like the woman in my painting?”
“I am the woman in your painting.”
“How do I know that?”
“Realities and dreams can be one as long as you don’t forget about the other.” Lexa quoted Anya who had quoted Clarke. This was supposedly what the painting meant and so she relayed on the information in hopes she had said the right thing.
Clarke felt her stomach drop knowing the exact quote. The only way she would know that was if she was the woman herself. Quickly she reached out her hand and introduced herself. “I’m Clarke but you already knew that.”
Anya had been right about the painting having everything work out in their favor. Lexa shook her hand but refused to say anything. They didn't think this through, what would her name be. Maybe that won't matter. She truly didn’t think this would work but Clarke was stuck in a fantasy and Lexa had to keep her in there.
“And yours?” Okay so it did matter.
“I didn't tell you the first day we met for a reason.”
“Which is?”
“Talking to a stranger is easier and less complicated. You never know when you will see them again.”
“What if I want to see you again?” Clarke got a better look of the woman now only seeing her eyes because of the mask. The eyes that were engraved into her head. They were a much lighter green now and her eyes had this loneliness to them.
“That's not up to us to decide.” Lexa felt more confident now as she talked the Clarke but her heart ached. Just in her voice Lexa could hear the hopefulness.
“Can I ask for a weird favor.” Involuntarily Lexa nodded her head in response being used to responding in that manner but quickly flashed a small smile.
“Could I paint you?” Clarke knew once the words came out of her mouth it would be absurd but she couldn’t resist the opportunity.
“Oh well like I said it’s up to the univ-”
“No like right now.” Clarke interrupted having all these different ideas circling in her head.
“How?”
“I have my painting supplies in the car. All I need is a muse.”
“Uh sure.” Fuck. That probably was not the right answer. She just screwed herself more. She was supposed to keep a safe distance so Clarke could chase her around. Now she was going to be stuck sitting and being painted. This was why she never went into the entertainment business as she clearly could not act. What harm could truly be done, all she had to do was sit quietly right? She just had to keep the mask on that covered majority of her face.
“Come on.” Quietly the girls left the building and walked down the street looking for the car.
“You have a car in the city?” Lexa looked to make conversation feeling uneasy needing to get her focus off her own thoughts.
“Nah this actually my roommates Raven’s car. She is a mechanic and likes to work on it.”
“Oh. And you didn't use valet parking?”
“Ha that's for the rich snobby people. We don't have that kind of money nor want to waste it on that.” Unknowingly Lexa was taking strong mental notes of everything Clarke was saying. So she has a roommate named Raven, a mechanic. She also doesn't like rich people, but she already knew that one.
Arriving at the car Clarke opened the trunk where painting supplies and a canvas laid.
“You carry painting supplies with you?”
“You never know when you are going to be inspired.” Clarke smiled back at the woman taking her back.
Lexa hadn't seen Clarke smile, well not in person at least. Of course she stalked the woman on social media to check out her competition, it was only routine nowadays. However, have you ever laid your hand on an extremely luscious soft pillow? That's what it felt like when Clarke smiled. It was soft and warming. It was infectious too and for the first time Lexa struggled to actually not smile.
Clarke motioned with her head to leave as she grabbed everything in her hand.
“Let me help you.”
“Don't worry. I got it, now come on.” Immediately Lexa realized they were walking away from where the party was being held. Lexa knew Anya would be pissed that she was not in the building as all her bodyguards were there supposedly keeping an eye out on her. However, she couldn't remember the last time she didn't have one always following her around. She may not be like a Madonna but she was huge in the business world and someone always had beef with her.
“So what do I call you mysterious woman?” Pulling her out of her thoughts Lexa made eye contact with the blonde contemplating a name.
“Heda.”
“Heda?” Clarke retorted back at the unusual name.
“It's what people used to call me as a child, a nickname given to me.”
“I like it.” Clarke happily walked along the sidewalk and entered Central Park as the party being held was right there. Since it was already late at night not many people were in the park. Clarke looked to a bunch of rocks towered on top of each other. She motioned for them to climb up there. Setting up, Clarke placed Heda ahead of her canvas. She began to open her paints lucky enough to bring a light that attached to the canvas and the moon giving off enough light to see Heda.
Lexa was feeling lucky it was late at night so that Clarke did not have a clear view of her. This was not what she had planned but this wasn't as bad as she expected. All she had to do was sit quietly.
“I know this all seems sudden but I would really like us to be friends.” Clarke explained mixing a few colors.
“Why? You don't know me.”
“That's the thing about friendship Heda. You are supposed to get the know the person. For example my favorite color is green, like your eyes.”
Lexa was definitely glad it was dark because she felt her cheeks burn. She couldn't remember the last time someone complimented her without wanting or needing something for her. It was clear to Lexa right off the bat that Clarke was a good person and had the right intentions.
“What was your childhood like?” Lexa ventured into this thing called friendship, trying to recall one she actually had. Always being thirsty for more knowledge and information she was determined to learn as much as she could about Clarke.
“Um let's see. I am an only child and grew up in the suburbs. My mom is a doctor and my dad was an engineer. Unfortunately he passed away so now it's just me.”
“I’m sorry for your loss Clarke.” The painter aimlessly mixed the colors on her pallet reminiscing unmindfully about her father.
He used to take her to work in hopes that Clarke would choose more mathematics than science like his wife. So many hours were spent drawing possible structures that he missed how addicted his daughter got to drawing. Clarke fell in love with watching objects come to life on her paper all because of her hand and imagination. Of course she learned medicine like her mother and had a lot of practice with it as well. Yet she would never forget the day when she told her parents should be a painter. They were so shocked they could not believe she had chosen neither of their career paths. Her father decided to buy them ice cream that night and joked he would pay now so I could start saving up. Not a day went by where she didn't think of her father. There were days where she didn't even know how she survived without him and then there were days like today where she was at peace with it.
“It's okay. Things happen.”
“And your mother? You seemed not to like the words coming off your tongue.”
Clarke laughed, the woman was clearly observant.
“After my father died we developed trust issues. So after I left for college we just became distant and only call one another to make sure the other is alive.”
“You are very lucky to have a mother.”
“Why do you say that?”
“I would just assume losing one parent would make you more connected with the other. Realize how lucky you are to even have one.”
She caught the painter completely off guard. Now Clarke was trying to rattle in this new theory as she drew the outline of Heda. Having two parents made her a bless child, there are children out there who lived without either. Suddenly she felt as if she didn't deserve either having been so unappreciative of her parents.
“You're right. I should probably call her later.” Clarke suddenly felt so guilty for ignoring her mother all this time. As well, she felt embarrassed for not making the effort and realization sooner. “Anyway, what about you? Hopefully a more exciting one than mine.”
Immediately Lexa wasn't sure if she should tell the truth or make-up some random lie. It was probably best to lie. It didn't help when Clarke's big blue eyes, Lexa will swear they looked like they belong to puppies, looked up at her questioningly. Involuntarily she began to tell the painter of her childhood.
“Well I um actually grew up in foster care.” This caught the woman's attention who immediately stopped painting to give the girl her undivided attention.
“Not sure whatever happened to my birth parents but after five years of jumping from house to house I landed in a military family. They were super strict, raised us to be emotionless and not have any hopes. Life can only suck, after all we were already foster kids.” Lexa realized how deep she was going but she couldn't help herself as she never talked about her childhood, it was like the scary basement of a house no one ever opens.
“The family was actually American and they brought us to America. Eventually I was moved to another family who adopted me but by the time I turned 18 both my parents had died leaving me the family business.”
Of course Lexa did not mention what the business was and how she turned it into a billion dollar empire. She told as much as she could remember spending so much of her life trying to block it all out.
“I’m so sorry. That so tragic.”
“I made the best I could out of it.”
Clarke continued to paint watching the girl with much more sympathetic eyes, unsure how to even approach the topic. No one should ever be judged by their cover and suddenly Clarke was reminded of Lexa. She had treated Lexa so poorly without ever knowing the woman and her intentions no matter how many times the woman angered her.
“Tell me more about your foster family. You say you came to America.” Clarke could tell Heda had not spoken of her past much. She had spoken very slowly as if she was trying to recall events that seemed to be long gone.
“Yeah, honestly I don’t know where I am from. I was still little when I came over and when I did they never told me where I came from. I grew up with many siblings in the same situation as I. One of my brothers used to take me to the library and read books to me because I was illiterate at the time. After every book, I used to be so in awe my imagination was just bursting with possibilities.Of course picture books were my favorite.”
Clarke began to work on the woman's eyes listening to the stories of the woman's childhood. At one point Clarke even closed her eyes to just listen to the woman talk. Her voice was smooth but aching. She was a girl forced to grow up so fast and have all these obstacles thrown at her. Clarke admired the woman for having hope despite all the people who told her there wasn't.
Almost three hours had passed and the two girls were now laughing at the time Clarke tried to reach for the juice on the top shelf that fell and ended up rolling in it as she could not get up from the slippery mess. The girls had bounced numerous stories and memories off each other.
Clarke had finished her painting almost an hour ago and now was just mindlessly touching up as she didn't want their night to end. What she didn't know was that Lexa was desperately holding onto these moments too as she had never laughed so much her stomach actually hurt. Her face ached from smiling all night but it was a smile that was genuine.
That's when both girls were caught off guard by a light drizzle.
“Oh what are the odds!” Clarke joked looking at her muse sitting in front.
The entire night Lexa just wanted to rip off her mask and tell Clarke who she really was. The truth was, even if she could, Clarke would probably punch her if she saw her.
The painter finished putting away all her supplies and using her jacket to save the painting as Heda stood next to her with her red shawl trying to cover them. When she stood up the rain was coming down a little harder and Heda was standing closer to her than she realized. Clarke found herself staring at the woman. Her eyes were different. They still had this dark green forest feel but these eyes were lonely today. They seemed sadder than she remembered as if they had seen unspeakable horrors. She was caught off guard as the woman grasped her tricep.
“We should probably get going.” She spoke hoping the girl could hear her due to the rain. However, the truth was Clarke wasn't listening but rather staring at this woman. It was the touch that made Clarke realized how much she was aching to be touched. All women had sexual desires to fill and Clarke had no idea how much she was craving human contact. Now staring at the woman's lips she found her mind enchanted with her feeling drawn as if it were a magnet.
“I want to see you again.” She responded instead, fighting every urge that told her to kiss her.
Lexa wanted to remind the girl of what she said earlier but she wanted to see Clarke again just as much. The girl’s blonde hair was being taken by the wind. She was reminded of some terrible 90s romantic comedies as this moment seemed to be ripped out of the script. If script would have it Lexa would take her by her face and capture her lips between her own trying to express emotions of desire and happiness all at once. Lexa would hold onto her as she foolishly thought she could never feel this happy. She would be whisked away by Clarke and would end the night cuddled up by the fireplace. She would listen to Clarke tell a terrible joke and Lexa would genuinely laugh swearing she has never heard anything funnier. They'd fall asleep on the couch wrapped up in the warmth of the other. Clarke would know it was Lexa and wouldn't care for their battle anymore putting happiness first. However this was not a 90s movie. Lexa could not kiss Clarke without repercussions. She couldn't whisk her away to her apartment and cuddle by the fireplace mostly because she didn't have one. Clarke wouldn't accept who she is and would put her business first. With that she knew could never have this girl. Hodnes laik kwelnes.
“We can't Clarke.”
“You can allow yourself to be happy for once. To have hope.” Then those soft pink lips formed a smile again giving Lexa that bubble in her stomach. Being this close to someone was something she missed and desperately wanted. She was supposed to make Clarke fall in love with this mysterious woman and then yank her out of her life. However Lexa was unsure how she was going to get on with her life without seeing Clarke.
“One day I will but I can't right now.”
Clarke let out a sigh letting her win this one, however, despite the light rain Clarke didn't want the night end. It was almost five in the morning and the sun was starting to rise.
“Do you mind the rain?” Heda shook her head. “Good, wait here for like ten minutes. I'll be right back, I promise.”
Then Clarke took off and Lexa froze unsure what the woman had planned. So she called Anya while waiting.
“Where the hell are you?” Anya demanded on the other line without even greeting her.
“I’m fine. I'll be back in the apartment later.”
“Are you with Clarke? Lexa, does she know who you are? Do you even know who you are? You have never done anything like this.”
“So? I’m working like you wanted.”
“Okay say woods if you are in danger.” Rolling her eyes Lexa wished she could see her eyes burning through the phone.
“We aren't talking about this now Anya.”
“When are we going to talk about this? I almost called the police.”
“Cancel any meetings I have today and give my bodyguards the day off. You too Anya.” Without waiting for a response Lexa hung up the phone. Within in minutes Clarke returned with a bag and an umbrella. The woman was still in her blue dress and heels. Her hair was slightly frizzy due to the rain. As she got closer Lexa found herself smiling noticing the paint on her nose. This time it was green and she fought the urge to tell her as it did bring her some amusement.
“Since I'll never know when I'll see you again I figured we can have some breakfast.” Lexa laughed as she grabbed the coffee out of her hand. Clarke was grateful New York City had bagel shops always open. As well the rain had stopped and now the girls were eating their bagels.
“You've never had cream cheese.”
“No.”
“Okay well that's going to change.”
“No Clarke. Seriously I'm okay.”
“Heck no!” Clarke took a piece of her bagel and shoved it in the girl's mouth.
“Jwkkeneidl” Lexa spoke with the food in her mouth. Swallowing it for Clarke's sake she groaned.
“Ha you like it.” Admittedly it was really good and she wanted more but she couldn't give in.
“It’s okay, nothing like smooth butter though.”
“Oh you suck! You just don't want to admit it. One day you will Heda.” Clarke took a bit of her bagel refusing to believe the girl's comment. The girls laughed enjoying their food and watching the sunrise behind the buildings to tower over them.
“You could take off your mask you know.” It was the question Lexa dreaded all night. Clarke had those puppy eyes causing Lexa to look away. She couldn't reveal herself it would ruin their plans. More importantly Lexa knew Clarke wanted the fantasy girl and not the woman who was after her business.
“I'm sorry.”
“Whatever you are trying to hide, just know I'll accept you. You've been my muse these past few weeks and accepting you would be the least I could do. Quite honestly these past few hours I've gotten to know what's way beyond the mask. Something I could tell you never talked about before. You are right it is easier to talk to a stranger but I hope one day we don't have to be that to each other.” Clarke reached for her hand and gave it a tight squeeze to show her support.
Lexa suddenly felt water brim to her eyes. Quickly, she looked up to let the tears fall back in. Why did Clarke have to say stuff like that? She made it incredibly difficult to dislike her.
She didn't want her to let go but eventually did noticing the time. The girls walked back to the building where the party was at. Clearly it had been long over and Clarke checked her phone where her roommates told her they were leaving. However they stopped a block before the building.
“Do you not have a ride back?” Lexa questioned immediately realizing the time and how she did come with her friends here.
“Yeah I'm just going to walk back it's kind of the other way. Hold on.” Clarke walked to side to answer the phone call that began to ring. It was Octavia freaking out because she hadn't answered the girls and it was almost five in the morning.
As Clarke handled an angry Octavia, Lexa felt unsafe letting Clarke walk home alone not realizing how much the girl actually does it. Lexa of course could have easily called one of her drivers to take Clarke home but that could give her away. So she quickly called a cab and paid him in advance for the trip.
“Sorry about that, Octavia went into parental mode.”
“It's okay.” Clarke noticed the car behind her.
“Your ride is here.” She pointed out.
“No, it's yours. Take it, your feet are going to hurt.” Clarke laughed grateful for the woman's consideration.
Caught off guard Clarke moved closer to Lexa placing an object in her hand.
“It's my favorite and first paint brush. My father bought it for me so you can already understand the significance it has. I am going to entrust you with it. Because I know I’ll see you again. When I do I’ll expect you to return it and then I'm never letting you out of my sight again.”
“How can you be so sure?”
“You have the power here. You know my name, where I work, and even what I look like. I know you'll come looking for me when you are ready to let yourself not be tied to your responsibilities. When you owe nothing more but your happiness to yourself.”
“You can't guarantee that Clarke.”
“But I am and you won't change my mind.” Clarke placed a small kiss on her cheek feeling the heat on her skin. No there was no guarantee she would see this woman again but she would hope and pray every night that they would.
Clarke entered the cab closing the door shut but Lexa quickly stopped it signaling for Clarke to roll down the window. She realized she had forgotten the most important thing.
“When can I see the painting?”
“When you are ready to see me.” Clarke smirked knowing that was not the answer she wanted. It was fair enough though and Clarke hoped it would be enticing enough to bring her back to her. The cab driver took off as Clarke waved out the window. Lexa waved back regretting having not told her the truth.
How was she going to ever fix this? She clutched onto the brush wishing she was the girl in the mask and not herself.