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Just as he had done the day before, and the many days before that, Karkat strolled down the path to meet Gamzee, already preparing the angry rant in his head for when he reached the wolfman. He would no doubt find him, again, staring off into nothing as he awaited Karkat and his baskets of treats to keep his sap-obsessed self happy.
Karkat thought back onto the few times that he had walked in on his boyfriend stripping the sopor trees of their bark, scooping handfuls of the dangerous sap into his mouth and mumbling about miracles. Sure he was always easier to deal with while under the influence of the substance, but that stuff was known to destroy minds and wreck somebody’s life. That is why people stopped using it generations ago. Sadly, it would seem like Gamzee had missed the memo.
He also thought back to the few times when, against his better judgement, he had allowed his boyfriend to persuade him into ingesting the sap himself. Karkat couldn’t remember anything that happened after the first few bites of sopor up until he woke up in his bed the next morning. Frankly, he wasn’t sure he wanted to remember what “Sopor-Karkat” did during those missing hours.
“Damn wolf-clown,” Karkat muttered as his pace quickened at the thoughts of the past, “licking the trees like they are some sort of ‘miraculous’ lollipops. Fuck! I don’t feel like dealing with this today.”
“Can’t say that I expected to hear that today,” a voice to the side of the path stated, causing Karkat to jump back in surprise. “Wolf-clowns and tree licking? And I think I heard something about ‘miraculous lollipops’? This place sounds fun.”
A tall boy, at least a foot or so taller than Karkat, was leaning up against a tree, gazing at Karkat like he had been waiting there for him for hours. Seeing as everyone in the village knew all of his routes by now, the idea wasn’t too farfetched. Then again, the Little Red didn’t think that this boy was from the village, seeing as he would have recognized the near-white blond hair and dark shades that masked his eyes.
Besides, no one except Kankri would wear that much red. He would have noticed an idiot like that.
Noticing the glare that Karkat was sending, the boy smirked and tugged on the end of his red cape. “You like? Man this is the sickest of all sick things. Guarded by the most fearsome dragon there ever was, I bombarded her with my sweet beats and sick rhymes until she was just overwhelmed by my raps and just had to bow before me and gift me like I was some sort of god. I was like ‘naw’ to that, but I ain’t one to turn down a wicked cape.”
Karkat stared at him in silence for a whole second before turning and continuing down the path without a word.
“Hey,” the boy called after him calling, following like he was his shadow. “No need to go around like a great depression and putting others down. That shit ain’t cool, yo.”
“I have no idea what the fuck you are talking about,” Karkat hissed, speeding up his pace, “and stop following me!”
“Naw, man,” the other said smoothely. “I don’t follow. This is the way that I was going in the first place. If anything, I would say that you were following me.”
“I’m in front of you.”
“That don’t prove nothing. Order is just an illusion.” He stuck out his hand. “The names Dave Strider.”
Karkat’s glare wandered from the outstretched hand to Dave’s face, then back down to the hand before finally settling on forward as he ignored the other.
“Wow. No need to be so cold,” Dave stated with a low whistle, “I can feel the ice forming from that glare already. Soon I’ll be just an icicle, frozen in place, forever left hanging. I wonder if my arm will get tired even while frozen.”
“Pretty sure you would be dead, fucktard.” Karkat shifted his basket onto the other arm, keeping it far from Dave. “And put your hand down already.”
“That’s not how this works.” Dave shoved his outstretched hand closer to the scowling boy. “I have been cursed by your grouchy magic and am trapped like this for forever and a day. The only way to break such a strong spell is for another hand to meet mine in the middle, taking half of the spell so that we, together, can disperse and be alright again.”
“You look like an idiot holding your arm out like that while you walk.”
“Harsh words aren’t going to break my spell, little man, but nice try.”
Karkat rolled his eyes, but complied. He brought his fist up and weakly punched the offending palm, forcing the hand away from his face. “There. I ‘broke your damn spell’. Will you leave me the fuck alone now?”
Dave lowered his arm with a whistle. “That wasn’t quite a high-five, but I will accept it for now.”
“Funny. This doesn’t sound like you leaving me the fuck alone. You know, the thing that I just told you to do.” Karkat tucked himself into his cloak even tighter, locking his eyes on the path ahead in order to avoid accidentally glancing in Dave’s general direction.
“You see, I just didn’t think that leaving would be any fun. Besides, I have two questions for you.” Dave held up two fingers for emphasis. “First, I’ma need your name. I gave you my sweet title, so it is only fair I get to know your’s. Second, where are we going?”
“I am going to do my fucking job,” Karkat hissed, “and I thought you said that you were the one heading in this direction first. Shouldn’t you know where you are going then?”
“One doesn’t need to know where the road leads so long as they know how to walk down it.”
“And here I thought that dealing with Gamzee was the biggest headache producer there was. Congratulations on proving me fucking wrong. You win the most annoying douchebag award. You must be so fucking proud.” The Little Red clapped his hands sarcastically. “Why don’t you take a bow?”
Dave, with a smirk planted on his smug face, did just that. “I would like to thank my dear friend, Mr. Grumpy-Grouch. I wouldn’t have been able to accomplish this great feat without him. Round of applause for the little guy.” Dave proceeded to clap and pretend to wipe a tear away.
“Fuck off!” Karkat tried to shove him to the side, but didn’t have the strength to move the taller boy. “And my name is Karkat, not… whatever the fuck you said.”
“I’ve got it.” Dave held up his hands in defense. “You sure got a lot of anger for such a small package.”
“I’m not small!” Karkat shouted, flinging his arms out. “I am average! Average! You are just tall.”
“No. Pretty sure you’re just tiny.” Dave rested his arm atop Karkat’s head. “Sweet. You are like a walking armrest.”
The Little Red bat away the arm. “Try it again,” he hissed. “See what happens.”
Dave backed off slightly. “I got it. No touching the Karkitten.”
“It’s Karkat.”
“You’re too tiny to be a cat. I think Karkitten suites you better,” Dave chuckled.
“And I think you being on the other side of the world would suite you,” Karkat snarled, the bridge of his nose pinching as his scowl deepened even further. “Why don’t you go call me whatever the hell your shitsponge mind can come up with somewhere over there?”
“No can do.” Dave shoved his hands into his pockets. “My bro and I just moved here and I don’t think he would be too happy about leaving again so soon.”
Karkat glanced up at him, quirking a brow. “I didn’t hear about any new arrivals.”
“We just came in the other day.” Dave shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly. “You know Jake? Happy-go-lucky-English-ducky?”
“The woodsman? Of course I know him. We kinda work hand-in-fucking-hand out here in the woods.”
“Well he and my bro are boning.” Karkat choked on his spit at Dave’s words. “They are doing the do and riding the carriage of matrimony all the way up to the alter, where sick words will be thrown down in the beat of their own combined hearts.”
Karkat stared up at him. “Huh?”
“My bro and I moved in with Jake so that they can try to get to the point where Bro can properly propose.” Dave wiggled his left hand in Karkat’s face. “So now we live in a cabin in the woods. If I wasn’t so skilled with a sword, I would think that I was stuck in some horror story, ya hear?”
Karkat said nothing.
“Yo, the silent treatment doesn’t work on me. I can carry on this whole conversation myself, if I wanted to.” Dave smirked and leaned closer. “Or I could just gift you with my wicked sweat beats instead.”
“Don’t you fucking dare.”
“Give me a beat,” Dave said, nodding his head. “Let’s make some hella sweet music together, Karkitten. It’s the best way to soothe a grumpy beast.”
“Oh God, if you truly do exist,” the Little Red prayed, glancing up towards the canopy above their heads, “reign down your fiery vengeance on me and put me out of my misery. I have never prayed to you before, but here, in my darkest fucking hour, I ask of you to end it all.”
He jumped as a crack of thunder responded to his prayers.
“Oh damnit!” Karkat cursed, bringing his hood up and dashing down the path as rain began to fall. “This is not what I asked for, you bastard!”
“I don’t think He gives you what you want if you say ‘fucking’ in your first prayer,” Dave chuckled as he ran beside Karkat, hands still in his pockets as he kept up with the other boy with ease due to his longer legs. “You ask for fire and he gives you rain. Damn. I gotta remember that. That sounds wicked sweet. That deserves to be in a rap.”
“Would you just shut up already!”