The Sea Turtle
It was the first time we were all present at the same time: Carol, Harge Aird, Cantrell and me. There was also a fifth person, a certain Mr Smith Cantrell had hired to ”represent Mrs Aird’s interests” in divorce and potential custody battle. In other words, Smithee – who we knew from way back – was acting as the private dick who had tailed Harge on Carol’s behalf. His job was to present the incriminating evidence I had gathered over the past few weeks.
The look on Harge’s face was a sight to behold when he realized he’d been caught with his pants down. Not that there was so much to see, he being a peckerhead had more to do with his sleezebag personality than anything else.
Carol did her role spectacularly. The way she expressed her distaste for the graphic photographs of Harge having a dickfest around the city was simply astounding. She lifted one photo after another from the egregious pile as if they were tainted with some gooey cum ejaculated by a subhuman lifeform. ”I don’t know what to say…” she started her voice trembling ingeniously. ”I had no idea such things even existed.”
The images of her hurling herself over me on the kitchen table flashed through my brain.
”I’m simply appalled by the tawdriness of this… this…” She was looking at the picture of Jeanette Harrison sucking the chrome off Harge’s tail pipe.
A certain flashback of Carol dining at my Y made me cough all of a sudden.
She shot a sharp glance at me which made me shut my pie hole once and for all.
His face dark red, Harge examined the evidence. Desperately seeking assistance, he turned his attention to Cantrell. ”Well… what have you got to show for?” he demanded his voice low and menacing. Knowing this moment would come, Cantrell was ready. ”I’m afraid, Mr Aird, we haven’t been as luck… uhm… successful in digging dirt as Mr Smith here.” She was fabulously business like. ”As far as I can tell, Mrs Aird has been an epitome of virtue. It has been duly noted in the press as well as you may have yourself noticed…”
A deathly silence filled the room. Harge Aird got up on his feet and took a step closer to Cantrell. I felt my muscles tightening ready to rip his face off if he laid even one finger on my friend. ”You… have… NOTHING? Is that what you’re saying???” His voice was livid now. ”Sorry to disappoint you, sir, but it’s not like I can draw blood from a stone.” Cantrell shrugged seemingly dissatisfied as well.
Mr Aird glared at Cantrell before turning to Carol. ”You… you, holier-than-thou… harlot!” he spat out of the corner of his mouth. ”I’m not buying this for one second, this – this Snow White act of yours…” Really… Snow White? Now there’s food for dirty thought.
Pushing away the irresistible image of Carol offering me a piece of some seriously forbidden fruit, I kept my eyes on Harge who was hovering dangerously close to the woman I love. Did I just say that?
I was ready, so ready to punch his lights out if he’d get any closer. Preparing to unleash my wrath upon his sorry ass, I saw him back off at the last minute and pull his overcoat on. ”I put nothing past a woman like you!” he exclaimed exuding self righteous contempt. What a prick! ”This ain’t over yet!” Slamming the door behind him, he was suddenly gone.
Is there anything better than a sumptuous helping of some good old-fashioned gloating when it comes to hitting your soon-to-be-ex-husband right where it hurts the most? Actually there is but I see no point in delving yet again into the uncanny dexterity of my young lover. Let’s just say I was having a marvelous night.
We decided to celebrate a bit after the scene in the office. I took Therese home with me in my other car, a sedan, just in case we’d get an idea to make a stop on our way to the house. This time she kept her nimble hands to herself, and I figured I might as well wait for a change. In our case waiting definitely constitutes variety, though I wouldn’t necessarily call it an early stage of abstinence either. I did manage to close the garage door before she mounted me on the workbench.
Therese sounded positively ribald when she told me she’d rather be a hunter than a dwarf. I had no fucking clue what she was mumbling about but then again I didn’t really care. Soon my thighs were pressing against her temples as if I were a one wet human earmuff. After several turns of a game we’ve started playfully calling Scissors and Bumpers, we finally left the garage.
Later, lounging in bed, she suggested we take another look at the pics on the memory card. If she was carrying them around, I had absolutely nothing against it. Pouring us some more celebratory champagne, she flipped her laptop open. On one hand a part of me – the motherly side of me – would like to claim it didn’t have the same unabashed effect on me like the time before. On the other hand I find timidness such a waste of time. The laptop was soon forgotten on the side table.
Carol had to leave early next morning to listen to her daughter’s school presentation. She was very proud of Rindy who had spent several days researching her topic for her biology class – The Mating Habits of Sea Turtles. I volunteered to join her but she didn’t think it wise, someone might still spot us and leak the news to Harge. Rindy would keep her company, she said, they would go together for she was supposed to come by the house in the morning anyway.
I had nothing against it. It might even be fun to spend the day alone in Carol’s gothic mansion going through her things in peace and quiet. I hid in a guest room when Rindy showed up – there was absolutely no point in her seeing me in her mother’s bedroom wearing nothing but my birthday suit.
When I finally heard their car pull off I got up from my hiding place and roamed happily about the house. I guess you could say the spirit moved me for I was suddenly quite eager to have some fun of my own with the memory stick.
I looked for my laptop at Carol’s bedroom where I remembered having left it. There was nothing on the side table. Peeking under the bed, I realized it hadn’t slipped there either. Suddenly I got very anxious. Wracking my brain I tried to think where it could have ended up. Carol must have moved it out of our way, I reasoned. Oh boy, was I relieved when I saw it on top of some books on the desk at Rindy’s room. I could even see the sinful black thingy sticking out from its side.
Opening it, I realized immediately that shit was about to hit the fan. A My Little Pony sticker was attached next to the trackpad. Otherwise the laptop was identical to mine. Needless to say the stick wasn't mine either. Fuck-fuck-fuck-fuck-fuck…
Panicking, I tried to get Carol on the phone but to no avail. They must have already arrived at the school… The school, the school… what was the name of the bloody school? I put on my clothes as quickly as humanly possible and ran downstairs to the garage. Having found the keys to Carol’s convertible, I let the car roar out of the garage and into the driveway. I pushed my foot on the gas pedal – I had no time to waste.
When I busted inside the darkened auditorium, I got a very bad feeling. I saw Rindy already standing in front of her classmates and their parents ready to start her presentation of… The Mating Habits of Sea Turtles!
”…the female turtles aren’t very choosy, they don’t seem to actively seek out the best partners…”
And there it was again, my lilywhite ass in action.
”…to mate, a turtle will climb onto another one’s back while they’re horizontally in water…”
Well, the sheets at least were drenched, everyone could see that.
”…they remain attached to each other for a prolonged period of time, even up to 24 hours…”
Poor Rindy hadn’t turned around once to see what was truly captivating her audience – the innocent children and their relatively inexperienced, stunned parents who were trying to make sense out of the unexpected slide show.
Something in me seemed to awaken though, snap into action. I needed to get the memory stick and I needed to do it now. When I started running towards the bloody computer, I could hear someone else’s footsteps gaining speed on the other side of the auditorium.
Harge! Cantrell may have not recognized me from those photos but this scumbag had a mind dirty enough to put two and two easily together. My initial lead was vanishing rapidly but I kept going, hoping for the best.
When I was only ten feet from the podium, we were already side by side. I tried to poke him at his ribs but he couldn’t be swayed out of balance. At the last minute I decided I had to do something drastic. Without really thinking it through I punched his face and made a nose dive towards the damn stick like a sea turtle in heat…