Origins
“Hold on to sixteen as long as you can
Changes come around real soon”
-John Mellencamp
Monday, October 10th 2016
3:45pm
Gilbert de Lafayette’s Volkswagen
“Seeing things?” Alex echoed, as if the words were in a foreign language, holding no meaning to him. “What do you mean Laf?” Laf gasped for breaths between sobs, still shaking, and Alex held him closer. “Shhh, it's okay it's okay. Just tell me about it and we can fix it.”
Laf calmed down after a couple of minutes, face buried in Alex’s shoulder and hair, leaving little wet dots on his jacket, and sat up.
“ Je suis désolé .” He apologized, sniffling loudly. “I don't know what came over me.”
“It’s been an overwhelming twenty four hours.” Alex consoled him, politely averting his eyes as Laf wiped his. They had been best friends forever, but still Alex knew Laf hated to show any signs of weakness, any chinks in the armor.
After Laf breathed for a bit, the low afternoon sun casting an orange glow within the car, Alex turned to him, cheeks still glistening.
“What kinds of things Laf?”
“Words.” Laf said softly after a moment, staring through the windshield out at the skyline. “It started this morning. I just….I see words above people’s heads. Sentences that don't really make sense. But I am afraid.” He admitted. “I don't know what it means.”
Lafayette could have told Alex that he had started seeing unicorns and giant green dragons and Alex would have accepted it, swallowed it without question. It wasn't that the two didn't lie to each other, which they did not. Ever. But it was more the sincerity in Laf’s eyes, the way his irises needed Alex to know he was telling the truth. Lafayette was either truly seeing floating text, like a comic book, above the heads of the world or he had lost his grip on sanity and believed that he did. If Laf is crazy then so are you. Alex felt something gnawing at his consciousness, some answer tugging at his sleeve to a question he didn't know. Something obvious was in front of him, something so close he couldn't make it out, so he blinked it away.
“Like what?” Alex still didn't understand but he watched Laf’s eyes flicker upward, for less than a heartbeat, over his own head. Alex shivered despite the warm air. “Laf, like what ?”
“Above your head,” Laf swallowed thickly, continuing clearly the last thing he wanted to do. “I see the sentence ‘I'll see you tomorrow’.” Laf looked into his eyes, a mixture of fear and confusion. “It's just floating above you, always. Maybe two, three feet up.”
It was a harmless phrase, one the two exchanged often, so Alex couldn't explain the cold fear gnawing at his stomach. He swallowed, trying to look more assured than he really was for his friend’s sake. Somehow knowing how close it was made it too real, more than just a horror story in a book that you could close at any time. He looked up, instinctively, and was tempted to swat the air around him like he would a fly, dispelling whatever cursed meaning Laf’s words held.
“Laf, it's been a weird few days so-”
“You believe me, don't you?” Lafayette asked suddenly, gripping his sleeve. “You do not think I am crazy?”
“Do I-no. Lafayette, of course I believe you.” He was almost hurt his friend had to ask. “We have always taken each other at face value.” He squeezed Laf’s hands until the boy nodded, looking regretful but relieved. “I was just going to say that maybe it'll go away. Maybe it's….a weird side effect of that thing.”
“Has anything weird happened to you?” Laf whispered. His words were laced with hope, Alex biting the inside of his cheek with a pang of pity.
No, was on his lips when he remembered the assembly, the way every student’s head had turned when he had walked down the hallway. The eyes boring into his back.
“Not super weird. Kids at school were acting….odd today. But I doubt there's any correlation.” Alexander's most effective weapon he possessed was his ability to shrug things off, to dissociate himself from them. It was a good survival tactic, a good way to keep up your mental health.
Nolite te bastardes carborundorum . It was a Latin phrase, don't let the bastards get you down. He had read it in The Handmaid's Tale , odd that it should suddenly get stuck in his head now, like a half remembered song lyric.
Unknown Number
-text me when you're home yeah?
- Oh, this is John btw :P
Alex tried to wipe the ridiculous smile off his face at the buzz of his phone and Laf smirked slightly, the embers of the customary fire in his eyes beginning to glow again.
“Oh, you need to tell me about that. What the hell happened? I thought John didn't know you exist and now you are bringing him to the Schuyler's?” Alex felt his face flushing, to Laf’s obvious delight. At least my embarrassment is drying his tears, that fucking voyeur.
“I don't know, I ran into him in the hall and now…” He trailed off, continuing to gaze dreamily at his phone. Laf snorted and turned the car on, prompting Alex to quickly buckle up. Laf was very heavy footed when it came to the gas pedal.
“Hey well what about you and Mulligan?” Alex looked up at him. “Didn't he spend the night last night?”
“He did.” Laf replied offhandedly, trying his very best to appear casual.
“Did you finally put the moves on him?”
“Alexander!” Laf’s voice was thick with embarrassment, amusing his friend endlessly. Laf, the ever bold and reckless, was blushing like a reverend’s wife at the slightest implication of anything happening between him and his beloved. “I would never. He is my friend.” Alex shrugged, struggling to think of something clever enough to reply to John with and still not openly flirt.
“Whatever you say.”
To: John Laurens
-And here I thought this was the alien
From: John Laurens
-Well I didn't call you an idiot so
To: John Laurens
-ha ha. Hilarious.
-at least it talked to me
From: John Laurens
-yes I am quite funny thank you
-and now you represent all of humankind. How does it feel?
To: John Laurens
-is this the part where I'm supposed to say I'm going to disneyland?
Lafayette looked at him when they stopped in front of his house, fingers dancing on the wheel.
“Hey um, let me give you a ride to school in the morning.” I don't want to be alone . He didn't have to say it, they heard one another always.
“Yeah, we can get donuts first.” Alex grinned at him, stepping out of the car door. “I'll see you to-”
He stopped mid sentence, both of them staring at one another with vague horror. The silence where the words would have been, should have been , was poignant and empty all at once.
What did this mean? Were Laf’s weird visions prophetic? Am I in danger? The not knowing was the most unnerving. What does it mean what does it mean?
“I'll see you later.” He finished lamely, shutting the car door behind him. Laf waited until he was inside the house completely before driving away, taillights dissolving into the darkness.
Tuesday, April 10th, 2012
9:47pm
Gilbert de Lafayette’s Roof
Tuesday nights were special. Tuesday night were for Glee.
For a couple of closeted eighth graders, both unwelcome and not native to a country that didn't want them, both about to start the terrifying ordeal of high school, both underdogs in every sense of the word; Glee was their religion.
Alex had loved Kurt, the first openly gay character on the show, since before he even knew the truth about himself, had identified with the outsider, the underdog, the one they always underestimated and shoved to the sidelines.
If he was being honest with himself, he probably had more in common with Rachel. She was selfish and always wanted to be the best, something nobody seemed to appreciate and something Alex understood with sharp clarity. But his heart was inside Kurt. They were different yet the same.
“Matt Bomer is incredibly attractive.” Laf remarked, head tilted back to look at the stars.
Only on the roof was it safe to make such a statement. Neither of their foster parents knew, or could ever know. Hell, nobody else on earth besides the two of them knew, another reason why Glee was so sacred.
Alex’s foster mom couldn't afford cable, so every Tuesday he would take the bus to Laf’s house and spend the night. There was never any protest, he knew the elderly lady who watched over him was grateful to have him out of her hair. They would watch the episode adamantly, munching on popcorn, then sneak out of Laf’s window up to the roof after the required lights out. Safe from prying eyes and parents who were annoyed at a child speaking French. Annoyed by anything foreign and black and too quick witted but tolerating this nuisance for a paycheck and a paycheck alone.
“His eyes creep me out.” Alex replied, laying down on his back, a cloud drifting lazily over the moon. “They are like, half of his entire face.”
The silence between them was comfortable, non committal. It was Alex’s solace, especially since lately he had secretly begun to harbor the fear that he would lose Laf in high school. While both strange and outcasts, Lafayette was still inherently likable. Boys and girls alike stayed away from Alex, but girls at least had always adored Laf. He could do well in high school, he could be popular, and therefore protected. You’d still have James and Angie and Mulligan. But none of them were Lafayette.
“Remember when we came out to each other.” Alex asked softly and Laf snorted.
“You mean when I came out to you and you stole my thunder?” Alex shoved him playfully.
“I couldn't hold it back any more knowing we were both a couple of homos.” They were laughing, attempting to muffle it with their hands as not to wake Laf’s foster parents, shoulders shaking. “And I didn't want you to feel alone.” He added after a moment, Laf’s eyes turning to him.
“Do you think we’ll meet any boys? Gay ones, I mean.” Alex rolled his eyes fondly. I knew you meant gay ones dipshit.
“Well, we have the option to still date girls if we don't, help us lay low.” Alex shrugged. “Even if they aren't our preference.”
“I've kissed girls before,” Laf tucked his hands under the back of his head, elbows outstretched. “It was pleasant enough. But I’ve never kissed a boy.”
“I've never kissed anyone.” Alex said softly, shyly.
Their eyes flickered nervously towards one another, thoughts briefly mirroring each other’s but too risky to speak aloud.
“We could kiss each other. For practice.” Laf clarified quickly, not daring to look at Alex. Alex kept his gaze fixated on the stars as well, feeling his face heat up.
“For practice?” He repeated.
The thought had crossed his mind in the past. Not because he was particularly attracted to Laf, but more due to a quiet fear that he would never find anyone else like him. That Lafayette was the only other boy who liked boys he would meet. He was bisexual, he liked girls as well, knew he could be happy with them. But he preferred men really, and he was afraid of falling behind the rest of the world, being an adult with no idea how to act with a man, never even having kissed one let alone-
“Okay.” Alex nodded and Laf sat up, Alex mirroring his action slowly, and dared to glance over at him.
Relief coursed through his veins when he saw his friend looking just as uncertain as he did. Laf scooted closer and looked up at Alex shyly.
“Um. Okay. I'll just..” He placed his hand on the side of Alex’s face tentatively, and Alex felt his skin heat up. He was terribly embarrassed, as if afraid Lafayette would announce it was all a joke and laugh in his face, but he had an underlying excitement. This wasn't just his best friend, this was a boy . A boy who wanted to kiss him.
Lafayette blinked at him and then quickly leaned in and pressed their lips together, a soft dry peck, before pulling back just as abruptly.
“You did it wrong.” Alex said and Laf snorted, looking incredibly flustered.
“I got nervous! If you know so much more about kissing then you do it.”
“Fine.” Alex said, his nerves failing as his eyes flickered to Laf’s lips. “Okay uh, let's try-”
He tilted his head to the side, at an angle, and pressed his lips to Laf’s again, parting them slightly. They remained like that for a moment-Alex feeling foolish-when Laf’s lips moved against his experimentally.
And then they were kissing, really kissing. When Alex saw two people kissing on television it was always a man and a woman, always knowing what they were doing. Now I know what it feels like. No wonder they like it so much.
Their movements were cautious and hesitant, lips pressing and pulling against one another’s slowly. Alex recalled in Glee when Kurt and Blaine had kissed. He hadn't really cared for Blaine as a character, but the moment changed his life. It was revolutionary, watching the two boys kiss on a screen. He hadn't even known it was allowed on television, with the little exposure to the world outside of a homophobic town he had been granted. No internet, no cable, and a public school system that was somehow still offering science classes that featured Creationism.
He felt a resurgence of how that moment felt when Laf pressed closer to him. An echo of hope and control. That the world could belong to him one day, and people like him. He remembered the way Kurt had put his hand on Blaine’s face, so tender and touching. He did the same to Laf.
They broke apart after several seconds, breathless, and grinned at one another, giddy with the adrenaline rush of committing a forbidden act. Laf’s foster parents were right beneath them, a terrifying and thrilling realization.
“I much prefer kissing boys.” Laf said and Alex laughed, pulling back to lay down once more, cheeks bright pink.
“I was worried I would never kiss another boy.” Alex’s smile didn't fade as he spoke but the underlying seriousness of his words was prominent. Laf laid down beside him, looking at him.
“You will kiss many boys Alex. And when I make a speech at your wedding, I will make sure your husband knows it was I who stole your lip virginity.” Alex laughed loud, clutching at his sides and forgetting in that moment of undisturbed joy that there was the threat of parents hearing, and Lafayette held his arm to keep from tumbling off the roof in their cackles. “Now if only Mulligan were gay.” Laf sighed and they immediately broke out in giggles once again, full of innocence and starlight.
Tuesday, October 11th 2016
9:15am
Yorktown High
“Hey.” Alex felt like he was in a bad rom com, or maybe the universe was just playing a joke on him, when he closed his locker and saw John was leaning against the wall beside him. “Sleep well?”
The sight was enough to momentarily steal his breath. John looked more handsome than some high school boy had business looking; with his curly hair tied back in a ponytail and his half lidded eyes making him look like he didn't have a care in the world. Like he just waited by the lockers of boys who were losers every day looking like a teenage dream.
“Would you if an alien had called you an idiot?” He teased and then caught himself, looking around. His tone was playful, bordering on flirtatious, which was a dangerous game to be playing. He’d had a crush on John since forever, sure. But that didn't make him any less poisonous. He was popular, he was attractive, and he was straight. If the wrong people knew that Alex liked him...hell, if John found out Alex liked him, Alex would probably get his ass kicked into the next dimension. Appropriate metaphor all things considered.
“What are you doing here?” He asked John quietly, and the boy’s expression turned serious.
“Uh, okay don't turn around but I noticed a group of the basketball boys watching you. Made me nervous.” Basketball boys? Usually the only ones who gave Laf and Alex shit were the football boys, sans Mulligan and John. The other school athletes just avoided them like the plague.
Wait wait wait. Who cares about the boys, why does John care?! The phrase made me nervous bounced around Alex’s consciousness, making him dizzy.
“Oh.” Alex blinked up at John. “So you're like, what, protecting me?” His tone was bordering on accusatory and John shrugged shyly.
“Uh, I don't mean any offense. I just would feel better if you let me walk you to class.” Alex was certain he had literal cartoon hearts for eyes. “Basketball is a shit sport anyway.” He joked, but his smile looked almost nervous.
He nodded, not trusting his lips to form words, and turned around to walk beside John. Sure enough, a large group of boys was against the adjacent wall, watching him intently. Their gaze looked hungry, unnerving him, and he walked quickly, incredibly grateful for the tall football player at his arm.
Yet if you had really asked Alex to stop and look, if you had asked him if he felt afraid, he could have said no. For their gazes were not malicious. In fact, it was glaringly obvious what emotion clouded the eyes of the basketball boys, and it was far from hostile. That feeling Alex had felt in Laf’s car, of something blatant and insisting, was once again dancing on the fringes of his awareness. But Alex didn't even register the feeling, the battle of awareness and ignorance happening on an unconscious level. Just as he did not have to stop and think which foot he would put in front of the other, he did not stop to register the look in the eyes of the boys. His brain did not allow him to, efficiently choosing to sweep it away except perhaps as fuel for potential dreams.
“Any news on Peggy?” John whispered and Alex shook his head, unaware of the choices being made by his subconscious self as they turned the corner and left the sight of the boys completely.
“No. I called Angelica this morning but her parents didn't even come home.”
“Well good morning sunshines.” Lafayette squeezed between them obnoxiously, slinging an arm around each of their necks. He was smiling, eyes bright, but Alex saw the way his gaze lingered on the space just above John’s head. I'll have to ask him what he saw. Not that we can really do anything with the information.
“Morning Laf.” Alex rolled his eyes. “Nice uniform.” Laf was sporting the outfit of the Lambs, the school’s ( stupidly named ) cheer team. Dressing out was mandatory whenever there was a practice, but Alex knew Laf relished any chance to strut around in the symbol of status.
“Having an encounter with extraterrestrial beings doesn't make it any less of a requirement for me to be at tonight’s practice.” Laf tweaked his nose and Alex shoved him.
“I like how we all just unanimously decided it was aliens.” Mulligan said, falling into step beside Alex. He was never far behind Laf, just far slower than the cheerleader, one taking his time and the other always blazing ahead.
“Are we safe to talk about this so loud?” John asked nervous and Laf snorted.
“Afraid of getting abducted, Laurens?”
“He's right.” Alex said, glancing at the people in the hallway who were staring at them. Although, it almost looked like they were staring at just Alex. But again, this thought did not register with the boy in a significant way. Just as something strange, not something to be pondered over. “I don't want anyone to overhear.”
“Yeah, you don't need any more attention drawn to you.” Laf observed, looking around, and Alex let out a sigh of relief. He wasn't the only one who noticed, he wasn't insane. Laf turned his head to John. “Excited for practice tonight?”
“Yes.” His grin sent Alex’s stomach spiraling and John nudged Mulligan. “You ready for Friday’s game big guy? I heard the Redson quarterback is a beast.”
“He should be the one afraid of me.” Mulligan said, cracking his neck, and Alex felt Laf inhale deeply beside him. “Besides, I can win any game with Lafayette cheering down there.”
“I am the very best at shaking my ass.” Laf laughed, demonstrating with a shimmy, and released his grip on them when they reached the door.
“Thanks for walking us to class.” Alex said, struggling to be casual, and John smiled at him.
“Hey no problem. I'll see you...”
“Tonight.” Lafayette answered for Alex. “I'll bring him to practice with me.” Fuck. Well now I have to go. Alex had planned to check out some books on ufo encounters from the local library, see if anyone else had ever experienced strange things in the aftermath.
“Uh of course.” He said and Laf tugged him into class as the bell rang, not before hugging Mulligan goodbye.
That's how it would feel if our boyfriends walked us to class everyday<3 Laf slipped him the note from the chair behind him and he crumpled it instantly, blushing despite himself. The teacher had yet to show up, so people were lounging at each other’s desks still, gossiping and giggling.
“Looking sharp in that uniform Marquis.” A voice like dripping honey sounded from behind him.He knew other members of the cheer team called Laf the Marquis, although he had no idea why.
“So are you, beautiful.” Alex turned around to watch Laf kiss the hand of a girl attached to the most beautiful pair of legs he had ever seen in his life.
Maria Reynolds . He would've known that voice blindfolded and earmuffed in a dark room underwater. She had her dark hair, long and curled, swept back into a half ponytail. The uniform was red and navy, their school colors, and hugged her body so perfectly that Alex gulped when she smiled at him with lips a perfect ruby red. The fact that they shared a class together was pure torture, considering she didn't know he was alive. Every straight man in the school wanted her.
“Hey, Alexander right?” He nodded mutely, stunned that she knew his name, and she sat on his desk, crossing her legs, and smirked down at him. “I just wanted to say that I just loved that little song you did in the auditorium.”
“Oh. Thank you.” He said as the teacher walked in. She slid off his desk and winked at him.
“You're welcome, sweetheart.” She replied, making the affectionate name sound somehow sultry, and he watched the sway of her skirt as she walked away.
“Oh my god.” Lafayette breathed in his ear. “The goddess of this high school just spoke to you.”
“You sound like such a fucking nerd.” Alex whispered back, face turning the exact color of Maria’s lipstick.
Saturday, January 11th, 2014
11:15pm
Sun Hjung Mar’s Hotel Room
He was from out of town. He was an older boy, a freshman in college. His name was Sun. Eliza loved the way it rolled off her tongue. Sun .
He spoke Cantonese fluently, something Eliza envied in a hungry, lonely place in the core of herself. She’d had a solid grasp on Chinese as a child, before she’d been adopted to white parents, forgetting herself and her culture. She didn't resent her parents, of course she didn't. She was a Schuyler through and through, her sisters were as much her family as if they had her blood coursing through her. But she hated the way she felt like stranger to her own culture, it felt isolating.
The way the Cantonese syllables rolled off of Sun’s lips felt familiar to her, comforting. He was her secret rebellion. She had nothing substantial to rebel against, her parents were not strict or cruel. She loved her sisters, loved her friends. But she felt lonely. And this wild boy two years her senior, breezing in through town, felt like exactly the sort of comfort one finds through danger.
“Listen princess,” He called her that, princess . Eliza, 16 years old, thought that it was the sweetest thing in the world. “You're beautiful. But you know I'm leaving back to college tomorrow.”
“I know what I want Sun.” She said with the confidence of one who has already made up their mind, brushing her hair off her shoulders.
He had invited her to his hotel room before, but she had always nervously declined. Now, on an impulsive feeling inspired somewhat by her purchasing a new and more adult black bra, she had shown up. She had decided, laying in her bed on a pink polka dotted comforter surrounded by stuffed animals, that 16 was the age of a woman. That she was ready to lose her virginity. Angelica already had, after all. She didn't want to remain the naive little sister forever, she didn't want to play catch up.
“I turn 18 in a week.” Sun ran his fingers through his dark hair nervously. “I won't be back.”
“That's fine with me.” She replied with a carelessness she did not feel. We’ve only been dating a couple weeks, it's not like I love him.
The idea of sex made her feel nothing, and she knew that was wrong. It was as wrong as having slanted eyes, as her classmates had teased her for in elementary school, in a sea of those round and blue. She needed to cure herself. She needed to fix it. So, simple as crossing a task off a list, she knew what she had to do. She had to make herself feel. She had to learn to enjoy what everyone who was normal, healthy, not an outcast, not a freak, not a foreigner did.
Sun, unable or unwilling to fight any longer, kissed her deeply, pulling her to him. She allowed him to kiss her wherever he liked, stripping her of her clothes and climbing on top of her. She wondered faintly, as it was thrown to the floor, if he had liked her bra.
Eliza waited to feel something, anything, but remained numb even as he cried out with pleasure. Her eyes were tracing over a weird cluster of cracks in the ceiling as her body shook, her breaths heavy. She wondered if the cracks were from mice in the ceiling. Angelica had told her once that mice and rats could crawl inside walls.
It was over quickly, and she wanted to cry at the anticlimactic feeling of laying there, naked, not having felt anything at all during what was supposed to be the most exciting feeling of all her life. Like a corpse. Oh god, what's wrong with me? What's wrong with me?
“Was that good for you?” He whispered, an arm around her, foreign and unwelcome. She nodded, biting down on her tongue, and drew the blankets around her body tight.
He whispered something in her ear in Cantonese, she could tell it was something sweet from the tone. But it did not comfort her. It felt like a language belonging to someone else, something that had never been hers, something she would never understand.
A foreign experience. You'll always be on the outside. Something whispered inside her, and she cried herself to sleep in Sun’s arms.
Tuesday, October 11th 2016
5:17pm
Yorktown High Gymnasium
God, the last time I was in this room was the weirdest day of my life.
Alexander felt almost stranger now than he had when he performed here, sitting up in the bleachers as if he were somebody on the team’s girlfriend. He felt vaguely creepy as the group of football boys dropped to the floor to begin rigorous pushups, face heating up from the embarrassment one feels when caught with their eyes somewhere they shouldn't be, like up a girl’s skirt. Lafayette nudged him, chomping loudly on a granola bar, which Alex resented. They didn't need to be drawing attention to themselves.
“Look at the arms on Mulligan, eh? God, I love him in a tank top.”
“Shush.” Alex’s face flushed darker, despite knowing there was no way the team could hear them from here, and Laf snickered.
“Don't look so nervous Alex. I just finished practice and you're here with me, as my friend. You aren't doing anything wrong.”
“The team probably thinks we’re checking them out or something.” Alex whispered, watching John’s back arch as his body lifted from the floor repeatedly.
“Aren't we?”
Laf wiped the back of his forehead on his hand, beads of sweat spotting across his hairline. Alexander thought, after watching both, that the exercises of the cheer team were significantly more trying than those of the football boys. He would never say anything like that to Laf, however, and inflame his already massive ego.
Jemmy has added TJEFFS to the group: dem gayz
Alex groaned at the notification, holding out his phone to show Laf, who also frowned.
“Why does he have to add his asshole boyfriend to everything we do?” Alex grumbled, typing out as much in the chat. Angelica beat him to it.
Angelica: honestly Madison don't ruin a good thing
Jemmy: guys something weird is going on with thomas
TJEFFS: we think it has to do with what happened
TJEFFS: you know, the thing that happened
TJEFFS: the alien thing
Alex felt his stomach drop at the mention, exchanging a worried look with Lafayette.
“Should we tell them about me?” Lafayette whispered softly, and Alex blinked, suddenly remembering that he wasn't the only one experiencing strange things.
“Tell who what?”
Both boys jumped at Mulligan’s voice, suddenly standing a couple steps below them with John beside him. Both were grinning, dripping with sweat, clad in only tight fitting shorts and tank tops. It was one thing to see such a sight in the distance, but both Lafayette and Alex gulped at having them so near.
“Nothing.” Lafayette smiled charmingly, quick to recover. “Check the group chat.”
“What'd you think of the practice?” John sat next to Alex, breathing hard without any clue as to his effect. “Think we’re ready for the game?”
“Well considering I know almost nothing about sports, I'm not sure I'm the right person to ask.” Alex joked, forcing his eyes to stay on John’s, not on his lips or chest or arms that were right there.
“Yeah but we looked pretty tough right?” John grinned cheesily and Mulligan snorted.
“John you’re like one-eighty soaking wet.” He joked and John smacked him, Mulligan smacking him back and almost knocking him over. “Case in point.”
Alex’s phone buzzed and he glanced around, making sure the rest of the team was headed for the locker rooms, before sighing.
“Thomas says something weird is happening to him. I'll add you to the group chat.” He said to John, forcing his tone to be casual.
“That's so funny,” Laf blinked innocently. “I forgot you two had each other's numbers.”
TJEFFS: Okay so I was standing in front of Johnson’s english class right? Just waiting for him to get there and unlock the door
TJEFFS: then I closed my eyes and was like, thinking about how badly I would rather be with James in the library for study hall
BestseyBoo: Awwww
TJEFFS: then I opened my eyes and I was there, right outside of study hall
Alex Ham has changed the name of the group to: Alien Squad
Alex Ham has added John L. to the group: Alien Squad
Alexander quickly changed the name of the group chat, forcing himself to remember that John Laurens wasn't their ally quite yet. He could still be another homophobic jock, he couldn't let his feelings accidentally out his friends.
“So Thomas hallucinated,” Mulligan shrugged. “That doesn't mean anything.”
“It's not just that.” Alex said, feeling Laf’s eyes burn into him. “Um...weird things have been happening to me too.”
Angelica: hold the fuck up. Why did Alex add that one guy to this group chat???
Angelica: no offense John
Alex shoved his phone in his pocket, feeling his friends turn to him.
“We need to all get together. Meet somewhere and talk about this.”
“How about the clearing?” They all turned to Mulligan with matching expressions of incredulity.
“Go back?” Laf was struggling to hide the fear in his tone, Mulligan shrugged.
“If weird things are happening, we need to stop ignoring this. Something is out there, it called Alex an idiot-” Laf snickered. “So we know that whatever it is, human or alien or machine, it can talk. Maybe we can ask it questions.”
“What makes you think it'll answer?” Alex arched an eyebrow and Mulligan smirked, making a show of flexing his arms.
“We’ll make it talk.”
Alex Ham: Mulligan wants to meet in the clearing to talk about it
Alex Ham: talk to that thing maybe if it's still there
Angelica: you've got to be shitting me
BestseyBoo: I thought we all agreed to move on with our lives
Jemmy: how can we move on when thomas is in danger
TJEFFS: well we don't know if it's danger yet babe
TJEFFS: maybe this is my superhero origin story
Alex Ham: thomas if you were a fucking superhero I would crawl into that orb if it meant developing the powers to oppose you
TJEFFS: ah so you’re finally admitting ur the villain
Angelica: I said no
Alex blinked as his phone lit up with Angelica’s number. He looked at Mulligan, more scared than when facing the alien orb, and lifted the phone to his ear.
“Hey.”
“Are you with Mulligan right now?” Her words were clipped and he nodded, forgetting she couldn't see him.
“Oh. Yes.”
“Put me on speakerphone.” He obliged, making a nervous face at Mulligan, who’s stern eyes revealed nothing.
“Hey Ang.” He said, sitting down by Laf as Alex held the phone between them.
“We aren't going back out there Mulligan.” The dynamic within their group was constantly shifting, as there was no defined leader. Mulligan usually was the final word on all things, the quiet decider. He never argued or raised his voice, never seemed to anger or reach a boiling point, but when he spoke people usually didn't argue. Angelica, however, was a force to be reckoned with. She and Alex talked the most, easily, and people didn't argue with her for much different reasons. Her scalding tongue was a weapon none wanted to be on the end of. “My sister is in the hospital, probably because Alex was dumb enough to get us into this mess in the first place.” Alex flinched on instinct and John patted his leg, seated much too close for comfort, and he flinched again for a much different reason.
“There's no reason,” Angelica went on. “For us to all drag our asses back out there and risk getting hurt again, just because Thomas is making up weird shit for attention.” Her last word was punctuated with finality and the only sound was her heavy breathing from talking so rapidly
“Okay.” Mulligan nodded, leaning back against the bleachers, slinging an arm around Laf, who had looked terrified at this entire exchange and immediately leaned into the sweaty boy. “You're right, it's dangerous.”
“Good.” Angelica sounded surprised before clearing her throat again. “And Alex. Don't think just because you have a crush on-” Alex almost dropped his phone in his haste to turn her off speakerphone, quickly holding the phone to his head on the opposite side of where John was seated.
“Angelica I'll call you back later!” He said and hung up, staring down at the floor. Laf nudged him, smiling wickedly, before turning to Herc, smile fading.
“So, we aren't going? Back out there?” He sounded small, childlike, and Mulligan shook his head.
“Angelica’s right. This isn't pressing. It’s not like Thomas lying would be out of character.” Alex nodded in agreement, watching Laf visibly relax.
“Hey.” A voice from the bottom of the bleachers made them all jump. The custodian glared up at them. “You kids clear out, practice is over.”
“Certainly Mr. Frederick!” Laf called out cheerfully, standing up and climbing down, the others following. “The boys just need to change first.”
Alex and Laf waited outside the locker rooms, the janitor glaring at them as he mopped, until Mulligan and John came out smelling fresher, all of the sweat washed away and their gym clothes replaced by letterman jackets. Alex tried not to feel disappointed at the loss of John in a tank top. Laf immediately stole Mulligan’s jacket, claiming to be cold despite the obvious warmth in the air.
“So, you said weird things were happening to you too.” John said softly, falling into step beside him, a little further back from Laf and Mulligan. “Is everything alright?”
“What are you two whispering about back there?” Laf leaned against the doorway, looking adorably small in the jacket, waiting for them to catch up, and they all stepped out into the humid courtyard. Dusk was settling in over the clouds in orange and blue hues, making the shadows stretch and the distant trees a pretty silhouette rather than ominous beacons.
“How shitty we think the cheer team is.” Alex shoved at Laf who chuckled, then glanced behind Alex and laughed loudly, prompting the boy to spin around.
A couple other cheerleaders were leaning against the back wall, long nails wrapped around cigarettes, and Alex cleared his throat, blushing brightly. Among the girls was Maria who, smirking, pushed forward off the wall and walked over to them.
“I was just kidding. About the Lambs.” Alex said to her, loud enough for the others to hear, and she laughed, a thick and intoxicating sound.
“Hey Maria.” Laf said in a pseudo-sultry way that made Mulligan lift his eyebrows, stepping slightly closer to the boy. Observing this, she grinned.
“Relax Mulligan. Your boyfriend isn't the one I'm after.” Her eyes returned to Alex. “I just realized that I never got your number, Alexander. Seems a shame, considering we have chem together and all.” Your boyfriend isn't the one I'm after, she had said. So who is she after then? Oh my god oh my god. Maria Reynolds is not coming on to me.
“Didn't you fail chemistry last semester?” John’s voice sounded sour and her eyes flickered to him.
“So I need a study buddy.” She shrugged and held out her phone to Alex, who willed his fingers not to shake as he punched his number in.
“Uh, there.” He smiled shyly and she winked at him before turning around to join the girls, pulling another carton of cigarettes out of her jacket pocket.
“Careful Alex.” Mulligan gruffed as they walked away, obviously ruffled by her comment about Laf. Lafayette nudged him.
“Why would you say that huh? Cause she's a cheerleader?” Mulligan gave him a small, private smile, and turned to Alex and John.
“You boys wanna come eat with us? Laf’s been craving Burgertown all day.”
“Bet your sweet ass I have.” Laf leaned against him. “Doing backflips has only increased my need for a burrito as big as my head.”
“I think I'll go to the library actually.” Alex shrugged, detecting that Laf probably wanted some alone time with his crush. Mulligan nodded and looked at John, who stepped closer to Alex.
“I'll probably go with Alex. I need some books for class anyway.” He spoke casually and Alex’s head jerked up to look at him. I'm going to die of a fucking heart attack if I have to keep platonically basking in your gorgeous presence.
“Alright. Later boys, see you tomorrow.”
“Text me!” Laf called as they walked away, winking. Alex and John stood silently watching them until Alex cleared his throat, acutely aware that he was alone with John.
“What books do you need for school?” He asked, nudging a rock with his shoes as the shadows grew longer around them. “I'm kinda the concierge of the Yorktown library.”
“Huh? Oh.” John grinned almost shyly. “I don't need any books. I just wanted to stay with you.” The words sank into the pit of Alex’s stomach and burned there like kindling, warming him from inside out.
“Oh.” He choked out, eyebrows pressing together as he looked up at John. “Why?”
“I wanna know the weird things. That you said are happening to you. C’mon.” They cut across the field towards the parking lot, the silhouettes of Mulligan and Laf outlined in the distance, crossing the street towards the glowing neon burger. “Besides, were you gonna just walk there? In the dark?”
“I've done it before.” Alex shrugged, wishing he were more flirtatious like Laf. Maybe then he could swipe John’s jacket. And get jumped? Yeah right. Laf’s safe cause Mulligan is a powerhouse. Who would protect you?You'd just get John’s ass kicked too, if anything. And he would hate you for it.
“Not when aliens are on the loose.” John joked and climbed into his car, Alex hesitantly following. Stop overthinking this. You guys are friends now.You can't go through shit like what we saw and not be friends. “So tell me the weird stuff.”
“It sounds silly.” Alex shrugged sheepishly, absorbing the fact that he was in John Laurens’ car for the second time this week. This is the strangest week in the history of humankind. You better get start getting desensitized to it all. “Like, if I say it out loud, it'll sound made up.”
“Alex,” John looked at him sideways, face resolved. “I have seen the impossible this week. And you were standing right there beside me for it, so I think we’re a little past the point of thinking the other is silly .”
“People have been staring at me.” Alex said slowly, glancing between John and his hands, folded in his lap. “Not in the usual ‘Oh here comes the gay kid’ way but….different. Like I'm something they've never seen before.”
Something something tugged at the edge of his mind but was discarded immediately, Alex feeling like something important was on the tip of his tongue.
“And you think it has to do with the silver thing?” John’s eyebrows scrunched together cutely and Alex sighed.
“I don't know.” He wanted to tell John about what Laf was seeing, but he knew it wasn't his place. “I want to believe Thomas but I just don't know. And I don't like not knowing.” That was probably the truest thing you've thought all night. Alex hated being in the dark, he hated not having answers.
John pulled into the public library’s parking lot, the sky now completely black around them, and turned to Alex. Why do his eyes have to be so beautiful?
“What do you think we saw? Really?” John looked at him intently, hands still gripping the wheel. “I mean, it did something to you, and potentially to Thomas. And it spoke. So do you really think it was like….an extraterrestrial?” Alex almost wanted to laugh at how serious he said the word extraterrestrial , but he also felt a deep pang of fear.
“I do.” He whispered honestly. “I don't even know if I believe in aliens, but I think that was one. And I'm afraid.” He hadn't intended to speak that last part, voice cracking, and he blinked in surprise. Alex’s surprise only deepened when John reached over and squeezed his hand.
“Don't be.” John nodded, as if he had made up his mind about something, and offered Alex a half smile. “Whatever that thing is, it's safe in the woods, far away from us. And people are probably only staring at you because everyone's been talking about you at that assembly. C’mon.” He jumped down out of the truck, Alex following, and they walked together into the library, Alex’s spirits already lifting. “And that thing won't stand a chance against the hardcore alien research we’re gonna do.” John continued, and his optimism made Alex honest to god grin, beaming from ear to ear.
“If you say so.”
They collectively filled their arms with any books they could find on aliens; fiction, nonfiction, and sensationalized journalism alike, and tiptoed up the stairs to the floor with private tables and desks, avoiding the glare of the librarian at their giggles and failed attempts at whispering.
“Hey.” John said softly to him, seated across from Alex at a table in the far corner away from prying eyes, and nudged his foot.
“What?” Alex glanced up from the tabloid-esque picture book his was engrossed in to see John looking at him almost shy.
“I don't know if it's rude to ask,” John whispered, scratching the back of his neck. “But are you uh, gay? You just...keep alluding to people making fun of you for it...but I didn't want to just assume.” He looked embarrassed but Alex thought it was almost sweet, how cautious John was being of his feelings and privacy. But the prospect of answering made his neck heat up. Yep. Queer and proud as hell of it, and I want to jump your bones.
“I'm bi.” Alex decided he trusted John for better or for worse and looked down at the book, worried his traitorous thoughts would be obvious in his eyes. “So sorta. I prefer guys.” Stop talking. He looked up at John, biting his lip. “You aren't going to kick my ass are you?” He smiled, only half joking, and John looked horrified.
“What? No, of course not!” John shook his head, looking at Alex regretfully. “Jesus, I'm sorry the rest of my team has made you think all football players are like that.”
“It's safer to assume as much.” Alex shrugged. “I'm pretty sure Laf and I would be dead if we weren't friends will Mulligan.” John mouthed the word dead in disbelief and shook his head, as if fully aware that it wasn't an exaggeration. Not in the least. I'm sure he's heard about last year's prom. Who hasn't?
“How do you do it?” John asked after a period of long but not uncomfortable silence. Alex had been so engrossed in a book written by a local author entitled Encounters that he forgot their prior topic.
“Do what?” He asked, then raised his eyebrows in understanding. “Be...out?” John nodded and he took a breath. He trusted John, he was almost sure the boy was more like Mulligan than the neanderthals Lee and Eacker, but he still spoke with caution. One could never know how far acceptance extended, he wouldn't let his little fantasy make him reckless. “Uh...scary at times. I probably couldn't have been so open if I didn't have Laf. It doesn't feel like anything, most of the time. All my friends are gay so.” Shit. Shit shit shit shit. He had just accidentally outed literally everyone he loved to someone with the social status to make their lives hell. “Uh I mean...almost all of them. But not...everyone.” He finished lamely and John, sensing how uncomfortable he was, held out his book to Alex, finger on a paragraph.
“I think I found something that could be useful.” Alex snatched the book out of his hands, grateful for the diversion, and read aloud where John had indicated, the title of the chapter SPECIES OF THE SIGHTED.
“While elaborate hoax or deranged fantasy remains undecided, nobody can question the sincerity with which these ‘abductees’ recite their tales. The legends of orb like aliens-” He paused to exchange a look with John and lowered his voice. “Is by far the most fascinating, as they are underreported yet incredibly consistent in reports. Sighters will claim a blinding light followed by an immediate disappearance. Yorktown, Ohio’s August Washington claimed to have touched such an ‘orb of light’, but refused to comment any further. I will never forget the fear in his eyes when I demanded and interview. The sheer-Wait.” Alex stopped reading, the chills down his spine overruled by the excitement coursing through his veins. I know how nerdy it sounds but god, obtaining new knowledge is my fucking kryptonite. “I know that name.”
He grabbed the book he had been looking through and flipped through until he found the page he had previous skimmed, unable to hold back an exclamation.
“Aha!” He half shouted, and a harsh shh from an indecipherable location made him shrink into his seat. “Here,” He whispered to John. “The book talks about August Washington, who lives here. He denied an interview but he did say-” Alex hunched over the page and John mirrored him, nearly cheek to cheek as Alex read, and his heart pounded in his ears for two entirely different reasons. “ ‘There are things people are not meant to know. Those who already are aware of them know what I mean, and those who are not are better off. They won't learn it probably ever. Not from me anyway.’” Alex grabbed John’s arm excitedly, the same accomplished feeling of discovery reflected back to him in his friend’s eyes. “We could talk to him! We could...what is it?” John was frowning and Alex obliged when he held out his hands for the book.
“Alex this is from 1966. That's almost fifty years ago. He’d be like what, ninety now?” Alex’s eyebrows cinched together, his joy dwindling. People didn't live that long in Yorktown. Maybe it was the town’s penchant for deep frying everything or maybe it was the hatred Lafayette and Alex knew coursed through so many veins here, but the average age people lived to within city limits was barely seventy.
“I...I didn't think of that.” He raised his eyebrows as a new idea occurred to him. “Well, did he have any family? People tell secrets to their family, right?”
It took only about thirty minutes of meticulously combing through city records and documents to follow this thread to the end. Alex felt like Sherlock fucking Holmes. I'm gay for Watson. So gay.
“Oh my god.” John was laughing, the high pitch of incredulity making it almost sound like a cackle. “Maybe there is a God because this cannot be a coincidence.”
“What?” Alex asked, rocking his chair back and forth. John shook his head, wiping a tear away and ignoring the various glares pointed in their direction.
“His son...is my history teacher.”
Wednesday, November 13th, 2013
9:15pm
Rowan Peak
It was a place the older kids came to make out, Lafayette knew this from stories only, and he could see why. The cliffside overlooked the beautiful woods he and Alex thought of as a home away from home, and it seemed to be level with the sky, the moon an arm’s length away. It was terribly romantic, the stars and the sky and the complete and utter isolation.
And he was here with Hercules Mulligan.
Hercules had wanted to hang out, and Laf had suggested the place, hoping his friend might catch the hint. But either Mulligan was completely oblivious or, the far more likely scenario, Lafayette had constructed this fantasy all in his head, the pinning his alone.
Just about a month ago, the beginning of their sophomore year in high school, Mulligan had come out to their little group of friends. Everyone knew about Alex and Laf already, this was no secret, but Mulligan shocked Angie, Eliza, James, and Alex alike.
Laf would never tell them that Mulligan had come out to him first, a week beforehand.
“Hey.” Mulligan had said one night, a box of Burgertown fries between them as they sat cross legged on the floor in his bedroom, watching old cartoon reruns. “You’re pansexual, right? Or are you bi like Alex?” None of them in the group had ever gone into details before, preferring to keep things surface and chalked full of humor, the children in them defying reality and the fear that came alongside such honesty regarding their identities. Laf had gulped, almost choking on a fry.
“Yeah, I'm pan.” He’d blinked up at Mulligan, mesmerized by his soft brown eyes, and inhaled softly. “Why?”
“Uh.” Mulligan looked at him nervously, eyes flickering, before muting the tv. Lafayette had sat up immediately, turning to his friend fully and hitting the mute button on the remote.
“What is it Mulligan?” He’d asked softly, wanting to reach out and touch his arm, but too afraid of what he might say next, far too paralyzed by fear. Laf, he imagined his forever crush saying. You're great but, this gay thing is too much for me. I can't be around you anymore. Your crush is disgustingly obvious, and I'll never feel the same.
“I'm gay.” Lafayette’s head was spinning with so many wild theories that it took several moments for Mulligan’s words to register, Laf blinking slowly.
“What?”
“I uh, I like boys.” Mulligan had bitten his lip pensively before quickly moving to unmute the television, clearly not wanting to elaborate. After a long moment, Lafayette had slid their hands together, both boys nearly shaking with relief as their fingers intertwined.
Now that all the shock had faded away, Lafayette couldn't help but be overjoyed at the news. Mulligan was gay. Mulligan liked boys. Lafayette was a boy. The facts do not lie.
“You were right,” Mulligan said thoughtfully, leaning the passenger seat back slightly. “This place is beautiful.”
Kiss me , Lafayette wanted to plead, the white light of the stars filling him with wistfulness. I've wanted you for so long and now you're actually in reach. We could actually be together, if you felt the same.
Ah, but if he felt the same, wouldn't he reach for you now? They were alone on the lookout point completely, no other couples, and they were alone in a car . The perfect opportunity to make out and ravish one another with none being the wiser. If he felt the same at all, or was even a little attracted to you, wouldn't he have come out sooner to you? He's liked boys all along, yet had never flirted with you, never made a move.
Lafayette was glad Mulligan was gay, selfishly and without regret, but it also heightened his worst fears. When he thought Mulligan liked girls, it was easier to be in love with him. There was no risk, no chance. Mulligan would never want him, but not because Laf fell short in some aspect. It would only be because he was a man. But now, the only thing keeping them apart would be Laf falling short of being the type of man Mulligan wanted. And that thought was far too much to bear.
“I came out here once when there was a meteor shower.” Laf blinked up at the sky, silently pleading with the cosmos that only twinkled in reply. “It was...breathtaking.”
“You think everything is breathtaking.” Mulligan said, his tone not unkind but not teasing either. He was making a simple observation. “I like that about you. You think everything is beautiful.” Lafayette could feel his heart thumping against his ribcage almost violently.
He was not insecure. He knew he was attractive, and he had seen Mulligan’s gaze linger once or twice. So what then? Was the attraction mutual, but not the feelings? Or did Mulligan love him too and was too afraid to say it aloud?
Woah there Laf, love ?
“It's easy with such beautiful company.” Laf teased, playing off the sincerity of the moment by shoving Mulligan’s arm, the boy chuckling.
“So what do you want to do?” Mulligan asked and Laf held his breath until he went on. “After graduation, I mean. Where do you want to go?”
“New York.” Laf responded without hesitation, eyes glistening. Like Rachel and Kurt and Santana. The idols of his youth had made it to the city of dreams out of a shitty small town in Ohio, why shouldn't he? “I want to go to college there, maybe sing. Maybe get into politics. Live there with Alex.”
“Alex.” Mulligan repeated and Laf was worried he had said the wrong thing, that the dark look in his friend’s eyes was jealousy, but it quickly was replaced by an encouraging smile. “That's nice. You wouldn't go back to France?” Laf suppressed a shudder.
“Nothing for me there.” He said ambiguously, hating the way he could taste bile rising in his throat at the thought of his last foster family in France. I will never go back.
“I think I might want to stay here.” Mulligan said casually, Laf’s head snapping to face him. “I don't really need anywhere fancy to be happy. I could settle down here, get married. Maybe teach English.” Mulligan idolized the english teacher they shared, Ms. Tubman, much like Alex idolized the beloved history teacher Laf had yet to meet. He could see why Mulligan would want to follow in her footsteps.
“Here though?” Laf blinked incredulously. “This town is pretty homophobic, as a whole. Maybe Columbus. Or Cleveland. But Yorktown?” Mulligan hummed thoughtfully.
“I like small towns. But yeah, maybe a small town in California would be better. The suburbs of San Francisco or something.” He joked with a chuckle but Laf’s smile felt forced. The other side of the world.
“There's suburbs around New York too.” He said softly, staring ahead at the night sky, and he felt Mulligan’s eyes on him. “I'm just saying.” He finished in a whisper, tongue feeling heavy in his mouth.
“Yeah?” Mulligan replied with equal softness, as if a raised voice would shatter the air around them.
“Yeah.” Laf turned to meet his gaze. “Not uh...not too long a drive either. Out of the city.” He felt physically unable to hold eye contact with the boy any longer, and both returned their gaze to the stars.
“Well alright then.” Mulligan said and both boys smiled shyly, innocently, as a comet streaked across their field of vision like a white hot tear in the sky.
Yeah . Laf thought, envisioning a future where all his dreams were real and all his friends were there alongside him. Definitely love.
Tuesday, October 11th, 2016
11:56pm
Hope Memorial Hospital
Angelica: hey guys so my parents just text me that peggy’s waking up so if y'all want to come visit it's fine with them. She's at hope memorial. Eliza and I are on our way right now
Laffy Taffy: ahh thank god
Laffy Taffy: anybody need a lift?
Mulligan: yes please
TJEFFS: yes please
Jemmy: yes please
Alex Ham: yes please
Laffy Taffy: sorry Alex not enough room you have to ride with john
Alex Ham: you have a fucking volkswagen
Laffy Taffy: I do not make the rules Alex i just enforce them
John L: it's cool with me and it makes sense bc we’re already together
Mulligan: oh?
TJEFFS: interesting
Alex clicked off his phone with a glare and looked up at John. They had left the library about an hour ago, stopping to eat at Taco Bell, and were now seated outside Alex’s house. He’d been stalling to spend more time with the jock, insisting John explain the dynamics of football, as he was completely clueless. So while he hated Laf a little bit for meddling so much, he would lying if he didn't admit he was thrilled that the night was not yet ending.
“You don't have to do this.” He said shyly and John made a face of mock offense.
“You bought me a five layer burrito. I am your slave.” He shoved Alex teasingly and he was grateful that it was dark enough outside tonight to hide his face flushing. “Besides, I had a class with Peggy once. She's a sweetheart, I want her to be okay.”
“She will be.” Alex said with confidence that he forced himself to feel. “She's waking up, so everything will be okay.” John flashed him a skeptical look but started the car without another word, going well over the speed limit as Alex used google maps to navigate them.
By the time they got inside the small hospital, the smell of linoleum floors and the way their shoes squeaked making Alex woozy, the others were already huddled outside the door the nurse directed them too. Eliza caught sight of him and pulled him into a tight hug, surprising him, but he was not about to deny the girl any comfort he could provide, and he squeezed her back just as tightly.
“Have you seen her yet?” He asked Angelica over Eliza’s shoulder, who shook her head in annoyance.
“She's doing an interview with the psychologist right now, to make sure there's no brain damage or whatever.” She was tapping her foot impatiently but Alex could see the fear hidden within the folds of her frustration. Poor Angelica, she's always trying to protect her sisters. She must feel so helpless. He pulled away from Eliza to give Angie’s hand a squeeze, the girl blinking in surprise but not pulling away.
“She better not tell him why she fainted.” Thomas grumbled. “He'll think she's fucking insane. Then they'll ask us to confirm and think we’re fucking insane.” The Schuyler sisters threw him matching glares.
“That's not important right now.” Mulligan chastised and guilt flashed across Thomas’ face. He opened his mouth, eyes apologetic, but the door swung open before he could manage.
“Okay, she's fine for visitors but-” They all shoved past him into the cramped room before the doctor could manage to spit out “- one at a time.”
Peggy had the sheets up to her chin, looking like a child in the hospital bed too big for her, and Alex felt acutely aware that he was only eighteen. God, we’re all just kids. Why is this happening to us? Last weekend he had been sending in college applications, now he was staring at his friend who had just woken up from a coma.
“Hey beautiful.” Angelica’s voice was sweeter than Alex had ever heard it when she pulled up a chair beside her sister, taking Peggy’s hand. Peggy smiled, the expression only adding to the imagery of her as some innocent, broken animal, and Alex pressed against Laf, standing close at his side.
“The last words anybody says to you.” Lafayette whispered, gazing at the empty space above Peggy’s head and trembling slightly. Alex pondered this meaning, taking his friend’s hand, but was too focused on the figure in the hospital gown to dwell on it. (Something something tugging at your mind)
“Hey guys.” Peggy croaked, smiling weakly. “Mom and dad said I was only out a couple of days. Did I miss much?”
“Nothing important.” Angelica assured her and Eliza let out a little sob before wrapping her arms around her sister’s neck on the opposite side of the bed, lip trembling.
“Awe ‘Liza.” Peggy’s eyes began to water as she hugged her sister back fiercely. “I'm okay. Really I'm okay. I just feel….weary.” Weary. Peggy, proud of her status as adorable and endearing, rarely used such vocabulary. Weary was the word of an old woman, seeking reprieve, not a fifteen year old.
“Did you dream?” Alex asked, unsure what pulls the question out of him, not even recognizing his voice immediately as his own, and they all looked at him.
“What?” Mulligan looked at him, tilting his head, and Peggy frowned thoughtfully.
“I did. I dreamt….about you guys.” Her eyes suddenly grew wide, too wide, and Eliza jumped away from her with a hiss, staring at the hands that had been clutching her sister.
“Peggy you're burning up!” She whimpered, sounding almost afraid, and Peggy’s eyes grew wider still.
“I can see it all.” She whispered and a chill ghosted over the room, her voice tainted by an almost metallic quality, cold and precise and utterly unnerving. “I looked into the light. I can see it all.”
“Go back to sleep.” Angelica said suddenly, sitting up sharply. “You need more rest.” It was her Leader voice, the same voice that had ordered Mulligan to not go back into the woods. Angelica was beautiful and powerful and wealthy, she was not accustomed to things not going her way. She was not accustomed to watching her kid sister slip slip slip through her fingers into someplace dark that even Angie couldn't rescue her from.
“I see it all.” The voice was Peggy but not Peggy, now subhuman, deep and echoing as if through a distant cavern. Alex thought distantly of when he and Laf had tried, as kids, to make walkie talkies out of can and strings. Somehow they hadn't done it right, and their voices came out warped and ridiculous, a joke between them for several months.
Angelica jumped to her feet.
“Call a nurse!” She yelled, everyone frozen in place, unable to tear their eyes away. The voice had stilled them, sucked the previously overflowing joy and relief out of the room and out of their lungs.
“Thomas.” James gasped, fists clenched so tight his knuckles were pale, and his boyfriend immediately turned the boy to face his chest. Turning him away from Peggy.
Her pupils were blown, almost to the point of exploding. The lines of her retina had broken, the browns of her iris leaking out into the whites of her eyes like a watercolor painting. Alex didn't think that was possible, knew that what he was seeing wasn't possible, but regardless of the laws of nature her eyes became a muddled black and brown color, no white visible. Alex wondered, for less than a heartbeat, if maybe they had all died in the woods. Maybe a plane crash had killed them and this was some weird eternal dream, post death.
“Angelica.” Peggy said in her normal voice, meek and trembling. “Eliza.” She held out her hands on either side of the bed and the girls rushed to her, a Schuyler on her left and her right, like a tragic renaissance painting. Alex couldn't look away from the image, not even to blink. He was too captivated and far, far too afraid. He felt Laf intertwine their fingers on one hand, and John do the same on the other. He didn't question it, it barely even registered.
“Call the nurse.” Angelica repeated in a hushed tone when Peggy didn't speak, the only movement in the room the heaving of her chest. The only sound her thick and pained gasps. The girl in the bed squeezed Angelica’s hand so suddenly and fiercely that the girl cried out, a tear slipping out of her left eye, catching on her chin.
“No.” Peggy whispered. “No one else. Only we saw. It's only us now.” Her words were laced with purpose and Alex felt understanding crash through him, although he felt certain the source of it was not his own mind. Only us. Only us. He glanced around the room briefly and saw the same grim agreement in everyone’s eyes.
They all nodded mutely save for James, weeping softly into Thomas’ shirt. Thomas’ hands rubbed up and down his back but even he didn't take his gaze off Peggy to comfort his boyfriend further.
“You have to go back.” She whispered, voice soft yet deafening all at once, expanding like liquid to fill the volume of the room. Her eyes had no remaining pupil, no way to indicate whether or not she saw or what she was seeing, yet when her head turned to Alex, he felt that Peggy could see right through him. “You have to go back.” The idea was chilling yet he felt that same resolution, especially under her black stare. “You are changed. Your DNA is rewritten. I shouldn't have looked.” Tears, red like blood, began to trickle down her cheeks. Or perhaps it was blood. The thought made Alex almost vomit. “I can see it all now. Too much. Go back and he’ll tell you.”
She startled convulsing, her whole body racked with violent shakes, and Eliza was openly sobbing. Angelica tried to wrench her hand away to no avail, Peggy’s nails digging into her flesh, breaking the skin with every tug. When she spoke again, the other voice was back. That which echoed.
“We are different. Songbird.” She looked at Alex and he felt utterly lost and so terribly afraid that his hands grew clammy and his throat went bone dry.
“Peggy what do you mean?” He asked, then stepped forward to the end of the bed and screamed at her, hands still clutching at the boys on either side of him. “What do you mean?! Peggy!” He was tired of this cloud of uncertainty hanging over their heads but he was mostly exhausted from being afraid. He didn't think his body could handle another second of this numbing fear, hand in hand with disbelief. Strange things did not happen in Ohio and they didn't happen to him.
Peggy’s head jerked violently towards Lafayette, releasing Angelica who fell to the ground on her behind in a way that would be comical were it under different circumstances, gasping and staring at her bleeding hand. Peggy raised a finger to Laf and the boy let out a small whine, similar to the noise a cornered animal might make, and she took in a raspy breath.
“What you see is the future. The words before death, the ending.” She coughed and blood trickled out of her mouth now as well, dribbling over her lips thickly. “The last words anybody says to you.”
Lafayette gasped, hands reaching up to cover his mouth, and he stumbled backwards, as if her words held some physical power. The others retained their blank, uncomprehending expressions of fear and incredulity, but Alex knew. He knew what she meant, and he knew such awareness would shatter Laf. I'll see you tomorrow. Those are my last words? Oh god. The thought had opened a new door in the complex equation: death. If they were in any danger, death was on the line. And Lafayette would watch it approaching, powerless to stop it.
Peggy’s hand lowered slowly from where it was trained on Lafayette, her breathing growing more shallow. She suddenly stopped shaking and blinked, her eyes returned to normal, the blood gone, as if it had been one shared mass hallucination. Brown eyes stared curiously, full to the brim with clear, water tears . The others made no motion to move. All were panting, most were crying, and Peggy just stared wide eyed at the wall. She looked up at Angelica, opening her mouth to say something, then slumping down against the pillows, as if changing her mind.
Still, none of them thought to call the nurse. Not until the heart monitor emitted one continuous, shrill note, making them all jump.
“Peggy?” Angelica shook her sister nervously, then again much rougher. “Peggy stop it. Sit up right now.”
The tiny spikes in the monitor were gone, replaced by only an ongoing red line, flatlining.
Eliza shrieked and finally pounded the button that called for the nurse just as James collapsed.