counting your scars and missing the stars [discontinued]

You just happen to be one Karkat Vantas, one Karkat Vantas who is moving in with his brother because some terrible shit happened. You don't want to talk about it, even though everyone is pressing on you talking helps, but what was there to even say? Your father is dead, he was murdered for helping out the minority, he was doing this god-forsaken planet a favor! And..now he's gone.
You really don't want to talk about it.

Kankri actually lives in a house, not an apartment like you were imaging on the seven hour car drive over, and it looks well kept which wasn't surprising because your brother was diagnosed with OCD at the age of thirteen.

His so-called boyfriend better be helping him with it like he gushed over on the phone. If not, or if he's not treating your brother nicely, you're gonna throw a punch. Probably get your ass beat up, but it's the thought that counts.
“Karkat, please take your shoes off before you go inside, you know about I feel about dirt tracking around the house.”
You know he's going to clean the floors anyway, but you take your shoes off anyways, you want to make things easier for him.

You go to your room, a small thing but it was more than what you had before sometimes with your father, and that reminds you that John made you promise to call him when you got there. Why he doesn't text like a normal teenager, you have no fucking clue.

”Beep Beep Meow!”

“Fuck. No. We are not fucking doing this little dance jiggle again, no one is calling upon the overpowered gods to rain down fire on us, boiling off our flesh down to the bone and our delicious eyeballs sizzling before they pop like a bubble. Go fuck yourself, Egbert, but before you do, remind me why exactly I'm your friend?”

”Because you're not as bad as you think you are! I'm guessing you're there now, and Karkat? You never did tell me why you suddenly moved, not that I mind! We're going to be going to the same school, and you'll be able to meet my other best bro, Dave. He's so cool, or so he thinks..Karkat? You there?”

“I have to unpack, see you tomorrow.”

You end the call and sigh, running your hand down your face. You really don't like doing that, but the conversation was turning into a conversation you can't stand and you run from things that scare you. It's becoming a problem, your stupid social anxiety and going to a new school right in the middle of the year is not helping at all.

You rarely open up to people, John is one of the two friends you actually have. Sollux is the other one and you involuntarily left him in the state over, he's a douche most of the time, but you balance out each other pretty well. Social anxiety, right. Terrifying. You’re actually worried that your brother hates you and doesn't want you here, even though he reassured you that it's okay. He's thirteen years older than you for a reason and that is to take care of you, or so he says.

You're pretty well-adjusted in taking care of yourself.

After you plug in your prized laptop, put your phone on the shitty charger that takes hours to charge your old, crappy phone, and then collapse on your already made bed coresty to your brother. You’re not going to be able to sleep, sleep never comes easily and usually you pass out from exhaustion from days of not sleeping, lucky you that you slept for three hours last night.

Thank the gods.
You take out your writing notebook, and flip to the most recent page, twenty pages left. You’re going to have to get a new one very soon, today or tomorrow if you could, but you have no idea where anything is in this small town. You don’t even know the high school you’re going to tomorrow, and isn’t that weak as fuck.

“Karkat! Dinner is ready.”

There’s always asking Kankri you suppose. You get up and go to dinner, which was hotdogs and macaroni and cheese, this is going to be awkward. Sitting down at the small table, you began to fill your plate with the pasta and salad that was available. That’s a good fucking salad. “Uh, Kankri, you do know I’m a vegetarian, right? I thought you were too, what the fuck happened with that?”

“I-, oh dear I forgot. And language, cursing is a bad habit I don’t want you to get into.” He rushed up, taking the plate of meat against your protests, “You don’t have to throw it away, that’s a huge waste of food. Also, fuck you I’m fourteen, I can curse if I fucking want too.”

You got him to keep the plate and finish the meal, you picked at your salad as you asked him questions about the town. A mistake you didn’t realize until he started to fucking preach and oh god, he’s talking about puberty now, when did that come up with the question “Where’s the high school, and a store I can shit at?”.
From all of that, you got that your cousin is going to be walking you to school and helping you with everything.

You abscond to your room for the rest of the day.

The morning, you dress in your usual sweater and jeans. Take a quick glance in the mirror, and then regret it. You still look like trash, something that hasn’t changed in the years of your pathetic life.
You meet Kayana at the bus stop she texted you to come to. She was beautiful, just how you remembered her. Still taller, gorgeous brown skin like melted caramel, curves like a hourglass, and green eyes that match perfectly with her dark, short hair. You want to be her, but you’re just the cousin, and that’s okay. It sucks how she’s a year older though.

“Did you eat breakfast?”
You shake your head at her prying question, ignoring how tight your chest felt. She doesn’t hate you, she’s your friend, she’s not mad you’re one minute late.

“Karkat, dear, have my apple. You need to eat food in the morning.”

“I’m fine, just tired.”

She frowns, about to ask how you slept probably, but the bus came driving up. You let her get in first, so that you can sit next to her when she sits down. There wasn’t that many kids of the bus, mostly freshman like you, but it still caused for your breathing to hitch. Kanaya slid into one of middle seats, right behind a short (taller than you still) blonde girl with a little bit of chub on her. You don’t care though, looks aren’t important, you followed your cousin. You stumbled on the way there, no one laughed, but you could feel their stares. Damn this anxiety.

They were talking when you sat down, “-love that top on you. Is it new?” Kanaya flushes, “Yes, Rose. I made it myself.” They giggled. Oh god, are they flirting? You knew Kanaya was gay, but you didn’t know she had game! You felt your heart drop slightly because you realize Kanaya didn’t tell you, and she tells you everything. Or you thought she told you everything.

“Rose, dear, this is my cousin, Karkat. Karkat, this is Rose, my girlfriend.”
You nod to her and she smiles with a trace of hidden mischief, “Nice to meet you.” You go to open your backpack to get your book you’re reading, but Kanaya makes a move to stop you, “We’re almost there. We could of walked to school if you wanted to, but Rose and I had already made plans to take the bus. My apologies.”

You would of definitely liked walking better, but you quietly voice your okayness with this, “It’s okay. I don’t fucking mind.”

You heard a hum of agreement, and you curse yourself of forgetting Rose was there. She smiles like a crocodile. Just like Kanaya said, the bus stopped at the school and everyone departed off.
Kanaya gives you a kiss on the cheek before running off somewhere with Rose. They’ll dating, they’re going to go suck face before the bell rings and classes start. Sneaky bastards. You wait outside the school, you had your schedule emailed to you so you don’t have to go to the office. The less interaction with people, the better.

And there’s John. He looks the same as the photo he sent you, buck teeth, messy dark hair, wide frame glasses because he’s blind as fuck. Even though, you’re far past the crush you had on him last year (okay, almost past), you can still say he’s cute. A datable cute. Then you notice the blonde next to him, you can’t quite see him. He’s all the way across the parking lot, but you sigh under your breath because it’s clear even from there that he’s taller than you.
And coming your way.

You panic mentally, you could leave, but you know that he knows that you know that he’s coming over to talk to you. Fuck fuck fuck fuck. He has white blonde hair, sunglasses on his face when it’s clearly cloudy, long sleeved shirt with a record symbol on it, and tan skin. You note that he has the tiniest freckles on the bridge of his nose and cheekbones. Not like you.

“Sup, I’m Dave Strider.” You freeze, staring at him long enough for it to be awkward. You pull at your sleeve, quickly moving your gaze to the floor, hoping he’ll get the hint and leave you alone. You should probably say something, “K-Karkat.” Your name? Really? Ugh, that sounds so dumb..

Luckily, the bell saves you. You rush away, hoping you’re not seen as rude. God, that kid was so hot, but so fucking douchy. Wearing shades when it’s fucking January? Not to mention he probably thinks you’re such an idiot, well fuck him! You hope you never see him or his shades again. You didn’t even get to talk to John, the one person besides Kanaya that you know.

It takes you awhile to find your homeroom classroom, and so when you get there, you’re late and everyone else is already there. The teacher nods at you as you rush in, you guess because you’re new it okay that you’re late, and then freeze. There’s one seat open and it’s right in front of one Dave Strider, one Dave Strider that you hoped you would never see again.

You hate your life.