Chapter 4
Serina or whatever tried to shove an elder scroll up my ass, and as eager as I was to unravel its secrets my anal cavity was still drenched in brynjolf's gross brine and I didn't want to stain todd howard's toilet paper with it
it turned out to be like a 90 page bug testing summary from bethesda's QA team, but it was like written in japanese or something, which on nirn was equivalent to the ancient tongue of the old ones. The old ones being rock gollemz.Gollum likes rock music, his favorite bands were evanescence, disturbed, breaking benjamin, and taylor swift's saccharine soldiers of slaughter
so I guess that's why them weeb ass moth priests go blind after reading it. I think it’s because thy’re not cool enough to see words lik i can.
“Oh hey, why are you so like this?” i ask the vampir laddy and sje was like “oh you knoooooow” but i didn’t because i didn’t get to finish Dawngard because my brother brok my xbux because he jacked off thinking about how cool it would be to marry that vampire gurl too hard
I didnt think bout that tho because I was already gonna marry brinyolf and urfic stormcock. Unfortunately I was playing the supra speshul 2059 edition of skyrim and nobody made a good polygamy mod yet, so I had to look up ancient tutorials on how to use creation kit by delving into the college of winterhold's records But then i just sold some old guys some pictures of my noodies and they made it for me. The one old guy said something at the end of it and his mere voice sent an orgasmic quake through the very earth itself, the heavens splitting open and gushing torrents of rain unto the parched land. What the fuck, reep? UwU. A valid point. O hai anonymous hedgehog, do you go faaaaaeeehyeeeest at the speed of sound GYEHTTA GO F A. A A A A S T. yaaaaassss queen. Y A S BEHH
OKAY SO NOW BACK TO THE ROMANTIC PART!
I Went to see the companions and met the secy bois there. One was namedd….GUYS THIS PART OF THE STORY OH MY GAWSWWWSSSWWD. 1 was named viches vichy france and he was sexahhhh and one was naed fartass because he smelled bad but was sexahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. HE DIDN'T SMELL BAD HE JUST HAD A MANLY MUSK ABOUT HIM THAT RADICAL FEMINISTS WHO RALLY AGAINST THE PATRIARCHY CAN'T APPRECIATE.
FARTASS AFTAID OF SPOOPERS WHO ALWAYS TELL HIM TO SHAVE HIS NECKBEARD. But he always sayd “NO IT MAKES MY FEDOORA LOOK COOL!!!” so yah that why farkor no lik spids. Farkors niknaem is also jimmy. Bimmy jimmy, like james bond, but without the charisma to bond with anything composed of more than 3 elemental compounds. But harbinger sed he can't make monies to buy authentic akaviri katana unless he go sleigh spooders.
Oh, i hed sacs with them both, btw. They had suck big dinguses that i had orgrasiis at least 1 times and then they crid after becuase they missed their mom. (she was ded of succrifice)
Succy succy five septim, said the trees in argonian. Because trees only kno how to spek lizord in argonian vietnam.Brb i goota go yo bed so Imma post this chapter and then go asleep goobnighttt <3 go work on ch 5 if you wanna! :D yoit gee sleppeyr yeee go slep, may vaermina grace you with nightmares about exams and elementary school