Lost
“S-sans, have you ever t-thought about taking up science again?”
You pause in thought, fidgeting with the bandage wrapped around your wrist. “...i dunno.”
Papyrus perks up from his spot on the couch beside you, “COME ON SANS, WE BOTH KNOW YOU LIKE IT! EVEN IF I DON’T UNDERSTAND ALL THE NERDY THINGS YOU BOTH TALK ABOUT…”
Alphys gives a small laugh from the chair next on your other side. “Y-yeah! You know so m-much about stuff too! I-i’m not implying you g-get a job for it or s-something like that, though you could if you wanted t-to, but maybe you’d like t-to help m-me work on some stuff from time to t-time?” She looks down at the ground for a moment, “...Even if i’m t-technically n-not the royal scientist anymore…” She perks up, however, “B-but I still h-have stuff set up in me and Undyne’s r-room! I’ve actually b-been working on some pretty c-cool stuff!”
You want this to be a straightforward answer, but you know it can’t be. Yes, of course, you love science. Especially astrology and physics. But… You hate some parts of it. Like the feeling of when a needle pierces your bone with a strange substance and it burns, it burns so much. Or when you have to do hours upon hours of work because you were forced to. And especially when the person who’s asking you to work with them right now is the one that made such a fatal mistake as to cause the abomination that is a psychopathic flower, but it’s not her fault, it’s definitely not her fault. You’re just… hesitant to agree.
But… but you’d feel bad if you didn’t. Plus, whatever you’re going to be working on with Alphys can’t possibly be bad. Alphys wouldn’t ask you to work on something dangerous. And, it could be, well, fun.
As nonchalantly as you can, like you didn’t just have a whole debate about it in your head, you reply, “sounds good.”
“I KNEW YOU WOULD WANT TO! NOW! GO AND DO SCIENCE STUFF!”
Now…? Alphys seems to have the same train of thought as you do because she asks timidly, “You mean, now? Like r-right now?”
“WHY NOT!? IT’S NOT LIKE YOU’RE DOING ANYTHING RIGHT NOW ANYWAYS. AND NO SANS, SITTING ON THE COUCH DOES NOT COUNT AS DOING SOMETHING.”
You give a small chuckle at that. “are you sure? i’m pretty sure ‘sitting’ is technically doing something.”
Papyrus gives you a look.
“A-anyways…” Alphys interrupts your banter, most likely knowing that it’s going to go on forever if she doesn’t butt in, “I do actually have something i’m working on, and s-something I have to t-tell you Sans.”
The way she’s says it, sweetly but also serious, it seems like she actually has something she wants to discuss with you. You don’t know what it could be really, but you figure it has something to do with yourself. You play with the bandages around your wrist a little bit more, unwrapping and wrapping them back up, sort of ruining Frisk’s good job of tying them around your wrist in the first place.
“okay.” You reply, trying to force some enthusiasm, at least for the sake of Papyrus being happy you’re doing ‘science stuff’.
“W-well, alright.” Alphys stands up, and you follow her lead.
“HAVE FUN! AND, UH, MAKE SURE UNDYNE ISN'T WITH YOU GUYS!” Papyrus looks exaggeratedly nervous, “DON’T TELL HER I SAID THIS, BUT… HER HELPING WITH SCIENCE MIGHT BE EXPLOSION INDUCING…”
Alphys just laughs at that, “Okay, P-Papyrus, i’ll make sure s-she isn’t with us!”
Again, you follow behind Alphys as she walks front the living room and upstairs, both of you with small smiles on your faces. You love your brother.
“A-after you.” Alphys says, pushing the door to her room open and holding it for you.
“oh, what a gentlelady.” You say, teasing her.
“Ha, ha.” She rolls her eyes, “Anyways, h-have a seat over by my c-computer.
She points over to her desk with two swivel chairs by it. It’s very… well cluttered is the only way to describe it, filled with anime figurines and covered in copious amounts of paper.
You sit down in the chair, which softer than expected. Alphys sits down next to you, and starts typing away.
“so…” You awkwardly start, still having no idea what you’re even doing or planning to do. It’s not like you can do full blown experiments in her bedroom. You really don’t want to do that anyways.
“H-hold on a sec…” Alphys replies, eyes still on her computer.
It’s silent for a few more seconds and suddenly you hear the sound of a printer starting up. You didn’t even notice it under all the miscellaneous items covering the desk.
Alphys grabs the paper as soon as it comes out, and she hold it in front of her in a way where you can’t see what’s on it.
“Um… well… Oh man, t-this might be h-hard to say.”
You have no idea what’s she’s trying to get across to you, but you comfort her anyways. “c’mon alph, you can tell me whatever.”
She takes a deep breath, and starts speaking. “Okay. I k-know this p-probably isn’t what you were expecting to d-do when you came up h-here, but I just finished r-researching something important a-and Papyrus j-just reminded me of it.” Her tone’s become serious, and again you find yourself wondering what this could be about.
“Well, i, uh, guess i’ll i-just come out and s-say it?” She gives a laugh, not really appropriate for the situation, but purely out of nerves. “You know h-how your HP, you’re, uh, HoPe, has g-gone down and back up a-again?” You nod yes, “That’s h-how it’s supposed to w-work, right? Y-you can lose HP, b-but with enough help y-you can gain it b-back.”
It’s silent for a moment. Alphys seems to be figuring out how to phrase her next sentence. “Well, i’ve, uh, been doing s-some research and…” She looks over the paper in her hands, though you have no doubt she already knows the information on it, “W-well, you’re a r-rare case.” At that point you can’t help but give a small, self-deprecating chuckle, which Alphys pointedly ignores, “So your HP w-went down to one, w-which was p-previously unheard of for someone w-who is, well, alive. And even if it’s technically n-not been a really long t-time that it’s b-been at that point, to you it has b-been, and t-that’s what matters when it’s a-about your own soul.”
A shuddering breath passes brought Alphys’ teeth, like she’s extremely anxious about what she has to say.
“So, um, what i’m t-trying to say is… I don’t think your HP can get any higher than one.”
You… don’t react at that statement, at least not visibly. You feel like laughing out loud at the pathetic state your life has become, but you doubt that would be appropriate.
Alphys is quick to explain. “I’ve b-been looking into it, and it, uh, s-seems like you’ve r-reached a point where y-your body couldn’t s-sustain having a higher HP t-than one?” She asks the last part as a question, like she’s not certain. “I’m still t-trying to f-figure it out, a-and I could be totally wrong…” The words, “Like I have been before.” Are muttered under her breath quickly before she continues speaking, “B-but, um… T-this seems like its t-the most likely p-possibility…” She finishes, giving you a sympathetic look.
Again, you don’t respond. You don’t know why. You should be reacting in some way, right? You should be either getting upset or shrugging off like you’d usually do, saying it doesn’t really matter, but you’re not. It’s almost like what she said didn’t register in your mind yet.
“-ans? Sans?” Alphys says, and you realize you must have zoned out. “Are y-you… okay?”
“...yeah.” You reply, but even you’re aware that’s not true.
Your hand is pulling at the bandages around your wrist harder, making the wraps irritate the wounds so much it stings.
“So… uh… d-do y-you want to, um, ask m-me anything?” It’s obvious Alphys has no idea how to handle this situation, though it’s just as obvious you don’t either.
“...no.”
“Ah… O-okay…”
It’s silent again, but more tense than last time. Alphys looks like she’s searching for something to say. You hope she doesn’t. You don’t feel like talking right now. In fact, you feel very tired all of a sudden.
“... i think i’m going to go take a nap. we can do some science stuff later, yeah?”
Alphys clearly wasn’t expecting that. “Um! O-okay? Are y-you sure you don’t-”
You cut her off before she can even finish her sentence. “nah, i’m good. see you later.”
You walk out of the room without turning back to loon at Alphys once.
One HP forever, huh? That’s if it doesn’t drop again too.
You’re not sure how to feel about that. You don’t feel anything about that right now, even though you’re pretty sure you should be.
There’s two possibilities here: Either Alphys is wrong and you’ll be able to gain HoPe, or the later and more likely, Alphys is right and you’re stuck at one HP or below for the rest of your life.In the first scenario, you’d still probably never be able to gain that HoPe, but at least there would be a chance you assume. In the other, there’s no chance because you’re literally too weak to sustain a more hopeful body. That’s kind of pathetic.
Your head begins to hurt as you walk into your room and lay on your bed. The calendar looms above where you sit, seemingly mocking you with the current thoughts in your head.
Even if there is a RESET, there’s nothing it can do. As Alphys said, souls aren’t based on time, but instead the person themself. So a RESET wouldn’t do anything except decrease your HP. It’s a weird thought that there are now irreversible consequences.
Again, you’re not sure how you’re feeling right now. There’s no clear emotion, in fact, you barely feel anything. You’re pretty certain you’re overwhelmed to the point where you literally cannot handle feelings, so you’ve shut them all out. Because the thought of never, ever getting better provokes extreme emotion from you.
A funny thought enters your head: if you somehow do get to two HP, would you die because your body couldn’t handle your hopefulness? That would be pretty funny. The only thing about that scenario that doesn't make sense is that the fact you would never reach two HP, even without the limitation. You’re just too weak to do that.
You think back to when you thought five HoPe was low. What you would give, to even be at five HP again, a number that’s so small compared to any other monster.
It’s hilarious that you ever thought you’d be able to get better and recover lost HoPe, because you now know it will never, ever happen.