Mad
When you wake up, you’re greeted to a pounding headache, not aided by the shining lights above your head. You close your eyes, and utter a weak word to whoever might be in the room.
“c-can someone turn the lights off?”
You wait a few moments in silence before ultimately deciding that in fact, no one is in the room with you, and you’re going to have to do this by yourself.
You groan as you try and sit up, partly in pain, and partly in frustration with yourself. How could you- Nope. Right now you need to repress and forget the crushing guilt you feel when remember the past days(?) events. At least until you find out what the heck is going on, and why you’re still in Alphys’s room.
Once you’re sitting up, you have a clear view of the window to the front yard of the house, giving you a guess at the time of day it is. It looks like either the sun just finished rising or is about to set. Given the activity present from neighbors on your street, parents mowing the lawn and children playing in the grass, you can safely assume it’s the morning.
Deciding you should probably start to head downstairs to see what everyone’s up to, and of course learn how long you were out for and what happened, you place your hands on the bedside table and begin to push yourself out of the bed.
As your feet hit the floor, you take a moment to stabilize yourself before testing your balance. Once feel like you could walk without falling straight onto your face, you take a few steps before stopping in the middle of the room.
The realization hits you hard. It’s not only about what effect this ‘attempt’ would have on your family, it’s also the fact you actually could have died. You could have really died. And you’re scared by the fact that you wouldn't mind that, but you also find some solace in the fact that you’re scared. You’re scared that you want to die. You’re scared of the effect it will have on people. You’re scared, and even though it doesn’t seem like a good thing, it’s better than overwhelming apathy that you’ve experienced in the face of death.
You shudder even though the room you’re in is hot. Your hands shake slightly, and you go to shove them into your hoodie pockets before realizing your hoodie isn’t on. Alphys, or maybe even someone else who came into the room, must have taken it off.
You look at the scars on your wrists. The ugly deep scars on your wrist that you hate but at the same time love. It’s disgusting and pathetic.
Taking a deep breath, you remind yourself, let it go for now. Go downstairs. Figure out what happened. Then you can break down once you know you’re alone. It’s almost like a mental checklist of things to do.
So you do that. You go downstairs and come across everyone just finishing up breakfast in the kitchen.
“hey” You saying, turning everyone’s attention to you.
“OH SANS! YOU’RE UP!” Papyrus gives you a smile, “HOW DID YOU SLEEP? I’M SURE ALPHYS TOLD YOU THAT THE REST OF US WENT OUT YESTERDAY MORNING?” You nod, even though you had no idea, “WELL I HOPE YOU HAD A FUN DAY YESTERDAY! ALPHYS WAS JUST TELLING ME ABOUT HOW YOU GUYS BASICALLY WATCHED ANIME ALL DAY YESTERDAY…” He makes a rather disgruntled face, “WHICH I NORMALLY WOULDN’T CONDONE, BUT I’M SURE YOU HAD FUN.”
You have to remember to thank Alphys later for this. Even though she was mad at you, she still didn’t tell anyone.
You glance over at Alphys for a split second and she gives you a nervous smile. “yeah, we had a ton of fun.” You reply, lying straight through your teeth, and just to make sure no one suspects anyone, you add a pun for good measure, “a skeleton.”
“AUGHHH! IT’S TOO EARLY FOR THIS SANS!” Papyrus almost screams, and you feel a pang of pain in your skull, which was already aching.
“heh heh, sorry paps.” You say, very obviously not sorry.
“I don’t mean to interrupt,” Toriel starts, “but I was wondering if everyone was done? I’ll take you plates.”
“OH THAT REMINDS ME!” Papyrus says, turning to you, “WOULD YOU LIKE SOME BREAKFAST? WE HAD WAFFLES!”
And you then realize how hungry you are, but you don’t really think you’d be able to stomach anything due to the previous events. “nah, i’ll have something a little later. like brunch or something, that’s what it’s called, right?”
“OH, OKAY.” He looks downtrodden for a moment, and you feel bad for refusing his cooking.
Everyone except you, Alphys and Papyrus has or is about to leave the room to get ready for the day. Toriel is the last out after putting the dishes in the dishwasher, and Frisk heads upstairs with her, offering a small wave as they leave.
“SO SANS.” Papyrus starts, and you’re slightly upset by the seriousness in his tone. “I’M GLAD YOU GOT A GOOD NIGHT’S SLEEP THE LAST FEW NIGHTS. I KNEW YOU WERE GETTING BETTER!”
You force a laugh and try and change the subject. “hey Papyrus, mind if I meet you upstairs in a few minutes? i just need to talk to Alphys about the the scenes i missed in the anime we were watching, cause i sorta fell asleep.”
You know it’s a weak excuse, but you’re feeling like the worst person in the world because of Papyrus’ last sentence. The guilt almost physically hurts.
“UGH! LAZYBONES!” He replies jokingly, “I’LL BE UPSTAIRS!”
Papyrus marches out of the kitchen with a skip in his step. You visible slouch in your seat and let out a sigh. “...thanks alph. for, ya know… not telling anyone…” You mumble.
“It w-was no problem.”
“are you…” Are you what? Mad at you still? Because she is, or at least she should be. You did something stupid. Again.
After noticing you’re not finishing your thought, Alphys prompts you. “Am I w-what?”
You take a deep breath and almost whisper your answer, speaking very quickly like a child who’s done something wrong. “are you still mad at me?”
“What?”
“... are you still mad at me?” You speak a bit clearer.
She looks at you for a second and you take that as a bad sign. “i’m sorry i know that what i did was stupid i don’t know why i did it and thank you so much for covering me but i’m just so, so sorry, i just-”
For once, Alphys is the one to cut you off. “Stop, It’s n-not your fault. I… I just got mad. It’s not y-your fault.” She repeats.
You let out a small sigh of relief and offer Alphys a shaky smile. “thanks.”
You still feel guilty.