Stars
“SO SANS… WE SHOULD TALK ABOUT THIS. ABOUT… GASTER.”
You wince slightly as his name is said, unused to hearing it out loud for the longest time.
It's been about a week since your “slip up”, and you thought that's all it would be: a slip up. Nothing more, nothing less. You thought you could go back to getting better, not wanting to die all the time. But no. Ever since then you've been worse.
You just had to mess it up. You could've gotten better. You had your chance. But you took it and threw it away.
Someone like you who doesn't even try to get better doesn't deserve to get better.
And you just don't get it. Your family, they keep being nice to you. Granted they don't all know about your “small” mistake last week, but they knew you were and are messed up. Yet they still believe in you.
They shouldn't.
It's just that they want to help you, everyone wants to help you, but they don't realize the only way to is to let you die. You just want to disaspear, if even for a short time until the next RESET.
Why can't they let you die?
It's not like you have a purpose. It's not like you do anything to help them. The only thing you do is mess up. You're worse than being useless because you're useless and you mess things up.
“SANS?”
“oh yeah, okay.”
“YOU KNOW HE WASN’T A GOOD… DARE I SAY FATHER.”
But that's because of you.
“AND IT’S DEFINITELY NOT YOUR FAULT. YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND THAT.”
But it was.
“YOU CAN’T KEEP BLAMING YOURSELF FOR THINGS OUT OF YOUR CONTROL.”
You could have stopped it.
“AND THIS… GASTER… HE WAS… WELL I THINK HE DESERVED THAT.”
“what?”
You're shocked by Papyrus saying that. He's the one that believes everyone should have a chance. Everyone has good in them. He's the one who spared a genocidal child, even though he probably knew the most likely outcome of doing that.
Papyrus saying that he wants someone to be dead is a whole thing in itself. Papyrus saying he wants someone- him -to suffer a fate worse than death? Does he not grasp the whole concept of the void? The true hell hole it is?
Or does he really hate him that much?
Papyrus shouldn't though, it wasn't his fault he was insane. Wasn't his fault he did the things he did.
It was yours though.
“WELL I KNOW THIS IS A RATHER… BOLD THING TO SAY, NOT EVEN REMEMBERING HIM AT ALL BUT… I HONESTLY THINK HE DESERVED WHAT HE GOT.”
“no no no. it was my fault. he didn't deserve this.”
“SANS…” Papyrus sighs, “I DON’T KNOW WHAT I CAN DO TO GET YOU TO STOP THINKING THAT. IT WASN’T YOUR FAULT. NONE OF IT. THE RESETS OR GASTER. PLEASE JUST…” His voice breaks off, his expression literally pleading with you.
However he gives up as you don't respond, sighing once again. “DO YOU WANT TO GET LUNCH NOW?”
You hum in agreement, not quite trusting your voice. You want to believe what Papyrus said, that none of it's your fault, but you just can't. You just know it's your fault. And you feel horrible for not being able to believe what Papyrus says.
But everything's your fault. It always has been, and it always will be.
You can't change the fact that you're a horrible person.
Papyrus walks out the door and after you're about to follow him, you pause.
“i'll, uh, be there in a sec. gotta ‘freshen up.’”
“OKAY SANS. I TRUST YOU.”
And you hate it so much that he puts emphasis on the word trust. You hate it that he’s offering you this small bit of freedom from someone constantly watching over you. You hate it because it's so clear you can't handle being on your own. And you hate yourself for being like that.
You sigh, a sad and exhausting sound as you head over to your closed window and pull the blinds up. You stare out the window, not really paying attention to the scenery, but more deep in thought.
It's sad. You're sad. Right now your only desire to find something, anything, to dig into bone, only hoping that it'd be deep enough to be lethal. You don't want to live. You don't deserve to live. But you're trying so hard not to be selfish and think about everyone else for once.
Papyrus would be devastated if you died. Even if it's only moments before the next RESET, you can't do that to him. He doesn't deserve that.
But he cares about you, and you don't know why. They all do. Papyrus, Alphys, Undyne, Toriel, Asgore, and Frisk.
And it just doesn't make sense.
You sigh once again, turning to the door as you begin to head out, leaving the window open for a few stray beams of light to filter in.
You trudge your way down the steps, possibly in the worst mood of this whole day so far. Your smile still remains however.
And it only brightens a little bit when you come into the room with everyone. Your family.
“Hello Sans!” Toriel greets, gesturing with her hand to the seat next to her.
Complying you sit down next to her without saying a word, but trying your best to offer a gentle smile.
Lunch is great. Well of course it's great, it was made by the Great Papyrus himself (along with help from Toriel obviously.) It's grilled cheese, and you note that someone considerately put extra tomato on it for you. Frisk however, not being a fan of tomatoes or ketchup or anything of the sort, looks at your plate with a playful type of disgust, and you wink at them.
“SO, SANS!” Papyrus says after a lull in conversation, “I WAS TALKING WITH EVERYONE AND THEY ALL AGREED THAT WE SHOULD ALL GO OUT TONIGHT. YOU WANT TO COME?”
You don't. You really don't, but you shrug in agreement anyway. It's really not like you have a choice in the matter.
“GREAT! I’M SO GLAD! I’M SURE YOU’LL HAVE THE BEST OF TIMES!”
Conversation continues on after that, but shortly everyone is done and cleans up. You go back to your room and just lay on your bed, not wanting to do anything. You feel like crap. Physically and mentally. And you're still tired because god knows how many hours of sleep you've had this week.
It's only when night rolls around that you begin to get a bit anxious about going out. What is that supposed to mean? Is it a type of test to see how you're progressing at getting more mentally stable? You'll fail if it is.
“SANS, ARE YOU READY!?” Papyrus says, as you hear his footsteps against the stairs.
The door slams open as Papyrus comes in, holding a small strip of black cloth.
“uh, yeah. what is that?” You ask curiously, pointing at the cloth in his hands.
“IT’S A SURPRISE! WELL NOT THE CLOTH… BUT WHERE WE ARE GOING! YOU CAN’T SEE THE SURPRISE BEFORE WE GET THERE! IT WAS ACTUALLY FRISK’S IDEA TO BLINDFOLD YOU!”
Overcome by his enthusiasm, he sit still on your bed as he comes and ties the blindfold gently around your head.
“i could just like, close my eyes?”
“BUT THEN I WOULDN'T KNOW IF YOU WERE PEEKING.” Papyrus defends, “BESIDES, I THINK IT'S MORE FUN THIS WAY!”
More like more nerve wracking, but you don't say that to Papyrus.
Now covered by the blindfold, you feel Papyrus pick you up and carry you out and into the car. Not so surprisingly, Papyrus tells you that they have to take two cars, You, Papyrus, Frisk, and Toriel driving, and Asgore, Undyne, and Alphys in the other.
When did they get two cars???
It seems as though you've missed a lot by being super antisocial.
Papyrus puts you in the back with Frisk, and you still can't see, but you feel small hands grab your own and than a weight on your lap as Frisk decides to climb on you.
“i would ask you to tell me where we're going, but eye can't seem to see anything, if ya know what i mean.”
Frisk giggles childishly, then to your surprise, leans in close to your head and whispers, “It's a secret, silly.”
“welp. can't argue with that logic.”
The kid seems to be in a good mood as the car starts up, and you have to admit, it's kind of infectious. You're still a little nervous about how you're going to mess everyone's night up, (because let's be honest, you will) but Frisk’s behavior seems to put your mind at ease a bit.
“Frisk, please buckle up before I start driving.”
With a small, disgruntled ‘hmph’ in disappointment, they reluctantly climb off your lap and into their own seat.
“Thank you!” Toriel says cheerfully before starting to drive.
The ride starts off smooth but grows a bit bumpy as you presumably come closer to your destination. The car stops finally after what you think may be around twenty minutes, and you ask, “we here?”
“NOT YET! WE MUST WALK JUST A LITTLE BIT FURTHER!”
“walk?” You say overly dramatic.
“YES, WALK, LAZY BONES. ALTHOUGH IF I MUST I WILL CARRY YOU.”
“well i can't see, so…”
“SIGH, I GUESS.” Papyrus says, noticing you're in a better mood for some reason. Not a great mood, but better.
Taking pity on you, he picks you up and starts to walk. The crisp crunching of dead leaves beneath everyone's feet suggest that you're in a woodsy area. You're not exactly sure though.
You sit there, thoroughly confused in Papyrus’ arms. Why are they taking you here again? It seems like it's a surprise for just you, and you don't understand why.
After walking/ being carried for what you assume is around ten minutes, Papyrus stops suddenly, placing you on the ground. “HERE WE ARE!” He says, unwrapping the blindfold from around your head.
A beautiful scene is before you. All your friends, sitting on small blankets on the ground. The place you now recognize as the base of Mt. Ebott. But the best thing, the really fabulous thing is the stars. The view is out of this world. It really is spectacular.
Sure, you've seen the stars before, but never like this. Never in any RESETS have you come to this area to have such a clear view. They sparkle and shine in the sky, so similar to crystals in waterfall, but so, so, different at the same time.
“SURPRISE!” Everyone shouts joyously, even Frisk as well.
“I KNOW HOW MUCH YOU LIKE SPACE STUFF, SO OF COURSE WHEN FRISK HAD THIS GREAT IDEA, (ALMOST AS GREAT AS THE GREAT PAPYRUS HIMSELF) WE HAD TO GO THROUGH WITH IT.”
He wraps his arms around you in a hug and you give him a real, genuine smile. “And it seems like it worked.” Papyrus says softly, only for you to hear.
You just continue to smile at him, feeling truly happy for one of the first times in a while.
.6/.6 HP