Relapse
You'd been doing so good!
It's been about a week since you had the chat with Asgore, and you felt okay. Not perfect, but okay, and that's all you could have really hoped for.
It wasn't that noticeable at first, but you felt like you were changing, felt like you were getting better.
But it's noticeable when you don't feel the same. It's noticeable when you go back into your dark pit, but this time without the light. It's noticeable when you feel all your negative thoughts come back one day after waking up. Not that they were completely gone, but it was better.
And now it's not.
And your wrist is all scratched up again. It stings as you press the knife against it. The knife you snuck out in the middle of the night to get because you’re just that pathetic.
And you drag it across your bone over and over because you're just that weak. Just that stupid. Just that useless. Just that worthless. Just that-
You wince slightly as you dig deep into your bone, but it doesn't matter. The pain doesn't last long enough anyways.
Your HP is bound to be dangerously low right now, but you really don't care. You probably won't die. Not that it matters.
But didn't you try and change your thinking? Didn't you try to change your outlook on life? Or did the last week, where you were actually doing okay, mean nothing? Are you really that much of a lost cause?
You weakly fall to the kitchen floor, abandoning the knife with a sharp clang against the ground. Your vision blurs slightly, going dark around the edges. You don't even want to check your HP. It's not like you didn't deserve it anyways.
“Uh… Sans…?”
You quickly turn your head up to the doorway where the voice came from, a voice that is unmistakably Undyne’s.
“h-hey Undyne…” You try to say in a steady voice, hoping her eyes haven't adjusted enough to the dim light to spot the knife next to you or the specs of dust along your wrist.
“What are you doing?” She asks sleepily, obviously confused.
“what are y-you doing?”
“Me and Alph were gonna watch anime all night, but I fell asleep. So I felt bad when she woke me up, so I came down here to get her some instant noodles. I just don't- HEY! You're distracting me from the question!”
Good to know she's still very passionate, even while half asleep.
“What are you doing?”
Instead of responding, you guiltily try to reach the knife to hide it. Unfortunately Undyne catches this motion.
“Oh.” She says quietly.
Great, now Undyne knows you're messed up and not getting better. Not that she didn't think that before, but she probably didn't realize how much of a lost cause you are. She didn't re-
Your thoughts are interrupted as Undyne suddenly picks you up, leaving you very confused in her arms. Without saying a word she carries you upstairs and into Alphys and her room.
“S-sans?” Alphys says, turning her head away from the computer she's watching.
Undyne plops you down in a pile of blankets on the bed, right next to where Alphys is sitting. Without saying a word she leaves.
“uhh…”
You can't tell if you're delirious from the HP loss or not, but you're very confused.
“Ohh.”
The look on Alphys’ face says she knows what's going on. Which is great, because you certainly don't. But it doesn’t look like she’s saying anything, as she turns back to her computer. And you, having nothing else to do, still confused, decide to join her.
After a while, about thirty minutes, Undyne comes back in, somehow managing to carry three cups of what you can assume is hot chocolate, based on the smell and copious amount of whip cream on top.
You shoot her a strange look as she hands you a mug, questioning what’s going on. She only responds by gesturing for you to drink, which you comply soon after. Taking a sip, you notice it’s really hot, but other than that, it’s pretty good.
“Pretty good, right?”
“yeah, thank you… but why?”
Alphys decides to explain. “Even b-before we were dating,” Even in the dark room you see a small blush grow, “Undyne d-did little things like this. Especially w-when I was having a b-bad day.” She looks up at Undyne with a lowing look in her eyes, and you think that those two are lucky to have each other.
“well, thank you. again.”
Not a word is said after that, but it’s comfortable. You all sit there, watching anime, up far later than you all should be. But it’s not like you were going to sleep anyways, and this is a nice alternative to being on your own, and continuing what you were doing before.
And you know Undyne probably still doesn’t like you that much. She wouldn’t have said things like she said without meaning behind them. And it may seem like she’s making up for it. But even if that is true, and it probably is, this small gesture warms you all the way to your soul. And even if this feeling won’t last long, and it won’t, you know from experience, it feels good in the moment. And it’s definitely a step up from almost passing out from injuries on the kitchen floor.
The hot chocolate tastes even better as it grows cooler, now at a warm temperature. And it spreads this warmth through your bones, through your body. And maybe a little bit of that warmth comes from this kind act, but you feel better. From either the drink boosting your HP, or your less negative state of mind, but you like this feeling. It’s nice. You wish you could feel like this all the time.
But it is better, or was better, thinking back to the knife in the kitchen. But for one of the first times in a long time. You feel though you’re really making progress. Really getting better. It may be at your own pace, but that’s good enough for you. And that’s all you can really hope for.