Punishment
After sitting and eating breakfast (in which no one brings up your issue, which you're grateful for), Papyrus helps you upstairs and into your room. Alphys said it should be fine for you to sleep in your own bed since you’re pretty much healed.
Both you and Papyrus sit on your respective beds, yours still having Frisk’s pajamas lying on top, but you push them aside. You’ll have to give them to Frisk later.
“SANS…” Papyrus takes a deep breath before continuing, “I KNOW YOU DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT, BUT ALPHYS SAID KNOWING THE REASON OF YOUR HP DECREASE IS IMPORTANT TO GETTING YOUR CURRENT ONE UP. ALTHOUGH VERY GREAT, I BELIEVE ALPHYS IS BETTER THAN I IN KNOWING WHAT WILL HELP YOUR STATS.”
Great, it seems Papyrus is going to be pestering you now about your HP. Of course you won’t tell him. It’s a man that never existed. Not important.
After realizing you're not going to respond to his prompt, Papyrus starts again, “Sans, I don’t know what you’re going through, so i’m not going to say I get it, because I don’t. But I will say that I will always be there for you, and you can trust me. So please tell me what happened. You don’t have to say everything, but can you please give me something. I don’t even know where to start! I don’t remember anything!”
Papyrus is speaking in a low voice, something he usually never does, but seems to be doing a lot recently. And you hate it because you’re reminded that you’re the cause of it. You caused Papyrus to be upset enough that he quieted down from his usual boisterous self.
“i can’t… it doesn’t even matter.”
“Sans stop saying that. Of course it matters. It mattered so much it caused a drop in your HoPe.”
“well it doesn’t matter anymore.” You defend, albeit snappy. Because it doesn’t matter. Nothing matters. Him being a great father doesn’t matter. Him helping you get your weak DEF up, even the tiniest bit doesn’t matter. Him slowly turning evil doesn’t matter. Him experimenting on both you and Papyrus doesn’t matter. Him falling into his creation doesn’t matter, because nobody remembers.
“Please stop being so…” Papyrus searches for a word to use, “Difficult to work with. I know you may not care.” That’s an understatement, “But everyone here does, and they want to help get your HoPe up. And knowing what happened may be the only way. So please tell me what happened.”
“i just- it doesn’t matter. heh heh.” You start chuckling humorlessly. “it doesn’t matter.”
Papyrus raises his voice for a moment, “SANS OF COURSE IT MATTERS! Stop saying it doesn’t, because it does, and you have to know that. Just tell me!”
He stares at you, waiting for you to speak, but you don’t. There is nothing to say. Papyrus doesn’t remember him. Nobody remembers him. It’s like it didn’t even happen. Because it didn’t.
“Sans, come on! I know you don’t want to tell me because you think I may be burdened by you, or whatever, but I want to help! I want to help you! Everyone wants to help you! Whatever you say right now, my opinion of you will never decrease. You will always be the best big brother I could ever ask for, no matter what you think. I just want to know so I can help you! That’s all I want!.”
Oh, how badly you want to tell Papyrus. But he wouldn’t remember. He wouldn’t understand. He’ll probably think you’re crazy, heck, you probably are. You want to tell him- but you just can’t.
“i- i’m s-sorry. i just can’t.”
“Sans, i’m not one for forcing you to do something, but please. I need to know what happened. Spare me the details, do whatever you want, but I just need to know why. HoPe doesn’t just decrease without a big reason for it to.”
“i-i c-can’t…”
“SANS FOR GOODNESS SAKE, STOP SAYING YOU CAN’T. I JUST WANT TO HELP YOU! IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?”
You sit there, shaking slightly, alarmed at Papyrus’ tone. He takes your lack of response as an answer.
“APPARENTLY IT IS TOO MUCH TO ASK. I JUST WANT TO HELP YOU. WHY CAN’T YOU TELL ME SOMETHING THAT WOULD HELP!?”
“i’m sorry.” You say quietly, caving in on yourself. It’s only then when Papyrus realized his mistake.
“Sans I didn’t mean-”
“i’m sorry.” You say again, cutting him off, “i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry i can’t help i know i’m useless i’m sorry.”
Papyrus approaches you as you keep mumbling apologies. “Sans please, I-”
“i-i’m g-gonna go.” You say softly before using what little strength you have to use a shortcut.
You collapse onto yourself as you land in a small clearing that you went to in previous RESETS. No humans ever come here. It seems it rained recently, as the ground you land on is soft and muddy beneath the grass. You crumble into a ball in a mud puddle, drained from both your shortcut and emotional exhaustion.
You try to calm yourself, but find that you can’t. Papyrus is obviously burdened by you. He honestly spoke his mind, and you were so dumb to not realize it earlier. Sure, you always knew that Papyrus was weighed down by you, but now that it was confirmed, coming straight from his mouth…
Of course you just couldn’t tell Papyrus about him. Of course you had to be selfish; Papyrus just wanted to help. Of course you just fled away from your problems like a coward.
Your hand bumps against something hard as you adjust your position on the ground. It’s a rock. A sharp, jagged rock, that all of a sudden you’re itching to use.
You pick it up slowly, teasing yourself by pressing your fingers into the edges. Your punishment. A punishment you deserve for being such a nuisance. Bringing the rock to your still bandaged arm, you use it to cut the dressings off. You won’t be needing them.
What is your goal here? (You're definitely crazy). Do you want to die? Do you want to live? (You’re insane for doing this). It doesn’t matter. (Why are you doing this?). What happens happens. And what happens will always be RESET.
You raise the rock high in your hands before sending it crashing down hard on your wrist. You hear bone cracking, but you don’t care.
.60/.75 HP
You do it again. You don’t care.
.45/.7 HP
Again and again.
.35/.65 HP
.30/.6 HP
Your hits, already weak from your physical state, get slower and less powerful, but that doesn’t stop you.
.25/.55 HP
You can barely raise your arm high enough to put any power behind the hits, but you give it your all one last time.
.15/.5 HP
You collapse again, physically unable to hold yourself up. You lay on your back, unable to do anything except take in the sight of your mud and dust stained clothes.
Your guilt catches up to you as you lay there. What have you done? Do you want Papyrus to find you half dead like he did last time? What is wrong with you?
You’re too drained to do anything but lay in the soft mud, thinking about how horrible you are.
Papyrus was trying to help you, yet you refused him. He’s already weighed down by you enough, why did you make it harder for him? But then again, why does it matter. The kid will RESET again.
But, thinking about that makes you feel even guiltier. You keep acting as though everything will RESET, although Frisk promised they wouldn’t. You still can’t truly believe them, but you could’ve at least acted like you did. Like it was your first time on the surface. You could have put up a better façade, and none of this would have ever happened.
All of this, everything bad so far that’s happened on the surface, is your fault. Nothing bad would have ever happened if you were just a little better at pretending. Everyone’s pity, everyone’s sympathy, everyone’s sadness for you, could’ve been prevented if you could just suck it up and stop being pathetically weak.
“SANS!” You hear a barely audible shout from the distance. You should’ve picked a place that was farther away from the house. You don’t think you can ever face Papyrus again after how you just acted.
“SANS!” Great, he’s closer now. Papyrus probably figured you’d pick a place that was isolated from everyone.
You don’t even want to try using a shortcut, because you know you’re not strong enough now to. You’d probably pass out or die from exhaustion, and god knows where you’d land. Not that you’d care, but you can’t have Papyrus find you like that again.
“SANS PLEASE, I’M SORRY!” Papyrus is close, so you try to adjust yourself into a reasonable position.
You originally try to sit yourself up by using your injured arm to help you up, but you wince loudly in pain. You really did a number on yourself there. Not that you didn’t deserve it though.
Instead, you push yourself up with your uninjured arm, and somehow manage to sit up. Still sitting in the mud, you notice the bandages you threw on the ground in your haste. They’re dirty and covered in mud, so you just push them to the side and bury them in the grass so Papyrus won’t notice them. You’re quick to roll down your sleeves as you hear footsteps coming close.
“SANS ARE YOU HERE?” He catches sight of you sitting in the mud with your head down. “OH MY GOODNESS ARE YOU OKAY? I’VE BEEN LOOKING FOR YOU FOR AN HOUR!”
He rushes over to you, and you look up, but not at Papyrus, unable to look him in the eye. Instead, you look up at the sky and notice that’s it’s right above you, indicating it’s about noon. Seems Papyrus wasn’t lying when he said he was looking for you for an hour. It didn’t seem as long for you.
“ARE YOU OKAY?” He helps you stand up, noting your lack of ability to do that yourself.
“y-yeah.” You manage to say, voice thick with guilt and emotion, but also physically strained from weakness.
“I’M CHECKING YOU.” Papyrus says, not as a question.
Sans
.15/.5 HP
1 ATK
1 DEF
Getting worse
“SANS… I’M SORRY. I-I… WHERE?”
“w-what?”
“Where did you… You know…”
Oh yeah, besides your overall HP decreasing, you also lost health. It seems as though Papyrus knows why.
“i... um…” There’s no way you’re getting out of this one. Yay! You failed again!
You hold out your arm, unable to form words. Papyrus rolls up your sleeve gently, not making a sound, but wincing slightly when he sees the damage you have done to yourself. You take a second look at your arm, realizing that a deep crack now lines the majority of your radius, littered with other small cracks branching out from it. You deserved it.
Papyrus quickly unwraps his scarf from around his neck, and professionally wraps it around your arm. What have you ever done in your life that let you have the miracle that is Papyrus?
“W-we should get you home. I just have to make a phone call first.”
Papyrus pulls out a clunky phone from his pant pocket, one of the ones that was used underground.
“Alphys? Yeah, I found Sans.” Oh wow! Alphys and probably everyone else knows that you “ran away”! “Um… He’s, well, you’ll need to take a look at him.”
You faintly hear a frantic voice coming from the other end of the phone before Papyrus reassures her, “No, he’s fine right now…” Papyrus chooses to rephrase that statement, “Fine as in he’s conscious. But as I said, you need to take a look at him.” Papyrus pauses to listen to Alphys for a moment before cutting their conversation short, “Look, I would explain, but I should probably bring Sans home now. Like right now. So I have to go, but thank you Alphys.”
Papyrus quickly hangs up after Alphys says goodbye. “I’m sorry about that, let’s get you home.”
“i’m sorry.” You say, finally speaking again, “you shouldn’t have to...do this.”
“It’s okay Sans. I-”
“no, it’s not okay!” You cut him off, “you shouldn’t have to take care of me like this. i’m just… i’m just burdening you. i couldn’t tell you something, and instead of being reasonable, i just ran away like a child. i’m sorry. you shouldn’t have to deal with me.”
“Sans… I know I said I don’t remember our childhood, but I do know something. I’m not sure how, call it a feeling if you must, but I just know that you were the best big brother. I know you faced hardships, but I also know you protected me from the majority of them. I may not remember the details, or what even happened, but I do know that you’re the best brother I could ask for. So I will do whatever it takes to take care of you, as you did for me.”
He grabs the hand from your uninjured arm.
“Let’s go home.”