On Earth As It Is In Heaven

     “Hel wants me to move in with her.” Claire says as she and Alex just sit on the couch at Jodie’s, slumped despondantly against each other watching Jerry Springer. Watching stupid mundane people with stupid mundane problems that are probably made up to get on the show anyway is surprisingly relaxing after dealing with the supernatural.

     “Wow.” Alex widens her eyes, muting the televsion “That’s a big step.”

     “And become a valkyrie and lead them as Hjorprimul’s second in command.”

     “Wow.”

     “Yeah.”

     “Wow!”

     “Yeah!”

     “That’s…” Alex just shakes her head.

     “I know.”

     “And I can’t even get a damn date without the supernatural community ruining my life,” Alex groans.

     “In case he didn’t get ahold of you, John apologized. He thinks he was accidentally drugged at the bar.” Claire offers her a weak reassurance.

      “Yeah, but I can’t do this to him. I can’t pull him into this mess. He’s a good normal stand up guy and he doesn’t deserve to be dragged into this nightmare. Especially not for me. I don’t know what I was thinking going out with him.” She slumps down. “At least  your serious girlfriend is part of your world if not, you know, your religion.” She glances over at Claire who scrunches up her nose.

       “Ohhhh….” Claire groans, covering her face. “You just had to bring up religion, didn’t you, Alex? Why do you keep doing things like this to me?”

       “She’s a goddess of a pagan underworld, Claire. Have you seriously never thought about religion or any of the religious implications of that?”

       “No! I haven’t! It’s not just a job and a move, is it? She’s asking me to become part of the damn pantheon…. I can’t actually… I’m an atheist, Alex!” Claire exclaims. Alex sits up straight and turns to just stare at her in utter disbelief. “What?”

       “That is the single dumbest thing that has ever crossed your lips, Claire! I swear to all the gods that ever have and will exist, you… oh my god…..”

        “I mean…. I refuse to worship any of them. I know atheism isn’t the right word for it but I don’t know of what word you use to state that you believe multiple gods exist but think they can all go fuck themselves as far as you’re concerned. Well, I mean, in terms of worshipping them, not like in terms of them as people. A lot of them are pretty chill but I’m still not making sacrifices and shit. And I do believe Bree’s Dad is the ultimate one true god and stuff, but no.”

        “Misotheism? Infidel...ity? No. Maybe. Theistic Satanism is the ultimate go fuck yourself to organized religion and is surprisingly, ironically moral and kind of atheistic in a way.”

        “Not that, no. I’m not a fan of Bree’s brother’s either. And I don’t hate God. That’s what miso means right? I’m greatful for all the great stuff he did and made and is but I’m kind of mad about the stuff that cost me my family and my home and my life and my future and I’m not on speaking terms with him right now. I’ll get over it I know, but I guess… we’re not getting a divorce or anything, we’re just ‘on a break’ theistically speaking.” Claire makes air quotes.

        “I really hate that I totally understand what you’re saying.” Alex shakes her head.

        “But if I join another pantheon I’m pretty sure that makes it a firm break up. And that when I die heaven will not be an option anymore. I don’t want to go to valhalla. Or helheim, if we end up breaking up though i’d prefer it infinitely to Double ‘L’. I don’t… I want to see my parents again. I’d get to see them again right? If I was in heaven?”

         “I don’t know. But if you’re there, you know you have friends who’d make it happen. But aren’t you the demi-god of karaoke already?” Alex just has to bring that up.

          “That’s an honorary title and it doesn’t come with worshippers. Anyways… I don’t know.” She sighs. There’s a knock on the door. “I’ll get it.” Claire gets to her feet and opens the front door. A young woman with dark glasses a severe bun and a cheap suit is at the door.

          “Agent Kay, MIB. I’m looking for Claire Novak, regarding unauthorized transportation of a celestial being across transdimentional lines.” She flashes a badge.

           “Holy Crap!’ Claire snatches it from her. “Is this a real FBI badge? Like… a really, real badge?”

           “Early baby shower gift from Harahel. There’s one for you, too.” Krissy smiles, lifting her shades with a broad grin and hands it to her taking back her own.

            “Nooo..” Claire turns walking inside with it. “Oh my god! Alex look at this.” She shows it to her sister.

            “And parking permits, encrypted planes, an official regulation fbi folder with a copy of every conceivable piece of paperwork we could need and regulations and procedural guides out the wazoo.” Krissy walks in after her. “She even got us copies of official stamps and she can do that for every single government agency we need to impersonate. Still mad Hara won’t counterfeit money for us?” Krissy smacks Claire’s butt. “That’s for taking my angel for a spin without asking me first. And you couldn’t let her come visit me a little? Or even play dress up just a minute. You know she’s been dying to play with make up and nail polish and stuff.”

            “That was a research emergency and Harahel doesn’t belong to you. And no I’m doing that again.”

            “Hey, Alex. Sorry about your apartment.” Krissy plops down on the couch.

            “So, what are you doing here anyways? Just came by to drop this stuff off?” Claire waves the badge and ID and shoves Krissy over a little so she can sit down too.

            “I snuck off after my ultrasound.” She takes out a strip of black and white pictures from her pocket. “Look it’s a jellybean!” She squees handing it over to her partner. “Isn’t he a cute little thing?”

            “Yeah, I guess.” Claire makes a face. “For a formless blob in a mass of static and other formless blobs. Does Josephine know you’re here?” she hands it over to Alex who has trouble figuring out which jellybean shape to focus on.

            “Are you having more than one?”

            “What?! Oh, no that my bladder.” Krissy points to one. “And nooo way. That woman is driving me insane. Besides I found us a case.”

            “Krissy, you can’t go hunting, you’re pregnant. Do you remember the last salt and burn where you got slammed into a support beam? You folded around that thing like a slap bracelet.”

             “No, no, it’s okay. This one’s a defender of pregnant women and children. I’m our trump card.”

             “What?” Claire frowns. Krissy pulls an envelope from inside her jacket and takes out printouts of news articles. “Okay?”

              “Mountain lion maulings of husbands and fathers to be.” She points out. “But if you’ll notice, the same addresses shows up on a lot of domestic disturbance complaints. Even though only one of them was a known abuser.”

               “Someone’s killing wife beaters?”

               “Yeah, it just started up now that people are starting to be able to keep their pregnancies.”

                “And why exactly should we care about that? This creature is doing a good thing as far as I’m concerned. If it’s a case.”

                “Well, if I spotted it, it won’t be too long before other hunters notice it and eventually one more sympathetic to the bastards gets involved. And what if there’s a misunderstanding and an innocent father gets killed? You know we need to do something about this, either way.”

                “Still, you are pregnant and it is dangerous. You can’t be sure that the being will spare you just because of the baby. What if it’s in a rival pantheon?” Claire points out.

                “Claire, you can’t stop me, all you can do is come along or stay behind.” Krissy takes back the articles and ultrasound photos and puts them away again.

                “My car is still being repaired, Kris.”

                “Yeah, I’m not riding in that nightmare on wheels while this kid is in residence. Aiden lent me his car for the duration. Especially since he and Jo are getting in as many extra hours as they can now before the baby comes. The doctor got me in like immediately too. Though I was lucky to find one still open after that infertility snap.” She shrugs.

                “Fine, but I’m driving.” Claire announces.

                “Nope. My car my rules my music so you can stop pretending to hate Katie Perry for a little bit.”

                 “I don’t know how well I can protect you and the baby like this, Krissy.” Claire protests.

                 “Claire!” Krissy takes hold of her face and looks her directly in the eyes. “I. Am. Your. Partner. I grew up in the life. I’ve been hunting longer than you have. I am not your sister, lover, ward, or child. I am your partner and I am more than just a fetal incubator, got it?”

                  “Okay, okay. I guess I need to talk to you about stuff anyways.” Claire sighs and looks over to Alex. “Will you be okay? You want to come with? Help with research? I’m not asking Hara back.”

                   “Bad experience?” Alex asks curiously. Krissy crosses her arms defying Claire to lie and say it was, because if Saul could be satisfied hosting Hara it can’t possibly have been an unpleasant experience.

                   “No. Actually, it was pretty decent. I guess Cas just didn’t really know what he was doing in regards to that, but I don’t…. I don’t like not being in control of my body. And I know she wanted to dress up and go all ultra girly and stuff but I just…” She makes a face and shakes her head.

                  “You keep calling Hara she now.” Alex comments turning around to face them as Claire goes to get her jacket.

                  “Oh, yeah, Hara’s decided she wants to be a girl now.”

                  “Oh, okay.” Alex shrugs. “And I can’t help with research. My laptops melted,remember? Well, I mean I have my smartphone and stuff, but I can just email you things I guess. I really just want to stay home and wallow in self pity for a while.”

                  “Alright. If you’re sure.” Claire leans over the back of the sofa to give her a hug. “Hang in there, okay?”

                  “Oh, hey, trade phones with me.” Krissy taps Alex’s shoulder holding her cell out.

                  “What? Why the internet? Just go to a library.”

                  “I don’t want Jo to track me down or text me to hell or call and yell at me. But yeah, internet access is a plus. You have unlimited data right?”

                  “Yeah, just not unlimited high speed.” Alex takes out her phone, “And I’m kind of avoiding John too so, sure.” Alex trades with Krissy. “We’ll be comrades in emotional cowardice.”

                   “Works for me. Later, Comrade.” Krissy salutes her.

                   “Alright, so where do we go?” Claire stops to leave Jodie a note on the white board.

                   “Well, if I learned anything from binge watching criminal minds, it’s that the first kill is special so we go talk to Judy Bines. She’s at the base of the Black Hills Mountains. I have her address in the car. Good luck with the paper and stuff.” Krissy gives Alex a sympathetic smile. Alex just cringes. “Oh, that reminds me, please don’t put Hara in the middle of your spats with the archangels, that’s really not appropriate. However hillarious asking her to tell Raphael to fuck off was.”

                  “How’d you know about that?”

                  “I’ve been having ridiculously vivid dreams and Hara’s been practicing talking through them.” She shrugs.

                  “Oh, well, sorry.” Alex shrugs, not sounding particularly sorry,but Krissy lets it go and races out to the car before Claire can get in the driver’s seat and she has to fight her for it.

                  “Gabriel.” Raphael finally catches up with her as she comes back from the nearest blue dwarf star. “I think I know where Michael is.”

                  “Okay.” She looks briefly annoyed, and follows him back down through dimensions back towards the cage. “ Are you kidding me?” she gives an exasperated sigh. “Why would she go back there? Especially if she’s mad at us for what she thinks we did wrong? Oh well, at least I’m still the hide and seek champion of all creation. I was starting to worry about losing my title.”

                  “Must you joke about everything?” Raphael snaps, irritated with his sister not for the first time and certainly not for the last.

                  “Who’s joking? I don’t understand, why did she just... You know she’s not exactly the sulky pouty non-confrontational type.”

                   “No, she isn’t. She’s not pouting or sulking, Bree. She’s shattered, and doubting herself and blaming herself like she always does only...more so. She won’t hurt Sam because Dad made it clear that the winchesters were in the right and she doesn’t want to hurt you because she loves you. How can you not understand that?”

                   “It certainly didn’t feel like she didn’t want to hurt me.” Babe grumbles looking away. Raphael just gives her a look.

                   “Has she ever struck you before? Ever.”

                   “No.”

                   “No, she hasn’t and it’s not as if you haven’t seriously provoked her before.” Raphael points out. Gabriel just gives a guilty wince.

                   “I called her a tyrant.” Gabriel confesses. “And um, stupid, violent, arrogant, close minded and an asshole. She was being an asshole!” She defends herself when Raphael glares at her.

                  “You’re marrying the man who pulled her into the cage, Gabriel. Did you expect her to be happy about that?”

                  “Well, you’re kind of okay with it, right?” She looks over at him hopefully.

                  “No! Not even slightly! But I know how to hold my tongue in regards to my siblings inexplicible affections for a complete and utter bastard for the sake of our relationships.”

                  “Not as well as you think.” Gabriel snorts. Neither of them even pretend he’s not reffering to their brother.

                  “Oh, you have no idea how well, little one. Did you really expect her to just say nothing and accept this mind boggling travesty without protest?” Well of course when he puts it like that but that’s really beside the point.

                  “You still don’t like him? But you were getting along so well.”

                  “You think I’m only capable of pleasant interactions with people I like?”  

                  “Yes.” Is the flat reply. Raphael just sighs.

                  “I...hate him less than I did. He is as unlike the one he is made for as he is like him and not in entirely bad ways. I’m sure it is possible for you to do worse.”

                  “And boy have I. I’m just glad I finally got the divorce. For a while I thought my wife was just going to stay married to me to spite me, though really, she’s technically dead but Sam wanted all our bases covered.” She explains. Raphael shudders slightly and holds his tongue. What’s done is done. He does not want to get more details of her life that he absolutely can’t tell Michael about yet but absolutely has to.

                  “My personal feelings aside, what world are you living in where you’d expect our sister not to tell you what she thinks of it and what she expects to happen in regards to it now that she knows about it?”

                  “I…. okay,  I see your point, but I didn’t think she’d be worse than Dean about it, and I killed that asshat like a thousand times!”

                  “Oh for the love of all that is! You… I’ve changed my mind, Sam Winchester is either clinically insane or should be elevated to sainthood for being willing to engage in any sort of voluntary relationship with you.” Raphael exclaims and looks down at the cage as it comes into view, hoping Michael did not hear that. “You’re apologizing for what you said.” Raphael sharply informs her,shoving her in through the torn open bars on the top of the cage.

                 “Like hell!” she exclaims, landing on the bottom.

                 “You were out of line and you owe her an apology and you know it.”

                 “So was she!”

                 “Even if that’s true, I can’t exactly order Michael to do anything, Gabriel.” He lands next to her.

                 “In case you’ve forgotten I outrank you now. Technically, I can order you around.”

                 “Just you try it little one.”

                 “Children!” Their sister snaps at them breaking out of her distracted state. The two fall silent. “What are you doing here?”

                  “Looking for you. What are you doing here?” Babe retorts. Raphael shoots her a warning look which she ignores.

                  “We’re worried about you, Michael. Please come home. You don’t belong here.”Raphael begs.

                  “There’s no place for me anywhere else.” Michael looks away again. “Go back home, where you belong, and leave me. I have nothing more to say to either of you.”

                  “It sure looks like sulking to me.” Babe mutters under her breath and fidgets uncomfortably in the hot confined space as things she’d rather not think or feel start to creep in on the edges.

                  “Go back to heaven.” Raphael touches her shoulder. She’s already starting to tremble and the edges of her wings nearest the hellfire surrounding them are starting to blacken. She’s always been the most vulnerable of them to this, especially combined with Michael’s grace. And the least capable of enduring confinement.

                   “I’m not going to leave you two…” she starts but Raphael just pulls his strength together and sends her as far from the cage as he possibly can.

                   “Why are you doing this?” Raphael asks his sister. “Why are you punishing yourself this way? What good does it do for anybody, you suffering needlessly.” Michael doesn’t answer, lost in her own pain again, and Raphael doesn’t know what he could possibly say that he hasn’t already. He’s not.. persuasive, or charming, or convincing. He can’t tell Michael anything she doesn’t already know, or make her believe things she doesn’t. He doesn’t tell Michael what to do. She tells him. And she’s told him to go where he belongs. So he sits down next to her and tucks himself under her arm, holding onto his big sister. She burns,of course, especially in the hellfire which was designed to be made worse in her presence, but the heat never really bothered Raphael. He just takes it in, gaining strength from her strength and reassurance from her presence.

                    “What are you doing, Raphael?” She asks gently after a while, when she becomes aware of him again. “Go home. Go back to heaven where you belong.”

                    “I belong with you.” He just holds tighter.

                    “Oh, Raph.” She kisses his head, and puts her arms around him, just holding him close, folding her wings protectively around him, trying to sheild him from the cage, but it’s no worse than the ebb and flow of his siblings pain after the war. Not even close. “It only gets worse. You don’t deserve this.”

                    “I’m the one who is guilty of wrongdoing. If you think you deserve this, you can’t deny I deserve it far more.” he replies. “I can’t… I can’t do this without you. I need you, Michael. I’m no good on my own. I can’t… Please don’t leave me or send me away again. I know you can’t trust me any more but please, please don’t forsake me.” Much to his shame, molten gems start to drip from his eyes, cooled by the tears from his vessel, dropping to the floor.

                    “No, Raphael, I’m not… you deserve a better big brother, that’s all.” She reassures him.

                    “That’s certain. Fortunately i have an elder sister who more than makes up for it.” Raphael replies darkly. Michael just sighs and rolls his eyes, a slightly exhasperated smile on her lips at this constant gendering. “I’m sorry I let you down. I’m sorry I deceived you. I never should have done what I did.”

                    “We were both at fault. After all, I’m older. It’s my responsibility to teach you all how you should behave and I didn’t do it well enough. You’ll always be my little brother, Raphael. I will love you no matter what you do.”

                    “Even if I’m as bad as he was?”

                    “You aren’t. Not even close. He… Helel was broken… poisoned by pain and darkness. Everything he was, was just wharped and corrupted. You… you were trying to do what was right at least.”

                      Raphael doesn’t say anything. How could he tell her that he somehow stopped caring about right and wrong. That all he could think about was making the pain stop. Not just his own pain, his brothers and sisters, humanity’s just assailing him at every turn. The more of them there were, the worse it was until at times it was as if there was nothing else. And then, when Michael was pulled into the cage with their brother, something inside him just broke and nothing mattered except getting her back. He didn’t care what he had to do, who he had to hurt, how many died because he just could not bear it alone.

                     And didn’t that whole affair just prove how worthless he was without her there supporting him, loving him, trusting him, telling him what to do. Michael is just so naturally strong and commanding and respected, without any effort at all. He tried and tried to be like her, all the time, but even when it seemed to work it just felt so hollow and fragile, like at any moment the mask would break and everyone would see he was just as weak and worthless and useless as Helel always said he was. Michael’s strength, Michael’s authority, Michael’s rules. Without his sister he’s nothing, just dust and sand held together with the pain and sorrow of billions crying to heaven and thousands in it. Whatever pain the cage causes, can’t be worse that that.

                     “You know if you two want to be punished, I know several people with their own dungeons who’d be more than happy to help.” Raphael ignores his little sister who got back suprisingly fast. She’s quicker than he remembers. “At least then this little masochistic self loathing would bring someone some satisfaction.”  They both ignore her jabs.

                     “Michael, I’m sorry I called you a tyrant.” She says after a moment. “And I’m sorry I tried to hide my relationship from you, but I just wanted us to be a family again if only or a little bit. And maybe for you to forgive me for everything else, before adding falling in love with someone you hate to the list.”

                       “I’m sorry as well. I shouldn’t have struck you. It was inexcusable. Will you forgive me?” Michael unfolds a wing and holds out an arm. Her little sister accepts the invitation and joins her brother in her sister’s embrace. “You cannot continue to behave this way, though. Regardless of who he is and my feelings towards him, this relationship is wrong.”

                        “Don’t worry. I’ll make an honest man of him soon enough.” She replies reassuringly.

                        “Good.” Michael kisses his little sister’s head.

                        Raphael breifly refrains from informing Michael that their sisters words were a euphamism for marriage, but she has made it very clear how she feels about having information such as this with held from her. On the bright side, when their younger sister takes off to avoid Michael’s outrage, his elder sister ends up leaving the cage as well to track down the wayward daughter of god to explain in great detail why she cannot under any circumstances be joined in marriage to Sam Winchester.