tea
Marvin had no idea how to tell someone how shit he felt. After Mendel he had lost absolute faith in any kind of metal health professionals. But he knew very well that this was what Whizzer needed. If he couldn’t come out, at least he could do this for his lover.
He picked up his phone and called Whizzer. He waited nervously. It had been a long day without him by his side. What hadn’t helped was his dad, constantly looming over him.
“Did you decide to come out?” Whizzer’s voice was slurring a little.
Marvin frowned. He hoped Whizzer hadn’t gone to a bar, but, well, he feared he had done exactly that.
“No. I did something better...” Marvin took a deep breath. “I called a doctor. I’m getting help, Whiz.”
Whizzer stayed silent on the other side, which made Marvin anxious. Had he fucked this up too, somehow?
“Whizzer?”
“Did you really, baby?” It was the hope in Whizzer’s voice that caught Marvin completely off-guard.
“Yes.”
Marvin heard a muffled sigh over the phone.
“I’ll be there soon, okay? I’ll make some dinner. Just give me a hour. I have to do something first.”
Whizzer hung up. Marvin felt sick to his stomach. It hit him, suddenly, how scared he was of Whizzer leaving him again. The fact that Whizzer was coming back was releasing internalized stress he had held for the entire day. He got up from the edge of the bed, gathered his strength and went downstairs.
“Joseph?”
His father looked up from his program.
“What is it, son?”
“Don’t call me...” he sighed. “Listen. You can’t keep staying here. You’re taking up too much of my space. Go look for a job.”
Joseph raised on eyebrow. “I don’t need to work. I’m retired.”
Marvin rolled his eyes. “Fine. Then go out and rent an apartment or get into something obscure like knitting. You’d fit those sour women perfectly.”
Joseph got up. He crossed his arms. “Where is this coming from?”
“From my annoyance with the fact that you’re taking over my house. I paid for this place. You can’t waltz back into my life after years and years of forgetting I exist. Go.”
Joseph shook his head. “Thanks to you, son, you have a life. Thanks to me, you started out wealthy. I can stay here. I need a place to stay.”
“You can’t stay here. If you need it, come in the night. You’ll have the couch to sleep on. That’s all you need. Now piss off. I have had enough of you.”
Joseph sat back down. “You never changed. You’re the same old selfish, horrible, little kid you have always been.”
Marvin’s eyes widened. Joseph was sitting so casually, relaxed, careless. Focusing on his program again.
Marvin stepped back, turned, and went upstairs. He couldn’t stay downstairs with someone so cruel. He went to his office and closed the door. Everything around him started spinning. He placed his hand on the wall to stay stable, but he barely felt like he was anywhere. It was all too much.
“Baby?”
Marvin looked up. His back hurt like hell. Had he fallen asleep on the floor?
“Honey. Wake up, love,” Whizzer muttered and kissed his head.
Marvin groaned. Whizzer smelt of alcohol. “Where were you?”
“At a bar. Come on, I’ll get you.to bed.”
Whizzer tugged on Marvin’s arm, but he pulled away roughly.
“Don’t touch me.”
Whizzer stepped back. “Marvin, what are you doing? I came back because you said you called the doctor. Why are you still being a dick?”
Marvin scowled. “Because, you...” Marvin closed his eyes and shook his head. “Just stop it!”
“I’m not doing anything!” Whizzer snapped back.
“Not you- just- Fuck!” Marvin was so nauseous. “I need him to leave- he has to leave our fucking house. Get him to leave!”
“Okay, baby, you need to sit down. I’ll get him to go, but you’re fucking scaring me right now.”
Marvin opened his eyes. He frowned. When had he stood up? He stepped away from Whizzer and nodded. He sat down.
“Just get rid of him,” he whispered softly.
Whizzer left the office. He came back a few minutes later.
“Here.” Whizzer held out a cup of steaming tea.
Marvin smiled a little. “You know tea isn’t calming to me.”
Whizzer rolled his eyes. “Bullshit. Tea is magic and you know it.”
Marvin took it and blew into the cup. That really smelled good.
“Thank you. Is he gone?”
Whizzer nodded and sat down next to Marvin, leaning against the wall with his back. He looked at him.
“What happened just now?”
Marvin looked down into the gross leave water. He sighed. “I don’t know. I lost all control over myself, I suppose.”
“It reminded me of you two years ago.”
Marvin’s shoulders slumped. That couldn’t be. He was better than that now.
“It was terrifying,” Whizzer went on.
Marvin sniffed. “I know. I really am sorry.”
Whizzer stayed silent. And then he felt two, safe, warm arms around him. He closed his eyes and leaned into the touch.
“We’ll get through this, baby. Somehow. I love you.”
“I love you too,” Marvin whispered back. But he barely felt it.