coffee
Marvin was making coffee. There was something about the smell alone that woke him up. It was a familiar one. One he could confide in. It grounded him at times, other times it just reminded him of one simple pleasure he at least had left.
His father hadn’t woken up yet, and Whizzer was doing his morning run. It had been easier to get up with Whizzer by his side, but it was still hard to start up. He was grateful, though, that his boyfriend was such a supportive one.
Marvin yawned and rubbed one eye. He dropped his hands to his sides and watched as the coffee slowly filled the beige mug. When it was finished, he turned off the machine and sat down at the table. He wasn’t really hungry, but he was sure Whizzer would cook something up once he came back.
Marvin sipped the burning coffee carelessly and thought about what Whizzer needed from him. He felt guilty for his lack of strength. He was scared, too, of what Whizzer would do if he couldn’t manage to be honest with himself or his father. Their relationship was still fragile. They still needed work. He wasn’t sure how determined Whizzer really was to stay. And that terrified him.
“Good morning, son,” Joseph said and sat down across from Marvin with a half-assed smile.
“Morning,” Marvin muttered in return. He wished now that he had started reading the paper so he would have had something to do instead of just looking at his father.
“Did you sleep well?”
“Sure.” He took another sip.
“I heard you talking until late. With your friend. Where do you know him from?”
Marvin couldn’t stop a stare and scowl from leaving his face. He didn’t respond. He didn’t feel good with lying, but honesty just wasn’t an option either.
“He’s quite tall, isn’t he?” Joseph changed the subject.
Marvin frowned at that. “Yes?”
“Too tall for the couch, at least.”
Marvin’s eyes narrowed. “I don’t think it’s your concern or your business whether my fucking couch is big enough for him.”
Joseph shrugged. “Have you got some coffee for me too, son?”
“No. I’m not your maid. Make it yourself.”
Joseph got up to do so. “A maid… remember our maid? She was so sweet.”
“You never spoke to her.”
“Really careful with our stuff.”
“You paid her barely enough.”
“She was young. Quite pretty, as I recall.”
“Was she so distracting you had no time left to raise me?”
“Maybe I should pay for one here. It would make everything easier, since Trina left you.”
Marvin set his jaw. He wanted to chew out his father, suddenly finding the energy to do so, but Whizzer came in just as he opened his mouth.
“Good morning,” Whizzer said cheerfully. His shirt was drenched in sweat. It stuck to his chest and stomach and, God, he looked hot with his hair all wet too.
“Did you sleep well, Joseph?” Whizzer asked.
Joseph smiled. “Fine enough, thank you. How did you sleep? We were just talking about you.”
Whizzer frowned as he took off his shoes. His eyes looked at Marvin with a glint of hope and pleasant surprise.
“That couch really isn’t big enough for those long legs of yours, right? Marvin could’ve bought a new one for you.”
Whizzer’s face fell, but he quickly recovered and smiled politely.
“Oh, no, I’m quite happy on the couch, actually. Even if I’m like a Daddy Long-Legs, as Marvin often calls me, don’t you? Or a variation of that.”
Marvin’s eyes widened, but he remained calm enough. He downed the coffee.
“Right, well, I bet he means well,” Joseph smiled and put a hand on Marvin’s shoulder.
Marvin tensed at once. “Don’t touch me,” he said lowly.
His father took his hand away a little too slow.
“We were also talking about a maid. I’ll pay for one, if you want to, Marv.”
Whizzer saw how Marvin cringed at the nickname.
“Hm. Well, Marv here really doesn’t like to clean all that much, so maybe that’s smart,” Whizzer said with a tone that completely rubbed Marvin in the wrong way.
Marvin got up. “Excuse me.” He went upstairs.
Fuck Whizzer. He got it- fine, whatever, he was hurting his boyfriend, but Whizzer had said he understood it and to take his time. And now he was suddenly being a fucking dick and siding with his father.
He slammed the door to their- his- bedroom shut and opened the closet door to change into office clothes. He wanted to be away from them today. He might as well work.
It took a long time to get dressed, but he eventually managed. He put on his tie and struggled with the knot just as Whizzer came in and closed the door behind him. Marvin turned to him, still fidgeting with his tie. Whizzer cupped Marvin’s face without saying a word and kissed him deeply. He put a hand in his hair and tugged on it.
Marvin grunted a little and put his hands on Whizzer’s waist. The taller man pushed him against the wall and pulled away from the kiss to kiss his neck, his jaw, his ear. Marvin was turning red from the effort it took to be quiet and the pure pleasure he felt right now. Alcohol wasn’t the only thing that made him feel things, that was for sure.
Whizzer was kissing his lips again, but as quickly as it had started, it ended. Whizzer pulled away and took four steps back. He was glaring at Marvin with obvious pain in his eyes.
“What-” Marvin started.
“That was good, right?”
Marvin, still flushed in his face, nodded hesitantly.
“So own it. Fucking man up.”
“I don’t underst-”
“Just tell your goddamn father.”
“I can’t. He doesn’t like…”
“Gays? Yeah, well, I just came out and he was fine with me. So go downstairs and fucking tell him.”
“Last night you said that it was fine if I couldn’t.”
“Sure, it’s fine, but it’s not right. What are you so terrified of? I don’t understand, Marvin. Can’t you see it’s hurting me I can’t even kiss you now in our own house?”
“My,” Marvin corrected softly.
Whizzer shifted. “What?” he demanded, clearly annoyed Marvin didn’t give any kind of response.
“It’s my house.”
Whizzer’s eyes widened. “Go fuck yourself, Marvin. Call me when you’ve decided to not be a dick anymore. I need some space from this… this mess,” he muttered and left in a haste.
Marvin swallowed thickly. So much for Whizzer being supportive.
He sat down on the bed and laid back, his tie still undone. Maybe work was a bad idea right now. Anything seemed like a bad idea. He wanted to call Whizzer already, but he knew that would lead to nothing but pain.
He couldn’t come out. But there was one thing he could do. Something he knew would give the motivation for Whizzer to be proud of him again.
Marvin grabbed his phone and looked up a good, local psychiatrist.