night
“Baby?”
Marvin gently shook Whizzer awake. The other man opened his eyes.
“Hey.” Whizzer smiled and sat up. “How was it with your dad?”
“I need you to sleep with the lesbians for a few days.”
Whizzer frowned deeply. “What? Why?”
“My dad is here. He’s going to stay here for a while.”
“Okay, so why do I have to leave?” Whizzer sounded kind of hurt. But mostly offended. “I’m a good boyfriend. He won’t dislike me.”
Marvin sighed. “I haven’t told him about you. I don’t want to.”
Whizzer was completely awake now. “You’re not going to tell him you’re gay? That you’re committed to me. Instead you’re going to kick your boyfriend out to let your asshole father stay. Did I just time travel to two years ago? Because this sounds an awful lot like you when we met.”
Marvin groaned. “Whizzer, please. I’ll tell him eventually, but I’m not ready to come out yet.”
“Fine. Then just tell him I’m your friend in need of help, so you let me stay with you.”
“I can’t do that. He won’t believe me.”
Whizzer crossed his arms. “Why shouldn’t he?”
“Because you’re the gayest person I know. He’ll figure it out.”
Whizzer got up, scoffing. “I’m not leaving my own house. I’ll pretend to be more straight. I’ll borrow your ugly ass clothes.” He rubbed his face and looked up at Marvin. “I am mad at you. You haven’t been a good person to me. And I get it, you’re struggling, but this crosses a line, Marvin. Just know that I’m pissed. I’m going to change so I can look like your broke ass, fake straight friend.” Whizzer left the room, rubbing his eyes and yawning as he did.
Marvin sat on the bed, feeling relieved, but a new kind of stress was emerging. Whizzer was mad at him. Which was fair, sure. But he had said Marvin seemed like the Marvin he was two years ago and Marvin had sworn to never return to that person. He was sure it wasn’t that bad. Yet.
He got up, straightening his shirt and ran a hand through his hair. He went downstairs, where his father was sitting on the couch, watching mindless television. He sighed before going up to the man.
“Joseph, your room is ready.”
“Please don’t call me that,” Joseph said, his voice close to begging.
“No. Go get showered. You smell like shit.”
“Language.”
“Wow, shit, fuck, sorry dad, I forgot how well you raised me for a second,” he said sarcastically.
Joseph scoffed and got up with a groan, looking for the bathroom.
Marvin sat down on the couch. He folded his hands together. It was late. He was tired. He felt conflicted. He was doing his duty as a son, whilst his father had never done his duty as a parent.
How did things twist this way? He tried to remember what he did before he took such a sharp turn and fell back into this shitty, horrible habit of hating everything in his life and feeling nothing. He didn’t understand how it kept happening. Every time he thought he was better, he had it figured out, he wouldn’t fall back again, he turned to see he had accomplished absolutely nothing. At the end of the day, he was fighting only to feel like this again. With all the things that happened today… God. What was the point anymore.
Marvin shook his head and got up. He didn’t want to think right now. He went to the kitchen and poured a full glass of wine. He drank it quickly, hoping to feel the effects sooner than later.
After he finished it, he just stood in the kitchen, barely noticing the time passing. He was motionless, void of thoughts. All he felt was the slow start of a buzz in his stomach and chest; the alcohol taking its delightful effect.
“Marv.”
Marvin looked up to see his beautiful boyfriend standing before him in too tight clothes that looked absolutely horrible on him. The colors did not do his eyes justice at all and he looked too disheveled for Marvin to comprehend.
“This is what you’re making me do. Are you happy?” Whizzer said, clearly still annoyed.
Marvin found, to his surprise, that he was grinning. “Yes. Very much so. You look ridiculous.”
Whizzer frowned, then started smirking. “Yeah? Should I wear this more often?”
Marvin nodded. “Oh, absolutely,” he said seriously. “It’s very hot.”
“Hm. You really think so?” Whizzer walked up to Marvin slowly and paused right in front of him. “I should maybe wear this to the bedroom then, don’t you think?”
Marvin huffed. “Yes. I’m desperate to fuck someone who looks like me,” he leaned forward to kiss Whizzer, but Whizzer jerked away aggressively.
“What- dude, are you gay or something?” Whizzer asked, frowning.
Marvin stared at him, dumbfounded. “What?”
“Look, I’m flattered, but I’m not into that shit,” Whizzer said seriously, his voice low.
Marvin frowned deeper, until it clicked.
“No, Whizzer, come on.”
“What? You want a straight friend, here I am. You’re welcome.”
Marvin groaned. “No- come on. That’s annoying as hell.”
Whizzer frowned deeply and put a hand over his heart. “Are you saying that it’s wrong to be straight. How dare you, sir-”
“Fine. Whatever,” Marvin muttered, to which Whizzer grinned.
“I’m going to sleep now. Am I at least welcome to sleep in our- sorry, your bed?”
Marvin glared. “Yes.”
“Great. Night night.” Whizzer went upstairs, leaving Marvin alone with the wine. He poured another glass and downed it before going upstairs just as well.
He knocked on the bathroom door.
“Dad? I’m going to sleep now. Figure out for yourself where everything is. Sleep on the couch.”
He didn’t wait for a response and left to the bedroom he shared with Whizzer. He was reading in his boxers.
Marvin stripped down to his boxers too and went to lay in bed. He closed his eyes to fall asleep- something he desperately needed. He was almost unconscious when Whizzer’s voice pulled him out of it.
“I don’t get you, Marvin,” Whizzer said quietly.
Marvin stayed silent, but opened his eyes to stare at the wall.
“I have never been closeted for anyone. Not even my own homophobic family. And the second you say the word, I do everything in my power to change, just so you can be okay. I am really trying to make it a joke or whatever, but it just isn’t working. It won’t stay funny for long. You know how much it means to me to be open and proud. Just because you can’t do that, doesn’t mean I should suffer too.” Whizzer closed the book and set it down on his bedside table.
“I love you. You know I do. But I can’t afford to lose you again to your own stupid brain. So please. Go get help. Come out to your dad. I will help you get through it. You’re not alone. But you will be if you keep going on like this. Okay?”
Marvin stayed silent. He had tears in his eyes. The wall became blurry and it got harder to breath with each passing second. He nodded slowly.
“I’m sorry,” was all he managed to say in return. His voice was shaking.
Whizzer sighed. He turned the light off and laid down. He wrapped one strong arm around Marvin’s body. He pulled him tightly against his chest. “I know you are. We’re going to get you all better, baby. You just need to hold on tight and trust me.”
Marvin nodded again, weaker this time, and leaned into the warmth of Whizzer’s body. He just needed to hold on. How hard could that be?