dinner
“Marvin!”
Marvin didn’t want to get up.
“Marvin?”
God, just one minute. Just the one. He needed to stay here. He was safe here. Nothing happened here.
“Marvin, come on. Get up.”
Whizzer was growing tired of him, wasn’t he? Marvin would.
“Marv.”
Whizzer sighed, way too close now. He sat down on the edge of the very place Marvin wanted to disappear in. So much for that, he supposed.
“Talk to me,” Whizzer gently placed his hand over Marvin’s leg. “Please.”
Marvin didn’t open his eyes. Things would be really real if he did. He did not want that. He just wanted Whizzer to be gone so he could disappear again. He shook his head.
“You need to get to work, baby. And after that, you have that thing with your dad.”
Marvin had canceled the original plans with his father an hour before lunch. Then, the new date, Marvin had suddenly fallen ill. The next try, Marvin’s car miraculously broke down. Then, a dog had appeared out of thin air and Marvin had to go to the vet with him, because he couldn’t leave the precious thing to faith. That was around when Marvin’s imagination had hit rock bottom. There were no excuses left. He had to see his dad.
Whizzer was so kind in his reminders, but Marvin could tell how annoyed Whizzer really was. How confused and helpless his lover felt. It left Marvin cold, but he knew that if he wasn’t so numb, he’d feel guilty. That was enough motivation to open his eyes. But barely.
“What?” Marvin asked, his voice hoarse.
“Can I lay down with you?” Whizzer’s eyes pleaded, but Marvin wasn’t effected. He shrugged, so Whizzer laid down and wrapped one arm around Marvin.
“I made breakfast. I packed lunch for you. I put together your clothes for today. I made sure you have everything with you in your coat and bag, in the places you prefer them. All you have to do is get up and go. Can you do that for me?” Whizzer said, his voice hushed. He circled his thumb over Marvin’s shoulder soothingly. It was sweet, but it only got under Marvin’s skin. He didn’t say anything, however.
He didn’t say anything for a while. He didn’t have the energy to give the proper answer other then another shrug. How could he respond if all he felt was the numbing feeling that deafened everything he wanted and needed to do? He’d rather not say or do anything. Maybe Whizzer would go away eventually.
Marvin closed his eyes again and pretended to have fallen asleep.
“Baby.” Whizzer shook him. “I’m serious. Get up.”
There it was. The annoyed tone truly revealed itself this time. It didn’t matter. Marvin kept them closed.
“I’m sorry,” Whizzer muttered and got up.
Finally. Whizzer had left. He could just become nothing again.
He barely had time to finish that thought before the sheets were ripped from him. He yelled in protest and frowned deeply. It was incredibly cold without them. His eyes were open now, and he stared at Whizzer with anger.
“Give me back my fucking sheets!”
“No. Get up. I did everything for you. You just have to follow your routine without having to create it. Get up, do what you’re supposed to and go to your job. You’re not getting the sheets back until it’s evening.”
Marvin kept glaring. He wasn’t comfortable without them. He wasn’t safe. Whizzer knew that. Whizzer used it against him. Without ever breaking the eye contact, Marvin got up. His body ached. His head hurt more.
“I’m proud of you,” Whizzer said with his gentle honestly. Marvin still had to get use to that. He was sure he’d properly appreciate it one day. He just had to stay alive long enough to be able to.
“Fuck you.” Marvin responded, and closed the bathroom door.
It would just take a long, long time before he could.
The diner was plain and boring. The main colors were brown and yellow- a terrible match, as far as Marvin was concerned. It was depressing to sit here, but it fit well with his mood, so he didn’t complain all too much. At least it was Italian. That was one thing he and his dad shared. They both liked Italian food and were shitty dads. That was about it for common ground.
Marvin had come early, just so he could leave work earlier, but now he was stuck, alone, in some shitty restaurant. At least there was alcohol here.
He was through his second glass when he saw Joseph.
The very sight of his dad made all his senses recoil. For the first time in a few weeks, he felt something extremely strongly; disgust and anger.
Marvin sat up straighter, removed his elbows from the table and watched as his father was pointed towards his table. And the man had the nerve to smile.
Marvin did not smile back. Instead, he crossed his arms as his father sat down and just looked.
“You got old,” was the first thing his father dared to say.
“Says the gray man,” Marvin shot back.
Joseph sighed. “Ever so witty.”
Marvin shrugged. “Had to get your attention somehow.”
“You have my attention now.”
“A lifetime too late. Lucky me.”
“Son,” he warned.
“Father,” Marvin mimicked the warning mockingly.
Joseph sighed and folded his hands in his lap. “Very well. I’m sorry. How have you been?”
“Swell. I especially loved the part of my life you were a part of,” Marvin snapped his fingers and clicked his tongue. “Oh, wait.”
“How’s Trina?”
“Probably very happy, since she married a psychiatrist.”
Joseph paused. “You’re divorced?”
“No. It’s legal to get married as a trio. We’re very happy together.”
“Stop mocking me, son. It’s getting exhausting very quickly.”
Marvin narrowed his eyes. He leaned forward, just slightly so he hung half way over the table. He kept his arms crossed. “Oh? I didn’t know my estranged father had any right to demand something as much as my full love and attention after years and years of nothing- after letting a twenty year old maid raise me, and poorly at that- but maybe I’m wrong here. Do correct me if I’m wrong, dad. That’s at least something you’re good at.”
The waiter came. Two glasses of wine were ordered.
“I’m sorry,” Joseph said, more genuinely this time.
“I’d love to know what for.” Marvin sipped his wine, staring with unforgiving eyes.
“Everything.”
“How specifi-”
“I’m divorcing your mother, Marvin.”
Silence. A sip of wine.
“That’s all I came here to say.”
Marvin nodded. He downed the wine and wiped his mouth with a napkin, before dropping it down on the empty plate.
“You could have called me for that.” He got up and opened his wallet, counting the bills.
“Son, don’t go. I… I have no place to stay. She threw me out. I need to stay with you and Trina.”
Marvin nodded slowly, recounted the dollars to make sure he left a proper tip and laid it down.
“Then I guess homelessness in New York just went up, Joseph. Congrats on doing something so historical.”
And Marvin left.
The second the cold air hit him, his raging, twisted emotions numbed again, leaving him a shell of nothingness all over. He decided to walk home. He did not feel up to talking to some cab driver only to lose more money.
He was half way there when his phone went off. Jason. He picked up at once.
“Hey, dad. Uhm, I can’t come over this weekend,” came from the other line.
Marvin stopped walking. Oh. “Are you staying with a friend?” He asked, faking excitement for his kid.
“Well, not really. No. I wish. No, I can’t come over because mom says you need space. I’d rather you tell me yourself. I’m old. I can understand if you need some room. You don’t need to tell mom to tell me. She’s not a messenger.”
Marvin again, wished he had his sons guts.
“I never told your mother I needed space, kid. I never need space from you. I always look forward to seeing you.”
“Oh. Well, I’m just not coming, dad. It’s fine. We can call, maybe get some lunch this Saturday?”
Marvin ran a hand through his hair. He turned around and started walking back before knowing he was doing so. “Yeah, sounds good, kiddo.”
They said their goodbyes. Jason hung up.
His father was still there, eating the petty, plain looking meal. Joseph shivered when the cold breeze from the open door hit his body, and looked up.
“You can stay with me,” was all Marvin said before letting the door fall closed and waiting in the cold, painful New York evening, alone and empty.