Watching the sun bake
The humid Florida air shoved through the automatic doors by the baggage area. Diego would liken it to the experience of being breathed on by a hundred Luthers at once. Not that he’d had that exact experience. Yet.
“There should be a shuttle for our hotel,” Allison said, frowning down at a brochure they’d picked up from the travel agent they’d booked through. “And Vanya, Five, there should be a taxi or maybe your resort has a shuttle too?”
“We’ll take the same shuttle as you,” Five said, rolling his eyes and heading straight for the far end of the pickup area, his oversized-briefcase-looking suitcase clutched tightly in hand. He had to have some kind of over-compacted muscle mass from going from old to young, because his strength seemed slightly disproportional to his size. Diego had seen him pack that damn bag—there were enough weapons to start a small militia. How he got it through airport security was beyond him. They’d caught the few knives he’d tried to get through, landing him in an interrogation office for half an hour. It was a miracle he’d caught the flight at all.
“Well, okay,” Luther said. He followed after Five, carrying his own suitcase. Which had wheels, but Luther hadn’t seemed to have noticed that yet. How Diego had gotten the reputation as being the dumb brother was something he’d never understand. Just because Luther was an astronaut didn’t mean he was smart. It wasn’t like he did it through NASA, he just got packed away like a chimp into a rocket and got sent off to his fate. You didn’t get to take the credit of being an astronaut when you were a glorified Laika.
Shrugging, Vanya led the rest of them after the first two. She seemed to be thoroughly in vacation mode, given the lack of a deep furrow between her eyebrows, but she was still garbed in the usual loose, high-buttoned clothing.
Klaus knocked into his side and Diego’s hands immediately rose to steady him. Klaus was flailing and jerking, his elbow nearly catching Diego in the face. From what he’d heard from Luther about Klaus’s arrival at the departure point in that alley back in 1963 (having been one of those that failed to arrive on time, Diego was sick and tired of hearing about it, because it always prompted Five to rail on the ‘incompetent’ ones of the Umbrella Academy, and Diego was included in that despite the fact that he was drugged. Drugged!) it looked like Klaus might be possessed again.
“What the—what the hell are you doing?” Diego exclaimed, stumbling against his suitcase.
“I’m trying to get this blasted sweater off,” Klaus said, suddenly muffled as he managed to get the thick maroon fabric over his head. His arms disappeared within it, sort of crooked and half-cocked like bird wings within the fabric.
“Jesus,” Diego muttered. He reached out and tugged, pulling the sweater up and off of Klaus.
“Oh, danke,” Klaus said, taking the sweater and stuffing it into his suitcase.
“Why did you wear a sweater to Florida in June anyway?” Diego asked, grabbing his own suitcase handle and rolling after the others, who were halfway down the stretch of shuttles already.
“It’s my airplane sweater,” Klaus said. “I’m fine-boned like a bird, I need warmth to survive that sort of environment, all those tiny, tiny fans blowing…”
Without the sweater, Klaus was nearly naked compared to Vanya. He had a wispy sort of vest situation going on, somewhere between a kimono, the shape of a cardigan, and one of those filmy plastic vegetable bags that came on rolls in the grocery store.
“You never seem to have a problem with air conditioning,” Diego said. He cringed away from the shuttle driver and shoved his suitcase up the stairs of the bus himself. He did not need some eighty year old man hefting his luggage around.
Klaus pushed his two suitcases—leopard print because it was ‘so much easier to find at baggage claim’—into the driver’s waiting, wrinkled hands.
“You wouldn’t understand,” Klaus said, waving a hand indistinctly. “You haven’t lived the world in my shoes.”
“Thank god for that,” Diego said, thinking of the monstrous platforms he’d seen Klaus in the other week.
The entire damn shuttle bus was full of Hargreeveses. Luther was taking up the entire back seat that stretched across the back end of the bus. Diego slid into the seat behind the driver. It was the best seat, because it the driver were ever to try anything, one could very easily reach around the driver’s seat and slit their throat before any funny business was accomplished.
Klaus promptly sat in the seat beside Diego, his legs sprawling out to take up two-thirds of the knee space.
“A vacation,” Klaus sighed. “I can hardly believe it. Imagine if Dad had ever taken us on vacation. Children, this is an opportunity to learn how to appropriately adjust your fighting stance to sand. One never knows where one might encounter an enemy!”
Vanya let out a soft laugh from her seat across the aisle.
“If a woman offers you a beverage, children, assume she has ulterior motives,” Diego intoned. “There are no legitimate reasons for such behavior, especially not so close to a body of water which she might use to drown you once incapacitated!”
“You know,” Allison said. “When I talked to Ben…the new Ben, you know. He said Dad took them to some villa in Italy all the time. After every successful mission, he said.”
“What!” Klaus said, turning around in his seat to gape at her.
“I know,” she said. “It’s no wonder they all ended up so stable.”
Diego laughed. “Stable, my ass.”
“It’s all relative,” Vanya said.
“Literally,” Five scoffed.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Diego said.
Five just rolled his eyes again, and Diego gritted his teeth. Thank god Five would be at a different resort.
“Off we go,” the driver said, climbing slowly into the bus.
The bus shook into motion and they watched as the airport drifted away into greenery and the distant smell of the ocean.
The resort rose out of the mid-afternoon mirages on the road, all pinkish beige stone and enormous walls of glass. An opalescent shell lit brightly by the sun it reflected hung huge over the expansive entry doors.
“This is it!” Allison chirped brightly.
“Yeah, I think we got that,” Diego muttered. Klaus slapped him on the shoulder.
“Be nice,” he said. “Think vacation thoughts.”
The bus shuddered to a jerking stop in front of the entrance and the driver started heaving their bags down from the rack above.
“Let me out,” Diego said, standing and pushing against Klaus’s legs where they blocked the way into the aisle.
“Hmm?”
“Let me out, Klaus,” Diego said. “I need to get my bag.”
“Let Bruce get it, his wife is very impressed,” Klaus said, tilting his head to the side and staring off towards the front of the bus.
Diego frowned towards the empty area of the bus that Klaus was gazing towards.
“She gruesome?” Diego asked. Some part of him couldn’t help but be morbidly curious.
“Mm, no,” Klaus said. “She’s very plump and rosy, for a ghost.”
The driver—Bruce, apparently—lifted down the last bag and Klaus immediately stood, letting Diego shuffle out past him and off the bus.
“You walking down to your resort?” Diego asked Vanya, who had already managed to disembark.
“Uh,” she said. “I think so? Five?”
Five stepped off the bus and glanced over at her innocently.
“What’s that?”
“Do you know how far the walk is?” she asked.
Allison and Luther drifted over, each of them holding their bags and glancing, not so subtly, towards the resort as if their reservations might get up and walk away if they spent too long out here.
“Oh, we’re staying here,” Five said, shooting a glance at Diego. Sometimes he swore he could read minds. Then again, he’d taken every opportunity to mention how glad he was that Five wouldn’t be anywhere near them for this vacation, so it wasn’t exactly a secret.
“What do you mean, you’re staying here?” Diego asked through gritted teeth. “You’re not a couple.”
Five grinned, far too many of his teeth showing, and proceeded straight through the doors into the lobby. He waved a hand, beckoning for them to follow.
“Does he think the clerk will buy that he’s over eighteen?” Klaus asked, sounding concerned.
“He’s up to something,” Diego said. “That asshole—”
“Hey,” Allison said. “It’s a vacation. Let’s pretend he’s not an asshole.”
“It’s not really a vacation,” Luther said. “We need to—”
“None of us have forgotten,” Allison said, giving him a glance. “That doesn’t negate the fact that we’re at a resort.”
“Damn right it doesn’t!” Klaus said, pointing at the wide bar sat at the far end of the lobby.
“Klaus, I thought you didn’t drink anymore?” Allison said.
“Oh, like you did such a good job pushing me towards sobriety with your pina coladas,” Klaus said. He smoothed the flimsy front of his shirt and smiled lasciviously. “I’ll have you know I plan to be a virgin on this vacation.”
Some spit caught uncomfortably in Diego’s windpipe and he coughed, choking into his elbow.
“Virgin…drinks?” Luther said slowly, like if he spoke very, very slow he could coax Klaus into straightforward answers.
Klaus just hummed and headed straight for the bar, raising his arms in the air as if the bartender were an old friend.
Luther patted Diego’s back and he stumbled forward into a potted plant, his suitcase falling to the floor beside Klaus’s abandoned ones.
“Jesus, Luther,” he said, catching himself on the terracotta edge. “Could you not?”
Luther just shrugged and followed Allison towards the front desk. Diego straightened his back and followed. Five and Vanya were standing at the counter, and the woman behind the counter seemed to be on the verge of tears.
“Oh, god,” Diego said, hurrying over.
“—I am so glad we were able to accommodate you two,” the clerk was saying, one blue-nailed hand pressed to her chest. She shook her head, and one blue-eyeshadow-tinted tear rolled down her cheek. “I hope that your stay is everything you dreamed of and more. If you need anything, you can ask for me personally. And I’ve been in contact with the local hospital, in case anything goes wrong with…”
She drifted off and looked pityingly down at Five.
Who had at some point changed into a t-shirt that clung to the Thing beneath his shirt. The enormous tumor-shaped Thing.
“Oh, for god’s sake,” Allison muttered.
The clerk looked up in alarm and gaped at Allison.
“Anyway,” the clerk said tensely, her eyes sticking on Allison for another moment, “I’m very sorry for your loss, and I hope that the complimentary dolphin excursion we’ve included with your stay will help you connect with your lost loved one.”
“Thank you,” Five said smarmily, reaching for the room keys the woman had set out on the counter.
He turned and immediately smirked smugly at all of them. Vanya drifted after him, looking somewhere between impressed and stunned.
“Hi,” Allison said, stepping up to the counter next. “We have a reservation under Hargreeves.”
The clerk’s wide pink mouth stretched further, narrowing into a thin line.
“That’s Luther Hargreeves,” Allison said.
“I am perfectly capable of finding your reservation,” the clerk said, her eyes shooting over at Luther for a moment. Her gaze dropped below the tall counter and in a few moments she produced their room keys, sliding them towards them with a stiff hand. She seemed like the type to hold a grudge. Diego glanced at her name tag: Ruby D. Onto the suspects list she went.
“Is that all?” Allison asked, picking up the keys. The clerk shrugged. “Fine.”
Allison turned away, tugging Luther along with her.
“Five is such an asshole,” she hissed.
Diego moved up to the counter, glad he hadn’t vocalized any of his judgment of Five’s lies when Ruby D.’s face twitched into a plain customer service smile. Klaus sidled up beside him and leaned his arms onto the counter.
“No drink?” Diego asked.
“I need a room key first,” Klaus said. He smiled beseechingly over at the clerk.
“Name?” she said brightly.
“Har—”
“Smith,” Diego said firmly, cutting Klaus off. “Dante Smith.”
Ruby squinted at him for a second before her smile brightened and she turned to find their reservation.
“Here you are,” she said. She set their room keys on the counter and gave them a little pat. “I hope the two of you have a very special stay, and if you need anything at all, please give us a call here at the desk. You’ll find that a massage has been included with your stay, on us. Enjoy, you two. And congratulations.”
“Oh, thank you,” Klaus said, picking up the room keys and heading straight over to the bar.
Diego frowned over at Ruby for another moment. Had she already targeted them as the two she’d murder? He shook his head and walked over to his and Klaus’s luggage…which had been stacked neatly on a luggage cart. He shot a look over by the door and sure enough, there stood Bruce, hands clasped in front of him proudly. Diego grabbed one of the gold bars of the cart and pulled it towards the elevators.
“Diego?” Vanya said softly, appearing at his side. “We’re all on floor five, are you two?”
Diego shrugged, gesturing towards Klaus. “He has the keys.”
Klaus stumbled over then, already clutching what looked like a pina colada, curvy glass and large pineapple garnish and all.
“Are you speaking of me? My palms are growing hair,” Klaus said, holding out one of his hands.
“What floor are you?” Vanya asked.
Klaus pulled the keys out of his pocket and squinted at them.
“One,” he said finally.
“Oh,” Vanya said. “We’re on five. We’ll see you guys later then?”
“Sure,” Diego said. She walked back over to where the others were stood waiting for an elevator.
“Shall we?” Klaus said, gesturing towards the hallway beyond the elevators.
Diego hummed in agreement and pulled the luggage cart along behind him across the shiny marble floor.
“Number ten,” Klaus said. “Not very lucky.”
Number ten turned out to be at the very end of the hallway, straight in the middle rather than on one side or the other. It had double doors, each emblazoned with the bright shell logo.
Klaus fumbled with the keys and pushed the doors open with a flourish.
“Uh,” Diego said, stepping through the doors beside Klaus. “What is this?”
The room was bright and airy, lit by a huge pane of windowed doors at the far end that faced directly towards a glittering blue ocean and blinding-bright sand. The bed was almost as large as the wall of windows, stretching across most of one wall, and it was nearly as bright because the stark white duvet was littered with white and pinkish rose petals.
Diego blinked and scanned over the rest of the room. Enormous marble-lined jacuzzi in the far corner. A small bathroom with just a toilet, and a much larger room with several shower heads and glass fucking walls. A bucket filled with ice and bottles of champagne sitting on a table near the door.
“Wow,” Klaus said. “This place is nice.”
Diego let his feet take him further in and he nudged the doors shut behind them and the luggage cart. He’d seen the pictures in the brochure. This seemed slightly more dramatic than they’d indicated.
“Oh, wow,” Klaus said in a nasally voice. Diego squeezed his eyes shut hard for a moment to re-focus. Klaus was standing over the champagne bucket and clutching something.
“What?”
“It’s our honeymoon,” Klaus said rapturously.
“What?” Diego said, reaching for the card Klaus was clutching and snatching it away.
Congratulations, Mr. and Mr. Smith, on your wedding. We wish you a very happy two weeks of marriage and we hope you enjoy your stay.
Two weeks? Marriage?
Diego looked upwards, straining to recall the information he’d written in the papers the travel agent had had him look over. He reached for the front pocket of his suitcase. All the paperwork was in there.
He pulled out the sheaf of papers and shuffled through them. Klaus came closer and stood just behind him, chin almost touching his shoulder.
At the bottom of the second page, in Diego’s own handwriting, was the date he’d filled out the paperwork—June 11, 2020. He frowned and looked at what the line was labelled. He’d seen the line with the month, day, year labels and filled it out with the date. Like you were supposed to. But beside the line in the same slightly-curly font as the rest of the stupid files was Since when have you and your partner been together, so we can celebrate any anniversaries during your stay?
And, like an idiot, Diego had checked “married” under the appropriate section because it had seemed simpler than the other options.
“Wow,” Klaus said. “Congratulations to us.”