Epiphany
Boredom was sometimes a good thing.
You can notice the small things about everyone. Their ticks, their facial expressions, how they act, how different they are; how tall they have gotten, if they had gotten skinny or out on some more weight.
It was just the little things.
Kare always notes everything when bored. How Mikasa looks more at ease whenever Armin or Eren is around, how Jean would stutter and blush and praise Mikasa whenever she did something incredible, how Sasha's ears would always twitch at the slightest of sounds.
How Armin rubs his fingers in thought, how Connie moves more fluidly, how Franz and Hanna would steal glances at each other, how Krista seems to let herself go when around Ymir and Eren.
Annie always seemed more tense whenever Reiner or Bertolt were around her and talking. Reiner and Bertolt seemed to always be more secluded, isolated then others. Ymir also, somewhat sneered a bit, showcasing that she is upset with something.
Eren had faint halos around the rim of his eyes. Kare had thought it was obvious, how the rim seemed to reflect everything. Not to mention when flashed with light, a mix of teal and turquoise covered the lens. Sometimes, when sparring, Eren's eyes was faint, white even, like something was covering his eyes.
It always came back to that. Always to Eren when noticing the small ticks.
Kare can't help but wonder why.
He had sometimes teased Bertolt about his crush on Annie, and notes that the abnormally tall cadet would always deny it even though it was glaringly obvious. Sometimes, he would tease Franz and Hanna. Deep down inside when he teased them, he felt envy.
Why envy, of all things?
Envy.
What did he want from them that wasn't his?
Kare began to think.
Franz, Hanna, they were good soldiers, but weren't that great. Hanna was acrobatic, always flipping around and somersaulting, but all he felt was amazement. Bertolt, tall, yet sweats a lot. Kare was not envious of that.
What did he want they they had?
He thinks nothing.
Kare turns his head from the balcony to see Eren carrying a crate. He would offer help, but he thinks how Eren dislikes being treated as a child. Mikasa tries to take the crease from him, but instead pats his head.
An emotion rips itself through Kare's veins. He clutched the railing of the balcony tightly, watching as Eren's usual scowl turns into a smile. A true, genuine, tender smile. One that isn't like his cocky ones or nervous.
What does he want?
His mind begins to run, 'Eren, you're able to make expressions other then your usual one.'
Kare began to dig his nails into his hands, evident by trembling. Jean turns around and watches him in concern. He is saying something, but Kare can't hear him at all. His mind had blocked out everything.
He notices the scent. The scent of metal on Eren, the scent of parchment, blood, anything farming overlapping, mixing with Eren's breezy, salty one. All there but his own.
(Kare doesn't think about his own scent: rust, slick, fire.)
The emotion runs through him again. Eren's expression never strays from the smile, on his face as he converses with Mikasa.
'Stop it,' Kare begs in his mind, 'Stop making those faces, Eren. Eren. Eren!' The nails dig deeper as Jean places a hand on his shoulder, 'I don't think I can handle it!' His other hand squeezes that liquified leaves in a tube, all of different colours.
He realizes what he wanted voraciously what Hanna and Franz have.
A relationship.
The emotion from before. . . jealousy?
Was that it?
The nails break his skin on his palms, and Jean shakes him in concern. Kare pushes him away as the leaves stain his other hand. He looks at his stained hands as he flicks some of it away.
'It's hard to breathe when I think of him. . . it's driving me crazy. Whenever I see him with someone else. . . acting so friendly. . .' He clenched his hands tightly, some of the leaves spilling out of his hand.
'I just get so angry.'
Clutching his slightly bloodied hand with his leaf one, Kare moves the mixed hand onto his face.
Then he wipes. The mix dripped down his face, Jean watching him. If it were blood instead, then what would they think of him then?
'It was obvious. Eren. . .'
An amber filled predator gaze, slowly going red.
'I am in love with you.'